2014 LuRe Yule Challenge - "Reframing" - Part 1
Title: Reframing
Author: scotianova
banner: moerlin
Beta: bluecactus03 ♥Thank you!♥
Warnings: none (maybe N-17 uin the end)
Words: 4331
Disclaimer: We don't own Luke nor Reid - we write FF just for fun!
Summary:
Basically I wanted to write a little something for FFF “One is such a lonely number” ( http://lure-atwt.livejournal.com/2757501.html) - in honor of ESS’ awesome acting. Since I didn’t get anything done back then but couldn’t get the great pic out of my head either, I decided to write a short story about Reid celebrating New Year’s Eve in Paris - alone…BUT...there's a happy ending!
1 Paris - City of Realization or Sad doctor lost in Paris (2013)
It was a piece of art - a symphony of green, red, and orange fruit-sorbets, hilariously small “gateaux au chocolat et marc de Champagne“, artistically arranged slices of peeled oranges and strawberries. He knew it tasted amazing, yet his penetrating stare actually didn’t see anything.
He’d tasted a little of everything, but right now Reid drew circles and lines onto the white linen tablecloth absentmindedly using crumbles of handmade baguette he’d crunched up. Not that he’d have disliked the crispy baguette he’d used as crumble-material, but somehow he was just that - absentminded, almost apathetic, not his real self.
The tablecloth was soft and silky; drawing circles on it almost felt like drawing circles on warm, smooth skin, skin caressed by an even smoother hand. Reid loved warm, soft, manly skin, especially flushed after riding on the top of waves of desire and release.
Noticing that the candlelight on his table also drew patterns on the back of his left hand that was rested beside his plate he sighed and lifted his eyes to look outside.
They’d saved him a perfect seat at one of the huge windows. He watched warmly dressed pedestrians passing by, maybe heading home, maybe on their way to another fancy restaurant or attending a party somewhere in this big city.
It was a cold winter in Paris. It was cold and lonely, and although the fancy restaurant was well-frequented, Reid felt as if he was the only man on earth.
Even the delicious food he’d ordered wasn’t able to cheer him up. Well, ridiculously little focaccias with ultra-thin beef tenderloin slices on top, lamb chops, coq au riesling, even the green salad with chives - everything was perfect. Even, the dessert was over the top - but he just was in THAT mood again.
Raking his favorite crumble - lines with his fingertips he shook his head. Damn! What was he doing here? What was he doing at all?
Well, leaving Crazytown in the end of December was a good idea so far - although it wasn’t coming from him initially, but from Bob, who wanted him to finally “have a life outside the hospital“. However, this time the anticipated distraction he’d hoped for refused to kick in. He pinched the bridge of his nose - God! He was so stupid!
STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!
Even the brilliant Reid Oliver wasn’t able to remember his one-word-sentence-phase at the age of 8 months, therefore he surely couldn’t think of a time only one single word resided his brain.
And of all words it was the adjective ‘stupid’ that replaced any other reasonable thought. Could you believe that? Yet he was stupid or acted stupidly for so long now, because he couldn’t get rid of those ominous feelings!
And feelings were definitely stupid; feelings were irrational ergo and feelings were dangerous. They were so dangerous that they transformed a usually smart and intelligent doctor into an idiot every once in a while. To be exact every end of the year.
How pathetic!
Again Reid stared at the small crumble-dams he’d formed and took a sip of the wickedly expensive wine he’d ordered. It was good but it made him even gloomier. He wasn’t a funny or twirly drunk anyway. Au contraire, alcohol always brought the melancholiac out of him.
Last year his escape had worked better. He’d spend end of year in Barcelona and it had been good. He’d even purchased three perfectly fitting suits and other clothes - and he’d been with a handsome guy during his stay, a business man from Berlin who’d tried to get over the end of a long-term relationship. His name was Axel. He and Reid had done a good job consoling themselves but both men were realistic enough to know that Reid’s departure on the 3rd of January was the end of anything that could have been an option but wasn’t. They lived on different continents and life wasn’t a fairytale, so they didn’t even exchange addresses.
Subsequently in his attempts to distract himself, he’d started to work out and have a run every day and due to his physical activities he’d lost weight without looking skinny. Maybe he’d never looked better before, he knew that and he also knew that he still attracted many gay men.
Just not the one he still wanted.
Suddenly one of the waitresses, who all looked like boarding school pupils, approached lightly coughing:
“Monsieur, sorry for interrupting your thoughts - but the monsieur over there asked me to give you this.”
Reid raised his left brow up to his curly hairline, nodded in response and unfolded the napkin.
“Do you want some company, bel Américain? “
First he just froze and was already about to crumple up the paper when a tiny voice murmured in his head: “Why not? You’ve nothing to lose.” And with that he turned around wondering if he’d identify his anonymous fan.
That was an easy thing to do.
There, three tables over to the left, a man was sitting at a table for two, and raising a glass of red wine.
He had a nice smile. When Reid ‘half-smiled’ back, the man stood up and approached his table.
He was older than Reid, short curly grayish hair, craggy features, blue eyes, exquisitely dressed.
“May I?”
And Reid invited him to have a seat.
“I am Jacques…”. Well, French people speaking English were special, nice and Reid smiled in return.
Jacques turned out to be a historian and quite entertaining.
“Don’t you like desserts?” He suddenly asked.
“Sure, I do…I am just not that hungry.”
“So bad?” Jacques’ soft voice with the pleasant accent startled Reid; causing him to avert his eyes and continue to study the white tablecloth again, and responding softly:
“Worse…”
“Lover? Husband? Affaire or relationship?”
“That’s the point…neither. It was more like an undefined something that could have happened but didn’t…”
“Oh, that’s worst of all…the undefined ones tend to glue to your soul much longer than the outspoken ones.”
“Yeah - maybe that’s it…” Reid tried to smile but failed.
“So…I guess…we won’t get closer later the night?”
“No, I guess not.”
Reid appreciated that Jacques didn’t leave realizing that he wouldn’t get lucky tonight but continued their animated conversation. Reid listened while Jacques talked. Reid learned that the historian was 49 and from an old Parisian family. He’d lost his partner two years ago - due to ALS.
“In the end I …”
“…you wanted him to finally die?” Reid finished.
“Yes - I know, it’s awful, nefarious…but…”
“No, it’s only human. ALS is a terrifying disease and witnessing the person you love suffering from it - that’s unbearable. ”
“You know about it?”
“Actually I do - I am a doctor, a neurosurgeon.”
“Oh.”
“…yeah sometimes it’s depressing to realize that there are still so many limits to medical progress.”
“It’s the first time that I’d approach someone again…”
Jacques admitted out of the blue and suddenly seemed uncomfortable.
“I’m sorry…you’re a handsome, nice man, Jacques, but I can’t.”
Reid wasn’t even sure why, because last year he was responsive to Axel’s approach. What was different this time?
“No, it’s okay. And I know that I’d regret it tomorrow or surely the day you’re leaving. I miss having sex, enjoying intimacy but my heart still isn’t there.”
Reid knew exactly what poor Jacques meant. Sometimes your body needs release but your soul is on a different page. This was exactly the way he was feeling this year.
“So, you’ve learned a lot about me - but I don’t know much about you. Why don’t you tell me, what or who is getting you down?”
Reid looked the friendly man in the eye and actually started to tell him, all that had happened to him, in 2010 and still hindered him from moving on.
He told Jacques about his life in Dallas, the way he came to Oakdale and how he fell in love with Luke Snyder.
“You know I wanted him to like me so much, that I misread his behavior, I read things into it. You know - like a 15 year old… ‘he smiled at me’… he looked me in the eye two seconds too long…the way, he ignores my private space has to mean something…his ex is an idiot so he might realize that I’m the better choice….yadda yadda yadda…all that shit. He even told me he was in love with me, but in the end it wasn’t enough and he went back to his ex, because he ‘wanted to fight for his first love’. I can’t even blame him - it’s just the way he works. He’s ridiculously romantic…”
“And you’re not?” Jacques smiled clearly doubting it.
“At least I wasn’t until I met Luke. I’ve always known why I tried to avoid feelings but when I met him…”
“You forgot your rules and simply fell for him…that’s what love is about, Reid. You can’t help it, can’t control it, can’t plan on it, it just happens…”
It was nice to talk to this friendly stranger who had to come to terms with an actual tragedy and Reid almost felt like an emotional hypochondriac.
“Luke made me want things I didn’t even know I wanted”
“Like what?”
“Commitment, exclusiveness, a home…love.”
“Everybody wants those things and if you wouldn’t know before - it’s a good thing, Luke opened your eyes. Even if you can’t have it with Luke, you know now, what to aim for. You’re very handsome, smart and special - you’ll find someone, I am sure of that!”
Funny, it was actually comforting to hear that and Reid wanted to believe him.
Reid’s first Christmas holidays and New Year’s Eve in Oakdale had been easy - he’d spent them in the hospital.
The following year he’d been a mess, last year he’d spent in Barcelona and it had been good and this year?
Before hopping on the plane he’d met Luke at the airport- just coming back from somewhere. So this year was disaster. Since then the blond refused to leave his mind and some other parts of him.
Compared to the struggles his dialogue partner had to go through, Reid’s Luke-disaster was a blip. Therefore he shrugged, this had to stop. He had to stop moping and clinging to something that would never happen.
He inhaled deeply and suddenly knew what to do after returning home.
“Reid, what about I show you the real Paris? Without any engagement of course.” Jacques interrupted Reid’s thoughts.
“Yeah, I would like that.”
And so it happened. The following day Jacques showed Reid places off the beaten touristic tracks, they ate delicious crêpes for lunch in a tiny bistro and in the end of the day Jacques invited Reid for dinner in his house. Again they had a great time and Jacques kept his promise and didn’t make a move on Reid.
In the morning Reid would return to Oakdale and therefore they bade farewell before Reid left for his hotel.
They exchanged addresses and Reid was positive they’d stay in touch.
2 Oakdale - who wants to waste away in Crazy-town?
“This time, I mean it, Bob. I quit. It’s time. And you can’t blame me for not trying. I did! I tried to get over him, I tried to build a life without him, I…but now it’s time to put an end to it. I finally realize I want a life outside the operating room, but here in Oakdale, that’s not possible.”
Looking into Bob’s shining eyes, the lump in Reid’s throat grew, but he couldn’t stay for Bob’s sake. And not even for Katie’s and Jacob’s sake. Katie was happily in love with Ben Holmes, the chief of Pediatrics, who’d come after Chris and Jacob was a kid, he would forget him in no time.
“Where are you planning to go?”
“I don’t know and it doesn’t matter. To leave - that’s the only thing that matters.”
“I am so sorry, that Luke and you didn’t work…”
“Me too, but it’s time to stop being sorry and miserable.” Red smiled.
The rest of the day was just classically Oakdalemaniac - like. Reid was on duty and spent the day examining sore throats, excising warts, stitching up wounds and finally a perplexed Reid was staring at Henry’ s penis. With the certainty of knowing he’d only have to deal with the insanity of Oakdale for a very short time, Reid felt generous and refrained from referring his hyperventilating patient to a veterinarian.
Smirking he put on sterile gloves and approached Oakdale’s prima donna.
“You want to touch it?”
“No, I don’t want to touch it, but unfortunately I have to do exactly that.” Reid sighed.
He picked the bruised genital up gingerly, twisted it carefully and tried to push back the swollen foreskin.
“It’s heavily lacerated - how often does that happen?”
“Sometimes but not that bad.”
“So, I prescribe some healing ointment and suggest putting it to rest until it’s totally healed. And then get an appointment with the urologist to remove it.”
“What?” Henry was horrified.
“I don’t mean your penis, Hank - but your foreskin is scarred, it will rupture again, unless you get a circumcision. I’m surprised that it wasn’t removed when you were younger.”
“But…but…”
“It’s a not a big deal, Hank. Actually a circumcised dick has its merits.”
Reid grinned and Henry whispered:
“You?”
“Sure.”
Processing the delicate information Henry was silent for a while.
“Why can’t you do the surgery?”
“Because I’m not a cock-chopper!”
“But…”
“There are no buts, Hanky. Besides - when your good boy is healed, I’ll probably not be in Oakdale anymore.”
“You’re leaving?”
“Yes, definitely and not even you’re dick could stop me.”
Reid dictated the prescription and finally dismissed Henry who still looked dumbfounded. He didn’t know himself if it was due to his diagnosis or that Reid was leaving Oakdale.
“Be a good boy - at least for a while.” Reid patted Henry’s shoulder and continued his rounds.
Shaking his head he realized he’d miss this caricature of a hospital and its crazy patients. But there was no way to get over Luke if everything and everybody reminded Reid of the first man he fell in love with at first sight - head over heels! Falling in love with Luke had rocked his world and mourning their almost-relationship took quite a while, more than anyone expected - including him.
But what was he supposed to do? He wasn’t a random person, right?
He was unique!
Wandering through Memorial felt a bit like home and he admitted to be sad about leaving it behind, but since he’d finally made the decision to start over, he felt so much better, free. He was at ease with himself again and he’d learned from Axel and from Jacques that he could meet someone if he opened up. If anything, he realized he couldn’t live only for medicine anymore. It had been a tough lesson but he’d learned from it.
He would take one step at a time. Living in Oakdale, he’d practically spent no money, so that he
had enough time to check the best clinics in the country and only accept the most attractive offer.
When Bob asked him the other day to meet him at the Lakeview to have dinner, he was actually looking forward to it. He’d dropped the bombshell unexpectedly and he wanted the old doctor to understand his decision.
They’d agreed to meet at 8 pm, Reid arrived in time but Bob wasn’t there yet. So Reid took a seat and inadvertently got caught up in memories connected to the place he waited in.
Blinking he realized he had been sitting at the very same spot a long time ago - waiting for Bob and Mona Cross.
What a horrible day. Luke had blamed him for being materialistic and career-obsessed, and had looked at him disdainfully. On hindsight, it seemed as if Luke had delicately misunderstood and misread Reid in order to have an excuse for treating him the way he did. See, it was good to leave, or else he wouldn’t escape Lukemania. Hopefully he wouldn’t meet a member of the Snyder-Walsh- clan while waiting for Bob.
Well, Bob was late. Not that Reid had all the time in the world…he clasped his hands, put them in front of him and studied them. Had he ever done that? People told him he’d beautiful hands. And men had told him he’d skilled hands - and not only in the operating room. He was able to do good things with them. It was time to use them more frequently.
Bob was late by half an hour now and Reid was getting uneasy. How long was he supposed to wait? Damn! He liked Bob and wanted to stay in touch with him but right now he wondered if he was developing dementia.
Reid wasn’t aware though that someone was watching him intently:
There he was sitting alone waiting for Bob, who wouldn’t come:
God, he looked so very lost again. He radiated loneliness and suffering from distress - like an abandoned little marmalade cat. His long, lean, beautiful fingers mistreated the table in front of him. Reid and his funny, endearing tics - that fidgeting-thing, he’d noticed it first while fighting with him. Poor Reid, every time he was under pressure, he barely was able to control his hands, his soft, gentle hands…
He looked good, his hair was cut the way the smitten observer liked best. What was Reid thinking right now? Probably he was angry because Bob was long in coming.
Well, he should finally deliver him from unnecessarily waiting.
Part 2: http://scotianova.livejournal.com/62602.html