(no subject)
I feel like a failure. I know I'm not supposed to. I'm doing what it takes for me to get better....
Tomorrow, I start the process to withdraw from Cornell (my parents aren't letting me say "drop out"). I'm scared about this decision, but not as scared as I was of going back. I've been irrational. I've had thoughts that were less than good. I'm in therapy. I'm going to *maybe* go back to work. Then, assuming I have things back under control, I will probably go to MCC for at least a semester.
My parents are paying freakish amounts of attention to me. I am borderline annoyed, but I know that it's "for my own good." Dad bought me a 1000-piece puzzle today, that I have to do downstairs. They keep coming up to my room, and having me come downstairs. I'm forced to eat, at "normal" times... everyone's kind of worried about the 20 pounds I've lost in 3 months, without trying.
I don't have to go back to the hospital, because I agreed to create a "safety plan." If the depression gets any worse, though, I will be required to go... That sucks. I don't ever want to return to that situation...
At the moment, I'm not really emoting. It's nice, as I cried at least twice every day for the past week and a half. The numbness is a welcome relief... and it fades, to allow small doses of annoyance and laughter through every so often.
(Plus side to all of this: I'll be home for "Oklahoma," and to help pick out our Christmas tree)
Tomorrow, I start the process to withdraw from Cornell (my parents aren't letting me say "drop out"). I'm scared about this decision, but not as scared as I was of going back. I've been irrational. I've had thoughts that were less than good. I'm in therapy. I'm going to *maybe* go back to work. Then, assuming I have things back under control, I will probably go to MCC for at least a semester.
My parents are paying freakish amounts of attention to me. I am borderline annoyed, but I know that it's "for my own good." Dad bought me a 1000-piece puzzle today, that I have to do downstairs. They keep coming up to my room, and having me come downstairs. I'm forced to eat, at "normal" times... everyone's kind of worried about the 20 pounds I've lost in 3 months, without trying.
I don't have to go back to the hospital, because I agreed to create a "safety plan." If the depression gets any worse, though, I will be required to go... That sucks. I don't ever want to return to that situation...
At the moment, I'm not really emoting. It's nice, as I cried at least twice every day for the past week and a half. The numbness is a welcome relief... and it fades, to allow small doses of annoyance and laughter through every so often.
(Plus side to all of this: I'll be home for "Oklahoma," and to help pick out our Christmas tree)