(no subject)
I came home early because I was supposed to help plant corn. I saw Naveen on the bus. Oh la la. But my mind's sort of taken up with another boy at the moment. Which is nice. Because Naveen is not really much of a possibility. Anyway, I saw Chris (druggie Chris) at the Chehalis bus stop and he was with some of his nutty/druggy friends. One of them had this chocolate lab puppy-wup in this cardboard box. They'd put containers of warm water in with it to keep it warm. It smelled like a puppy. I talked to it until the bus came.
They decided not to plant corn since it was raining. I was very thankful - I was dreading it. Ick. One of the best things about leaving WI is not having to do garden work. I'm sorry - it's just not me.
Papa and Jess were going to go into town to watch the Venezuela vs. USA soccer game and I was going to go to but decided not to. I'm glad I stayed home. Me and my mom sat on the couch, talked about whether I should switch my major (I'm going to), read the PostSecret book (Emily, if you read this, I found one for you), and talked about something important.
The something important is this: I fall in love. A lot. Easily. Quickly. And then it always, always fades. Ok - except for with Sam. I'm talking platonic love here, y'all. And with Sam romantic love was all mixed up with platonic love in the way that love in good relationships is, and while the romantic feelings are gone, I still absolutely adore him - he's still one of my favorite human beings ever. But he's an exception. Every other person I've fallen in love with...well, I fall out o love with them, too. Usually with in a month or two. Sometimes it's more like a year or a year and a half.
And here I go again. Falling in love.
What is it about me? Why do I do this? Why does it happen? Do other people do this? Why do I have no friends? No friends who last, I mean. Jess has Rowen and Steph - they've been her closest friends for, like, over 10 years. I have no one like that. I didn't ever have a close friend as a kid - I mean, Sonya and Tara...but we seperated. Jess and Steph and Rowen didn't.
I still don't have a friend like that - one that's stuck it out for a long time. It makes me lonely.
But it's ok. I have faith that I will find someone who's a long term thing; or, if I don't, I have faith that I will learn and experience many powerful, beautiful things through all my loving.
Tonight I refuse to be worried. What is there to worry about? This is life - we have no control anyway, really. We define good and bad etc - those things are constant or static. There is nothing to be worried about.
It will never be like it was; it will always be like it is.