Looks like the Alkavana are blasting off again!
My very last term of my high school career has just started so I might be a bit slower with making these OH WELL
Index
LET'S GO GET THAT DASTARDLY CAT GIRL AND SHOW HER WHAT FOR
So a bunch of reasonably fit teenagers couldn't catch this girl but a man wearing ten pounds of armour got to the forest before she could?
I THINK THE ALKAVANA ARE PLENTY FOOLISH WITHOUT HER HELP
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY CHILD ABUSE
cat girl always knows what to say
TO THE RESCUE
DELSUS DOES NOT APPROVE OF YO' CHILD BEATING WAYS
YOU ALL HEARD HIM, PROTECTING CHILDREN = INSOLENCE
oh
oh I'm ready
Beggur, sweetie, we know that already
also Beggur's theme! It's pretty catchy albeit rather silly FITTING FOR AN EQUALLY SILLY VILLAIN
As dimwitted as they are, they're rather loyal which is quite nice
EN GARDE
The knights get to attack first THEY WEAR ARMOUR AND MANAGE TO BEAT LITA'S SPEED I CALL SHENANIGANS AND DEMAND TO SPEAK TO YOUR SUPERVISOR
It actually took me two gos to beat these guys I LOSE AT TURN-BASE THIS IS HOW MUCH I FAIL
MY MONEY'S ON DELSUS
I'M REALLY FEELIN' THIS ONE YOU GUYS
PATHETIC THE LOT OF YOU
After my triumphant loss I return to the sewer for some seriousPamela what are you doing there
HAHAHAHAHA HOW DO YOU LIKE IT I HAVE FIRE NOW
MEIN
You may have guessed that you can't make the black blocks 'splode. CURSES. YOU WILL BE MINE MANA ITEM ONE DAY
DAMMIT LITA
Klein: Let us never speak of this again
LET'S TRY THIS AGAIN and the knights STILL get to attack first OMGHAX
BWOOSH
Delsus also learned Dark Arrow which will become my favourite since it does status damage as well as health damage
FACE THE WRATH OF MY PURPLE DEATH CLOUD
My usual strategy: Put all your enemies to sleep then pick them off one by one. I would've done this the first time but DARNIT I DIDN'T REMEMBER
One down :D. Status effects aren't as good like they are in pokemon. When you put your enemies to sleep, the minute you attack them it wakes them up. So really it's only good for buying you time to heal
It's just you and me, you surprisingly agile knight
BWUHAHAHA F**K THE POLICE
Beggur gives credit where credit is due I like that :D
oh no
i am scared
You gotta like his ambition and passion
You're over stimulated. Let's get you some juice then it's right to bed
I find the knights dragging Beggur away during the apex of his passions far more amusing than I should
As much as I dislike Klein I find that very reasonable
cat girl makes generic anime sound
The sprite used does not match the tone of her voice here it's silly
yeah that'll work
One could not possibly pursue a cat girl so vicious
Because you put up such an effort Lita :|
inside voice, Beggur, dear
HE'S DEFENDING CHILDREN, CLEARLY HE MUST BE TAKEN OFF THE STREETS FOR THE GOOD OF EVERYONE IN KAVOC
As slutty as Vier's sprite looks her key trait is actually laziness. When you talk to her on the street she says things like "i wish i could just sleep all day". You can also hear it in her voice, she talks with a very drowsy tone
don't strain yourself now remember your blood pressure
Strangely enough you're never intercepted by the knights nor do you ever hear of a warrant for your arrest ever again. Bit of a loose end there, AI.
Let's recap for a moment and go over how useful each character has been so far
Klein:
- wandered around uselessly
- stumbled upon mana items through sheer luck
- used his 'super hero good-goodery' and "rescued" a mana (the mana made the distraction so he kinda saved himself but I'll count this)
- durrrrr
Lita:
- bitched
- moaned
- menstruated
- encouraged children to play in the sewer
Delsus:
- gave Klein directions to henmil's gate
- helped Klein and Lita escape with mana
- continued to help out even though the Alkavana had nothing against him
- actually has a lead on where the cat girl is
DO YOU SEE WHY I LEAN TOWARDS DELSUS NOW HE ACTUALLY HAS MORE THAN SIX BRAINCELLS
USELESS? USELESS?!
fjdhgfkjsghfd
Lita
i hate you
Delsus is a man and it rolls off his back<3
nothing is more valuable than the information given from the majestic and humble merchant
clearly you have the traits of an ambitious leader and the brains to be calling the shots
MEANWHILE
I BET IT'S NOT TO GLOAT ABOUT YOUR EVIL PLANS NO SIRREE
vwoop
but now it's time for everyone's favourite passive aggressive store clerk
I could never stay away<3
Somehow the writers want me to feel sympathy for this character BUT HER BITCHY PERSONALITY IS MAKING IT VERY DIFFICULT
I like to imagine Veola with a very sarcastic tone here. As you continuously visit this store you'll find these two spend a lot of time bickering so it's not hard to imagine
I also imagine it to be sarcastic because it's the only way a reaction like this could even be slightly justified :/
yes clearly Lita is such an appealing character
step off
noooooooo i'm not done bothering youuuu ;-;
BUT IT WILL HAVE TO WAIT
I'll admit it I find Zazzy adorable IT'S THE SPRITE ARG
haha now you look like an ass
YOU ARE ONE TO TALK LITA
awwww D:
I can almost see Zazzy's :'C face
Don't be fooled by that 'tarnation'. He doesn't have any accent to speak of
WELLP MIGHT AS WELL HEAD BACK TO KAVOC THEN GAME'S OVER
as courageous as ever
you might think this gets you around having to get a visa at the expense of ping-ponging around the the world map doing tedious side quests in order to achieve said boat ride BUT THINK AGAIN. Both tasks are actually agonizingly simple and took a whole three minutes
SEE WE'RE HALFWAY THERE
Lita: quit touching my leg
Delsus: are we there yet?
Klein: DON'T MAKE TURN THIS JRPG AROUND
someone left a perfectly good faggot here
proseley...proseh...proseliiiLET'S JUST GO TO THE COLLECTOR'S CARAVAN
I'm highly amused by that puni statue
Little girl? Uh ok then
HOW CONVENIENT
UH OH
replace 'may even' with 'definitely will'. BECAUSE LECTOR IS COOL LIKE THAT
Showing Lector new items unlocks some nifty bonus stuff. Such as character profiles, art and different pieces of music from the OST which really helps when looking for it THANK YOU LECTOR
YOU ARE FAR MORE USEFUL THAN SOME PEOPLE I COULD MENTION
OOH I BET HE'S A DIMIWITTED FAT GUY DO IT YOU JRPG'S CAN'T RESIST
yessss every time
HOW CAN YOU BE SURE oh right because Beggur is a goof and didn't think to make wanted signs after demanding you be arrested
this is where all my years in the drama club pay off
As much of a doofus you know this guy is, he isn't lazy or anything and in fact sounds rather eager awwww
yes let the stupid one do it
give us time to flee if he suspects anything
I'm having a hard time seeing this guy as incompetent as this game is obviously trying to portray. HE'S DOING HIS JOB. IT'S NOT HIS FAULT THE CAPTAIN COULDN'T CATCH A CRIMINAL EVEN IF THEY WERE TRYING TO STEAL HIS HELMET
Drei: :D
oh DURR HURR AREN'T FAT PEOPLE SO USELESS?
BUT FIRST
This is actually when Klein stops uselessly questioning the reasons behind the item's existence
Don't mind us Iris just passing through your tomb
Sleeping Reality is played here. Rather sad sounding
COULD IT BE SOMETHING IMPORTANT? answer: yes
I SAW THAT LITA I'M ON TO YOU
Delsus: Do you idiots have ADD or something? Seriously
Before the magic of shooting fire from my rod (lol) this growloon would have proven difficult. HAH HA
oh no banshees someone save me
When I heard the voices for these I seriously thought they had gotten real banshees do it, really it's awful
They also have the amazing ability to drop swimsuits after dying :/
WHAT COULD THIS BE I WONDER
Plua makes a break for it
Plua: friend? :D
Plua: ):
I feel kind of genuinely sorry for Plua. Mana, no doubt, are probably immortal and have seen many alchemists come and go. I get the feeling Plua just wants someone to talk to rather than spend all day making stuff for Klein.
AND NO DOUBT CONVENIENTLY PLACED
She basically already answered that question Klein
why does that sound like a threat
mana balls! For convenient extractionMANA ITEM
Mana jar! The one i never use because IT'LL WASTE PRECIOUS TURNS WHICH COULD'VE BEEN USED TO ATTACK
Iris: put some intricate carving here, maybe some treasure there and SPIKES. THERE MUST BE SPIKES. LOTS OF THEM
This thing looks important but it isn't really
I CAN SEE THIS GOING WELL
Delsus misses him already
oh that's right your evil plan
DUN DUN DUNNNNNnot really
Sephiroth doesn't have time to answer your stupid questions
NO THE YELLOW SQUIGGLY LINES
Sephiroth: don't flatter yourself I'm clearly gay
vwoop man I wish I could teleport
ARE YOU DYING YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE DYING
yep you're dying
skipped a lot of Klein's stupid questions
AUGH HIS VOICE it fills me with a terrible rage
>:|
NOT THAT I REALLY CARE
Poto's forest! By far my most favoured area because I'm just naturally drawn to forests
First time around finding Zeldalia's house proved arduous butPUMPKIN
Look at the mana chest up there it thinks it's so big ONE DAY MANA CHEST YOU WILL BE MINE
GOING TO SAVE AND LEAVE IT HERE FOR NOW. NEXT EPISODE WILL INVOLVE THE BEATING OF A CAT GIRL!
Index
LET'S GO GET THAT DASTARDLY CAT GIRL AND SHOW HER WHAT FOR
So a bunch of reasonably fit teenagers couldn't catch this girl but a man wearing ten pounds of armour got to the forest before she could?
I THINK THE ALKAVANA ARE PLENTY FOOLISH WITHOUT HER HELP
YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY CHILD ABUSE
cat girl always knows what to say
TO THE RESCUE
DELSUS DOES NOT APPROVE OF YO' CHILD BEATING WAYS
YOU ALL HEARD HIM, PROTECTING CHILDREN = INSOLENCE
oh
oh I'm ready
Beggur, sweetie, we know that already
also Beggur's theme! It's pretty catchy albeit rather silly FITTING FOR AN EQUALLY SILLY VILLAIN
As dimwitted as they are, they're rather loyal which is quite nice
EN GARDE
The knights get to attack first THEY WEAR ARMOUR AND MANAGE TO BEAT LITA'S SPEED I CALL SHENANIGANS AND DEMAND TO SPEAK TO YOUR SUPERVISOR
It actually took me two gos to beat these guys I LOSE AT TURN-BASE THIS IS HOW MUCH I FAIL
MY MONEY'S ON DELSUS
I'M REALLY FEELIN' THIS ONE YOU GUYS
PATHETIC THE LOT OF YOU
After my triumphant loss I return to the sewer for some seriousPamela what are you doing there
HAHAHAHAHA HOW DO YOU LIKE IT I HAVE FIRE NOW
MEIN
You may have guessed that you can't make the black blocks 'splode. CURSES. YOU WILL BE MINE MANA ITEM ONE DAY
DAMMIT LITA
Klein: Let us never speak of this again
LET'S TRY THIS AGAIN and the knights STILL get to attack first OMGHAX
BWOOSH
Delsus also learned Dark Arrow which will become my favourite since it does status damage as well as health damage
FACE THE WRATH OF MY PURPLE DEATH CLOUD
My usual strategy: Put all your enemies to sleep then pick them off one by one. I would've done this the first time but DARNIT I DIDN'T REMEMBER
One down :D. Status effects aren't as good like they are in pokemon. When you put your enemies to sleep, the minute you attack them it wakes them up. So really it's only good for buying you time to heal
It's just you and me, you surprisingly agile knight
BWUHAHAHA F**K THE POLICE
Beggur gives credit where credit is due I like that :D
oh no
i am scared
You gotta like his ambition and passion
You're over stimulated. Let's get you some juice then it's right to bed
I find the knights dragging Beggur away during the apex of his passions far more amusing than I should
As much as I dislike Klein I find that very reasonable
cat girl makes generic anime sound
The sprite used does not match the tone of her voice here it's silly
yeah that'll work
One could not possibly pursue a cat girl so vicious
Because you put up such an effort Lita :|
inside voice, Beggur, dear
HE'S DEFENDING CHILDREN, CLEARLY HE MUST BE TAKEN OFF THE STREETS FOR THE GOOD OF EVERYONE IN KAVOC
As slutty as Vier's sprite looks her key trait is actually laziness. When you talk to her on the street she says things like "i wish i could just sleep all day". You can also hear it in her voice, she talks with a very drowsy tone
don't strain yourself now remember your blood pressure
Strangely enough you're never intercepted by the knights nor do you ever hear of a warrant for your arrest ever again. Bit of a loose end there, AI.
Let's recap for a moment and go over how useful each character has been so far
Klein:
- wandered around uselessly
- stumbled upon mana items through sheer luck
- used his 'super hero good-goodery' and "rescued" a mana (the mana made the distraction so he kinda saved himself but I'll count this)
- durrrrr
Lita:
- bitched
- moaned
- menstruated
- encouraged children to play in the sewer
Delsus:
- gave Klein directions to henmil's gate
- helped Klein and Lita escape with mana
- continued to help out even though the Alkavana had nothing against him
- actually has a lead on where the cat girl is
DO YOU SEE WHY I LEAN TOWARDS DELSUS NOW HE ACTUALLY HAS MORE THAN SIX BRAINCELLS
USELESS? USELESS?!
fjdhgfkjsghfd
Lita
i hate you
Delsus is a man and it rolls off his back<3
nothing is more valuable than the information given from the majestic and humble merchant
clearly you have the traits of an ambitious leader and the brains to be calling the shots
MEANWHILE
I BET IT'S NOT TO GLOAT ABOUT YOUR EVIL PLANS NO SIRREE
vwoop
but now it's time for everyone's favourite passive aggressive store clerk
I could never stay away<3
Somehow the writers want me to feel sympathy for this character BUT HER BITCHY PERSONALITY IS MAKING IT VERY DIFFICULT
I like to imagine Veola with a very sarcastic tone here. As you continuously visit this store you'll find these two spend a lot of time bickering so it's not hard to imagine
I also imagine it to be sarcastic because it's the only way a reaction like this could even be slightly justified :/
yes clearly Lita is such an appealing character
step off
noooooooo i'm not done bothering youuuu ;-;
BUT IT WILL HAVE TO WAIT
I'll admit it I find Zazzy adorable IT'S THE SPRITE ARG
haha now you look like an ass
YOU ARE ONE TO TALK LITA
awwww D:
I can almost see Zazzy's :'C face
Don't be fooled by that 'tarnation'. He doesn't have any accent to speak of
WELLP MIGHT AS WELL HEAD BACK TO KAVOC THEN GAME'S OVER
as courageous as ever
you might think this gets you around having to get a visa at the expense of ping-ponging around the the world map doing tedious side quests in order to achieve said boat ride BUT THINK AGAIN. Both tasks are actually agonizingly simple and took a whole three minutes
SEE WE'RE HALFWAY THERE
Lita: quit touching my leg
Delsus: are we there yet?
Klein: DON'T MAKE TURN THIS JRPG AROUND
someone left a perfectly good faggot here
proseley...proseh...proseliiiLET'S JUST GO TO THE COLLECTOR'S CARAVAN
I'm highly amused by that puni statue
Little girl? Uh ok then
HOW CONVENIENT
UH OH
replace 'may even' with 'definitely will'. BECAUSE LECTOR IS COOL LIKE THAT
Showing Lector new items unlocks some nifty bonus stuff. Such as character profiles, art and different pieces of music from the OST which really helps when looking for it THANK YOU LECTOR
YOU ARE FAR MORE USEFUL THAN SOME PEOPLE I COULD MENTION
OOH I BET HE'S A DIMIWITTED FAT GUY DO IT YOU JRPG'S CAN'T RESIST
yessss every time
HOW CAN YOU BE SURE oh right because Beggur is a goof and didn't think to make wanted signs after demanding you be arrested
this is where all my years in the drama club pay off
As much of a doofus you know this guy is, he isn't lazy or anything and in fact sounds rather eager awwww
yes let the stupid one do it
give us time to flee if he suspects anything
I'm having a hard time seeing this guy as incompetent as this game is obviously trying to portray. HE'S DOING HIS JOB. IT'S NOT HIS FAULT THE CAPTAIN COULDN'T CATCH A CRIMINAL EVEN IF THEY WERE TRYING TO STEAL HIS HELMET
Drei: :D
oh DURR HURR AREN'T FAT PEOPLE SO USELESS?
BUT FIRST
This is actually when Klein stops uselessly questioning the reasons behind the item's existence
Don't mind us Iris just passing through your tomb
Sleeping Reality is played here. Rather sad sounding
COULD IT BE SOMETHING IMPORTANT? answer: yes
I SAW THAT LITA I'M ON TO YOU
Delsus: Do you idiots have ADD or something? Seriously
Before the magic of shooting fire from my rod (lol) this growloon would have proven difficult. HAH HA
oh no banshees someone save me
When I heard the voices for these I seriously thought they had gotten real banshees do it, really it's awful
They also have the amazing ability to drop swimsuits after dying :/
WHAT COULD THIS BE I WONDER
Plua makes a break for it
Plua: friend? :D
Plua: ):
I feel kind of genuinely sorry for Plua. Mana, no doubt, are probably immortal and have seen many alchemists come and go. I get the feeling Plua just wants someone to talk to rather than spend all day making stuff for Klein.
AND NO DOUBT CONVENIENTLY PLACED
She basically already answered that question Klein
why does that sound like a threat
mana balls! For convenient extractionMANA ITEM
Mana jar! The one i never use because IT'LL WASTE PRECIOUS TURNS WHICH COULD'VE BEEN USED TO ATTACK
Iris: put some intricate carving here, maybe some treasure there and SPIKES. THERE MUST BE SPIKES. LOTS OF THEM
This thing looks important but it isn't really
I CAN SEE THIS GOING WELL
Delsus misses him already
oh that's right your evil plan
DUN DUN DUNNNNNnot really
Sephiroth doesn't have time to answer your stupid questions
NO THE YELLOW SQUIGGLY LINES
Sephiroth: don't flatter yourself I'm clearly gay
vwoop man I wish I could teleport
ARE YOU DYING YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'RE DYING
yep you're dying
skipped a lot of Klein's stupid questions
AUGH HIS VOICE it fills me with a terrible rage
>:|
NOT THAT I REALLY CARE
Poto's forest! By far my most favoured area because I'm just naturally drawn to forests
First time around finding Zeldalia's house proved arduous butPUMPKIN
Look at the mana chest up there it thinks it's so big ONE DAY MANA CHEST YOU WILL BE MINE
GOING TO SAVE AND LEAVE IT HERE FOR NOW. NEXT EPISODE WILL INVOLVE THE BEATING OF A CAT GIRL!