Skyline - Proper Review
Normally I wouldn't do a double-shot. And yet, I was so tired last night and I know a lot of people are intrigued with this flick, so I'm hoping to stop them from flushing their money down the toilet and do something more entertaining, like punching children in their faces.
* * * *
So, as I said before, Skyline sucks.
It had an awesome trailer. I thought its attempt to build suspense by refusing to expose an actual storyline or any notable cast members in its trailers was fine. It worked for Independence Day, so why not, right? I mean, who goes to an alien invasion movie for the interpersonal relationships?
The answer is "no one", but it doesn't stop them from trying to impose it even if the characters they're imposing on us are all weak, forgettable or despicable in their own way. I don't remember one character's name from this film. I barely know one actor's name, despite having seen a few of these actors in a lot of other things that also sucked.
The most glaring problem with this film is that it is 100% recycled. There is nothing in this film that wasn't in another film before. And I don't mean in a cool film before...I mean in an already suspect big-monster/alien-invasion movie before. I'll walk you through this whole film (spoilers abound, but I only provide them because I care about you) and point out how it's less a film and more like one of those "trailers" on DVDs trying to sell you on Blu-Ray by showing you all of the cool scenes form other films.
- Opening: L.A. at night. Blue lightning falls from the sky. (War of the Worlds, 2005 version)
- Guy drunk on living room floor from party the night before gets snatched up by aliens. (The Forgotten)
- Guy almost gets snatched but is saved, but is transformed by the infected attempt. (Doom, X-files, Alien 4, AvP, District 9 and about 100 other movies)
- Guy and buddy become aware of the alien problem when they see the widespread devastation. (Independence Day, The Matrix)
- Aliens show themselves (Straight rip from The Matrix sentinels. Good to see they still got work after that third film. Blech.)
- Buddies discover guns don't work. (Take your pick)
- Army discovers nukes don't work. (Independence Day)
- Buddy gets snatched by 50 foot alien, despite very thin friend's best efforts to hold his hand to anchor him...from a 50 foot alien. (Take your pick)
- Angry Latino mans up. (Aliens)
- Aliens pop off people's heads for their brains. (Scanners, every zombie film ever.)
- Everybody dies except for the couple... (Cloverfield)
- ...aaaand then the couple gets snatched up... (Cloverfield)
- ...aaaand the guy is killed, but the woman survives because she's pregnant... (Predator 2)
- ...buuuut the guy, despite having his head ripped off, is powering an alien body in defense of his woman and unborn child (tricky, but more or less the video game "Bio Shock". What, you think the directors if this shit don't play video games? They're, like, 30 and spent their whole careers doing effects for other films.)
- ...and then the film ends.
What the fuck. You don't even end with a cool fight scene (that we know humans already lose)?
You end it with a showdown and then you ROLL THE CREDITS???
You know, it's funny. There is this whole dialogue between the two buddies, one of whom is a special effects designer (you know, like the director-brothers of this film). And the successful guy is telling his broke-ass buddy he should go into the business, but it's mostly because he can't figure out how to do this cool robot fight sequence in this film he's been hired for, but he thinks his best bro can. Oh, how art imitates life.
The effects are okay, but nothing you haven't seen before. The story is non0-existent, the characters are bland and the film is 30 minutes longer than it needs to be...and I say that knowing it's only an hour and half.
(Aside: I simply adore how people in films have never seen a film in their own world that resembles what's happening to them. People in zombie films never know what a zombie is until it's too late because, you know, who ever heard of zombies, for crissakes? People in alien invasion films never get that they're being invaded by aliens until it's too late because, you know, who ever heard of aliens, for crissakes? Like the only films people in the world of The Walking Dead have ever seen are romantic comedies and thus handicaps their understanding of what happens after you bump into a shambling corpse in an alley. Anyhow.)
* * * *
So, as I said before, Skyline sucks.
It had an awesome trailer. I thought its attempt to build suspense by refusing to expose an actual storyline or any notable cast members in its trailers was fine. It worked for Independence Day, so why not, right? I mean, who goes to an alien invasion movie for the interpersonal relationships?
The answer is "no one", but it doesn't stop them from trying to impose it even if the characters they're imposing on us are all weak, forgettable or despicable in their own way. I don't remember one character's name from this film. I barely know one actor's name, despite having seen a few of these actors in a lot of other things that also sucked.
The most glaring problem with this film is that it is 100% recycled. There is nothing in this film that wasn't in another film before. And I don't mean in a cool film before...I mean in an already suspect big-monster/alien-invasion movie before. I'll walk you through this whole film (spoilers abound, but I only provide them because I care about you) and point out how it's less a film and more like one of those "trailers" on DVDs trying to sell you on Blu-Ray by showing you all of the cool scenes form other films.
- Opening: L.A. at night. Blue lightning falls from the sky. (War of the Worlds, 2005 version)
- Guy drunk on living room floor from party the night before gets snatched up by aliens. (The Forgotten)
- Guy almost gets snatched but is saved, but is transformed by the infected attempt. (Doom, X-files, Alien 4, AvP, District 9 and about 100 other movies)
- Guy and buddy become aware of the alien problem when they see the widespread devastation. (Independence Day, The Matrix)
- Aliens show themselves (Straight rip from The Matrix sentinels. Good to see they still got work after that third film. Blech.)
- Buddies discover guns don't work. (Take your pick)
- Army discovers nukes don't work. (Independence Day)
- Buddy gets snatched by 50 foot alien, despite very thin friend's best efforts to hold his hand to anchor him...from a 50 foot alien. (Take your pick)
- Angry Latino mans up. (Aliens)
- Aliens pop off people's heads for their brains. (Scanners, every zombie film ever.)
- Everybody dies except for the couple... (Cloverfield)
- ...aaaand then the couple gets snatched up... (Cloverfield)
- ...aaaand the guy is killed, but the woman survives because she's pregnant... (Predator 2)
- ...buuuut the guy, despite having his head ripped off, is powering an alien body in defense of his woman and unborn child (tricky, but more or less the video game "Bio Shock". What, you think the directors if this shit don't play video games? They're, like, 30 and spent their whole careers doing effects for other films.)
- ...and then the film ends.
What the fuck. You don't even end with a cool fight scene (that we know humans already lose)?
You end it with a showdown and then you ROLL THE CREDITS???
You know, it's funny. There is this whole dialogue between the two buddies, one of whom is a special effects designer (you know, like the director-brothers of this film). And the successful guy is telling his broke-ass buddy he should go into the business, but it's mostly because he can't figure out how to do this cool robot fight sequence in this film he's been hired for, but he thinks his best bro can. Oh, how art imitates life.
The effects are okay, but nothing you haven't seen before. The story is non0-existent, the characters are bland and the film is 30 minutes longer than it needs to be...and I say that knowing it's only an hour and half.
(Aside: I simply adore how people in films have never seen a film in their own world that resembles what's happening to them. People in zombie films never know what a zombie is until it's too late because, you know, who ever heard of zombies, for crissakes? People in alien invasion films never get that they're being invaded by aliens until it's too late because, you know, who ever heard of aliens, for crissakes? Like the only films people in the world of The Walking Dead have ever seen are romantic comedies and thus handicaps their understanding of what happens after you bump into a shambling corpse in an alley. Anyhow.)