cycles, context and dancing
The world seems to operate in cycles. The one I find amusing right now is in regard to communication methods. People jumped on posting boards years ago and then here to Livejournal. After a while Facebook came along with its apps and games and far fewer words. Twitter is the new place for spreading your thoughts, but it is so truncated that people have begun using Livejournal to archive their little gems and to reconnect with verbosity. So, now I find myself reading here again and wanting to have expansive thoughts. I was never one for the pithy one liners anyway.
As a historian I need context.
Context:
Right now I am in a galloping hoard of pain. Parts of my anatomy were in the wrong place for a while and it caused restrictions that piled up. Got that tended to yesterday, but today my body is straining to go back to the wrong position because that had become normal. It already has slipped in at least one place and now the restrictions begin again. I am loose jointed and therefor this just happens. Add to it years of being, well, not the brightest about using my body. Then there is my head. The resident migraine that wont die is fast approaching 1 year in length. At this point I am used to it until it spikes. The vertigo comes in waves, but has subsided greatly. What to do about all of this? I hate complaining. I hate taking drugs. Drugs can't fix either the vertigo/migraine (tried most of what the U of M Neuro dept suggested) or the hip/back. I try to keep cheerful about all of this, but those of you who have been with me for these many years know that my physical problems pale in comparison to the issues facing my family.
I am getting tired.
I don't know how much longer I can keep presenting the positive front to the complicated whole.
On the flipside...
I am remarkably, actually happy in one area of my life that I had not expected to be for quite some time. I wasn't looking or WANTING to be, but here it is and I am not backing down for a second. I don't think I know how to go halfway with this. I don't intend to figure out if that is even possible. I intend to live. Live the way that has probably caused the damned physical stuff...hard, intensely and without much regard to safety.
So, let's dance...
Dancing is at the heart of so much of this. It brings clarity of thought, freedom from so many of the things I face (and yet it can also put me in deeper touch with them), a proving ground for my ability to overcome physical limitations (and proof that I still may need to respect them), and most importantly a connection that I never dreamed possible.
Onward....
As a historian I need context.
Context:
Right now I am in a galloping hoard of pain. Parts of my anatomy were in the wrong place for a while and it caused restrictions that piled up. Got that tended to yesterday, but today my body is straining to go back to the wrong position because that had become normal. It already has slipped in at least one place and now the restrictions begin again. I am loose jointed and therefor this just happens. Add to it years of being, well, not the brightest about using my body. Then there is my head. The resident migraine that wont die is fast approaching 1 year in length. At this point I am used to it until it spikes. The vertigo comes in waves, but has subsided greatly. What to do about all of this? I hate complaining. I hate taking drugs. Drugs can't fix either the vertigo/migraine (tried most of what the U of M Neuro dept suggested) or the hip/back. I try to keep cheerful about all of this, but those of you who have been with me for these many years know that my physical problems pale in comparison to the issues facing my family.
I am getting tired.
I don't know how much longer I can keep presenting the positive front to the complicated whole.
On the flipside...
I am remarkably, actually happy in one area of my life that I had not expected to be for quite some time. I wasn't looking or WANTING to be, but here it is and I am not backing down for a second. I don't think I know how to go halfway with this. I don't intend to figure out if that is even possible. I intend to live. Live the way that has probably caused the damned physical stuff...hard, intensely and without much regard to safety.
So, let's dance...
Dancing is at the heart of so much of this. It brings clarity of thought, freedom from so many of the things I face (and yet it can also put me in deeper touch with them), a proving ground for my ability to overcome physical limitations (and proof that I still may need to respect them), and most importantly a connection that I never dreamed possible.
Onward....