rant...........

[seamusjr]

maybe it's me...maybe it's not me... sometimes i know i do something stupid... we all do... but really in this case i dont think i did... but yet it upsets me... i dont think i really did anything wrong... i think it was one of those things that happened... i had fun... and i was having fun but i hate when ppl project their feelings onto you... or they get upset with you because grown ass men aren't acting their age... and something happens taht remidns you of the past and you don't like that... isn't that all apart of being human... isnt repressing some things okay? (i mean not repressing on purpose - but in genernal not thinking about things until something triggers that memory - if that makes any sense)... i get told i'm depressed or i have a lot of emotional issues and albeit i will be the first to tell you that i have issues but in genearl i just dont understand what happened... why does she always turn things around to make it look like she is either the one in trouble or she is right and everything has to benefit her... it's crazy... i dont know... i know that sometimes its easier but its like everytime... if we get in a fight its always my fault for me feeling someway... well the thing she doesnt get: i dont like being passed over because her sister-in-law is there (or any of them - because she cares more for erics family than she does her own), i'm sorry i had fun last night at the club but when you have grown men doing things taht 1) can be considered hazing and 2) that could get us kicked out of the hotel yeah i feel uncomfortable, also i had a responsibility at home which she new about - but she never had responsibility at home before bc mom and dad never trusted her, certain things do remind me of the past (and how she can hate a man like dad and yet she is married to a man just like him), and then she makes statements about ppl she knows nothing about and that she is making assumptions.. and soooooo much more... i just dont get it... and if i try to tell her that shes like no... this is how it is... and i dont know... i mean she reminds me of dad in so many ways and yet it doesnt work out because i like dad... and i mean i love brandi i do... but i wish she would just realize that there is more to life out there and that everythign you do has consequences... i know i dont make the best decisions on occassion and i could blame them on everythign else but i dont because i know they are my fault and i never regret anything i do... i feel bad... i really do bc i do have a conscience and all... i'm just so blah... i mean i was sober last night and she jsut made me cry... alot... like it makes me not to be around her again... alot i dont know oh well...

IN Other news:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TANYA!

AND

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ANASTASIA!!!!!

I hope you both have safe and happy birthdays (and stasia - i mean safe :-p)