Today! of all days why did this happen to me?

[searching4signs]

yeah I had somewhat of a good day at work, had to work with my whore of a manger Jenn, all she did wad talk about getting drunk. Drunk I remember those days. Where I would forget all the pain and drink. That sounds really good right now! And I am tempted to do it. I been sober of drinking for almost a year and I am trying to keep it like that. But I miss the taste, The feeling of being happy. Happy, yeah I was once that. But from me drinking alot i can hardly remember. Once would say that my childhood would be the happiness point of my life. But if you knew me at all, My childhood was not happy. I didn't have a bad one, just wanted a family on one of those Tv shows. Where everyone gets what they want. I maybe in a dream Land and still stuck there. I still dream of a dream life. where money isn't a issue and everyone is happy. That will never happen so i will dream my dreams of a life that I know that will never happen.

Just one more drink please! I promise that I will be good! I just need to wash away all of this pain, depression and forget all the things that hurt me in my life. why oh why did I give up drinking? I lost most of my friends when I did. I miss those times of parties and passing out. those were the best, or where they? I don't know anymore but all my friends stories begin with When Tiff was drunk... yeah I miss those.. friends, Where are they now when I need them.. Friends are over-rated. Do they make you money? Make you happier? are there when you really need them? yeah I don't know any more, So bottoms up.. I am out.
FUCK THIS WORLD.. I'M OUT!