Where do we go? After I'm Gone . . .
Last night, I drank Jamaican beer. I can't describe anything about the experience. I didn't get drunk, or even buzzed. I realized that now a days, I'm more of a 'sociable' type drinker. That is not how I used to be, but now I'm the guy that doesn't drink to get drunk and barely ever is drunk, despite the fact that I drink atleast one or two days out of the weekend. I drink just because I can. If people are drinking, I'll drink a bit. I doubt that I'll get drunk though. I really have no feelings on the topic. It's just something that I do now.
After arriving home last night, I talked a bit on the computer. I then went to lay on my bed, and turned on the electronica music station on the tube.
And this is where the LJ comes in . . .
I thought about that. Electronica... Am I really in that vast a minority of people in this city? I don't enjoy being that different from the majority of people that are around me on an everyday basis. People always think they know what they're saying when they advise you to "avoid conforming with society". Here is where I am stuck. I hate Philadelphia culture. I hate rap, and I hate gangster kids. I'd like to (in ways) conform, so that I won't feel so removed from the human race as a whole. That will not work as long as I live in this city.
What does that make me? Different. Emo/gothic outcasts are not okay. When you're convinced that such an out of the ordinary existence is fine, you're setting yourself up for failure. When you're convinced that you're being "yourself" when you're a sad, emotional wreck, you're setting yourself up for failure.
My point is that there is nothing for me here. If I conform, I won't like it. If I stay in a place where I am so different from my neighbor, I won't like it. The people here are so damn annoying and senseless.
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DON'T READ ON IF YOU'RE GOING TO GET OFFENDED.
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College . . . "If you hate the city of Philadelphia so much, then why not leave?" Great idea, whoever said that. Want to know something? None of us are leaving. We're all staying here. Just look in the yearbooks of the past. How many senior kids from the past graduation classes actually went 'away away' for college? Not many. How many of the kids that went to Lasalle, Penn State, St. Joe's, etc. in that same graduation class probably told everyone that they're going far away for college? I'd say a vast majority. What should cause me to think that I'll be the lucky one that actually gets to leave? Nothing.
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I'm going to be one of those people that finds themselves later than everyone else does. That's a fact that I just have to accept.
I am just so sick of this city, and the lack of oppurtunity that comes with it. I have no chance to grow here. I'm just stuck. I can't advance myself in any walk of life while being where I am right now... And I can do nothing about it.
After arriving home last night, I talked a bit on the computer. I then went to lay on my bed, and turned on the electronica music station on the tube.
And this is where the LJ comes in . . .
I thought about that. Electronica... Am I really in that vast a minority of people in this city? I don't enjoy being that different from the majority of people that are around me on an everyday basis. People always think they know what they're saying when they advise you to "avoid conforming with society". Here is where I am stuck. I hate Philadelphia culture. I hate rap, and I hate gangster kids. I'd like to (in ways) conform, so that I won't feel so removed from the human race as a whole. That will not work as long as I live in this city.
What does that make me? Different. Emo/gothic outcasts are not okay. When you're convinced that such an out of the ordinary existence is fine, you're setting yourself up for failure. When you're convinced that you're being "yourself" when you're a sad, emotional wreck, you're setting yourself up for failure.
My point is that there is nothing for me here. If I conform, I won't like it. If I stay in a place where I am so different from my neighbor, I won't like it. The people here are so damn annoying and senseless.
------------------------------------------------
DON'T READ ON IF YOU'RE GOING TO GET OFFENDED.
------------------------------------------------
College . . . "If you hate the city of Philadelphia so much, then why not leave?" Great idea, whoever said that. Want to know something? None of us are leaving. We're all staying here. Just look in the yearbooks of the past. How many senior kids from the past graduation classes actually went 'away away' for college? Not many. How many of the kids that went to Lasalle, Penn State, St. Joe's, etc. in that same graduation class probably told everyone that they're going far away for college? I'd say a vast majority. What should cause me to think that I'll be the lucky one that actually gets to leave? Nothing.
-----------------------------
I'm going to be one of those people that finds themselves later than everyone else does. That's a fact that I just have to accept.
I am just so sick of this city, and the lack of oppurtunity that comes with it. I have no chance to grow here. I'm just stuck. I can't advance myself in any walk of life while being where I am right now... And I can do nothing about it.