we chose each other | s.coups/woozi [6/?]
title: we chose each other [chapter six]
pairing: s.coups/woozi
genre: angst, romance, friendship
rating: m
warnings: in depth interaction with suicide, depression, homophobia and related issues, bullying, firearms, manipulation, smoking, language, implied sexual situations
wordcount: 3.1k
summary: au. Seungcheol passes the days trying to escape his past and find meaning in the future. Jihoon goes through each day trying to find a reason to live for himself, and not just exist pretending for others. Little do they know, a chance encounter gives them both what they’re searching for, and something more.
[ series tag]
chapter one | chapter two | chapter three | chapter four | chapter five | chapter six
a/n: my (awful) assignment has been handed in and i only have one more test before exams in a few weeks (cry), BUT i still have most of the next few chapters written / planned, so i should still be able to keep a relatively regular schedule :3 anyway :3 things are starting :3
Seungcheol turns from making a margarita when he hears a sharp bark of laughter, quickly muffled as he sees Jihoon clamp a hand over his mouth, though he and Jeonghan are still visibly giggling. Seungcheol raises an eyebrow at them and Jeonghan waves him off, leaning over the bar to whisper something in Jihoon’s ear. Jihoon dissolves into more muffled laughter, Jeonghan barely collecting himself enough to serve someone who approaches the bar.
“Really that funny?” Seungcheol asks when he steps over to Jihoon, Jeonghan now occupied in making a drink.
Jihoon removes his hand from his mouth, though his grin is still a little giddy. “Jeonghan-hyung is really funny,” he says, “he was telling me about this guy who …”
Seungcheol tunes out, too captivated with the way Jihoon animatedly talks. After seeing Jihoon at that AGM function, seen how cold and blank Jihoon can look, Seungcheol has new found appreciation for Jihoon’s liveliness. Seungcheol really likes the way Jihoon talks, the way he laughs.
“..... and then he said, “Well, maybe it’s just me!” and then left!” Jihoon finishes, breaking into breathless laughter.
Seungcheol smiles fondly, not even caring that he didn't understand the punchline of the supposedly hilarious tale.
“Another?” he asks Jihoon instead, nodding at his empty glass.
“Probably not, I have to drive,” Jihoon grins and Seungcheol turns around to grab the soft drink tap.
“How come you're not as funny as Jeonghan-hyung?” Jihoon asks after a moment, while Seungcheol pours his drink. Seungcheol looks up to see his smile is playful.
“Why don't you call me hyung?” Seungcheol teases back.
Jihoon falters. “Are you older than me?” he asks, eyes widening a little comically.
“I'm the same age as Jeonghan, so probably,” Seungcheol says. Jihoon looks pale.
“Jihoon, relax, I was joking,” Seungcheol laughs, “I don't mind, really. I was the one who told you to just call me Seungcheol.”
“I’m sorry, I thought we were the same age, I didn't realise - ,” Jihoon splutters.
“I said it's fine, don't worry,” Seungcheol smiles, not even thinking before reaching over the bar to place a hand over Jihoon’s to reassure him. Jihoon stares at their hands and Seungcheol pretends it's not a big deal, even though his heart is thudding in his chest.
He withdraws it and hands Jihoon his drink. Jihoon slides the money over and Seungcheol goes to the cashier to get his change.
“Are you sure?” Jihoon asks tentatively when Seungcheol returns with his change.
“Yeah,” Seungcheol says, with a smile. “Makes it feel less formal between us, like we’re really close friends,”
Jihoon seems to flush happily at the words, like it pleases him to hear that they're close.
“So,” Jeonghan slides up to them both, “did you finish that assignment you were telling me about?”
Jihoon groans, “Yes, by the skin of my teeth,” he grumbles, beginning to tell Jeonghan about how the instructions were totally unclear and how even the grammar was all wrong, and it was totally unprofessional of the professor to not check -
Seungcheol tunes out again, but he can't help the smile on his face as he watches Jihoon.
He can feel his heart slipping from his grasp at this complex human in front of him, carrying the weight of the future of a multi-million dollar company and yet complains about assignments with Jeonghan like he’s just a normal young adult.
He feels his heart falling, and he wonders if Jihoon is going to catch it.
“ - and you're not even listening to me, are you?”
Jihoon snaps out of his daze. “Of course I was,” he answers immediately.
“Uhuh,” Soonyoung is dripping with sarcasm as he looks at Jihoon across the coffee table.
It's Thursday morning, and one of the few things Soonyoung insists on (and Jihoon agrees to) is the morning coffee they have every month or so, depending on when Jihoon can make it.
“I was listening!” Jihoon protests.
“Sure you were, that's why you didn't even bat an eyelash when I said I was going to sell my liver on the black market for a motorcycle,” Soonyoung drawls. Jihoon blinks.
“You said that?”
“No, but you wouldn't have known if I did or didn't because you weren't listening,” Soonyoung says. Then he sighs, annoyance sliding off his face and it's replaced with a small, tired smile.
“What's on your mind? You're distracted,” he says. “Is it your parents?”
Jihoon shakes his head. It's not his parents, or Chan, or the company, but he doesn't know how to put into words the weird emotions messing with his head.
His brows furrow as he tries to think of how to explain it, or bring it up in a way that makes sense.
“You’re thinking too much, Jihoon,” Soonyoung says, “just say the first thing on your mind,”
Jihoon glances at him for a split second before blurting out, “Friendship is weird,”
Soonyoung’s eyebrows raise until they’re hidden by his blond fringe. “Okay, next thought?” he says slowly.
Jihoon splutters, unsure how to explain and Soonyoung would be worried if it wasn’t incredibly amusing watching the always calm and collected Jihoon confused to the point of being at a loss for words.
“Uhm,” Jihoon tries, “can… can friendships feel different between different people?”
Now Soonyoung is surprised. “Well, yes. Your friendship with different people would be different because of your personalities and the way you interact differs between each person,”
Jihoon lets out a relieved sigh. “Okay,” he says, staring at his coffee cup, “so it’s normal then,”
“What is?”
Jihoon shrugs. “You know, wanting to be around someone a lot, thinking about them even when you just saw them,”
Soonyoung raises an eyebrow. “Well, it can be…” he murmurs and Jihoon glances at him. Soonyoung tries not to smirk. “Or, y’know, it could be…. More than friendship?”
Jihoon blinks dumbly, and Soonyoung sighs. For all of Jihoon’s perfect grades, extra-curricular activity and amazing work reports, sometimes he was really……
“Jihoon, is this about that bartender at Healing?”
Soonyoung swears he can see the pink creeping up Jihoon’s face like water filling a bucket. He almost laughs. Almost. Instead he leans forward, voice dropping low and soft, almost a whisper.
“Jihoon, listen,” he says, “think what you want, but I have never seen you click with someone so easily, and that was just watching you two over a couple of nights. And yeah, maybe you guys just match really well, and are really good friends, but have you ever considered...more?”
Jihoon stares back at him, lips slightly parted, but he doesn’t move or say anything.
Soonyoung continues, “Jihoon, I’m just saying, have you thought about it? Liking him, more than as a friend?”
“I - ” Jihoon splutters and Soonyoung watches the flush reappear across his nose. He tries to bite back his smile.
“Think about it, Jihoon,” Soonyoung says softly as he gets to his feet, “about being with him, as more than a friend; and think about if you want it.”
And he leaves Jihoon at the cafe with pink cheeks and a head full of thoughts.
Shiyoon approaches the group, all of them already trickling thin trails of smoke towards the sky. Seungcheol offers him the lighter and he lights up, sighing heavily.
“What’s up, Shiyoon-ah?” one of the workers asks. “Is boss hounding you again?”
“Nah, just something at home,” Shiyoon answers, exhaling a cloud of smoke.
“Do you need money or something?” another asks.
Shiyoon waves them both off. “No, nothing like that,” he says, taking another drag of the cigarette before continuing. “You know how I’m staying with my sister while I’m finding another apartment? Yeah, well, yesterday, her brat of a son comes home with another skinny kid and I thought, “Oh nice, he’s brought a friend home to do homework,” or whatever. Then, next minute, he’s walking into the kitchen and telling us the skinny ass is his boyfriend.”
Seungcheol nearly chokes on the smoke of his cigarette. He manages to make his widened eyes his only visible response. In his chest, his heart is hammering - and not in a good way.
Especially when the rest of his co-workers voice out protests, looks of disgust and disapproval all over their faces. Seungcheol feels cold despite the warm sun on his neck.
“I swear,” Shiyoon continues, scowling, “I was going to pound him, knock some sense into him, but my sister reacted first, saying she loved him and hugging him and ergh, it was disgusting,”
“Later, I told her how it was wrong, and she nearly kicked me out for even saying it,” Shiyoon rolls his eyes, before taking another drag of his cigarette.
The rest of the group are murmuring amongst themselves, but Seungcheol doesn’t need to hear the conversations to know they’re agreeing with Shiyoon.
“Still want to pound the kid,” Shiyoon mutters around the cigarette between his lips.
“But he’s your nephew,” Seungcheol splutters before he can stop himself.
Suddenly everyone is looking at him and Seungcheol stammers to control his voice, “I-I mean, you can tell him when he’s done things that are... wrong, but is physical punishment the best way?”
Shiyoon waves his hand holding the cigarette stick in front of Seungcheol’s face. Seungcheol nearly goes cross-eyed, following it. “Listen, Seungcheol, I know my nephew, and he won’t listen to me for a second unless a couple of bruises are showing, ya hear?”
Seungcheol feels his heart tremble. He tries for a bashful smile. “Y-You’d know him best,” he concedes and Shiyoon nods, turning away from him. Everyone’s eyes leave him when one of the other workers start talking about his nephew, who’s supposedly coming last in his class.
Seungcheol takes a shaky breath and tries to listen attentively, but his mind is elsewhere.
It’s hard not to think of the past when it’s left behind scars, emotional and physical. Seungcheol closes his eyes and tries not to think about the time it was so bad he woke up in hospital.
“Seungcheol?”
He opens his eyes, and a couple of them are looking at him. “Are you okay?” the guy next to him asks.
Seungcheol nods hurriedly. “Yeah, yeah, just trying to enjoy the break properly,” he grins. If any of them notice it’s a little shaky, they don’t say.
It’s been such a long time since Seungcheol has been reminded about that part of his past, and he can’t help dwelling on it.
Jihoon kills the engine and sighs. The silence of the early morning swirls around him, but he doesn’t move to get out of the car.
In front of him, he sees the large expanse of his family home - the tall brick and marble stairs and the immaculate garden in front.
Home.
The only part of it is that warm and makes him think of ‘home’ fondly is Chan. Everything else makes him on edge, anxious, scared.
Home is meant to be the place where you feel comfortable, where you feel at ease, don’t have to hold up that mask you show to the rest of the world. And yet, Jihoon always feels like he is even more wary whenever he’s home than anywhere else - even the office is less stifling, if only because Jihoon can bury himself in reports if he doesn't want to talk to anyone.
And yet now, the only time he feels comfortable, is when he's at a bar downtown, talking to a bartender with a bright smile. Healing and Seungcheol are more comforting to Jihoon than his ‘home’. The bar is a place where people go to get lost, but Jihoon finds himself.
He finds it ironic.
And yet he can't deny that his heart feels soothed with Seungcheol. Especially now that Seungcheol knows his identity, Jihoon has nothing to hide from him (except the gun and his thoughts when he holds the gun, but no one ever needs to know about those).
“What does this mean?” Jihoon whispers to the silence of his car in the emptiness of the early morning.
Something in him whispers the answer, but Jihoon doesn’t listen to it, just sighs and steps out of the car and enters the cold, unwelcoming house.
“You’re spacing out, Coupsie,”
Seungcheol snaps out of his thoughts as he hears Yejin’s voice beside him.
“Sorry,” he mumbles, going back to unstacking chairs.
“What’s going on in that head of yours?” she asks, leaning against the bar and watching him carefully, though there’s a teasing grin on her lips.
Seungcheol wants to lie and say something stupid, like what he ate for dinner or something, but Yejin would know he’s lying, and she’s probably the only person he can be truly honest with.
It doesn’t take him long to decide how to answer. “The past,” he says quietly and Yejin’s teasing grin slides off her face.
“Did something happen?” she asks quickly, expression concerned now.
Seungcheol shakes his head. “No, no. I mean, not really, but it’s that… I’m thinking about the future and… I keep hesitating because of the past,”
Yejin smiles gently and comes over to rest her small hands on his on the stack of chairs. “The past is in your memories to teach you things so you don’t make the same mistakes, but the past won’t always repeat itself,” she says soothingly, “Different people, different places, different times - they all change the situation, and so just because something happened a certain way in the past, doesn’t mean it’ll happen the same way in the future,”
“I didn’t even say what I was thinking about, but you always seem to know what to say,” Seungcheol murmurs and Yejin smiles warmly.
“I’m just fabulous like that,” she says mockingly, flipping her hair over her shoulder and accidentally smacking Eric in the face as he walks past.
Yejin squeaks and hurriedly apologizes, following Eric into the back room as he rubs his cheek and insists it’s fine. Seungcheol just chuckles and goes back to setting up.
He knows what the past told him - that he was disgusting and wrong - but he hopes that Jihoon is enough of a change to the equation that the answer will be different.
The question becomes less of if he wants to be with Jihoon (he does. Badly.) and more of a question of if he would tell him, and how.
Seungcheol goes over their conversations in his head, thinks about Jihoon’s smile and bright laughter, how Jihoon said he felt like he could be enough with Seungcheol.
Does that mean anything though? Seungcheol wonders. Jihoon seems quite withdrawn and doesn’t seem overly sociable, so Seungcheol doesn’t think he has much competition except the blond kid Hoshi that Jihoon calls Soonyoung and seems to have known forever. Still, Seungcheol has doubts.
Would someone like Jihoon, who probably meets hundreds upon hundreds of rich, well-educated, respectable men and women every week…. would someone like that even consider Seungcheol?
Jihoon clearly didn’t mind being around him, but being a friend and something more was so, very different. And Seungcheol wasn't sure what Jihoon thought about that difference.
Soonyoung chooses an evening he knows Jihoon has a class presentation and won’t be coming to Healing, or at least, not until later.
“Hey,” he grins at the black haired bartender. “I don’t know if I properly introduced myself. I’m Hoshi, Jihoon’s childhood friend,” he offers a hand over the bar.
The bartender blinks at him for a moment before taking Soonyoung’s hand. “Seungcheol,” he says softly, still looking confused.
“I don’t remember a booth booking for tonight,” he says, stepping to the side to grab the reservations book to check, but Soonyoung laughs and waves it off.
“I’m not here for a booth tonight. I’m not with friends. It’s just me,” he smiles a little and Seungcheol slowly moves back to his previous position in front of Soonyoung.
“Oh,” he says softly, confusion and caution clear in his expression.
Soonyoung just smiles his disarming smile. “Just wanted to talk to you about Jihoon,” he says.
Seungcheol glances around the bar. Jeonghan is further down the bar attending a customer, but it’s still relatively early, so it’s not too busy yet.
“Do you want to go somewhere else or - ?”
“No, here is fine,” Soonyoung smiles, “I’ll be quick,”
“Okay,” Seungcheol says slowly, putting aside the lemon he had been about to cut.
Soonyoung smiles again before speaking. “As his friend, I just wanted to let you know, if you don’t already, that Jihoon is super smart, but he’s also super naive. All he knows is school, work, and topics that fifty-year-old rich men discuss over expensive champagne,” Soonyoung says, quirky smile across his lips. “You’re pretty much his first friend aside from me, so you’re special to him,”
Seungcheol tries to think of an appropriate response, but Soonyoung continues before he comes up with an answer. “I guess what I’m trying to say,” he seems to be rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet as he speaks, body moving back and forth like a swinging jack in the box. “Is that you’re special to Jihoon. You’re a special person in his eyes, but I don’t know what you think of him,” Soonyoung smiles a little tiredly. “Do you think he’s just another customer, or is he special to you too?”
Seungcheol opens his mouth but Soonyoung holds up a hand. “I don’t need to know,” he smiles again and Seungcheol’s face crumples in confusion. “But I think you should tell that answer to Jihoon. Let him know what you think of him, because he’s …. pretty dense, honestly,” he chuckles. “You kind of have to spell it out for him really clearly for him to understand,”
“O...okay,” Seungcheol says. He doesn’t know what else to say.
Soonyoung smiles, seemingly satisfied, even though the smile never left his face to begin with.
“Well, I’ve said everything I’ve wanted to say, so I’ll be off now,” he beams and then bows a little before turning to leave.
“Hey!” Seungcheol calls out before he even realises what he’s doing. Soonyoung turns around, expression a calm sort of playfulness.
Seungcheol scrambles his brain for what he’s been meaning to ask Soonyoung since he first noticed his relationship with Jihoon.
“What are you to Jihoon? And he to you?”
Soonyoung’s calm smile twists up until it’s a little sly, kind of cunning. “Our bond goes way back, and it’s special in its own way, but I think the answer you’re looking for is that we’re more like brothers than the kind of special between you and Jihoon,”
And when he turns to leave, this time Seungcheol just watches him go, blond hair stark by the dark wood of the door.
He still has questions, but he thinks now he has enough answers to know what to do next.
He just hopes that he gets the answer he’s hoping for.
pairing: s.coups/woozi
genre: angst, romance, friendship
rating: m
warnings: in depth interaction with suicide, depression, homophobia and related issues, bullying, firearms, manipulation, smoking, language, implied sexual situations
wordcount: 3.1k
summary: au. Seungcheol passes the days trying to escape his past and find meaning in the future. Jihoon goes through each day trying to find a reason to live for himself, and not just exist pretending for others. Little do they know, a chance encounter gives them both what they’re searching for, and something more.
[ series tag]
chapter one | chapter two | chapter three | chapter four | chapter five | chapter six
a/n: my (awful) assignment has been handed in and i only have one more test before exams in a few weeks (cry), BUT i still have most of the next few chapters written / planned, so i should still be able to keep a relatively regular schedule :3 anyway :3 things are starting :3
Seungcheol turns from making a margarita when he hears a sharp bark of laughter, quickly muffled as he sees Jihoon clamp a hand over his mouth, though he and Jeonghan are still visibly giggling. Seungcheol raises an eyebrow at them and Jeonghan waves him off, leaning over the bar to whisper something in Jihoon’s ear. Jihoon dissolves into more muffled laughter, Jeonghan barely collecting himself enough to serve someone who approaches the bar.
“Really that funny?” Seungcheol asks when he steps over to Jihoon, Jeonghan now occupied in making a drink.
Jihoon removes his hand from his mouth, though his grin is still a little giddy. “Jeonghan-hyung is really funny,” he says, “he was telling me about this guy who …”
Seungcheol tunes out, too captivated with the way Jihoon animatedly talks. After seeing Jihoon at that AGM function, seen how cold and blank Jihoon can look, Seungcheol has new found appreciation for Jihoon’s liveliness. Seungcheol really likes the way Jihoon talks, the way he laughs.
“..... and then he said, “Well, maybe it’s just me!” and then left!” Jihoon finishes, breaking into breathless laughter.
Seungcheol smiles fondly, not even caring that he didn't understand the punchline of the supposedly hilarious tale.
“Another?” he asks Jihoon instead, nodding at his empty glass.
“Probably not, I have to drive,” Jihoon grins and Seungcheol turns around to grab the soft drink tap.
“How come you're not as funny as Jeonghan-hyung?” Jihoon asks after a moment, while Seungcheol pours his drink. Seungcheol looks up to see his smile is playful.
“Why don't you call me hyung?” Seungcheol teases back.
Jihoon falters. “Are you older than me?” he asks, eyes widening a little comically.
“I'm the same age as Jeonghan, so probably,” Seungcheol says. Jihoon looks pale.
“Jihoon, relax, I was joking,” Seungcheol laughs, “I don't mind, really. I was the one who told you to just call me Seungcheol.”
“I’m sorry, I thought we were the same age, I didn't realise - ,” Jihoon splutters.
“I said it's fine, don't worry,” Seungcheol smiles, not even thinking before reaching over the bar to place a hand over Jihoon’s to reassure him. Jihoon stares at their hands and Seungcheol pretends it's not a big deal, even though his heart is thudding in his chest.
He withdraws it and hands Jihoon his drink. Jihoon slides the money over and Seungcheol goes to the cashier to get his change.
“Are you sure?” Jihoon asks tentatively when Seungcheol returns with his change.
“Yeah,” Seungcheol says, with a smile. “Makes it feel less formal between us, like we’re really close friends,”
Jihoon seems to flush happily at the words, like it pleases him to hear that they're close.
“So,” Jeonghan slides up to them both, “did you finish that assignment you were telling me about?”
Jihoon groans, “Yes, by the skin of my teeth,” he grumbles, beginning to tell Jeonghan about how the instructions were totally unclear and how even the grammar was all wrong, and it was totally unprofessional of the professor to not check -
Seungcheol tunes out again, but he can't help the smile on his face as he watches Jihoon.
He can feel his heart slipping from his grasp at this complex human in front of him, carrying the weight of the future of a multi-million dollar company and yet complains about assignments with Jeonghan like he’s just a normal young adult.
He feels his heart falling, and he wonders if Jihoon is going to catch it.
“ - and you're not even listening to me, are you?”
Jihoon snaps out of his daze. “Of course I was,” he answers immediately.
“Uhuh,” Soonyoung is dripping with sarcasm as he looks at Jihoon across the coffee table.
It's Thursday morning, and one of the few things Soonyoung insists on (and Jihoon agrees to) is the morning coffee they have every month or so, depending on when Jihoon can make it.
“I was listening!” Jihoon protests.
“Sure you were, that's why you didn't even bat an eyelash when I said I was going to sell my liver on the black market for a motorcycle,” Soonyoung drawls. Jihoon blinks.
“You said that?”
“No, but you wouldn't have known if I did or didn't because you weren't listening,” Soonyoung says. Then he sighs, annoyance sliding off his face and it's replaced with a small, tired smile.
“What's on your mind? You're distracted,” he says. “Is it your parents?”
Jihoon shakes his head. It's not his parents, or Chan, or the company, but he doesn't know how to put into words the weird emotions messing with his head.
His brows furrow as he tries to think of how to explain it, or bring it up in a way that makes sense.
“You’re thinking too much, Jihoon,” Soonyoung says, “just say the first thing on your mind,”
Jihoon glances at him for a split second before blurting out, “Friendship is weird,”
Soonyoung’s eyebrows raise until they’re hidden by his blond fringe. “Okay, next thought?” he says slowly.
Jihoon splutters, unsure how to explain and Soonyoung would be worried if it wasn’t incredibly amusing watching the always calm and collected Jihoon confused to the point of being at a loss for words.
“Uhm,” Jihoon tries, “can… can friendships feel different between different people?”
Now Soonyoung is surprised. “Well, yes. Your friendship with different people would be different because of your personalities and the way you interact differs between each person,”
Jihoon lets out a relieved sigh. “Okay,” he says, staring at his coffee cup, “so it’s normal then,”
“What is?”
Jihoon shrugs. “You know, wanting to be around someone a lot, thinking about them even when you just saw them,”
Soonyoung raises an eyebrow. “Well, it can be…” he murmurs and Jihoon glances at him. Soonyoung tries not to smirk. “Or, y’know, it could be…. More than friendship?”
Jihoon blinks dumbly, and Soonyoung sighs. For all of Jihoon’s perfect grades, extra-curricular activity and amazing work reports, sometimes he was really……
“Jihoon, is this about that bartender at Healing?”
Soonyoung swears he can see the pink creeping up Jihoon’s face like water filling a bucket. He almost laughs. Almost. Instead he leans forward, voice dropping low and soft, almost a whisper.
“Jihoon, listen,” he says, “think what you want, but I have never seen you click with someone so easily, and that was just watching you two over a couple of nights. And yeah, maybe you guys just match really well, and are really good friends, but have you ever considered...more?”
Jihoon stares back at him, lips slightly parted, but he doesn’t move or say anything.
Soonyoung continues, “Jihoon, I’m just saying, have you thought about it? Liking him, more than as a friend?”
“I - ” Jihoon splutters and Soonyoung watches the flush reappear across his nose. He tries to bite back his smile.
“Think about it, Jihoon,” Soonyoung says softly as he gets to his feet, “about being with him, as more than a friend; and think about if you want it.”
And he leaves Jihoon at the cafe with pink cheeks and a head full of thoughts.
Shiyoon approaches the group, all of them already trickling thin trails of smoke towards the sky. Seungcheol offers him the lighter and he lights up, sighing heavily.
“What’s up, Shiyoon-ah?” one of the workers asks. “Is boss hounding you again?”
“Nah, just something at home,” Shiyoon answers, exhaling a cloud of smoke.
“Do you need money or something?” another asks.
Shiyoon waves them both off. “No, nothing like that,” he says, taking another drag of the cigarette before continuing. “You know how I’m staying with my sister while I’m finding another apartment? Yeah, well, yesterday, her brat of a son comes home with another skinny kid and I thought, “Oh nice, he’s brought a friend home to do homework,” or whatever. Then, next minute, he’s walking into the kitchen and telling us the skinny ass is his boyfriend.”
Seungcheol nearly chokes on the smoke of his cigarette. He manages to make his widened eyes his only visible response. In his chest, his heart is hammering - and not in a good way.
Especially when the rest of his co-workers voice out protests, looks of disgust and disapproval all over their faces. Seungcheol feels cold despite the warm sun on his neck.
“I swear,” Shiyoon continues, scowling, “I was going to pound him, knock some sense into him, but my sister reacted first, saying she loved him and hugging him and ergh, it was disgusting,”
“Later, I told her how it was wrong, and she nearly kicked me out for even saying it,” Shiyoon rolls his eyes, before taking another drag of his cigarette.
The rest of the group are murmuring amongst themselves, but Seungcheol doesn’t need to hear the conversations to know they’re agreeing with Shiyoon.
“Still want to pound the kid,” Shiyoon mutters around the cigarette between his lips.
“But he’s your nephew,” Seungcheol splutters before he can stop himself.
Suddenly everyone is looking at him and Seungcheol stammers to control his voice, “I-I mean, you can tell him when he’s done things that are... wrong, but is physical punishment the best way?”
Shiyoon waves his hand holding the cigarette stick in front of Seungcheol’s face. Seungcheol nearly goes cross-eyed, following it. “Listen, Seungcheol, I know my nephew, and he won’t listen to me for a second unless a couple of bruises are showing, ya hear?”
Seungcheol feels his heart tremble. He tries for a bashful smile. “Y-You’d know him best,” he concedes and Shiyoon nods, turning away from him. Everyone’s eyes leave him when one of the other workers start talking about his nephew, who’s supposedly coming last in his class.
Seungcheol takes a shaky breath and tries to listen attentively, but his mind is elsewhere.
It’s hard not to think of the past when it’s left behind scars, emotional and physical. Seungcheol closes his eyes and tries not to think about the time it was so bad he woke up in hospital.
“Seungcheol?”
He opens his eyes, and a couple of them are looking at him. “Are you okay?” the guy next to him asks.
Seungcheol nods hurriedly. “Yeah, yeah, just trying to enjoy the break properly,” he grins. If any of them notice it’s a little shaky, they don’t say.
It’s been such a long time since Seungcheol has been reminded about that part of his past, and he can’t help dwelling on it.
Jihoon kills the engine and sighs. The silence of the early morning swirls around him, but he doesn’t move to get out of the car.
In front of him, he sees the large expanse of his family home - the tall brick and marble stairs and the immaculate garden in front.
Home.
The only part of it is that warm and makes him think of ‘home’ fondly is Chan. Everything else makes him on edge, anxious, scared.
Home is meant to be the place where you feel comfortable, where you feel at ease, don’t have to hold up that mask you show to the rest of the world. And yet, Jihoon always feels like he is even more wary whenever he’s home than anywhere else - even the office is less stifling, if only because Jihoon can bury himself in reports if he doesn't want to talk to anyone.
And yet now, the only time he feels comfortable, is when he's at a bar downtown, talking to a bartender with a bright smile. Healing and Seungcheol are more comforting to Jihoon than his ‘home’. The bar is a place where people go to get lost, but Jihoon finds himself.
He finds it ironic.
And yet he can't deny that his heart feels soothed with Seungcheol. Especially now that Seungcheol knows his identity, Jihoon has nothing to hide from him (except the gun and his thoughts when he holds the gun, but no one ever needs to know about those).
“What does this mean?” Jihoon whispers to the silence of his car in the emptiness of the early morning.
Something in him whispers the answer, but Jihoon doesn’t listen to it, just sighs and steps out of the car and enters the cold, unwelcoming house.
“You’re spacing out, Coupsie,”
Seungcheol snaps out of his thoughts as he hears Yejin’s voice beside him.
“Sorry,” he mumbles, going back to unstacking chairs.
“What’s going on in that head of yours?” she asks, leaning against the bar and watching him carefully, though there’s a teasing grin on her lips.
Seungcheol wants to lie and say something stupid, like what he ate for dinner or something, but Yejin would know he’s lying, and she’s probably the only person he can be truly honest with.
It doesn’t take him long to decide how to answer. “The past,” he says quietly and Yejin’s teasing grin slides off her face.
“Did something happen?” she asks quickly, expression concerned now.
Seungcheol shakes his head. “No, no. I mean, not really, but it’s that… I’m thinking about the future and… I keep hesitating because of the past,”
Yejin smiles gently and comes over to rest her small hands on his on the stack of chairs. “The past is in your memories to teach you things so you don’t make the same mistakes, but the past won’t always repeat itself,” she says soothingly, “Different people, different places, different times - they all change the situation, and so just because something happened a certain way in the past, doesn’t mean it’ll happen the same way in the future,”
“I didn’t even say what I was thinking about, but you always seem to know what to say,” Seungcheol murmurs and Yejin smiles warmly.
“I’m just fabulous like that,” she says mockingly, flipping her hair over her shoulder and accidentally smacking Eric in the face as he walks past.
Yejin squeaks and hurriedly apologizes, following Eric into the back room as he rubs his cheek and insists it’s fine. Seungcheol just chuckles and goes back to setting up.
He knows what the past told him - that he was disgusting and wrong - but he hopes that Jihoon is enough of a change to the equation that the answer will be different.
The question becomes less of if he wants to be with Jihoon (he does. Badly.) and more of a question of if he would tell him, and how.
Seungcheol goes over their conversations in his head, thinks about Jihoon’s smile and bright laughter, how Jihoon said he felt like he could be enough with Seungcheol.
Does that mean anything though? Seungcheol wonders. Jihoon seems quite withdrawn and doesn’t seem overly sociable, so Seungcheol doesn’t think he has much competition except the blond kid Hoshi that Jihoon calls Soonyoung and seems to have known forever. Still, Seungcheol has doubts.
Would someone like Jihoon, who probably meets hundreds upon hundreds of rich, well-educated, respectable men and women every week…. would someone like that even consider Seungcheol?
Jihoon clearly didn’t mind being around him, but being a friend and something more was so, very different. And Seungcheol wasn't sure what Jihoon thought about that difference.
Soonyoung chooses an evening he knows Jihoon has a class presentation and won’t be coming to Healing, or at least, not until later.
“Hey,” he grins at the black haired bartender. “I don’t know if I properly introduced myself. I’m Hoshi, Jihoon’s childhood friend,” he offers a hand over the bar.
The bartender blinks at him for a moment before taking Soonyoung’s hand. “Seungcheol,” he says softly, still looking confused.
“I don’t remember a booth booking for tonight,” he says, stepping to the side to grab the reservations book to check, but Soonyoung laughs and waves it off.
“I’m not here for a booth tonight. I’m not with friends. It’s just me,” he smiles a little and Seungcheol slowly moves back to his previous position in front of Soonyoung.
“Oh,” he says softly, confusion and caution clear in his expression.
Soonyoung just smiles his disarming smile. “Just wanted to talk to you about Jihoon,” he says.
Seungcheol glances around the bar. Jeonghan is further down the bar attending a customer, but it’s still relatively early, so it’s not too busy yet.
“Do you want to go somewhere else or - ?”
“No, here is fine,” Soonyoung smiles, “I’ll be quick,”
“Okay,” Seungcheol says slowly, putting aside the lemon he had been about to cut.
Soonyoung smiles again before speaking. “As his friend, I just wanted to let you know, if you don’t already, that Jihoon is super smart, but he’s also super naive. All he knows is school, work, and topics that fifty-year-old rich men discuss over expensive champagne,” Soonyoung says, quirky smile across his lips. “You’re pretty much his first friend aside from me, so you’re special to him,”
Seungcheol tries to think of an appropriate response, but Soonyoung continues before he comes up with an answer. “I guess what I’m trying to say,” he seems to be rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet as he speaks, body moving back and forth like a swinging jack in the box. “Is that you’re special to Jihoon. You’re a special person in his eyes, but I don’t know what you think of him,” Soonyoung smiles a little tiredly. “Do you think he’s just another customer, or is he special to you too?”
Seungcheol opens his mouth but Soonyoung holds up a hand. “I don’t need to know,” he smiles again and Seungcheol’s face crumples in confusion. “But I think you should tell that answer to Jihoon. Let him know what you think of him, because he’s …. pretty dense, honestly,” he chuckles. “You kind of have to spell it out for him really clearly for him to understand,”
“O...okay,” Seungcheol says. He doesn’t know what else to say.
Soonyoung smiles, seemingly satisfied, even though the smile never left his face to begin with.
“Well, I’ve said everything I’ve wanted to say, so I’ll be off now,” he beams and then bows a little before turning to leave.
“Hey!” Seungcheol calls out before he even realises what he’s doing. Soonyoung turns around, expression a calm sort of playfulness.
Seungcheol scrambles his brain for what he’s been meaning to ask Soonyoung since he first noticed his relationship with Jihoon.
“What are you to Jihoon? And he to you?”
Soonyoung’s calm smile twists up until it’s a little sly, kind of cunning. “Our bond goes way back, and it’s special in its own way, but I think the answer you’re looking for is that we’re more like brothers than the kind of special between you and Jihoon,”
And when he turns to leave, this time Seungcheol just watches him go, blond hair stark by the dark wood of the door.
He still has questions, but he thinks now he has enough answers to know what to do next.
He just hopes that he gets the answer he’s hoping for.