Meet Eli. Get to know him. He's going to be around for a while.

[scrips]

Hello. My name is Eli.

I am a nice man.
I will pick up litter as I walk about. I will hold the door open for people. I will risk my well being to pull a pit-bull off of someone. I will do this, and more.

I am a funny man.
I know jokes. I know how to -tell- jokes. I am quick-witted, and can think of something to lighten the mood in many a situation. I can do pratfalls and tumbles. I can do all this, and more.

I am a dependable man.
I will stick with you until you dismiss me. I will be where and when you tell me to be. I can be counted on to stay loyal and true through many a challenge. I will do this, and more.

Hello. My name is Eli.
And I have no soul.