(no subject)
I'm having a bit of a psychological dilemma. In my relationship with Jose, because we are both so very different, I've come to understand that one can accept the other person's opinion, even if you don't understand it and, for you, 2 + 2 = 17 and for him 2 + 2 = pi^3. That's something, both Jose and I, have learned. I might think my reasoning for something is CORRECT and he might him his reasoning is CORRECT, but we both agree to disagree. Otherwise, we wouldn't have been together five years and three months, and counting.
However, not everyone knows this, believes this. My mom, I think, doesn't.
One of the many issues I've realizes I still... have regarding my parents is everything that happened four years ago. In summary, my dad cheated on my mom and my mom found out. It was this huge MESS of a thing, with yelling and screaming and me being caught in the middle. After that, WWII was way more peaceful. Really. Everyday, every single day, my mom would bitch about my dad to me. And my dad would bitch about my mom to me. I was in the middle. I was their common ground, their France. *shrugs* I hated it, but I never said nothing.
At some point last year, I think, I got fed up. I refused to hear another word about it from them, from either of them. I just don't think either of them realized I had come to that decision, for my own well being. I was so very on the deep end, I would have taken schizophrenia over having to live another minute in between them.
Now, after a few stupid fights in between my parents and me, my mom comes home and tells me that I should try and be more civil with my dad. My first reaction? WHAT THE FUCK? It was her who started this whole thing, in a way. It was her who made a mess of things, in a way. And it was certainly her who would stand up from the dinner table, crying her eyes out, and then tell me how my dad hadn't had sex with her in months. And specially, it was her who used to hate me with her eyes each and every time my dad hugged me, or kissed me, so forgive me for not being exactly understanding about it.
I told her, finally, FINALLY, after five years of the thing (October 8th, 2001), that I believed she shouldn't have told me about it. She went all, "so I shouldn't have confided in you?". I don't think it had anything to do with her confiding in me. I think it had EVERYTHING to do with her telling me things I didn't have to know about my parents. Whether they were having sex or not wasn't my business, at least, I don't think it was.
She says she did it because she didn't have any friends with whom she could talk to. I know that, but I also know that she pulled away from her friends to spend more time with dad in the last twenty years. That's also not my fault. And I believe, that if you know you're going to talk with your daughter, fine, talk to her, but don't tell her stuff that will hurt her.
After I said that, she went all, "of course, because you're the queen of the castle and you're gonna live in a bubble for the rest of your life". I personally thing she likes the drama. And I think that, when you love someone as much as a mother should love a daughter, you should try and protect her. I know I wouldn't want to hurt her like that, telling her stuff that would hurt her. Why do I know that? Because I could have told her so much stuff my dad told me, just to get it out of my chest. Instead, I kept my mouth shut and screamed into my pillow. *shrugs*
I don't know if I'm right, or she's right, or we're both very wrong. All I know is that I'm aware I'm not the same person I was five years ago. I don't now if that's either good or bad.
ps: That was supposed to be posted last night, but my computer was feeling a bit temperamental, so it kept shutting down on me. All better now. *g*
However, not everyone knows this, believes this. My mom, I think, doesn't.
One of the many issues I've realizes I still... have regarding my parents is everything that happened four years ago. In summary, my dad cheated on my mom and my mom found out. It was this huge MESS of a thing, with yelling and screaming and me being caught in the middle. After that, WWII was way more peaceful. Really. Everyday, every single day, my mom would bitch about my dad to me. And my dad would bitch about my mom to me. I was in the middle. I was their common ground, their France. *shrugs* I hated it, but I never said nothing.
At some point last year, I think, I got fed up. I refused to hear another word about it from them, from either of them. I just don't think either of them realized I had come to that decision, for my own well being. I was so very on the deep end, I would have taken schizophrenia over having to live another minute in between them.
Now, after a few stupid fights in between my parents and me, my mom comes home and tells me that I should try and be more civil with my dad. My first reaction? WHAT THE FUCK? It was her who started this whole thing, in a way. It was her who made a mess of things, in a way. And it was certainly her who would stand up from the dinner table, crying her eyes out, and then tell me how my dad hadn't had sex with her in months. And specially, it was her who used to hate me with her eyes each and every time my dad hugged me, or kissed me, so forgive me for not being exactly understanding about it.
I told her, finally, FINALLY, after five years of the thing (October 8th, 2001), that I believed she shouldn't have told me about it. She went all, "so I shouldn't have confided in you?". I don't think it had anything to do with her confiding in me. I think it had EVERYTHING to do with her telling me things I didn't have to know about my parents. Whether they were having sex or not wasn't my business, at least, I don't think it was.
She says she did it because she didn't have any friends with whom she could talk to. I know that, but I also know that she pulled away from her friends to spend more time with dad in the last twenty years. That's also not my fault. And I believe, that if you know you're going to talk with your daughter, fine, talk to her, but don't tell her stuff that will hurt her.
After I said that, she went all, "of course, because you're the queen of the castle and you're gonna live in a bubble for the rest of your life". I personally thing she likes the drama. And I think that, when you love someone as much as a mother should love a daughter, you should try and protect her. I know I wouldn't want to hurt her like that, telling her stuff that would hurt her. Why do I know that? Because I could have told her so much stuff my dad told me, just to get it out of my chest. Instead, I kept my mouth shut and screamed into my pillow. *shrugs*
I don't know if I'm right, or she's right, or we're both very wrong. All I know is that I'm aware I'm not the same person I was five years ago. I don't now if that's either good or bad.
ps: That was supposed to be posted last night, but my computer was feeling a bit temperamental, so it kept shutting down on me. All better now. *g*