The Autonomy Experiment...

[scrivenerx]

Some and or all of the people who read my journal may know my current situation. Here's a quick run down for those unfamiliar...I am in collar/service to timuri. Simplistic, easy, whatever. I accepted because I wanted a guarantee, something that said if he left I could take whatever revenge my heart desired. Is this a reason to take a collar? Absolutely not. I took it for other reasons as well, not the least of which being that service fascinates me and turns me on. It's also a comfort knowing what is expected. In a lot of my relationships I have found hidden expectations after the fact. That I would act a certain way, dress a certain, perform certain sexual acts...but it was never stated, just brought up afterwards as yet another "something Kelly did wrong." At least with timuri I know where I stand with every breath and he is exceeding tolerant of my not-so-submissive behaviors.

Now here is the experiment, how does one excel in service without being submissive? I have a submissive bent, kind of, sort of, on good days, but when I think of a submissive I don't even consider myself a candidate. I'm wilfull and arrogant and other measurements as well (Eddie Izzard devotees chuckle here.) So how does one do it right without losing face or sense of self or anything else? And is it even possible?

Hmmmm...I've been reading way too much 'slave literature' lately. I should go back to my linguistic studies. I feel smarter afterward and there's not nearly as much introspection.

Right thought. Right speech. Right deed. Yeah, right.