(no subject)
yesterday, the primary doctor told us that, even if my nana did pull through, there would be little to no chance of her ever walking, feeding herself, et cetera. we decided we had to let her go. my mother gave them permission to take her off life support. they pulled all of the plugs and tubes out of her, and we were let back into the room to say goodbye.
her eyes were only half open. since she had so much fluid in her lungs, it sounded as if she was growling. it was the most awful experience. i stood at the foot of her bed, shaking and crying. i started hurting myself. julie, my mom's best friend since high school, came over, wrapped her arms around me, and slid me out of the room.
'i knew this would be the hardest on you,' she said.
a little bit later, we went back in. they had drained some of the fluid from her lungs, so her breaths were quieter. i sat at her bedside and wiped her face as she drooled.
i didn't want to leave her, because the fact that her heart was beating made it seem like she was still alive. but we left to have dinner with my godfather. i had a martini with hors d'oeuvres and a glass of wine with dinner. i felt SO MUCH better.
the nurses called my mom around midnight or so to tell her my nana was taking her last breaths. mom asked if i wanted to come. i couldn't. i just couldn't.
the funeral is on tuesday.
we've been sifting through lots of photos and jewelry. i found three perfect little charms for my sisters and i to string on necklaces and wear forever. it was meant to be. they are identical gold charms with pink roses and green stones. and there are only three of them. i think two are earrings, and one is a necklace pendant? i am so glad i found them.
i am flying into san jose on wednesday. randy is going to pick me up and we are going to spend the day together. he said we can pack a picnic lunch, go sit by the river, and talk about everything that's happening. what a doll.
rest in peace, nana. i love you, always and forever.
her eyes were only half open. since she had so much fluid in her lungs, it sounded as if she was growling. it was the most awful experience. i stood at the foot of her bed, shaking and crying. i started hurting myself. julie, my mom's best friend since high school, came over, wrapped her arms around me, and slid me out of the room.
'i knew this would be the hardest on you,' she said.
a little bit later, we went back in. they had drained some of the fluid from her lungs, so her breaths were quieter. i sat at her bedside and wiped her face as she drooled.
i didn't want to leave her, because the fact that her heart was beating made it seem like she was still alive. but we left to have dinner with my godfather. i had a martini with hors d'oeuvres and a glass of wine with dinner. i felt SO MUCH better.
the nurses called my mom around midnight or so to tell her my nana was taking her last breaths. mom asked if i wanted to come. i couldn't. i just couldn't.
the funeral is on tuesday.
we've been sifting through lots of photos and jewelry. i found three perfect little charms for my sisters and i to string on necklaces and wear forever. it was meant to be. they are identical gold charms with pink roses and green stones. and there are only three of them. i think two are earrings, and one is a necklace pendant? i am so glad i found them.
i am flying into san jose on wednesday. randy is going to pick me up and we are going to spend the day together. he said we can pack a picnic lunch, go sit by the river, and talk about everything that's happening. what a doll.
rest in peace, nana. i love you, always and forever.