Poetry is Doomed #37 - Critical Color Poetry Guide
HEY POETS!
Are you tired of posting your poems online only to receive an inappropriate level of praise? Or worse, garnering actual criticism?!
Well, you need never be hit with a surprise poem critique again! Just slip one of these handy-dandy qualifiers near the beginning of your posted poem so that people know exactly what level of interaction you are looking for! With the patented Poetry Is Doomed © Critical Color Poetry Guide (also ©), you can post with impunity, and protect your little poet heart!
Perfect Pink
Please feel free to comment as much as you like so long as the commentary is extremely positive and suggests that I lactate awesomesauce. And if you could toss in a “You changed my life”, that would be equally awesome.
Oh Boy Orange
Comments of a positive nature are welcome, always, but I wouldn’t mind hearing if you think I have another poem that you like better than this one. Please bear in mind this still means I am not accepting any negative commentary on this poem or me as a person (which I will assume you are doing if you have any negative commentary, so don’t do that!!1!!)
Perplexed Purple
I was looking for awesome comments, and I got plenty of them, but one critical comment did sneak in. I’m not going to delete it this time, since it comes from someone who is pretty positive and supportive any other time, but whew! Didn’t see that one coming. So long as we’re clear that one or two critical comments is the exception and not the rule, I won’t lock or delete this entry.
Envy Green
Open to all comments, so long as the ratio of good/right to critical/wrong comments is 50:1, preferably from someone who is a certified troll. Also, my best friends are required to defend my honor to the tune of at least three responses apiece, or until the troll is dead.
Gifted Grey
While this is the internet and I posted my poem publicly for just about any random person with an email address and at least one functioning frontal lobe to encounter, it is my expectation that this poem only receive critiques that come from well-known poets who are better than me (or at least published more often/won more slams than me…which is 75% of the people on my friends list).
Blockade Blue
I just posted this poem to share, not for criticism or praise. This one is not about getting an opinion so much as putting this energy into the universe. Conversely, no comments are allowed.
Scorched Earth Black
I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. I’m not even sure if this is a poem or that I am a person. Nothing you say will be worse than what I’ve been saying to a cracked mirror and a bottle of Jack Daniels for the last two days, so give me the straightest dope you got. If you say you liked this poem I will come through your computer screen and cut your throat with the broken and jagged neck of a Jack Daniels bottle. Positive affirmations are pointless. I know this poem is wrong. I am channeling a cry for help on behalf of this piss-poor poem. If you do not own any weapons do not respond to this poem. If you don’t drink, don’t even read it. This poem is a bottomless chasm in which only Despair and Devastation spelunk.