when will the questioning end...
I find myself questioning myself more and more then i have before. I am curious if it has anything to do with the choices i have made. As if deep down i have pushed all the wrong buttons and now the only way for the truth to get out is through misery and confusion. I still think about if i made the right choice leaving Will that it scares me, confuses me and most of all it hurts. Lately all i can think about is having sex with men. I have thought so deeply into it that now i'm wondering if its an option to get out of this marriage. I don't want to hurt Rachel i don't want to hurt anyone but i honestly have no idea what i'm doing and have not a clue on how to interpret how i'm feeling. The life Rachel and i have together is exactly that "together". days like today i wish i could be single, not in the aspect of cheating but feeling free. As if i had the entire world ahead of me but i don't. I feel trapped all the time buy our life. I have to pick her up cause we share a car, i have to go home after work with her, i have to do this, that everything with her and only her. That's fine and dandy when your in love with no real problems to face. That is not our life. There is so much constant and ever changing hardship for us. It just seems to be getting harder to bear.