(no subject)
Yeah so... i give up.
Last night I was up writing and re-writing an e-mail till about 3*30ish at muh bud's house... so then I drive home... crawl up the stairs... finnally make it to bed just to freeze to death... i had so much on my mind i thought i'd never get to sleep... but i did... until a banging on my door at about 5*30 6-oclockish... i sent jessica ofcourse because im scared of everything...and she comes back and tells me the the peep hole is covered... so i grab the phone... lock the "motel" lock and open the door just enough to see and hear "Police. Open up"... i'm dreaming... jessica thinks it's a joke.. so i open the door... to be informed that i need to put on shoes and a coat and come downstairs... it seems that a few of the cars in my parking lot had been broken into and they traced one of the plates to this addy... SUPER... i just got my plates a week ago... it's mine... oh god Bettsie's hurt.... i walk down.. jess's car is fine... walk down to the other side of the parking lot where my car is... and low-and-behold... not 1... not 2... but 3 of my windows are busted out... my "purse" (make-up bag)... has been turned inside out and the contents of my wallet were scattered on my passenger-side seat... i want to vomit... i had no money anywhere in my car... and they weren't interested in my radio... so they rummaged through my trunck... to find nothing... I HAVE NOTHING.... THEY TOOK NOTHING... they just busted up my car so that i cant drive it... i cant afford to fix it.... nothing... im helpless... these big mean men came and totally fucked up my world.... for no reason... i want to cry... i have to give a statement... ofcourse ill press charges... the officer tells me that the 3 black men that have been looming around and treating Nic are the perpetrators... that they've been caught... taken down by the dogs... good puppy... and then tells me to go see another officer about my case number and what-not... as i approach the car i notice one of them in the backseat... i can see him plain as day... it's still dark outside and the interior light is on... he's just sitting there.... and i stare... and i feel completely helpless... he has victemized me... he's done this to me and there is nothiong i can do... i want to scream at him.... tell him about my measly 7*50/hr pluse the tips that people are too cheap to give me... i want to tell him about how much i hate my job and how much i just wish more than anything that i could just not go.... how thank to him my boss is going to yell at me and call me a liar... how im going to have to go in to work on 2 hrs of sleep and smile as peoples bitch at me and walk on me like the lower class scum that i am.... all to make just enough money to pay the bills.... and thats all... how i was going to ask for new contacts for christmas... but now ill be asking for a new window for my car.... how his thoughtlessness has completely shattered my world... I HAVE THE WORST LUCK EVER.... all these things i wanted to scream but i couldnt.... i just sat there and stared at him.... the rest of the day i've been sick to my stomach and sick with fucking life.... all i want is to hear you say "I wish I would have gotten ahold of those mutherfuckers before those dogs did" all i need is for you to stand up for me... because your so much braver and stronger than i am.... jessica is gone tonight... she had to go to Illinois to see family and get her hair done.... I'm dreading going back up to my apt.... sudenly no place seems safe... and im scared of everything... i need you....
Last night I was up writing and re-writing an e-mail till about 3*30ish at muh bud's house... so then I drive home... crawl up the stairs... finnally make it to bed just to freeze to death... i had so much on my mind i thought i'd never get to sleep... but i did... until a banging on my door at about 5*30 6-oclockish... i sent jessica ofcourse because im scared of everything...and she comes back and tells me the the peep hole is covered... so i grab the phone... lock the "motel" lock and open the door just enough to see and hear "Police. Open up"... i'm dreaming... jessica thinks it's a joke.. so i open the door... to be informed that i need to put on shoes and a coat and come downstairs... it seems that a few of the cars in my parking lot had been broken into and they traced one of the plates to this addy... SUPER... i just got my plates a week ago... it's mine... oh god Bettsie's hurt.... i walk down.. jess's car is fine... walk down to the other side of the parking lot where my car is... and low-and-behold... not 1... not 2... but 3 of my windows are busted out... my "purse" (make-up bag)... has been turned inside out and the contents of my wallet were scattered on my passenger-side seat... i want to vomit... i had no money anywhere in my car... and they weren't interested in my radio... so they rummaged through my trunck... to find nothing... I HAVE NOTHING.... THEY TOOK NOTHING... they just busted up my car so that i cant drive it... i cant afford to fix it.... nothing... im helpless... these big mean men came and totally fucked up my world.... for no reason... i want to cry... i have to give a statement... ofcourse ill press charges... the officer tells me that the 3 black men that have been looming around and treating Nic are the perpetrators... that they've been caught... taken down by the dogs... good puppy... and then tells me to go see another officer about my case number and what-not... as i approach the car i notice one of them in the backseat... i can see him plain as day... it's still dark outside and the interior light is on... he's just sitting there.... and i stare... and i feel completely helpless... he has victemized me... he's done this to me and there is nothiong i can do... i want to scream at him.... tell him about my measly 7*50/hr pluse the tips that people are too cheap to give me... i want to tell him about how much i hate my job and how much i just wish more than anything that i could just not go.... how thank to him my boss is going to yell at me and call me a liar... how im going to have to go in to work on 2 hrs of sleep and smile as peoples bitch at me and walk on me like the lower class scum that i am.... all to make just enough money to pay the bills.... and thats all... how i was going to ask for new contacts for christmas... but now ill be asking for a new window for my car.... how his thoughtlessness has completely shattered my world... I HAVE THE WORST LUCK EVER.... all these things i wanted to scream but i couldnt.... i just sat there and stared at him.... the rest of the day i've been sick to my stomach and sick with fucking life.... all i want is to hear you say "I wish I would have gotten ahold of those mutherfuckers before those dogs did" all i need is for you to stand up for me... because your so much braver and stronger than i am.... jessica is gone tonight... she had to go to Illinois to see family and get her hair done.... I'm dreading going back up to my apt.... sudenly no place seems safe... and im scared of everything... i need you....