Really ugly dream
Had one heller of a dream this morn, and it's still affecting me. It's like it's a move that 's on it's last part like the credits, and just slowly fading.
I was somewhere, I think in the old house. The folks was there. They was watching something in another room. I finally had a dinner but I think it was old greasy ham or something that disgusting.
Finally I sat down when mother came in starting running the sweeper.
I can't recall all of it, it's still sort of hazy, but I left and I think it shifted and I was trying to get an electronic device working; sort of a portable TV/Radio thing and the room it was in was somewhat cluttered. Like we just moved, and all was working (or trying too) was this old radio/TV and I was trying to get it to work for them. My father came in, and I'm not sure on this. I don't think he said anything but mother came in, and something set me off. As I said, still hazy.
But I said "i'm 45 years old, and I don't have a gods-damned future! I can't get out, I have $500 to my name, how far would that go?" I pointed to my father "You have money, a car, a way out of here. I have no god-damned life!" I pointed to my mother, "For the first time today I can sit down for 5 minutes to even relax, and you come in there, and start running that damned vacuum! Then acting like I have nothing to do but to do your damned work!"
it went on for a few "minutes" like that. I was furious, they was acting like I was a puppet in a freak show, I can't recall exactly what happened with the rest of it.
A lot of details isn't right of course, just somethings my sleep addered brain was tossing out. But when I awoke, I couldn't concentrate on the morning paper, I was still 'angry' even though it was just a dream.
I think that was my mind just trying to throw out some things. I've been taking things by the balls lately, really pushing to get my licenses, now on a diet to loose an extra 10 # too. So I think I'm just venting.
But one thing about it, It also shows me I need to keep pushing myself to get away and improve otherwise the dream will be prophetic, and I cannot keep living in the past AND in rage. I'm better than that.
I was somewhere, I think in the old house. The folks was there. They was watching something in another room. I finally had a dinner but I think it was old greasy ham or something that disgusting.
Finally I sat down when mother came in starting running the sweeper.
I can't recall all of it, it's still sort of hazy, but I left and I think it shifted and I was trying to get an electronic device working; sort of a portable TV/Radio thing and the room it was in was somewhat cluttered. Like we just moved, and all was working (or trying too) was this old radio/TV and I was trying to get it to work for them. My father came in, and I'm not sure on this. I don't think he said anything but mother came in, and something set me off. As I said, still hazy.
But I said "i'm 45 years old, and I don't have a gods-damned future! I can't get out, I have $500 to my name, how far would that go?" I pointed to my father "You have money, a car, a way out of here. I have no god-damned life!" I pointed to my mother, "For the first time today I can sit down for 5 minutes to even relax, and you come in there, and start running that damned vacuum! Then acting like I have nothing to do but to do your damned work!"
it went on for a few "minutes" like that. I was furious, they was acting like I was a puppet in a freak show, I can't recall exactly what happened with the rest of it.
A lot of details isn't right of course, just somethings my sleep addered brain was tossing out. But when I awoke, I couldn't concentrate on the morning paper, I was still 'angry' even though it was just a dream.
I think that was my mind just trying to throw out some things. I've been taking things by the balls lately, really pushing to get my licenses, now on a diet to loose an extra 10 # too. So I think I'm just venting.
But one thing about it, It also shows me I need to keep pushing myself to get away and improve otherwise the dream will be prophetic, and I cannot keep living in the past AND in rage. I'm better than that.