performance last night
when i was in school, i used to have anxiety dreams before tests. you know, the ones where you show up for the test without a pencil or accidentally studied the wrong chapters. oddly enough, yesterday morning, i woke up to one of those-a dream with a test in it and the whole scenario. i can only guess it was due to nervousness about the performance.
it was comforting to see that all of my other fellow actors were also nervous, feeling like i was feeling. they were probably even more nervous than me! i still wasn't feeling well so i didn't have too much energy to be nervous. of course though, i was worried about having a coughing attack or losing my voice in the middle of a scene, which made me a little more nervous than usual.
anyway, the show overall went really well. it's always a boost when complete strangers come up to me and congratulate me and tell me how much they enjoyed it. a few of my friends showed up and it was actually nice to have them there. it did add to my anxiety but then i realized that they weren't judging me. they were just there to support and have a good time. i think for the next show, i will actually tell folks to come. in between shows, it was nice to hang out with them and unwind. it was definitely nice to have some folks there.
now i just need to start feeling better and work on putting some money into the bank account. i did the math yesterday and it's not good...good thing i don't have to worry about rent. i was thinking about that yesterday. i'm 29 now and i'm living with my parents. that is kinda pathetic. i know in other countries it's normal for an unmarried child to be living with the rents, but still, it's kinda sad. of course, i don't feel pathetic enough to get my own place here or anything, but still, i feel a twinge of patheticness. the funny thing is, no one here thinks it pathetic, none of the chinese, european, israelis, so perhaps i'm being too american in my thinking. actually, none of the americans have even given me shit about it so maybe i'm being too hard on myself. still, i think it's kinda funny, odd, i dont know. 'sokay. when i get back to the states, i'll have my own place. and a job. full-time. ugh.
it was comforting to see that all of my other fellow actors were also nervous, feeling like i was feeling. they were probably even more nervous than me! i still wasn't feeling well so i didn't have too much energy to be nervous. of course though, i was worried about having a coughing attack or losing my voice in the middle of a scene, which made me a little more nervous than usual.
anyway, the show overall went really well. it's always a boost when complete strangers come up to me and congratulate me and tell me how much they enjoyed it. a few of my friends showed up and it was actually nice to have them there. it did add to my anxiety but then i realized that they weren't judging me. they were just there to support and have a good time. i think for the next show, i will actually tell folks to come. in between shows, it was nice to hang out with them and unwind. it was definitely nice to have some folks there.
now i just need to start feeling better and work on putting some money into the bank account. i did the math yesterday and it's not good...good thing i don't have to worry about rent. i was thinking about that yesterday. i'm 29 now and i'm living with my parents. that is kinda pathetic. i know in other countries it's normal for an unmarried child to be living with the rents, but still, it's kinda sad. of course, i don't feel pathetic enough to get my own place here or anything, but still, i feel a twinge of patheticness. the funny thing is, no one here thinks it pathetic, none of the chinese, european, israelis, so perhaps i'm being too american in my thinking. actually, none of the americans have even given me shit about it so maybe i'm being too hard on myself. still, i think it's kinda funny, odd, i dont know. 'sokay. when i get back to the states, i'll have my own place. and a job. full-time. ugh.