Another day of 12 hour work day.
Yeah I just worked 6 of those hours and now i have time to sit and breathe. however I really don't want to sit and breathe because it will give me time to think and I don't want to think because then I will be thinking about mary and a couple other people that I wonder what life would be like with any of them. I know I will grow old and die alone but there is that stupid part in my head that fights against those feelings. There has got to be a way of manipulating myself into thinking of what I need and don't need. I know in reality I don't need a companion, I don't need assholes as friends and I don't extra aggravation that dwells here at home. Here is the problem. when I think of what real love is, both my mind and heart go crazy like it wants affection but since I don't have anyone to share that with, my depression kicks in and then we are in the phase of me either crying,getting pissed or just blank.
Todays world you need to be this or that to have ANYTHING. Therefore I do not and I repeat DO NOT belong in this world. Maybe the world that existed 100 years ago or so but not now, its too much for this little mind can handle.I don't think complex and I try to stay as simple as it can possibly get. That is why work and home is a easy lifestyle, everything else is boring or not my thing to do. I don't enjoy parties, I like a one man party with me though, I can drink and do what I want. well now I must set sail to big lots and put up with the bullshit I always put up with, I hate it and don't wanna go there but its money in my pocket that I need. after the night is done i am buying a beer and drowning my sorrows, for that is all I can do to supress my depression and rage I have towards people. until then I have to remain calm. well I am out.
Todays world you need to be this or that to have ANYTHING. Therefore I do not and I repeat DO NOT belong in this world. Maybe the world that existed 100 years ago or so but not now, its too much for this little mind can handle.I don't think complex and I try to stay as simple as it can possibly get. That is why work and home is a easy lifestyle, everything else is boring or not my thing to do. I don't enjoy parties, I like a one man party with me though, I can drink and do what I want. well now I must set sail to big lots and put up with the bullshit I always put up with, I hate it and don't wanna go there but its money in my pocket that I need. after the night is done i am buying a beer and drowning my sorrows, for that is all I can do to supress my depression and rage I have towards people. until then I have to remain calm. well I am out.