telling is an idea.
I joined race and religion group because a powerful ally of the group called them the "rabblerousers of the church" - the group most agitating for change at Broadway. I remember when I had to stand up in front of the congregation and name my ministry in front of my friends and family. I said my mission was to make Broadway (and in turn, myself and those I come into contact with) a more inclusive place. This was in the heyday of all the shake-up concerning racism at the church (and in the leadership). I have always been a troublemaker and hopefully, sometimes, for good.
Anna moved in and I see her going through what I went through when I first moved here. She says every 20 minutes or so how happy she is to be here, thanking us for being her roommates, and asking permission to do everything. It made me have a funny thought that this place doesn't exist, that it is just a refuge for people coming out of bad situations. It was a funny thought for one moment.
I am reading all these devastating books right now like "Stone Butch Blues" and "Cures" because I have been rubbing up against a lot of intergenerational bad feelings in "the community" esp at G-H. Even a dude at Broadway was talking about how his father, a former Missouri statesmen, refuses to allow his partner at holiday dinners. "stop trying to insinuate this person into our family," the old politician says. "what you don't understand is this is my family," the son replies. Often we are talking politics and our personal drama, who said what about whom. It's easy to get all theoritecal about marriage and our radical politics, but this guy seemed genuinely raw.
I feel doomed. i know i have been in love about a thousand times, although i have said it's been only once. I know that panicked feeling. I fell in love with this morning, waking up at dawn with a crisp breeze coming from my window and my knees up on the sill. what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck. Even at thirty, as I feel all worn down and exhausted, I go from this day to the next, savoring every last second even as it's disregarded for the next. break off those words and eat them, sour and sweet alike.
Anna moved in and I see her going through what I went through when I first moved here. She says every 20 minutes or so how happy she is to be here, thanking us for being her roommates, and asking permission to do everything. It made me have a funny thought that this place doesn't exist, that it is just a refuge for people coming out of bad situations. It was a funny thought for one moment.
I am reading all these devastating books right now like "Stone Butch Blues" and "Cures" because I have been rubbing up against a lot of intergenerational bad feelings in "the community" esp at G-H. Even a dude at Broadway was talking about how his father, a former Missouri statesmen, refuses to allow his partner at holiday dinners. "stop trying to insinuate this person into our family," the old politician says. "what you don't understand is this is my family," the son replies. Often we are talking politics and our personal drama, who said what about whom. It's easy to get all theoritecal about marriage and our radical politics, but this guy seemed genuinely raw.
I feel doomed. i know i have been in love about a thousand times, although i have said it's been only once. I know that panicked feeling. I fell in love with this morning, waking up at dawn with a crisp breeze coming from my window and my knees up on the sill. what the fuck what the fuck what the fuck. Even at thirty, as I feel all worn down and exhausted, I go from this day to the next, savoring every last second even as it's disregarded for the next. break off those words and eat them, sour and sweet alike.