On the move... still
I'm home. I was so looking forward to coming home these past few weeks. And, it is good. I do like it here. At the same time though, it just drives me crazy. I never got a break. I had to come back early then turn around to go to class here where I am so far behind. This entire week will be lost to makeup work. The teachers already hate me, which is ok I guess, bc honestly I don't like them either. But I just don't want to do this anymore. I'm sick of work and worrying about grades. I cannot study anymore. I'm just tired.
I have not come close to unpacking. I need to do laundry and just settle back in. I want to relax, watch a movie, go to the beach. Every time I just stop I feel like I am wasting so much time and I hate that.
Once again I am in a reconstructive mode. I want to change my image and attitude completely this summer. I'm just not happy right now with who I am. I can't wait to go to London next year. I'm scared, a little, but the excitement is so much more overwhelming. Some of my friends were going to go at the same time but because of classes they are waiting. I'm kind of happy about that. Is that wrong? I just want to do it on my own.
I'm so confused about what I want to do with my life. I think it really is my biggest fear and concern right now. I've been doubting myself, and rightly so. My grades are not the same as they have been my whole life. Not that I'm doing badly but I'm not doing as well as I would like. My social life is not as involved as I would like it to be. Everything is wrong. It's just off.Anyways, I've been thinking about what I'm going to do with my life and my marine science major. Marine mammal medicine is what I'd like I think.... but that requires med school. Well, vet school anyway and truthfully I don't think I'm smart enough. I'm sure I could work hard enough to succeed but may not be smart enough to get into a program. A lab research job? I hate some of that work. What am I going to do? I have no idea. Journalism has always been my career to fall back on, other than that I'd consider design, or even being some sort of event planner. But if I move to something like that I might as well transfer schools. I picked my college for a reason and to take that away I'm no longer in my ideal spot.
I'm so lost and I just don't know where to go from here. Like I said I just want a break. Some time to stop and think about where I'm going. Some time to develop a plan. I'm still stressed out and I don't want to be. I keep trying to remind myself that this stuff I'm worried over is not the most important thing, it is not the end of the world and I should just stive to be happy. But it just seems like I cannot really be happy until I'm successful in all of these areas, as much as I hate them. Uuughhhhh. I think I need some fun.
Summer time.... enjoy it. And congratulations to all of this weekend's graduates!
Class, test and lab tomorrow.... guess I should go to bed. Goodnight <3
I have not come close to unpacking. I need to do laundry and just settle back in. I want to relax, watch a movie, go to the beach. Every time I just stop I feel like I am wasting so much time and I hate that.
Once again I am in a reconstructive mode. I want to change my image and attitude completely this summer. I'm just not happy right now with who I am. I can't wait to go to London next year. I'm scared, a little, but the excitement is so much more overwhelming. Some of my friends were going to go at the same time but because of classes they are waiting. I'm kind of happy about that. Is that wrong? I just want to do it on my own.
I'm so confused about what I want to do with my life. I think it really is my biggest fear and concern right now. I've been doubting myself, and rightly so. My grades are not the same as they have been my whole life. Not that I'm doing badly but I'm not doing as well as I would like. My social life is not as involved as I would like it to be. Everything is wrong. It's just off.Anyways, I've been thinking about what I'm going to do with my life and my marine science major. Marine mammal medicine is what I'd like I think.... but that requires med school. Well, vet school anyway and truthfully I don't think I'm smart enough. I'm sure I could work hard enough to succeed but may not be smart enough to get into a program. A lab research job? I hate some of that work. What am I going to do? I have no idea. Journalism has always been my career to fall back on, other than that I'd consider design, or even being some sort of event planner. But if I move to something like that I might as well transfer schools. I picked my college for a reason and to take that away I'm no longer in my ideal spot.
I'm so lost and I just don't know where to go from here. Like I said I just want a break. Some time to stop and think about where I'm going. Some time to develop a plan. I'm still stressed out and I don't want to be. I keep trying to remind myself that this stuff I'm worried over is not the most important thing, it is not the end of the world and I should just stive to be happy. But it just seems like I cannot really be happy until I'm successful in all of these areas, as much as I hate them. Uuughhhhh. I think I need some fun.
Summer time.... enjoy it. And congratulations to all of this weekend's graduates!
Class, test and lab tomorrow.... guess I should go to bed. Goodnight <3