give and take
Friends that are worth your time is getting even more implicit nowadays. We have friends who want you just because you're there, friends who want you to be like how they want you to be, friends who dangled on you for one benefit, friends who seek for solace, and friends who wants you there so that you can handle their problems instead of them making any steps in it.
It may seemed as if I am setting a prejudiced ground for myself, but this made me feel... tired and limited. It doesn't help me that i can't be like how I really want to be, the anticipation of couragously exposing every particle of me is just dissolved in their desired way of thinking. Is this considered as fair?
Before I step outside of my compartment, I have to reconsider what I am wearing, what am I going to say, and what I am going to do. Because they all come from different perspectives and different sides, and they are intelrinked to each other. If I ruin one communication, I might ruin all of it.
It's not easy to make friends with people who you are not even accepted into.
But however, I'm glad that I found a few that will take me as how I am. They don't necessarily limit me so that I have to be in lined with them. They can see how I am and they don't complain about it.
I think that should be good.
I miss home.