Monday Morning Potpourri
More Tales from the Dark Side of Transit: Last night's taxi ride home from work was yet another whack-job encounter. This one (who I have had before) has died, personally met Jesus ("very nice man, looks around 23, very calm, very pleasant"), and come back. He's also cured at least three people of cancer through the miracle of Apple Cider Vinegar, Honey, and Distilled Water.
Tragically, he remembered me, too. He was most upset that I had not followed his advice on this Miracle Drink from the last time I rode with him, and wondered (at great length) why I would choose to remain "sickly" when I could be OMG Cured!!!
It was at this point that I made the tragic error of sneezing.
He immediately handed me a blister pack of small blue pills. "Take one of those!" he ordered. I declined. He grew insistent, telling me that it was All Herbal and would make me feel completely better in 30 seconds. If I had asthma, I would be instantly cured. Sinuses, instantly cured. "No more sneezing, my friend." When I declined again, he started to get upset about my lack of trust (and started paying less attention to the highway), so I popped one, palmed it, and pretended to take it. Wow, I told him, I just feel so much better. Thanks ever so.
Eventually I got home, and he wrote out the information for me so I would not become foolish and forget the names of the various miracle cures he was preaching. If anyone wants to be OMG Cured!!!, you can apparently walk into any Chinese Health Store and obtain Gan Mao Tong, the small blue pill of wonders, and obtain the cancer-curing Bragg Apple Cider Vinegar from Bragg.com.
As for me, I'm going to start committing these guys' faces to memory. I'll open cab doors, glance at the driver, and say, "Oh, hey, it's you. Hi. I just remembered that I'm walking today. Thanks anyhow. Bye."
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More Bad News For Pluto: In today's spam, I am informed that "Virtual Sex Superstore is the 10th planet and it’s called the Planet of Pleasure."
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More... Oh, I Don't Know What: On the weekend, I parked in a paid parking lot which ended up costing me $1.50. I fed the machine a toonie, and it said "Returning $0.50". It spat out a quarter, thought a little while, spat out a nickel, thought a little more... and printed me an IOU for 20 cents.
It has no barcode on it for feeding back into the machine at a later date, nor any information concerning how I should redeem this IOU. It just has the location, date/time, and "Overpaid: $0.20". What am I supposed to do, mail this thing somewhere?
Sheesh.
Tragically, he remembered me, too. He was most upset that I had not followed his advice on this Miracle Drink from the last time I rode with him, and wondered (at great length) why I would choose to remain "sickly" when I could be OMG Cured!!!
It was at this point that I made the tragic error of sneezing.
He immediately handed me a blister pack of small blue pills. "Take one of those!" he ordered. I declined. He grew insistent, telling me that it was All Herbal and would make me feel completely better in 30 seconds. If I had asthma, I would be instantly cured. Sinuses, instantly cured. "No more sneezing, my friend." When I declined again, he started to get upset about my lack of trust (and started paying less attention to the highway), so I popped one, palmed it, and pretended to take it. Wow, I told him, I just feel so much better. Thanks ever so.
Eventually I got home, and he wrote out the information for me so I would not become foolish and forget the names of the various miracle cures he was preaching. If anyone wants to be OMG Cured!!!, you can apparently walk into any Chinese Health Store and obtain Gan Mao Tong, the small blue pill of wonders, and obtain the cancer-curing Bragg Apple Cider Vinegar from Bragg.com.
As for me, I'm going to start committing these guys' faces to memory. I'll open cab doors, glance at the driver, and say, "Oh, hey, it's you. Hi. I just remembered that I'm walking today. Thanks anyhow. Bye."
♣ ♣ ♣
More Bad News For Pluto: In today's spam, I am informed that "Virtual Sex Superstore is the 10th planet and it’s called the Planet of Pleasure."
♣ ♣ ♣
More... Oh, I Don't Know What: On the weekend, I parked in a paid parking lot which ended up costing me $1.50. I fed the machine a toonie, and it said "Returning $0.50". It spat out a quarter, thought a little while, spat out a nickel, thought a little more... and printed me an IOU for 20 cents.
It has no barcode on it for feeding back into the machine at a later date, nor any information concerning how I should redeem this IOU. It just has the location, date/time, and "Overpaid: $0.20". What am I supposed to do, mail this thing somewhere?
Sheesh.