more oh yeah
i was in a quizzy mood...and the results of some of my other tests are that my god/goddess of love is aphrodite as opposed to david hasselhoff, kama, or cupid
and that my super-hero love interest is spider-man...
fuck quizez...
im tired, so im going to substitute a new journal entry, with an older one from my dotted journal...
scratch that...almost all the entries in their are way to personel...so, um...i went to my sisters last nite...and i got lost, trying to find their new house, street...but i wouldnt call her...i drove around for a half hour in their neighborhood looking for thier house, all because my pride got the best of me...i didnt want any help, then she'd know i couldnt do it by myself...my pride seems to be all i have even in my most icky times...like, i could reach out for help, but i dont want to..i want to solve my problems...they're mine...MINE!...its very stubborn of me, and i have tried to make it diffrent...ive let some people attempt to help me out...im just still really weary of anyone trying to become a part of my life...its weird though, because all anyone has to do is ask me about something and ill tell them the truth, but, maybe...well, nobody ever really asks...or, i dont know, im going at a good pace, letting someone in, but for whatever reason, they start acting like they dont care, it doesnt matter to them, i dont matter...and i pull so far inside, it takes a lot to get me back out...so whos to blame in that situation? me for pulling/pushing away, or the person for acting like they dont care? its probably in reality a vicious cycle...i open up, they act noncaring, i push/pull, they act more uncaring, i push away completely, and pull inside....and on and on until the relationship is completely ruined...all because of pride...someone asked me why i keep this journal...i wondered...because, like, two or three people know it exists...and they rarely if ever read my entries...so i figured it was for me to get my thoughts down on "paper", a place to sort out my ideas, feelings...what have you...and part of it is that i need to talk about somethings that nobody asks me about...like jim,or my instabilities,bitterness,ideals,anger,thoughts,rage,mistakes...and if thats emo, then fine...i have no problem with that...
and that my super-hero love interest is spider-man...
fuck quizez...
im tired, so im going to substitute a new journal entry, with an older one from my dotted journal...
scratch that...almost all the entries in their are way to personel...so, um...i went to my sisters last nite...and i got lost, trying to find their new house, street...but i wouldnt call her...i drove around for a half hour in their neighborhood looking for thier house, all because my pride got the best of me...i didnt want any help, then she'd know i couldnt do it by myself...my pride seems to be all i have even in my most icky times...like, i could reach out for help, but i dont want to..i want to solve my problems...they're mine...MINE!...its very stubborn of me, and i have tried to make it diffrent...ive let some people attempt to help me out...im just still really weary of anyone trying to become a part of my life...its weird though, because all anyone has to do is ask me about something and ill tell them the truth, but, maybe...well, nobody ever really asks...or, i dont know, im going at a good pace, letting someone in, but for whatever reason, they start acting like they dont care, it doesnt matter to them, i dont matter...and i pull so far inside, it takes a lot to get me back out...so whos to blame in that situation? me for pulling/pushing away, or the person for acting like they dont care? its probably in reality a vicious cycle...i open up, they act noncaring, i push/pull, they act more uncaring, i push away completely, and pull inside....and on and on until the relationship is completely ruined...all because of pride...someone asked me why i keep this journal...i wondered...because, like, two or three people know it exists...and they rarely if ever read my entries...so i figured it was for me to get my thoughts down on "paper", a place to sort out my ideas, feelings...what have you...and part of it is that i need to talk about somethings that nobody asks me about...like jim,or my instabilities,bitterness,ideals,anger,thoughts,rage,mistakes...and if thats emo, then fine...i have no problem with that...