So I was digging through my old documents folder and found...
Wake up Leona! This decrepit Hoover Ville is infested with something besides idiots.
This emotion called “Wuv”. Surely you mean “Love”. No, “Wuv”, with an Earth W. THIS CONCEPT OF WUV CONFUSES AND ANGERS US!
DAMN YOU ALL!
No!
Why? What’s in it?
He didn’t. You dad hates you.
Lucy, you got a whole lotta splainin’ ta do.
*bang*
Her hair wasn’t even red.
It was dyed.
Trees don’t have sex, damn you.
Highway necrobestiality. That’s sex with road kill. And it has to exist, because word isn’t telling me that I spelled it wrong. Oh. Wait.
YOU GO TO HELL AND DIE!
Although why does Mr. Garrison say that? Don’t you die, then go to hell, not the other way around?
Yes. Hey. Isn’t it Thursday?
Stewie is on at 7.
Pizzah.
And it couldn’t have been a better day unless it had also been Valentine’s Day. What? It was? Horray!
You’re farking bonkers?
There used to be a TV show called Bonkers. I never understood what the point of it was.
I guess you never saw it.
You’re lucky.
It was on before Goof Troop on Fox.
Huhahahaha. Gorsh.
I am no dork. I am a cow.
Today you can get a computer from Gateway with a Pentium 4 1.4 Ghz processor, 60 GB of hard disk space, and Windows XP. Call us now at 1-800-Screw-Moo.
Why? You want to listen to Professor Schlaong? Wait…that’s not his name.
So? Just tell him that you find Darwin hilarious.
There are no more Cookies. Becky ate them all.
You will die by my hand. Or foot. Depends which isn’t tied to the bed.
Wasn’t that the point?
They sound like a bunch of whiney bitches. No Doubt can sing, kinda, but not well.
Oh. You know, I bet we could sell this thing to Jack Handy for “Deep Thoughts”.
I don’t think…thonk….whatever. So.
Would thonk be the past tense of thunk?
Go thonk yourself.
No, doesn’t quite work for me.
Damn you, get a laptop.
You have got to be able to type a lot faster than you write.
Lets do a test. Begin at the top line of the page, see how long it takes you to get done copying the first definition to me typing.
Go!
Definitions:
Ada…I give up. I can’t spell.
So is everything we do on this planet until we die. Like Drew Carrey.
To cease living.
See, it’s not that I really want to kill Lois…it’s just that…I don’t want her to continue living any longer.
Is it just me, or is the Professor starting to sound really gay?
So?
What do you want me to do? Kill him again?
“You’ve been around a lot of corpses, right?”
“Yes.”
“Is that normal?”
“Oh, the feet thing?”
“Yeah?”
“Well, could you do something about it? It’s kinda distracting.”
“Like what, kill him again?”
It’s not like he’s forcing us to stay.
You don’t have a dog.
What’s the disadvantage here?
Do you smell oregano? Seriously. Some kind of spice.
FARKING COUGH DROPS!
Call 1-800-No-Corpse.
Cadaver inc. You stab it, we slab it.
Scalpel…blood bucket…Priest….NEXT PATIENT!
A discount scalpel from China.
Fry: “Hmmm. Hmmm. No. No. Hey! How about big pink? It’s the only gum with the breath freshening power of ham.”
Bender: “And it pinkens your teeth while you chew.”
Clerk: “OK Sarge, $100 of pixie sticks and porno mags with your 5% military discount comes to $95.”
Clerk: “That’ll be 40 cents.”
Fry: “I believe you’re forgetting about our 5% military discount.”
Clerk: “Well that’s only for people in the military.”
Bender: “WHAT?! This is the worst kind of discrimination, the kind against me.”
Clerk: “OK OK. Our policy is, if you’re not completely satisfied, I hate you.”
Bender: “OK, Now I’m mad.”
Bender and Fry: “Hehe. We’re here because we…uh..love our planet…yeah.”
Sarge: “Sign here gentlemen, and I’ll give you your discount cards.”
Fry: “Uhm…question…we can sign up for the army and get out discount cards, then immediately quit, playing you all for chumps?”
Sarge: “That’s correct. There’s no obligation.”
Bender and Fry:“Hehehe”
Sarge:“Unless of course, war were declared”
Fry: “What was that?”
Sarge: “War were declared.”
Should I start typing another episode?
Aww…Please?
Daisy Daisy, give me your answer do. I’m so crazy, all for the love of you. It won’t be a stylish marriage, I can’t afford a carriage. But you’ll look so sweet, upon the seat, of a bicycle built for two.
Buy my book. Buy my book. Buy my book.
What? All he said was “buy my book, buy my boo…”
That’s a wedge.
Still a wedge. Oh, give me that pen.
Oh to hell with you.
I am Mr. Oedipus.
A horse is a horse, of course of course, and no one can eat a horse, of course, unless that horse happens to be in China.
Yes.
bonk bonk bonk
What have we learned today?
We are so screwed.
File creation date: February 15, 2002. I'm not sure how right that is.