we chose each other | s.coups/woozi [7/?]
title: we chose each other [chapter seven]
pairing: s.coups/woozi
genre: angst, romance, friendship
rating: m
warnings: in depth interaction with suicide, depression, homophobia and related issues, bullying, firearms, manipulation, smoking, language, implied sexual situations
wordcount: 4.9k
summary: au. Seungcheol passes the days trying to escape his past and find meaning in the future. Jihoon goes through each day trying to find a reason to live for himself, and not just exist pretending for others. Little do they know, a chance encounter gives them both what they’re searching for, and something more.
[ series tag]
chapter one | chapter two | chapter three | chapter four | chapter five | chapter six | chapter seven
a/n: sorry this is late. I was meant to update a few days ago, but life was awful. I'll try to update another chap in the next few days to make up for it <3 enjoy /blows kisses/
Jihoon finds out about Seungcheol’s birthday because Jeonghan asks if he’s going to come to Healing later that week. When Jihoon looks confused, Jeonghan explains it’s Seungcheol’s birthday, and they were going to close a little earlier and throw him a mini party, and he wanted to see if Jihoon could come.
Jihoon puts it in his calendar, spends a precious hour between meetings finding a present, and on the Thursday evening, the day before Seungcheol’s birthday, he turns up to Healing at his usual time - a little before midnight. The plan was that just before midnight - when Jeonghan usually finished his shift and went home - they would ask Seungcheol to get some last minute supplies, and while he was out, they would shuffle the last of the customers away and decorate the bar.
Jihoon walks in through the doors at the same time Seungcheol walks out and they nearly collide in the entrance.
“Jihoon!” Seungcheol calls, tone distinctively happy.
Jihoon rights himself and smiles at him calmly. “Hi. Heading out?”
“Yeah, we just ran out of lemons, I don't even know how, but anyway, I'm just dashing down to the supermarket before it closes,” he says. Then he looks at Jihoon and his eyes crinkle as he beams happily. “Do you want to come with me?”
“Sure,” Jihoon says easily, “I just…” he falters, fingers curling into the plastic of the bag in his hand holding Seungcheol’s present. “I’ll put something back in my car,” he says eventually
It’s then that Seungcheol notices the plastic bag Jihoon is holding.
“What’s that?” he asks, trying to peek. Jihoon shifts it behind his body and smiles disarmingly.
“Just something for Yejin-noona. She asked me to help her pick up something,” Jihoon says smoothly.
Seungcheol raises an eyebrow, clearly not buying it, but he just shrugs and they walk back to Jihoon’s car. Jihoon tosses the bag into the front seat, and they head down to the supermarket, conversation flowing easily as they walk side by side.
When they arrive, Seungcheol darts to one of the aisles quickly, clearly knowing where to go, while Jihoon gets distracted by the assortment of ready-made foods in one corner. It’s not his first time in a supermarket (it’s his second time) but it’s still fascinating. He’s still staring at all the types of frozen foods when Seungcheol comes back to collect him, holding a small bag of lemons.
He laughs softly at Jihoon’s serious concentration at the frozen pizzas and dumplings, before grabbing his wrist and tugging him over to the self-serve checkouts.
Jhoon goes bug-eyed, watching in amazement as Seungcheol scans the items himself and pays by pressing buttons on the screen before feeding it some cash. Seungcheol can’t stop laughing, clutching his stomach as they exit the supermarket a bit later, while Jihoon walks off quickly with flushed cheeks. Seungcheol just laughs some more and jogs to catch up to him, nudging his side as they fall into step.
They stop by Jihoon’s car for him to grab the plastic bag and Seungcheol tries in vain to steal a glance again, with Jihoon noticing and pulling the bag away while sticking out his tongue.
Seungcheol makes a face and they walk back to Healing, Seungcheol pouting the whole way. Jihoon grabs the edge of Seungcheol’s sleeve, just as he reaches for the door.
“I….” Jihoon’s cheeks are pink. It's past midnight now - it's Seungcheol’s birthday. “It’s for you,” he says, shoving the bag into Seungcheol’s chest. As Seungcheol looks bewildered, Jihoon mumbles a tiny, “Happy birthday,”
And Jihoon thinks it’s terrible, how he feels his heart splutter at the way Seungcheol’s face just blooms into a bright smile, whole face lighting up.
“Really?” Seungcheol asks, almost childlike. He doesn’t ask how Jihoon knew, just reaches a hand into the plastic bag to the badly wrapped present inside. Jihoon could have easily paid someone to wrap it flawlessly, or even ask Raina, but he was too embarrassed to ask anyone for help, scared they’d ask who it was for (and Jihoon didn’t even know how to describe who Seungcheol was to him).
Jihoon slightly regrets that decision now, as Seungcheol stares at the crumpled, awkwardly wrapped present. But Seungcheol hasn’t stopped smiling, and he carefully opens the present, without ripping any of the wrapping, like it’s a delicate child to be held.
He laughs at the fluffy head that pokes out first and Jihoon finds himself smiling too.
The dog plush comes out first - a little brown fluffy thing - and then Seungcheol starts laughing hysterically at the second item - a packet of spaghetti.
Jihoon knows it looks ridiculous, but he hopes Seungcheol remembers the meaning behind both items. He flounders internally when Seungcheol doesn’t say anything, just stares at both items fondly. “You know, so you can have the pet dog you always wanted and - ” Jihoon begins.
“I’ll start measuring the bar tables in spaghetti until it drives Yejin-noona insane, don’t worry,” Seungcheol winks, grin playful.
Jihoon lets out a relieved sigh. The items seems stupid, and kind of random, but it was inside jokes between them, and he’s glad Seungcheol remembers.
Seungcheol carefully puts both items back into the bag and folds the wrapping very nicely before putting it beside the presents in the bag. Then he turns to Jihoon with a bright smile.
“Thank you, Jihoon,” he says, sounding truly sincere and Jihoon flushes happily. The awkward time spent at the supermarket to find the spaghetti packet was worth it.
“It’s not much. I didn’t know what to get you, but well, that’s what I thought of when I thought of you, so…” he says, scuffing the toe of his shoe against the pavement, head bent to watch the polished shoe against the grey concrete.
Jihoon is surprised when warm arms wrap around him and he finds himself in Seungcheol’s embrace, face at the juncture between Seungcheol’s shoulder and neck. The faint scent of fresh laundry and liquor radiates from Seungcheol and Jihoon finds himself smiling.
“It’s small, but it means a lot,” Seungcheol is saying. “So thank you,” he pulls away to grin brightly again and Jihoon wonders if Seungcheol is always smiling.
“I’ll just have to work harder to make you associate more than a dog plush and dry spaghetti with me,” Seungcheol laughs, pushing open the door to the bar.
Jihoon just smiles, not bothering to reply, as Seungcheol steps inside and everyone releases party poppers. Seungcheol screams and nearly falls over.
Jihoon helps Seungcheol stay upright, holding his arm, as Yejin, Jeonghan, Jisoo, Junhui and Eric all shout “Happy birthday!” and Yejin scuttles over to him with a cake and a single candle aglow on top.
“Y-You….” Seungcheol starts and Jihoon wonders if he’s going to get really emotional. Instead Seungcheol shouts “You tricked me!” pointing an accusing finger at Yejin.
Yejin and Jeonghan burst into laughter, and Jihoon smothers his laughter against Seungcheol’s arm.
“C’mon, Cheol,” Yejin says, inching the cake closer to his face. Eric walks to her side as Seungcheol closes his eyes for a moment and then blows out the candle. Everyone cheers, Eric takes the cake and the candle, and Yejin digs her fingers into the centre to smear a handful of cream cake onto Seungcheol’s face.
Seungcheol lets out a yell and retaliates, grabbing a handful and chasing after her, while Yejin screams and runs away.
Jihoon is nearly bent over in laughter, while Eric - the designated cake holder - splutters as he gets smothered in cake as everyone arms themselves with cake too.
Jihoon nearly misses Jeonghan trying to slide up beside him, a handful of cake hidden in one hand. Jeonghan still gets a smear across one cheek before he manages to run.
It’s a free-for-all cake fight in the bar, yet somehow there’s unspoken teams - everyone (except Jihoon) against Seungcheol. Which leads to Seungcheol hiding behind Jihoon as they get cornered, Jihoon with a meagre smear of cake in his hands, unsure who to attack.
“Yejin-noona,” Seungcheol hisses in his ear, like she’s the leader (she kind of is).
Jihoon just takes a nervous step back as Junhui inches forward.
“Seungcheol, I - I think this is the end,” Jihoon whispers, like they’re in a dramatic scene of a movie.
“I’m sorry for dragging you into this,” Seungcheol whispers back and Jihoon looks over his shoulder to see Seungcheol’s face hovering over his shoulder.
Their eyes meet and Jihoon smiles softly. Seungcheol returns it, eyes crinkled, right before Jihoon turns around to smear the tiny amount of cake in his hand across Seungcheol’s nose.
Jeonghan’s loud laughter resonates in the room as Seungcheol’s mouth drops open in betrayal. Jihoon drops to his knees, laughing breathlessly.
“Jihoon!” Seungcheol shrieks, dropping on top of him, straddling him and wrestling him back onto the floor. Jihoon is still laughing breathlessly, hands feebly trying to push Seungcheol off.
Yejin has grabbed one side of a table, holding onto it for dear life, as she laughs, tears in her eyes.
“Jisoo, bring the cake over!” Seungcheol says as he grabs both of Jihoon’s wrists. Jisoo, who somehow got custody of the cake and was hiding his laughter behind a delicate hand, now looks perplexed at the request. Jeonghan jumps in to grab it and brings it over to Seungcheol, who immediately scoops up half of the remaining cake.
Jihoon stares at his hand of cake with wide eyes, expression between horrified and challenging him to do it. Seungcheol grins and smears it right across his face - forehead to chin, with bits of sponge in his hair.
Jihoon splutters at the cream on his face and Seungcheol sits back, still straddling him, a smug grin on his face. Jihoon opens his eyes tentatively, licking the bit of cake that’s around his mouth before breaking into a bashful grin.
Seungcheol wonders since when did a cake-smeared face and hair with cream and sponge in it look so beautiful to him?
He supposes it’s just Jihoon that’s the exception.
After eating the tiny bit of cake remaining on the plate, and cleaning their faces (mostly) of cream, everyone sits at one of the booths and shares a drink, Yejin promising not to take it out of their pay.
Jihoon nurses a Simple cocktail, squished in a corner next to Jeonghan as Yejin stops their conversation midway to announce its time for the present.
Junhui immediately reaches around Seungcheol to cover his eyes as Yejin jumps up and out of the booth, Eric following to help her drag a box from behind the counter to the booth, in front of Seungcheol. It's not small, nearly the height of the table.
Yejin stands between the box and Seungcheol, effectively blocking him from seeing it. “Okay,” she says and Junhui releases him.
Seungcheol blinks a couple of times to get used to the light again, then his eyes fixate on Yejin in front of him.
She has this soft, fond smile on her face, like she's looking at a precious young child.
“We know you've been working hard to save for one, so we all pitched in and got you it instead,” she says.
Seungcheol’s eyes widen and his mouth drops open. “You - ,” he splutters but doesn't finish before Yejin steps aside and reveals the box. Seungcheol nearly falls out of the booth reaching for it. Jihoon cranes his neck around Jeonghan to see it better.
It takes him a moment, with Jeonghan realising and filling him in at the same moment.
“It's a TV. Seungcheol’s been saving up to buy one for a while now,” he says, smile across his face.
Jihoon’s heart is somewhere near the vicinity of his stomach. Seungcheol didn’t have a TV? He was saving up to buy one? Exactly what was Seungcheol’s financial situation?
Seungcheol is on his knees beside the box, arms wrapped around it like it's a precious child.
“You got me a TV,” he whispers like if he speaks too loud it’ll disappear. Yejin just smiles, reaching over to pinch his cheeks.
“And don't you forget it,” she says.
Seungcheol gets to his feet and pulls her into a bone crushing hug.
“Never. Thank you so much, noona,” he murmurs into her hair. He doesn't let go for a long few moments.
“Hey! We pitched in too!” Jeonghan calls and Seungcheol releases her with a laugh.
“Yes, yes, of course,” he grins, and Jihoon wonders if it's the light or if Seungcheol has tears in his eyes. “Thank you everyone, for the present, and for being here, today and always,”
“Ayyyyyy, so cheesy,” Junhui chides, though the happy smile hasn't left his face. He tugs Seungcheol back into the booth and everyone goes back to talking and teasing over the rest of their drinks.
By the time Jisoo yawns for the first time, it's already past 2am, later than their usual closing hours, and Jeonghan murmurs he has class later.
Yejin immediately hustles everyone out of the booth and they clean the bar of all their things.
“I can give you guys a lift,” Yejin says to Jisoo and Jeonghan. “I’m giving Eric and Junhui one anyway. Oh but… Seungcheol needs a lift with that box and I only have four seats,”
“It's fine, noona, I can carry it - ” Seungcheol begins and Yejin sends him a glare.
“You are not carrying that on the subway at 2:30 in the morning, Choi Seungcheol,” she says sternly. “You'll get mugged and I will be personally responsible - ”
“You're not personally responsible for me - ” Seungcheol sighs.
“Uhm,” Jihoon interrupts their banter meekly. “I have a car too? I can send someone home?”
“Oh, that's right!” Yejin brightens, then she turns back to their small party with a frown contemplating.
“Well, you could send Jisoo, and Jeonghan - ”
“He can send me,” Seungcheol says. “He's given me a lift before, so he knows where to go. Besides, he can give me a lift to make up for caking me in the face,” Seungcheol says, smug smile sliding across his face again.
Jihoon scowls. “I don't owe you anything,” he mutters, punching Seungheol’s arm lightly.
“Did you see that?!” Seungcheol cries dramatically. Even Yejin rolls her eyes.
“Alright, birthday boy, go home with Jihoonie then. I'll take the other boys,” and then everyone bustles out of the bar and Yejin drags them all down to her car. Meanwhile Seungcheol carries the TV and Jihoon carries Seungcheol’s backpack and his own present.
“Okay there?” Seungcheol asks.
Jihoon laughs softly. “I should ask you that,” he says. “Come on,” and they head towards Jihoon’s car.
“Are you sure? I was only joking about you owing me a lift. I can still take the subway,” Seungcheol says as Jihoon opens the back doors and rearranges his assortment of ties into a designated black box.
Jihoon steps back onto the curb and sighs. “Seungcheol, please just co-operate for once without asking if it's okay a million times,” Jihoon says and Seungcheol pouts.
“Just want to be sure,” he mutters as he steps towards the car to put the TV into the backseat. “I mean, sometimes people don't know when I'm joking and when I'm serious,”
Jihoon chuckles as Seungcheol closes the back door, the TV safely sitting in the backseat.
“Ready?” Jihoon opens his driver door.
Seungcheol just smiles warmly as he walks around to the passenger side. “Yeah,”
“Just wait a second, I’ll take the other stuff up and then come back for the TV - ” Seungcheol is saying as he unbuckles his seatbelt. Jihoon rolls his eyes.
“Seungcheol, I am capable of helping you carrying your stuff up to your apartment,” Jihoon says.
“Yeah but…” Seungcheol hesitates, then he sighs. “Okay,”
They clamber up, Seungcheol carrying the TV and Jihoon carrying his backpack and the present he got for Seungcheol. Seungcheol guides him to find the keys and Jihoon digs into one of the pockets of the backpack until he finds them and unlocks the door.
“Come on in,” Seungcheol says as he shuffles inside, flicking on lights.
Jihoon tries not to make it too obvious when he looks around while he’s taking off his shoes, but he’s curious. It’s small, just one room, with a single bed to one side, against the wall. At the end of the bed, there’s a door, which must be the bathroom. By the bed there’s a wooden chest of drawers, acting like a bedside table, and beside it is a small dining table, one chair by its side, with a pile of clothes on it. On the other side of the room is the kitchen, fitted with a small fridge, microwave, stove and sink.
“Sorry it’s a mess,” Seungcheol laughs nervously, as he puts the TV down in the space next to the table. “I don’t usually have guests,” he says.
“I can tell, by the fact you only have one chair,” Jihoon says, trying to sound teasing.
Inside though, his mind is reeling a little. This is Seungcheol’s home. This space, which isn’t even the size of his bedroom back ‘home’, is Seungcheol’s everything.
“You can just put the other stuff anywhere,” he says and Jihoon nods, putting the backpack and plastic bag down by the TV box. “Do you… do you want a drink or something?”
Jihoon blinks. “Oh! No, it’s fine, really,”
“It is late, I have coffee,”
“I don’t think we should be drinking coffee at 3am,” Jihoon laughs softly.
“Shouldn’t doesn’t mean you won’t,” Seungcheol grins. “C’mon, just one cup. We only get to talk when I’m working. Besides, you can help me set up the TV.”
Jihoon just laughs softly. “Okay,” he says. He knows he should go home, shouldn’t stay in Seungcheol’s tiny apartment with Seungcheol’s bright smile and twinkling eyes, but he finds he can’t say no.
Seungcheol starts the kettle boiling before sitting himself down by the TV box.
“Now…. how does this work?” he hums. Jihoon carefully sits himself down on the ground beside him.
“I’m pretty sure it comes with instructions,” Jihoon murmurs and Seungcheol laughs brightly.
“Probably,” he says as he grabs scissors to open the box. They pull out the TV and the parts for the small stand. Jihoon pulls out the installation instructions and they bicker over a few of the details like where certain screws go, before the TV is sitting on its stand happily.
“Okay, one part done,” Seungcheol says, eyes crinkled happily. “Oh! Coffee!” he jumps to his feet, having forgotten the kettle.
Jihoon is staring at the different wires in his hands as Seungcheol returns with two steaming cups of instant coffee.
“Careful it’s still hot,” Seungcheol says as he hands Jihoon one of the cups.
“Thanks,” Jihoon says, taking it gingerly before putting it down on the floor carefully beside him.
“Alright, I think this is the power cable, and this is the satellite cable,” Jihoon says, holding up the two cords. “This other one is for connecting to like, a DVD player,”
“Ooooh, DVDs,” Seungcheol says, eyes looking a little wishful.
Jihoon finds himself smiling at Seungcheol. “If I had known they were getting you a TV, I would have gotten you a DVD player instead of a stupid packet of spaghetti,” he says.
Seungcheol shakes his head immediately. “It’s not stupid. Besides, I can make tomorrow’s dinner with the ones I don’t use to measure the bar tables,” he grins playfully. “Thank you again, it’s very thoughtful. And besides, I can probably buy a DVD player. The money I was saving for the TV can go towards that instead,”
Jihoon clears his throat, trying to clear the uncomfortable feeling in his chest. “Well, why don’t we try to set it up?”
He hands Seungcheol the power cable and plugs both of them into the TV before searching for the satellite plug. They have to shift the TV a little towards the doorway, but they plug it in and Seungcheol excitedly grabs the remote out of the box to turn it on.
The screen flickers to life and Seungcheol is grinning so widely, Jihoon finds himself laughing.
Seungcheol grabs his hand and tugs him to his feet excitedly, the two of them taking their mugs and sitting on the edge of Seungcheol’s mattress to stare at the TV sitting on the floor.
It’s all static, but Jihoon helps Seungcheol go to the settings to calibrate it.
As it calibrates, Seungcheol can’t keep the smile off his face, even as he sips his coffee, face disappearing into the mug.
Jihoon just smiles at him before turning to his own coffee when Seungcheol turns to look at him. It’s a bit too sweet, but Jihoon just cradles his mug in his hands and watches the loading bar crawl across the screen as the TV calibrates the channels.
“Thanks, Jihoon,” Seungcheol says suddenly, breaking the silence and Jihoon turns to him in surprise.
“What for?” he asks, genuinely confused.
“For helping me set it up, for coming tonight,” Seungcheol shrugs, “for being here,”
Jihoon smiles warmly. “My pleasure. We’re friends, right?”
Seungcheol grins, bright and happy. “Yeah,” he says and Jihoon smiles again, turning back to his mug. “It’s sort of funny how we are,” Jihoon turns to look at him, finding Seungcheol already watching him, “but I’m glad we are,”
“Me too,” Jihoon says softly. He clears his throat and shifts to sit on the bed properly. “I don’t make a lot of friends…. Or any really, so it’s… really nice,”
“I figured as much,” Seungcheol says, grin playful. “It’s pretty obvious with how awkward you are with everyone,”
Jihoon flushes and shoves at his shoulder, making the coffee slosh in their mugs and Jihoon hurriedly stands before it spills and stains the bed sheets.
Seungcheol just laughs. “It’s fine, don’t worry,” he says, tugging the back of Jihoon’s shirt to get him to sit again.
“I’m just teasing,” he says when Jihoon is sitting on the bed again.
“I know,” Jihoon mumbles, but he’s pouting a little. Unconscious or not, Seungcheol can’t help it when he reaches over and pinches a cheek.
“Don’t sulk so cutely, Jihoonieeee,” he coos. Jihoon scowls and smacks his hand away. Seungcheol laughs as he lets go, not missing the smile that blooms across Jihoon’s face.
“It’s nice being with you too,” Seungcheol says after a few seconds. It takes Jihoon a moment to realise he’s responding to Jihoon’s earlier words.
Jihoon smiles warmly. “Actually, Soonyoung was saying that he’s never seen me connect with someone so easily,” he chuckles a little, hands still curled around his cup. “It’s kind of strange for me to feel so close to someone so quickly, but I don’t really mind,”
Seungcheol is watching him, gaze unwavering, but there’s something in Seungcheol’s eyes that makes Jihoon hesitate. “Seungcheol?”
He breaks out of his daze at his name. His gaze quickly darts away, and he licks his lips. “Sorry, I just… I was just thinking the same thing,” he lifts his gaze to meet Jihoon’s again, a small, almost shy, smile on his lips. He gets up to put his empty coffee cup on the chest of drawers.
“Really?” Jihoon asks, eyes lighting up. “I can’t believe I have to go tell Soonyoung he was right,” he laughs into his mug.
Seungcheol remembers the blond, and suddenly his words are ringing in Seungcheol’s head.
You’re special to him…. Do you think he’s just another customer, or is he special to you too?
Jihoon is still smiling against the rim of his cup when Seungcheol blurts out, “You’re special to me,”
Jihoon turns to him, eyes wide, and Seungcheol panics.
“I - I mean, uhm, you’re uh,” he’s grabbed Jihoon’s empty cup, moving to put it on the chest of drawers, just for something to do as he blabbers on, “you know, you’re a really good friend and I’ve never been so close to anyone before,” he sits himself back down, still talking even though he knows he should really just… stop. “And y’know in the future I - ”
He (finally) stops when he feels a warm palm slide against his. He looks down to see that Jihoon has intertwined their fingers.
He glances over at Jihoon, who has an adorable dusting of pink across his nose as he says. “You’re special to me too,”
Seungcheol swears his brain shuts down, because he can’t believe this is happening. Did he really just say Jihoon was special to him, and Jihoon said it back to him, and now they’re holding hands and Jihoon is blushing?!
Seungcheol takes another few seconds to find his brain, in which time Jihoon just sits there, head down, though he keeps sneaking glances at Seungcheol, face progressively getting redder and redder.
Jihoon looks like he’s beginning to panic, trying to untangle their fingers, but Seungcheol’s grip on his hand tightens and Jihoon looks up to find Seungcheol watching him. Seungcheol’s other hand moves to cup his face, holding his face carefully, like he's delicate porcelain. Jihoon struggles to breathe. A thumb caresses the skin of his cheek and Jihoon’s eyes flutter closed as he sees Seungcheol lean in and…
Nothing happens. Jihoon waits, and Seungcheol’s breath is hitting Jihoon's lips and making them tingle, but Seungcheol doesn't kiss him.
“Jihoon,”
He opens his eyes and they're in the same position as before, Seungcheol staring at his lips, barely a hair's breadth apart. When Seungcheol speaks, Jihoon can sometimes feel the slightest ghost of a touch of their lips. It's tantalising.
“Jihoon, are you sure you want this? If you don't, say so now, because once we start I don't think I'll be able to hold back my feelings,” Seungcheol breathes. “I …. I want you to think about all the consequences of this….. of being with me. What your parents think, and your friends, and anyone else who might see us - ”
“I can think about it,” Jihoon whispers, eyes watching Seungcheol, searching his eyes for a reaction, “but it won't change the fact that I want to be with you,”
And when Seungcheol’s eyes flicker up to look at his, Jihoon hopes all he sees is sincerity.
Seungcheol’s eyes look away, like he’s thinking again, like he's weighing up everything. Jihoon doesn't want to think about anything anymore.
So he pulls Seungcheol’s hand away from his face, surprising him, before grabbing Seungcheol’s face with both hands and crashing their lips together. It's messy, and awkward, and Seungcheol is frozen for a good second, but then his arms are around Jihoon’s waist and pulling him closer, and suddenly it’s perfect. Jihoon gasps for breath in between kisses, heart thrumming in his chest. Seungcheol practically swallows every exhale as he pushes Jihoon down onto the bed and melds their mouths together in almost rough urgency. Jihoon didn't realise the feeling could be addictive.
But the urgency that seems to course through Seungcheol is flowing through Jihoon, and the kisses they exchange are bruising and hasty, but it's exactly what they need - Jihoon feels like he's drowning, but he knows it'd be worse if they stopped. He thinks he'd suffocate.
Their bodies are pressed together and Jihoon can feel Seungcheol’s hand at his hip, a steady, heavy warmth that grounds Jihoon as Seungcheol’s tongue licks into his mouth, leaving him gasping. Jihoon’s hand fists in Seungcheols hair, twisting a little too hard and they pull apart to try and catch their breath for a moment, foreheads pressed together, chests heaving in sync.
Jihoon glances up and finds Seungcheol staring at him, and suddenly he’s giggling. He’s not even sure why, but he’s laughing, and soon Seungcheol is laughing too, hugging him tightly as he hovers over him.
Their eyes meet again and Jihoon bites his lip to stop the laughter. Seungcheol reaches up to gently run a thumb over his lip, tugging it free. “You’ll hurt yourself like that,” he whispers and Jihoon doesn’t understand why his heart is racing so much at the gesture, at the soft words.
He licks his lips nervously, and Seungcheol leans in to kiss him the same moment Jihoon moves, and they meet halfway, lips colliding a little too hard. They share a soft, breathless laugh, before Seungcheol kisses him again, softer. Then he does it again, and again, and again.
The urgency is gone, and the kisses aren’t bruising anymore, but Jihoon is still as breathless. Seungcheol’s hand at his hip pulls him closer, other arm propping him up over Jihoon, so he doesn’t crush him, but Jihoon almost wishes he was. His hand is in Seungcheol’s hair again, fingers running through the black locks, other arm hooked around Seungcheol’s neck, keeping them together.
Jihoon pulls away a little in slight surprise when there’s a warm touch at his waist, skin tingling from the touch.
“Shit, sorry,” Seungcheol breathes, tugging Jihoon’s shirt back into place, but Jihoon grabs his wrist, eyes lifting to meet Seungcheol’s above him.
“You can touch me,” he murmurs. Seungcheol seems to hesitate for a moment before smiling and shaking his head.
“No, it’s okay. I want you to be ready for it,” he whispers, kissing Jihoon chastely.
Jihoon wants to protest that he’s not a child - he is perfectly capable of discerning if he wants it or not, but Seungcheol is smiling gently at him and Jihoon feels like he can’t think anymore.
“I don’t want to rush anything. I want to appreciate every part of you properly,” Seungcheol breathes, before he kisses Jihoon again, very softly. And Jihoon responds easily, arms going around Seungcheol’s neck again.
If this is how Seungcheol shows appreciation, he thinks, then he’d better make sure his heart doesn’t fall out of his chest too soon.
pairing: s.coups/woozi
genre: angst, romance, friendship
rating: m
warnings: in depth interaction with suicide, depression, homophobia and related issues, bullying, firearms, manipulation, smoking, language, implied sexual situations
wordcount: 4.9k
summary: au. Seungcheol passes the days trying to escape his past and find meaning in the future. Jihoon goes through each day trying to find a reason to live for himself, and not just exist pretending for others. Little do they know, a chance encounter gives them both what they’re searching for, and something more.
[ series tag]
chapter one | chapter two | chapter three | chapter four | chapter five | chapter six | chapter seven
a/n: sorry this is late. I was meant to update a few days ago, but life was awful. I'll try to update another chap in the next few days to make up for it <3 enjoy /blows kisses/
Jihoon finds out about Seungcheol’s birthday because Jeonghan asks if he’s going to come to Healing later that week. When Jihoon looks confused, Jeonghan explains it’s Seungcheol’s birthday, and they were going to close a little earlier and throw him a mini party, and he wanted to see if Jihoon could come.
Jihoon puts it in his calendar, spends a precious hour between meetings finding a present, and on the Thursday evening, the day before Seungcheol’s birthday, he turns up to Healing at his usual time - a little before midnight. The plan was that just before midnight - when Jeonghan usually finished his shift and went home - they would ask Seungcheol to get some last minute supplies, and while he was out, they would shuffle the last of the customers away and decorate the bar.
Jihoon walks in through the doors at the same time Seungcheol walks out and they nearly collide in the entrance.
“Jihoon!” Seungcheol calls, tone distinctively happy.
Jihoon rights himself and smiles at him calmly. “Hi. Heading out?”
“Yeah, we just ran out of lemons, I don't even know how, but anyway, I'm just dashing down to the supermarket before it closes,” he says. Then he looks at Jihoon and his eyes crinkle as he beams happily. “Do you want to come with me?”
“Sure,” Jihoon says easily, “I just…” he falters, fingers curling into the plastic of the bag in his hand holding Seungcheol’s present. “I’ll put something back in my car,” he says eventually
It’s then that Seungcheol notices the plastic bag Jihoon is holding.
“What’s that?” he asks, trying to peek. Jihoon shifts it behind his body and smiles disarmingly.
“Just something for Yejin-noona. She asked me to help her pick up something,” Jihoon says smoothly.
Seungcheol raises an eyebrow, clearly not buying it, but he just shrugs and they walk back to Jihoon’s car. Jihoon tosses the bag into the front seat, and they head down to the supermarket, conversation flowing easily as they walk side by side.
When they arrive, Seungcheol darts to one of the aisles quickly, clearly knowing where to go, while Jihoon gets distracted by the assortment of ready-made foods in one corner. It’s not his first time in a supermarket (it’s his second time) but it’s still fascinating. He’s still staring at all the types of frozen foods when Seungcheol comes back to collect him, holding a small bag of lemons.
He laughs softly at Jihoon’s serious concentration at the frozen pizzas and dumplings, before grabbing his wrist and tugging him over to the self-serve checkouts.
Jhoon goes bug-eyed, watching in amazement as Seungcheol scans the items himself and pays by pressing buttons on the screen before feeding it some cash. Seungcheol can’t stop laughing, clutching his stomach as they exit the supermarket a bit later, while Jihoon walks off quickly with flushed cheeks. Seungcheol just laughs some more and jogs to catch up to him, nudging his side as they fall into step.
They stop by Jihoon’s car for him to grab the plastic bag and Seungcheol tries in vain to steal a glance again, with Jihoon noticing and pulling the bag away while sticking out his tongue.
Seungcheol makes a face and they walk back to Healing, Seungcheol pouting the whole way. Jihoon grabs the edge of Seungcheol’s sleeve, just as he reaches for the door.
“I….” Jihoon’s cheeks are pink. It's past midnight now - it's Seungcheol’s birthday. “It’s for you,” he says, shoving the bag into Seungcheol’s chest. As Seungcheol looks bewildered, Jihoon mumbles a tiny, “Happy birthday,”
And Jihoon thinks it’s terrible, how he feels his heart splutter at the way Seungcheol’s face just blooms into a bright smile, whole face lighting up.
“Really?” Seungcheol asks, almost childlike. He doesn’t ask how Jihoon knew, just reaches a hand into the plastic bag to the badly wrapped present inside. Jihoon could have easily paid someone to wrap it flawlessly, or even ask Raina, but he was too embarrassed to ask anyone for help, scared they’d ask who it was for (and Jihoon didn’t even know how to describe who Seungcheol was to him).
Jihoon slightly regrets that decision now, as Seungcheol stares at the crumpled, awkwardly wrapped present. But Seungcheol hasn’t stopped smiling, and he carefully opens the present, without ripping any of the wrapping, like it’s a delicate child to be held.
He laughs at the fluffy head that pokes out first and Jihoon finds himself smiling too.
The dog plush comes out first - a little brown fluffy thing - and then Seungcheol starts laughing hysterically at the second item - a packet of spaghetti.
Jihoon knows it looks ridiculous, but he hopes Seungcheol remembers the meaning behind both items. He flounders internally when Seungcheol doesn’t say anything, just stares at both items fondly. “You know, so you can have the pet dog you always wanted and - ” Jihoon begins.
“I’ll start measuring the bar tables in spaghetti until it drives Yejin-noona insane, don’t worry,” Seungcheol winks, grin playful.
Jihoon lets out a relieved sigh. The items seems stupid, and kind of random, but it was inside jokes between them, and he’s glad Seungcheol remembers.
Seungcheol carefully puts both items back into the bag and folds the wrapping very nicely before putting it beside the presents in the bag. Then he turns to Jihoon with a bright smile.
“Thank you, Jihoon,” he says, sounding truly sincere and Jihoon flushes happily. The awkward time spent at the supermarket to find the spaghetti packet was worth it.
“It’s not much. I didn’t know what to get you, but well, that’s what I thought of when I thought of you, so…” he says, scuffing the toe of his shoe against the pavement, head bent to watch the polished shoe against the grey concrete.
Jihoon is surprised when warm arms wrap around him and he finds himself in Seungcheol’s embrace, face at the juncture between Seungcheol’s shoulder and neck. The faint scent of fresh laundry and liquor radiates from Seungcheol and Jihoon finds himself smiling.
“It’s small, but it means a lot,” Seungcheol is saying. “So thank you,” he pulls away to grin brightly again and Jihoon wonders if Seungcheol is always smiling.
“I’ll just have to work harder to make you associate more than a dog plush and dry spaghetti with me,” Seungcheol laughs, pushing open the door to the bar.
Jihoon just smiles, not bothering to reply, as Seungcheol steps inside and everyone releases party poppers. Seungcheol screams and nearly falls over.
Jihoon helps Seungcheol stay upright, holding his arm, as Yejin, Jeonghan, Jisoo, Junhui and Eric all shout “Happy birthday!” and Yejin scuttles over to him with a cake and a single candle aglow on top.
“Y-You….” Seungcheol starts and Jihoon wonders if he’s going to get really emotional. Instead Seungcheol shouts “You tricked me!” pointing an accusing finger at Yejin.
Yejin and Jeonghan burst into laughter, and Jihoon smothers his laughter against Seungcheol’s arm.
“C’mon, Cheol,” Yejin says, inching the cake closer to his face. Eric walks to her side as Seungcheol closes his eyes for a moment and then blows out the candle. Everyone cheers, Eric takes the cake and the candle, and Yejin digs her fingers into the centre to smear a handful of cream cake onto Seungcheol’s face.
Seungcheol lets out a yell and retaliates, grabbing a handful and chasing after her, while Yejin screams and runs away.
Jihoon is nearly bent over in laughter, while Eric - the designated cake holder - splutters as he gets smothered in cake as everyone arms themselves with cake too.
Jihoon nearly misses Jeonghan trying to slide up beside him, a handful of cake hidden in one hand. Jeonghan still gets a smear across one cheek before he manages to run.
It’s a free-for-all cake fight in the bar, yet somehow there’s unspoken teams - everyone (except Jihoon) against Seungcheol. Which leads to Seungcheol hiding behind Jihoon as they get cornered, Jihoon with a meagre smear of cake in his hands, unsure who to attack.
“Yejin-noona,” Seungcheol hisses in his ear, like she’s the leader (she kind of is).
Jihoon just takes a nervous step back as Junhui inches forward.
“Seungcheol, I - I think this is the end,” Jihoon whispers, like they’re in a dramatic scene of a movie.
“I’m sorry for dragging you into this,” Seungcheol whispers back and Jihoon looks over his shoulder to see Seungcheol’s face hovering over his shoulder.
Their eyes meet and Jihoon smiles softly. Seungcheol returns it, eyes crinkled, right before Jihoon turns around to smear the tiny amount of cake in his hand across Seungcheol’s nose.
Jeonghan’s loud laughter resonates in the room as Seungcheol’s mouth drops open in betrayal. Jihoon drops to his knees, laughing breathlessly.
“Jihoon!” Seungcheol shrieks, dropping on top of him, straddling him and wrestling him back onto the floor. Jihoon is still laughing breathlessly, hands feebly trying to push Seungcheol off.
Yejin has grabbed one side of a table, holding onto it for dear life, as she laughs, tears in her eyes.
“Jisoo, bring the cake over!” Seungcheol says as he grabs both of Jihoon’s wrists. Jisoo, who somehow got custody of the cake and was hiding his laughter behind a delicate hand, now looks perplexed at the request. Jeonghan jumps in to grab it and brings it over to Seungcheol, who immediately scoops up half of the remaining cake.
Jihoon stares at his hand of cake with wide eyes, expression between horrified and challenging him to do it. Seungcheol grins and smears it right across his face - forehead to chin, with bits of sponge in his hair.
Jihoon splutters at the cream on his face and Seungcheol sits back, still straddling him, a smug grin on his face. Jihoon opens his eyes tentatively, licking the bit of cake that’s around his mouth before breaking into a bashful grin.
Seungcheol wonders since when did a cake-smeared face and hair with cream and sponge in it look so beautiful to him?
He supposes it’s just Jihoon that’s the exception.
After eating the tiny bit of cake remaining on the plate, and cleaning their faces (mostly) of cream, everyone sits at one of the booths and shares a drink, Yejin promising not to take it out of their pay.
Jihoon nurses a Simple cocktail, squished in a corner next to Jeonghan as Yejin stops their conversation midway to announce its time for the present.
Junhui immediately reaches around Seungcheol to cover his eyes as Yejin jumps up and out of the booth, Eric following to help her drag a box from behind the counter to the booth, in front of Seungcheol. It's not small, nearly the height of the table.
Yejin stands between the box and Seungcheol, effectively blocking him from seeing it. “Okay,” she says and Junhui releases him.
Seungcheol blinks a couple of times to get used to the light again, then his eyes fixate on Yejin in front of him.
She has this soft, fond smile on her face, like she's looking at a precious young child.
“We know you've been working hard to save for one, so we all pitched in and got you it instead,” she says.
Seungcheol’s eyes widen and his mouth drops open. “You - ,” he splutters but doesn't finish before Yejin steps aside and reveals the box. Seungcheol nearly falls out of the booth reaching for it. Jihoon cranes his neck around Jeonghan to see it better.
It takes him a moment, with Jeonghan realising and filling him in at the same moment.
“It's a TV. Seungcheol’s been saving up to buy one for a while now,” he says, smile across his face.
Jihoon’s heart is somewhere near the vicinity of his stomach. Seungcheol didn’t have a TV? He was saving up to buy one? Exactly what was Seungcheol’s financial situation?
Seungcheol is on his knees beside the box, arms wrapped around it like it's a precious child.
“You got me a TV,” he whispers like if he speaks too loud it’ll disappear. Yejin just smiles, reaching over to pinch his cheeks.
“And don't you forget it,” she says.
Seungcheol gets to his feet and pulls her into a bone crushing hug.
“Never. Thank you so much, noona,” he murmurs into her hair. He doesn't let go for a long few moments.
“Hey! We pitched in too!” Jeonghan calls and Seungcheol releases her with a laugh.
“Yes, yes, of course,” he grins, and Jihoon wonders if it's the light or if Seungcheol has tears in his eyes. “Thank you everyone, for the present, and for being here, today and always,”
“Ayyyyyy, so cheesy,” Junhui chides, though the happy smile hasn't left his face. He tugs Seungcheol back into the booth and everyone goes back to talking and teasing over the rest of their drinks.
By the time Jisoo yawns for the first time, it's already past 2am, later than their usual closing hours, and Jeonghan murmurs he has class later.
Yejin immediately hustles everyone out of the booth and they clean the bar of all their things.
“I can give you guys a lift,” Yejin says to Jisoo and Jeonghan. “I’m giving Eric and Junhui one anyway. Oh but… Seungcheol needs a lift with that box and I only have four seats,”
“It's fine, noona, I can carry it - ” Seungcheol begins and Yejin sends him a glare.
“You are not carrying that on the subway at 2:30 in the morning, Choi Seungcheol,” she says sternly. “You'll get mugged and I will be personally responsible - ”
“You're not personally responsible for me - ” Seungcheol sighs.
“Uhm,” Jihoon interrupts their banter meekly. “I have a car too? I can send someone home?”
“Oh, that's right!” Yejin brightens, then she turns back to their small party with a frown contemplating.
“Well, you could send Jisoo, and Jeonghan - ”
“He can send me,” Seungcheol says. “He's given me a lift before, so he knows where to go. Besides, he can give me a lift to make up for caking me in the face,” Seungcheol says, smug smile sliding across his face again.
Jihoon scowls. “I don't owe you anything,” he mutters, punching Seungheol’s arm lightly.
“Did you see that?!” Seungcheol cries dramatically. Even Yejin rolls her eyes.
“Alright, birthday boy, go home with Jihoonie then. I'll take the other boys,” and then everyone bustles out of the bar and Yejin drags them all down to her car. Meanwhile Seungcheol carries the TV and Jihoon carries Seungcheol’s backpack and his own present.
“Okay there?” Seungcheol asks.
Jihoon laughs softly. “I should ask you that,” he says. “Come on,” and they head towards Jihoon’s car.
“Are you sure? I was only joking about you owing me a lift. I can still take the subway,” Seungcheol says as Jihoon opens the back doors and rearranges his assortment of ties into a designated black box.
Jihoon steps back onto the curb and sighs. “Seungcheol, please just co-operate for once without asking if it's okay a million times,” Jihoon says and Seungcheol pouts.
“Just want to be sure,” he mutters as he steps towards the car to put the TV into the backseat. “I mean, sometimes people don't know when I'm joking and when I'm serious,”
Jihoon chuckles as Seungcheol closes the back door, the TV safely sitting in the backseat.
“Ready?” Jihoon opens his driver door.
Seungcheol just smiles warmly as he walks around to the passenger side. “Yeah,”
“Just wait a second, I’ll take the other stuff up and then come back for the TV - ” Seungcheol is saying as he unbuckles his seatbelt. Jihoon rolls his eyes.
“Seungcheol, I am capable of helping you carrying your stuff up to your apartment,” Jihoon says.
“Yeah but…” Seungcheol hesitates, then he sighs. “Okay,”
They clamber up, Seungcheol carrying the TV and Jihoon carrying his backpack and the present he got for Seungcheol. Seungcheol guides him to find the keys and Jihoon digs into one of the pockets of the backpack until he finds them and unlocks the door.
“Come on in,” Seungcheol says as he shuffles inside, flicking on lights.
Jihoon tries not to make it too obvious when he looks around while he’s taking off his shoes, but he’s curious. It’s small, just one room, with a single bed to one side, against the wall. At the end of the bed, there’s a door, which must be the bathroom. By the bed there’s a wooden chest of drawers, acting like a bedside table, and beside it is a small dining table, one chair by its side, with a pile of clothes on it. On the other side of the room is the kitchen, fitted with a small fridge, microwave, stove and sink.
“Sorry it’s a mess,” Seungcheol laughs nervously, as he puts the TV down in the space next to the table. “I don’t usually have guests,” he says.
“I can tell, by the fact you only have one chair,” Jihoon says, trying to sound teasing.
Inside though, his mind is reeling a little. This is Seungcheol’s home. This space, which isn’t even the size of his bedroom back ‘home’, is Seungcheol’s everything.
“You can just put the other stuff anywhere,” he says and Jihoon nods, putting the backpack and plastic bag down by the TV box. “Do you… do you want a drink or something?”
Jihoon blinks. “Oh! No, it’s fine, really,”
“It is late, I have coffee,”
“I don’t think we should be drinking coffee at 3am,” Jihoon laughs softly.
“Shouldn’t doesn’t mean you won’t,” Seungcheol grins. “C’mon, just one cup. We only get to talk when I’m working. Besides, you can help me set up the TV.”
Jihoon just laughs softly. “Okay,” he says. He knows he should go home, shouldn’t stay in Seungcheol’s tiny apartment with Seungcheol’s bright smile and twinkling eyes, but he finds he can’t say no.
Seungcheol starts the kettle boiling before sitting himself down by the TV box.
“Now…. how does this work?” he hums. Jihoon carefully sits himself down on the ground beside him.
“I’m pretty sure it comes with instructions,” Jihoon murmurs and Seungcheol laughs brightly.
“Probably,” he says as he grabs scissors to open the box. They pull out the TV and the parts for the small stand. Jihoon pulls out the installation instructions and they bicker over a few of the details like where certain screws go, before the TV is sitting on its stand happily.
“Okay, one part done,” Seungcheol says, eyes crinkled happily. “Oh! Coffee!” he jumps to his feet, having forgotten the kettle.
Jihoon is staring at the different wires in his hands as Seungcheol returns with two steaming cups of instant coffee.
“Careful it’s still hot,” Seungcheol says as he hands Jihoon one of the cups.
“Thanks,” Jihoon says, taking it gingerly before putting it down on the floor carefully beside him.
“Alright, I think this is the power cable, and this is the satellite cable,” Jihoon says, holding up the two cords. “This other one is for connecting to like, a DVD player,”
“Ooooh, DVDs,” Seungcheol says, eyes looking a little wishful.
Jihoon finds himself smiling at Seungcheol. “If I had known they were getting you a TV, I would have gotten you a DVD player instead of a stupid packet of spaghetti,” he says.
Seungcheol shakes his head immediately. “It’s not stupid. Besides, I can make tomorrow’s dinner with the ones I don’t use to measure the bar tables,” he grins playfully. “Thank you again, it’s very thoughtful. And besides, I can probably buy a DVD player. The money I was saving for the TV can go towards that instead,”
Jihoon clears his throat, trying to clear the uncomfortable feeling in his chest. “Well, why don’t we try to set it up?”
He hands Seungcheol the power cable and plugs both of them into the TV before searching for the satellite plug. They have to shift the TV a little towards the doorway, but they plug it in and Seungcheol excitedly grabs the remote out of the box to turn it on.
The screen flickers to life and Seungcheol is grinning so widely, Jihoon finds himself laughing.
Seungcheol grabs his hand and tugs him to his feet excitedly, the two of them taking their mugs and sitting on the edge of Seungcheol’s mattress to stare at the TV sitting on the floor.
It’s all static, but Jihoon helps Seungcheol go to the settings to calibrate it.
As it calibrates, Seungcheol can’t keep the smile off his face, even as he sips his coffee, face disappearing into the mug.
Jihoon just smiles at him before turning to his own coffee when Seungcheol turns to look at him. It’s a bit too sweet, but Jihoon just cradles his mug in his hands and watches the loading bar crawl across the screen as the TV calibrates the channels.
“Thanks, Jihoon,” Seungcheol says suddenly, breaking the silence and Jihoon turns to him in surprise.
“What for?” he asks, genuinely confused.
“For helping me set it up, for coming tonight,” Seungcheol shrugs, “for being here,”
Jihoon smiles warmly. “My pleasure. We’re friends, right?”
Seungcheol grins, bright and happy. “Yeah,” he says and Jihoon smiles again, turning back to his mug. “It’s sort of funny how we are,” Jihoon turns to look at him, finding Seungcheol already watching him, “but I’m glad we are,”
“Me too,” Jihoon says softly. He clears his throat and shifts to sit on the bed properly. “I don’t make a lot of friends…. Or any really, so it’s… really nice,”
“I figured as much,” Seungcheol says, grin playful. “It’s pretty obvious with how awkward you are with everyone,”
Jihoon flushes and shoves at his shoulder, making the coffee slosh in their mugs and Jihoon hurriedly stands before it spills and stains the bed sheets.
Seungcheol just laughs. “It’s fine, don’t worry,” he says, tugging the back of Jihoon’s shirt to get him to sit again.
“I’m just teasing,” he says when Jihoon is sitting on the bed again.
“I know,” Jihoon mumbles, but he’s pouting a little. Unconscious or not, Seungcheol can’t help it when he reaches over and pinches a cheek.
“Don’t sulk so cutely, Jihoonieeee,” he coos. Jihoon scowls and smacks his hand away. Seungcheol laughs as he lets go, not missing the smile that blooms across Jihoon’s face.
“It’s nice being with you too,” Seungcheol says after a few seconds. It takes Jihoon a moment to realise he’s responding to Jihoon’s earlier words.
Jihoon smiles warmly. “Actually, Soonyoung was saying that he’s never seen me connect with someone so easily,” he chuckles a little, hands still curled around his cup. “It’s kind of strange for me to feel so close to someone so quickly, but I don’t really mind,”
Seungcheol is watching him, gaze unwavering, but there’s something in Seungcheol’s eyes that makes Jihoon hesitate. “Seungcheol?”
He breaks out of his daze at his name. His gaze quickly darts away, and he licks his lips. “Sorry, I just… I was just thinking the same thing,” he lifts his gaze to meet Jihoon’s again, a small, almost shy, smile on his lips. He gets up to put his empty coffee cup on the chest of drawers.
“Really?” Jihoon asks, eyes lighting up. “I can’t believe I have to go tell Soonyoung he was right,” he laughs into his mug.
Seungcheol remembers the blond, and suddenly his words are ringing in Seungcheol’s head.
You’re special to him…. Do you think he’s just another customer, or is he special to you too?
Jihoon is still smiling against the rim of his cup when Seungcheol blurts out, “You’re special to me,”
Jihoon turns to him, eyes wide, and Seungcheol panics.
“I - I mean, uhm, you’re uh,” he’s grabbed Jihoon’s empty cup, moving to put it on the chest of drawers, just for something to do as he blabbers on, “you know, you’re a really good friend and I’ve never been so close to anyone before,” he sits himself back down, still talking even though he knows he should really just… stop. “And y’know in the future I - ”
He (finally) stops when he feels a warm palm slide against his. He looks down to see that Jihoon has intertwined their fingers.
He glances over at Jihoon, who has an adorable dusting of pink across his nose as he says. “You’re special to me too,”
Seungcheol swears his brain shuts down, because he can’t believe this is happening. Did he really just say Jihoon was special to him, and Jihoon said it back to him, and now they’re holding hands and Jihoon is blushing?!
Seungcheol takes another few seconds to find his brain, in which time Jihoon just sits there, head down, though he keeps sneaking glances at Seungcheol, face progressively getting redder and redder.
Jihoon looks like he’s beginning to panic, trying to untangle their fingers, but Seungcheol’s grip on his hand tightens and Jihoon looks up to find Seungcheol watching him. Seungcheol’s other hand moves to cup his face, holding his face carefully, like he's delicate porcelain. Jihoon struggles to breathe. A thumb caresses the skin of his cheek and Jihoon’s eyes flutter closed as he sees Seungcheol lean in and…
Nothing happens. Jihoon waits, and Seungcheol’s breath is hitting Jihoon's lips and making them tingle, but Seungcheol doesn't kiss him.
“Jihoon,”
He opens his eyes and they're in the same position as before, Seungcheol staring at his lips, barely a hair's breadth apart. When Seungcheol speaks, Jihoon can sometimes feel the slightest ghost of a touch of their lips. It's tantalising.
“Jihoon, are you sure you want this? If you don't, say so now, because once we start I don't think I'll be able to hold back my feelings,” Seungcheol breathes. “I …. I want you to think about all the consequences of this….. of being with me. What your parents think, and your friends, and anyone else who might see us - ”
“I can think about it,” Jihoon whispers, eyes watching Seungcheol, searching his eyes for a reaction, “but it won't change the fact that I want to be with you,”
And when Seungcheol’s eyes flicker up to look at his, Jihoon hopes all he sees is sincerity.
Seungcheol’s eyes look away, like he’s thinking again, like he's weighing up everything. Jihoon doesn't want to think about anything anymore.
So he pulls Seungcheol’s hand away from his face, surprising him, before grabbing Seungcheol’s face with both hands and crashing their lips together. It's messy, and awkward, and Seungcheol is frozen for a good second, but then his arms are around Jihoon’s waist and pulling him closer, and suddenly it’s perfect. Jihoon gasps for breath in between kisses, heart thrumming in his chest. Seungcheol practically swallows every exhale as he pushes Jihoon down onto the bed and melds their mouths together in almost rough urgency. Jihoon didn't realise the feeling could be addictive.
But the urgency that seems to course through Seungcheol is flowing through Jihoon, and the kisses they exchange are bruising and hasty, but it's exactly what they need - Jihoon feels like he's drowning, but he knows it'd be worse if they stopped. He thinks he'd suffocate.
Their bodies are pressed together and Jihoon can feel Seungcheol’s hand at his hip, a steady, heavy warmth that grounds Jihoon as Seungcheol’s tongue licks into his mouth, leaving him gasping. Jihoon’s hand fists in Seungcheols hair, twisting a little too hard and they pull apart to try and catch their breath for a moment, foreheads pressed together, chests heaving in sync.
Jihoon glances up and finds Seungcheol staring at him, and suddenly he’s giggling. He’s not even sure why, but he’s laughing, and soon Seungcheol is laughing too, hugging him tightly as he hovers over him.
Their eyes meet again and Jihoon bites his lip to stop the laughter. Seungcheol reaches up to gently run a thumb over his lip, tugging it free. “You’ll hurt yourself like that,” he whispers and Jihoon doesn’t understand why his heart is racing so much at the gesture, at the soft words.
He licks his lips nervously, and Seungcheol leans in to kiss him the same moment Jihoon moves, and they meet halfway, lips colliding a little too hard. They share a soft, breathless laugh, before Seungcheol kisses him again, softer. Then he does it again, and again, and again.
The urgency is gone, and the kisses aren’t bruising anymore, but Jihoon is still as breathless. Seungcheol’s hand at his hip pulls him closer, other arm propping him up over Jihoon, so he doesn’t crush him, but Jihoon almost wishes he was. His hand is in Seungcheol’s hair again, fingers running through the black locks, other arm hooked around Seungcheol’s neck, keeping them together.
Jihoon pulls away a little in slight surprise when there’s a warm touch at his waist, skin tingling from the touch.
“Shit, sorry,” Seungcheol breathes, tugging Jihoon’s shirt back into place, but Jihoon grabs his wrist, eyes lifting to meet Seungcheol’s above him.
“You can touch me,” he murmurs. Seungcheol seems to hesitate for a moment before smiling and shaking his head.
“No, it’s okay. I want you to be ready for it,” he whispers, kissing Jihoon chastely.
Jihoon wants to protest that he’s not a child - he is perfectly capable of discerning if he wants it or not, but Seungcheol is smiling gently at him and Jihoon feels like he can’t think anymore.
“I don’t want to rush anything. I want to appreciate every part of you properly,” Seungcheol breathes, before he kisses Jihoon again, very softly. And Jihoon responds easily, arms going around Seungcheol’s neck again.
If this is how Seungcheol shows appreciation, he thinks, then he’d better make sure his heart doesn’t fall out of his chest too soon.