(no subject)
I ran away.
My mom was constantly screaming at me and overall hating me.
She threatened to euthanize my dog.
so I left.
I wrapped my christmas presents, wrote a card for each one, and packed up my stuff.
I left a very long note apologising to my parents, explaining i'd be back at the beginning of the semester in january, and that i loved them with all my heart and that me and my mother aren't compatible in the same house together even though i loved her dearly and i knew they both loved me. I told them that if they called i would answer the phone and talk.
It was quite nice actually.
I left at 2:30am.
At first they didn't take it that way.
My dad called at 5:30am to tell me that i was being stupid and irrational and i was making a big mistake that i would regret.
I told him that he was probably right.
He called again later that day to see if I'd made it to north carolina safely. I was still about an hour out and told him i loved him and would call when i arrived. My mom called too. I was hoping it was to apologise or to say she loved me, but all she asked was to make sure i was going to be gone all month.
I had overdrawn my account.
I'm moneyless.
Correction, I am in debt $150 to wachovia bank....damn fees. (The overdrawing happened weeks ago and was a mathematical error on my part)
My dad saw the statement i had accidently left in my room and left an angry message on my voicemail.
When i called back, he admitted that he was just worried about me and wanted to know if i needed money.
I declined.
We've talked maybe once since then. He called to see if i had gotten my cousin a present for this secret santa thing we do. I hadn't. I told him my grades, he awkwardly congratulated me, then after moments of silence and lack of words, conversation was ended.
(by the way, grades.
Anthropology - A-
Great books in literature - B
College Algebra - B
Philosophy - A)
After much hesitation, i started thinking about driving over to kentuckiana to be with my family for christmas. I talked to my brother jeremy and my parents hadnt even told him that i left, so i told him the whole story. He told me to come to orlando and i could ride with him to kentucky/indiana. Moral support and such. He said he'd take me out partying new years eve at universal.
He made me feel a lot better and the decision to go see my family was suddenly so clear.
I miss them, and I thought I could survive without their love, but I'm falling apart and I can't.
I love andrew with all my heart, but everytime i meet a new member of his family it reminds me that I'm semiexcommunicated from mine. He's been pampering me this past week, so telling him that I wasn't going to be with him for christmas was hard on him.
But he understood because he loves me.
Granted, his pouty face kills me, but he still understood.
Everything changed when I talked to my cousin Breena.
I asked her if her mom had mentioned any of this to her.
Apparently the entire side of that family knows. (My mom's side consists of 16 aunts and uncles and about 35 first cousins, not to mention all the second and third cousins that are there for all family functions)
THey know and they hate me.
They are openly calling me a spoiled snobby adolescent bitch.
They think my parents should report my car as stolen and press charges.
They hate me.
You're probably thinking "they're your family! They could never hate you."
But see, this is where you're wrong.
They've never liked me.
They're stupid ignorant drunken hicks and they've disliked me the majority of my life because I do "stupid" things like READ.
They've always called me names, and now this is just an excuse for them to openly insult me.
And now...I can't go.
I can't just see my parents and brothers and nephews and my dad's side of the family.
It's a package deal.
IF i want to see my nuclear family, i must deal with the innumerous hateful beer bellied illiterate rednecks.
My brother said my dad really misses me and just wants me to call.
He's worried.
I'm so heartbroken.
My dad is my hero. Every damn essay in my entire schooling career on "Heroes" was written about my dad.
He taught me to sail, took my camping, made me laugh, and loved me even when my mother didn't.
Before I left he handed down some of his old rockclimbing gear to me.
Jeremy said that our dad understands.
...and that he just misses me so much and wishes I would call.
Everytime i think about that, i start to cry.
My mom was constantly screaming at me and overall hating me.
She threatened to euthanize my dog.
so I left.
I wrapped my christmas presents, wrote a card for each one, and packed up my stuff.
I left a very long note apologising to my parents, explaining i'd be back at the beginning of the semester in january, and that i loved them with all my heart and that me and my mother aren't compatible in the same house together even though i loved her dearly and i knew they both loved me. I told them that if they called i would answer the phone and talk.
It was quite nice actually.
I left at 2:30am.
At first they didn't take it that way.
My dad called at 5:30am to tell me that i was being stupid and irrational and i was making a big mistake that i would regret.
I told him that he was probably right.
He called again later that day to see if I'd made it to north carolina safely. I was still about an hour out and told him i loved him and would call when i arrived. My mom called too. I was hoping it was to apologise or to say she loved me, but all she asked was to make sure i was going to be gone all month.
I had overdrawn my account.
I'm moneyless.
Correction, I am in debt $150 to wachovia bank....damn fees. (The overdrawing happened weeks ago and was a mathematical error on my part)
My dad saw the statement i had accidently left in my room and left an angry message on my voicemail.
When i called back, he admitted that he was just worried about me and wanted to know if i needed money.
I declined.
We've talked maybe once since then. He called to see if i had gotten my cousin a present for this secret santa thing we do. I hadn't. I told him my grades, he awkwardly congratulated me, then after moments of silence and lack of words, conversation was ended.
(by the way, grades.
Anthropology - A-
Great books in literature - B
College Algebra - B
Philosophy - A)
After much hesitation, i started thinking about driving over to kentuckiana to be with my family for christmas. I talked to my brother jeremy and my parents hadnt even told him that i left, so i told him the whole story. He told me to come to orlando and i could ride with him to kentucky/indiana. Moral support and such. He said he'd take me out partying new years eve at universal.
He made me feel a lot better and the decision to go see my family was suddenly so clear.
I miss them, and I thought I could survive without their love, but I'm falling apart and I can't.
I love andrew with all my heart, but everytime i meet a new member of his family it reminds me that I'm semiexcommunicated from mine. He's been pampering me this past week, so telling him that I wasn't going to be with him for christmas was hard on him.
But he understood because he loves me.
Granted, his pouty face kills me, but he still understood.
Everything changed when I talked to my cousin Breena.
I asked her if her mom had mentioned any of this to her.
Apparently the entire side of that family knows. (My mom's side consists of 16 aunts and uncles and about 35 first cousins, not to mention all the second and third cousins that are there for all family functions)
THey know and they hate me.
They are openly calling me a spoiled snobby adolescent bitch.
They think my parents should report my car as stolen and press charges.
They hate me.
You're probably thinking "they're your family! They could never hate you."
But see, this is where you're wrong.
They've never liked me.
They're stupid ignorant drunken hicks and they've disliked me the majority of my life because I do "stupid" things like READ.
They've always called me names, and now this is just an excuse for them to openly insult me.
And now...I can't go.
I can't just see my parents and brothers and nephews and my dad's side of the family.
It's a package deal.
IF i want to see my nuclear family, i must deal with the innumerous hateful beer bellied illiterate rednecks.
My brother said my dad really misses me and just wants me to call.
He's worried.
I'm so heartbroken.
My dad is my hero. Every damn essay in my entire schooling career on "Heroes" was written about my dad.
He taught me to sail, took my camping, made me laugh, and loved me even when my mother didn't.
Before I left he handed down some of his old rockclimbing gear to me.
Jeremy said that our dad understands.
...and that he just misses me so much and wishes I would call.
Everytime i think about that, i start to cry.