Swinging Pendulum
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Mood swings are so debilitating.
It starts with longing.
I miss K, and a disembodied voice over phone lines just isn't enough.
I miss my parents terribly... still... even though some people tell me I will get over it some day.
I want to stay happy so that I can function without the fear that I might be pissing-off everyone by appearing to be in a state of self-pity. God, how I hate making people think that. If anything, I think I have less pity for myself than even some strangers seem to have for me.
But, then, just when I feel like everything is under some semblance of control, these weird chemical reactions occur inside of me, and before I know it I am weeping. Not just the blues, but this weird uncontrollable weeping that makes it impossible to talk on the phone, visit friends, or even eat.
That's what I meant when I said it's debilitating.
Okay, there may be factors at play, granted. My crotch and leg are blistered, I have a sickness in my lungs that is unpleasant (at best), I can't see very well, and the person I want most to hold onto right now is 975 miles away. But, still, I know I should be able to remain somewhat composed.
I know this is temporary, and I know that bad moods are normal (sometimes)... but, weeping incessantly for hours is just wrong.
I'm glad I have a Live Journal to blather on about this crap to.
Hopefully by tomorrow I will be back to my usual cheery self.
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FCGST (sensory mode weepy)
°
Mood swings are so debilitating.
It starts with longing.
I miss K, and a disembodied voice over phone lines just isn't enough.
I miss my parents terribly... still... even though some people tell me I will get over it some day.
I want to stay happy so that I can function without the fear that I might be pissing-off everyone by appearing to be in a state of self-pity. God, how I hate making people think that. If anything, I think I have less pity for myself than even some strangers seem to have for me.
But, then, just when I feel like everything is under some semblance of control, these weird chemical reactions occur inside of me, and before I know it I am weeping. Not just the blues, but this weird uncontrollable weeping that makes it impossible to talk on the phone, visit friends, or even eat.
That's what I meant when I said it's debilitating.
Okay, there may be factors at play, granted. My crotch and leg are blistered, I have a sickness in my lungs that is unpleasant (at best), I can't see very well, and the person I want most to hold onto right now is 975 miles away. But, still, I know I should be able to remain somewhat composed.
I know this is temporary, and I know that bad moods are normal (sometimes)... but, weeping incessantly for hours is just wrong.
I'm glad I have a Live Journal to blather on about this crap to.
Hopefully by tomorrow I will be back to my usual cheery self.
°
FCGST (sensory mode weepy)
°