Fog
Oh God, I'm trapped. I think I'm officially depressed this week. Not for any particular reason (though I wouldn't put any money on it against a swinging psychiatrist's watch), just am. I can't create, I can't edit. I'm just swimming in complacency, and that's not a good thing for me. I've got a lot of things on the table and I can't afford to be "blah" right now. The Rust Belt needs attention, the night needs attention, "Eve's Sister" needs attention, my poetry actually needs some attention for once...and I don't have the fire. I haven't even spent more than 20 minutes on my brand new Playstation 2, and I've got some sweet games I haven't played yet (Vice City, The Thing). You know it's bad when you can't play Playstation.
I need to go do some world watching. Recording the little things helps, and I've at least still been able to take notes. Last week I was doing so well: I was editing the "Navajo" screenplay into a solid second draft and burning through it. I had recently completed the FMK cards and I had a bout in Chicago this past Sunday on my plate. I didn't get to go to Chicago, but that might have not been an all bad thing; I'm in just such a funk that I welcome going to work in the mornings.
Something's wrong and though time will fix it, I don't have the time. I feel this weird, indescribable creeping just around the corners of my daily existence and it bothers me, but I'm not doing anything about it either. It sounds like burn-out, but can you actually be burnt-out from doing nothing?
Maybe I'm tired. Not physically, but of fighting. I've had a few of those lately on the artistic fronts (internal and external) and I don't know that I'm winning those battles. Hell, I can't even finish reading the pretty good books I've picked up recently.
GOOD BOOKS I PICKED UP RECENTKY I CAN'T FINISH BECAUSE I'M A DEPRESSED LOON:
Bentley Little "The Ignored"
James Carville & Paul Begala "Buck Up, Suck Up...and Come Back When You Foul Up"
(This one's helped me here and there though)
Adam Cohen "The Perfect Store"
Jeanette Winterson "The World and Other Places"
Laurence Perrine "The Art of Total Relevance: Papers on Poetry"
Melissa Bank "The Girls' Guide to Hunting and Fishing"
Lewis Shiner "Glimpses"
See? That's good stuff up there and I can't even get through it. I can't even watch the videos I've got stacked by the TV, and here's some good stuff there, too.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?!!!!!! Am I no good without apparent foes? Am I too comfortable? Am I not hungry?
I need to go do some world watching. Recording the little things helps, and I've at least still been able to take notes. Last week I was doing so well: I was editing the "Navajo" screenplay into a solid second draft and burning through it. I had recently completed the FMK cards and I had a bout in Chicago this past Sunday on my plate. I didn't get to go to Chicago, but that might have not been an all bad thing; I'm in just such a funk that I welcome going to work in the mornings.
Something's wrong and though time will fix it, I don't have the time. I feel this weird, indescribable creeping just around the corners of my daily existence and it bothers me, but I'm not doing anything about it either. It sounds like burn-out, but can you actually be burnt-out from doing nothing?
Maybe I'm tired. Not physically, but of fighting. I've had a few of those lately on the artistic fronts (internal and external) and I don't know that I'm winning those battles. Hell, I can't even finish reading the pretty good books I've picked up recently.
GOOD BOOKS I PICKED UP RECENTKY I CAN'T FINISH BECAUSE I'M A DEPRESSED LOON:
Bentley Little "The Ignored"
James Carville & Paul Begala "Buck Up, Suck Up...and Come Back When You Foul Up"
(This one's helped me here and there though)
Adam Cohen "The Perfect Store"
Jeanette Winterson "The World and Other Places"
Laurence Perrine "The Art of Total Relevance: Papers on Poetry"
Melissa Bank "The Girls' Guide to Hunting and Fishing"
Lewis Shiner "Glimpses"
See? That's good stuff up there and I can't even get through it. I can't even watch the videos I've got stacked by the TV, and here's some good stuff there, too.
WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?!!!!!! Am I no good without apparent foes? Am I too comfortable? Am I not hungry?