hating the holidays
its been over a year since i saw my little girl and almost a year since i have seen my son. The only time i ever hear from either of them is when they want more money or they want me to sign over my rights.I dont think of my self as a bad dad i got out of the relationships so i didnt do the same thing my parents did.In that sense i mean fighting in front of the kids and not getting along. Why am being punished for not wanting to put my kids through that? Rae and i arent getting along that well right now and it scares me to think that i will lose her. I dont mean to be mean but sometimes things dont come out the way it sounds in my head. i will never forgive myself if i push her away. i had the worst dream that she broke up with me last night and she was bringing all sorts of guys over right in front of me. I t was nice to wake up and still hold her but it still gave me a rotten feeling all day so far. And I fell like shit I hope i am not getting sick