I yam what I yam and thats all that I yam...
Sometimes I feel like I am in a constant pursuit of forgiveness for the person that I am.
Like I am ashamed of the way I feel/think/act.
I am not so much ASHAMED as I am concerned about how I am percieved by others. I am a bad example but in a loveable way, but does that come across? Sometimes I worry about the way I am thought of by those who don't know me. How do I come off to those who don't know my true inner thoughts. But, who really knows my inner thoughts? Am I intimidating? Am I cruel? Am I funny? Am I thoughtful? Am I deep? How do I come across?
I think everyone goes through this thought process. I have lived with myself for so damn long that it is hard to see it from an outside perspective. I know never to be ashamed of myself. I know this because the most important people in my life have told me they are proud of me. In fact the MOST important person in my life told me she had always been and always would be proud of me. Its the most important thing she left with me.
If this is so, then why do I still question myself? I actually like that I care about what other people think. People who claim they don't care what other people think are either liars or weird. Either you care what people think or you eat your boogers and crap your pants with impunity. I do neither. But I am the type of person that tends to worry about what ONE person thinks more than what the other 99,999,999+ think. I am just that way. I am too smart and too cool to worry about pleasing everone. But I always feel like I please everyone BUT the people I am trying to please.
There are... MAYBE 9 people I have ever known, who know ME. The rest of you either don't care or I don't trust you enough. This is not a judgement on you. I trust VERY few people. And the rest are busy in their own problems. I am too. How many people do I REALLY know? Or care too? How many times do people ask "How are you?" And you answer in one word? Those people don't really care and you don't trust them enough to tell them.
I think love is the pursuit of finding someone who cares as much about your life as you do. As well as my classic example... ladies and gentlemen: MY DEFINITION OF LOVE!:
If you can walk into a bathroom where the person has pooped and NOT FLUSHED and you flush it for them and don't look at them any different, then that is true love. Its knowing all of their shames and shortcomings and still enjoying their company that is true love.
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
My mom cross-stitched that into a sampler once and it hung on their wall forever and I never really thought about it until recently. Especially BEARS ALL THINGS... how often do you bear all things? I bear very few things.
I would like to add a few...
Love does not assume, love does not jump to conclusions, love is unafraid, love does not put down, love strengthens, love makes the other whole, love is proud of the successes of others, love is undesiring of praise, love is supportive, love is deep and complicated, love pities neither its self nor others, love does not seek ulterior motive, nor does it look for ulterior motives in others, love does not play games, and love tries to be gentle.
How do you define love?
At the end of the day it's most important that you love yourself, but you are your own worst critic. I will NEVER be satisfied with myself, until I am dead. Hopefully I'll be able to back off my self then. Maybe not...
On a different note, I have found a really fun mind exercise. At the end of the day, review the events that took place, and think about the fact that if ONE of them had happened a few minutes later most of them would not have occured. I love doing that. IE: "If I had turned one block earlier, I wouldn't have hit that stop light, and I wouldn't have noticed the McDonalds, And I wouldn't have stopped in, and I wouldn't have seen my old friend, and she wouldn't have invited me out, and I wouldn't have seen all my other old friends, and I wouldn't have asked that girl from high school out, blah, blah, blah"
Do it, it's fun...
Like I am ashamed of the way I feel/think/act.
I am not so much ASHAMED as I am concerned about how I am percieved by others. I am a bad example but in a loveable way, but does that come across? Sometimes I worry about the way I am thought of by those who don't know me. How do I come off to those who don't know my true inner thoughts. But, who really knows my inner thoughts? Am I intimidating? Am I cruel? Am I funny? Am I thoughtful? Am I deep? How do I come across?
I think everyone goes through this thought process. I have lived with myself for so damn long that it is hard to see it from an outside perspective. I know never to be ashamed of myself. I know this because the most important people in my life have told me they are proud of me. In fact the MOST important person in my life told me she had always been and always would be proud of me. Its the most important thing she left with me.
If this is so, then why do I still question myself? I actually like that I care about what other people think. People who claim they don't care what other people think are either liars or weird. Either you care what people think or you eat your boogers and crap your pants with impunity. I do neither. But I am the type of person that tends to worry about what ONE person thinks more than what the other 99,999,999+ think. I am just that way. I am too smart and too cool to worry about pleasing everone. But I always feel like I please everyone BUT the people I am trying to please.
There are... MAYBE 9 people I have ever known, who know ME. The rest of you either don't care or I don't trust you enough. This is not a judgement on you. I trust VERY few people. And the rest are busy in their own problems. I am too. How many people do I REALLY know? Or care too? How many times do people ask "How are you?" And you answer in one word? Those people don't really care and you don't trust them enough to tell them.
I think love is the pursuit of finding someone who cares as much about your life as you do. As well as my classic example... ladies and gentlemen: MY DEFINITION OF LOVE!:
If you can walk into a bathroom where the person has pooped and NOT FLUSHED and you flush it for them and don't look at them any different, then that is true love. Its knowing all of their shames and shortcomings and still enjoying their company that is true love.
Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
My mom cross-stitched that into a sampler once and it hung on their wall forever and I never really thought about it until recently. Especially BEARS ALL THINGS... how often do you bear all things? I bear very few things.
I would like to add a few...
Love does not assume, love does not jump to conclusions, love is unafraid, love does not put down, love strengthens, love makes the other whole, love is proud of the successes of others, love is undesiring of praise, love is supportive, love is deep and complicated, love pities neither its self nor others, love does not seek ulterior motive, nor does it look for ulterior motives in others, love does not play games, and love tries to be gentle.
How do you define love?
At the end of the day it's most important that you love yourself, but you are your own worst critic. I will NEVER be satisfied with myself, until I am dead. Hopefully I'll be able to back off my self then. Maybe not...
On a different note, I have found a really fun mind exercise. At the end of the day, review the events that took place, and think about the fact that if ONE of them had happened a few minutes later most of them would not have occured. I love doing that. IE: "If I had turned one block earlier, I wouldn't have hit that stop light, and I wouldn't have noticed the McDonalds, And I wouldn't have stopped in, and I wouldn't have seen my old friend, and she wouldn't have invited me out, and I wouldn't have seen all my other old friends, and I wouldn't have asked that girl from high school out, blah, blah, blah"
Do it, it's fun...