Blah blah actual diary-type stuff
From my yearly performance review:
"There are times that it is necessary to use a stick rather than a carrot when leading a group of engineers. There have been times where Seacircle has chosen the carrot route when a stick would have achieved a better results. I expect Seacircle to be a stronger leader in the coming year."
Does this seem subjective? I suppose since it is from my manager, it doesn't really matter. I personally respond better to carrots, so I prefer to go that route when managing other. Sticks make me stressed and pukey, as I have been for most of 2009. It makes me want to give up, not try to do better. What motivates me is doing the right thing for the customer and making people happy. I don't think it is wrong to give employees the benefit of the doubt and assume the same. If someone is obviously screwing up, it is very easy to be like "ok, Bob, here is a graph of the past 6 months of your work...what does this look like to you?" When people are not doing well, they usually already know it before you open your mouth.
Man, even when you expect to get dinged on a specific performance review, it still stings. I've gotten A's my entire career...this is my first B-. So, I'm a little sad, even though I knew in taking this job that it would be a challenge and way out of my comfort zone. I do think it is a good sign that I did not cry, because that means my "it is just a job and it does not run my life or ensure my happiness" philosophy that I acquired over vacation is still working. I will always try to do well in my career, but at the end of the day, I make my own happiness from family, friends, and experiences. I don't want to look back at my life and say "well, I sure knew how to use that stick!"
Anyway, enough of that. There are plenty of good things. I had a positive Craigslist experience, in which we got rid of superfluous furniture and made $100. We took advantage of the killer Southwest sale yesterday to nail down a fall NOLA trip and a jaunt for ERC's birthday, which, because I am lame and do not know the city, I completely ruined by asking not-so-subtle questions about what his favorite area was. I think we are going to make it up to Hiawassee in August, finally. I can't wait to share that with ERC as well. I am rediscovering the joys of 80's era Metallica. And my dear curlyheaded friend is going to have a dear curlyheaded baby. There is so much to make me happy, that B- just faaaaaades away.