Sad Songs and Goodbyes
"Then her "Romeo" (Nicolass) called and wanted to hang out with her"
"Last night I got to hang out with Nicolass and my new friend Robert (Boo). We did the normal... hanging out in Cait's front yard. The only bad thing about the night was we weren't accompenied by the infamous Megan. Sad days. She will be joining us again in a dredfully long week. "
I'm not sure what to do. I was reading through Cait's Livejournal, for kicks and giggles, and read the above quotes. I realized that this summer was the best I've had. I did so much, and had so much fun, and I experienced actual love for the first time. But now, as winter has come close to an end, I realize how different things are. School takes up a lot of my time. I have tons of homework, most of the time. My mom got married, and now I live with 4 other people, instead of just one. I have matured so much that I can't handle anyone I used to. I can't even handle the guys I used to be able to have fun with. I don't like spending as much time with friends as I used to. Nick never wants to spend time with me anymore. Especially not like he used to. Infact, less than half of that. And that, I think, hurts more than anything else right now. Not the fact that he doesn't want to spend time with me, but the fact that I feel like he's pushing me away. It's a painful feeling, something I can't talk ot him about. I don't really talk about much with him anymore. Not since we got back together. I'm afraid that any little thing that I do may result in him breaking my heart again, or dissapointing him. I'm not sure I could handle dissapointing someone else, or having my heart broken anymore than it already is. I mean, I've felt heart broken for a month now. A month. That's a pretty long time. And I don't know why that is. Everything is the same as it was before. Maybe a few minute changes, but that's to be expected, seeing how life is change. I'm rather lost right now. I don't think anyone can help me. I've passed the point of no return.
"Last night I got to hang out with Nicolass and my new friend Robert (Boo). We did the normal... hanging out in Cait's front yard. The only bad thing about the night was we weren't accompenied by the infamous Megan. Sad days. She will be joining us again in a dredfully long week. "
I'm not sure what to do. I was reading through Cait's Livejournal, for kicks and giggles, and read the above quotes. I realized that this summer was the best I've had. I did so much, and had so much fun, and I experienced actual love for the first time. But now, as winter has come close to an end, I realize how different things are. School takes up a lot of my time. I have tons of homework, most of the time. My mom got married, and now I live with 4 other people, instead of just one. I have matured so much that I can't handle anyone I used to. I can't even handle the guys I used to be able to have fun with. I don't like spending as much time with friends as I used to. Nick never wants to spend time with me anymore. Especially not like he used to. Infact, less than half of that. And that, I think, hurts more than anything else right now. Not the fact that he doesn't want to spend time with me, but the fact that I feel like he's pushing me away. It's a painful feeling, something I can't talk ot him about. I don't really talk about much with him anymore. Not since we got back together. I'm afraid that any little thing that I do may result in him breaking my heart again, or dissapointing him. I'm not sure I could handle dissapointing someone else, or having my heart broken anymore than it already is. I mean, I've felt heart broken for a month now. A month. That's a pretty long time. And I don't know why that is. Everything is the same as it was before. Maybe a few minute changes, but that's to be expected, seeing how life is change. I'm rather lost right now. I don't think anyone can help me. I've passed the point of no return.