(no subject)
We started to design our full face masks today in art. I feel its rather fitting for my mood lately. We all create these masks for the outside only letting small bits of ourselves out to the public around weak curves or the almighty set of eyes. I know its just a simple art assignment but I spent almost the whole period thinking of what I wanted to be. What I represented. How much truth I wanted to show or emotion.
It feels as if I dont know anyone anymore. My best friend has left to go with her. She hates my guts and isnt afraid to show it and it hurts so much that she would pick her over me. Me, her best friend for 5 years. She would never admit to it though. Maybe I'm just being a drama queen?
And HE! He fucking left me for them. The ones who break us down. (now I sound deranged with the he she her and them) The ones who pick at the flaws of our sanity and self esteem. I cant find it in me to hate him though. My heart just aches for him to come around more often.
The wind is blowing, sending bumps across my pale skin and you can hear the leaves bumping overhead. It hurts as the sun shines down warming my skin. I hate this. I just want to be normal and not have to pretend that everything is ok. Its everything but ok! I can slowly feel myself becoming numb. Theyre all so far away, the ones that matter. Across the county or just simply metaphorically.
My old ways are calling to me but Im resisting, not because I owe it to them but because I owe it to myself.
I just keep thinking that maybe if I did do something, would that make them love me again? but then I mentally slap myself for even caring so much of what they think.
I hurt myself today, to see if I could feel
I focus all the pain
The only thing thats real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything
What have i become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know go away in the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liars chair
I pull of broken thoughts
I can not repair
Beneath the stains of time
the feelings disappear
you are someone else
I am still right here
what have i become?
my sweetest friend
everyone i know goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt
i will let you down
i will make you hurt
if i could start again
a million miles away
i will keep myself
i would find a way
It feels as if I dont know anyone anymore. My best friend has left to go with her. She hates my guts and isnt afraid to show it and it hurts so much that she would pick her over me. Me, her best friend for 5 years. She would never admit to it though. Maybe I'm just being a drama queen?
And HE! He fucking left me for them. The ones who break us down. (now I sound deranged with the he she her and them) The ones who pick at the flaws of our sanity and self esteem. I cant find it in me to hate him though. My heart just aches for him to come around more often.
The wind is blowing, sending bumps across my pale skin and you can hear the leaves bumping overhead. It hurts as the sun shines down warming my skin. I hate this. I just want to be normal and not have to pretend that everything is ok. Its everything but ok! I can slowly feel myself becoming numb. Theyre all so far away, the ones that matter. Across the county or just simply metaphorically.
My old ways are calling to me but Im resisting, not because I owe it to them but because I owe it to myself.
I just keep thinking that maybe if I did do something, would that make them love me again? but then I mentally slap myself for even caring so much of what they think.
I hurt myself today, to see if I could feel
I focus all the pain
The only thing thats real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything
What have i become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know go away in the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liars chair
I pull of broken thoughts
I can not repair
Beneath the stains of time
the feelings disappear
you are someone else
I am still right here
what have i become?
my sweetest friend
everyone i know goes away in the end
and you could have it all
my empire of dirt
i will let you down
i will make you hurt
if i could start again
a million miles away
i will keep myself
i would find a way