so the world really blows.
well...everything is falling apart as usual. katy's depressed. which makes me feel just ten times worse about everything. i can't be myself around anyone anymore. i really wish that there was something i could say to make everything fall back into place again but there isn't. i'm worn down. the big strong exterior wall i had built for myself is ruins now. ruins. i'm completely and totally pathetic. i keep falling for the stupidest things. the things that it takes me the hardest to get over (and the people) are always the ones who seem to come creeping back into my life in some way or another. When i least expect it.
this is how i feel.
"One Last Thing."
My insignificant fears are
seeping into my consciousness
again.
again and again.
day after miserable fucking day.
i'm fed up with the drama.
save it for someone
else in your trailer park
future fame.
i don't give a fuck.
about my job.
about my education.
about my family.
about my future.
about my self.
what good will giving a fuck do me?
just stick the needle in my vein.
cut my line.
pass that bowl.
one more bump.
grab my beer.
wreck my soul.
ruin my dreams.
abused and violated.
kill myself every
night and wake up
wishing it had worked.
love my ma.
dote on da.
your brothers need a role model
she says.
my efforts thwarted.
i love you erased.
hugs regretted.
so much for motivation.
love me or leave me.
it hurts just as much
either way.
don't talk to me.
don't look at me.
don't touch me with a ten foot pole.
The razor cuts my skin
of minnesota milk
and pours the burgundy
blood of my veins
all over your consolation
prize.
your comforting disturbance.
your moderate rage.
your backup frustration.
All the excuses in the world
don't have a chance
at saving me
now.
Standing at the corner
walking.
numb.
pretending to know
everything
without first knowing myself.
I can't get close enough
to you.
I can't get far enough
from them.
You try to comfort me
so i isolate myself.
"Are you okay?"
"no."
Knowing you mean well.
hoping you mean well.
wishing i meant well.
Time lapse
i wake up and two
years are
gone.
The sidewalk cracks and throws me
to walk along the tightrope.
the concrete jutting in all directions.
pulling me into madness.
pushing me to the edge.
the edge of insanity, morality, truth, fear,
pain, myself, and tears.
Just stick the needle
in my vein.
cut my line.
pass that bowl.
one more bump.
grab my beer.
wreck my soul.
ruin my dreams.
abused and violated.
kill myself
every night.
Some day it's
got to
work.
-by me.
so there you go. it's not the best i've ever done. it's not even close. it's a little off on a couple things. but over all. i just wish i could disappear into the past and fall over the edge of the world into nothingness.
so much for happy endings.
-a.
this is how i feel.
"One Last Thing."
My insignificant fears are
seeping into my consciousness
again.
again and again.
day after miserable fucking day.
i'm fed up with the drama.
save it for someone
else in your trailer park
future fame.
i don't give a fuck.
about my job.
about my education.
about my family.
about my future.
about my self.
what good will giving a fuck do me?
just stick the needle in my vein.
cut my line.
pass that bowl.
one more bump.
grab my beer.
wreck my soul.
ruin my dreams.
abused and violated.
kill myself every
night and wake up
wishing it had worked.
love my ma.
dote on da.
your brothers need a role model
she says.
my efforts thwarted.
i love you erased.
hugs regretted.
so much for motivation.
love me or leave me.
it hurts just as much
either way.
don't talk to me.
don't look at me.
don't touch me with a ten foot pole.
The razor cuts my skin
of minnesota milk
and pours the burgundy
blood of my veins
all over your consolation
prize.
your comforting disturbance.
your moderate rage.
your backup frustration.
All the excuses in the world
don't have a chance
at saving me
now.
Standing at the corner
walking.
numb.
pretending to know
everything
without first knowing myself.
I can't get close enough
to you.
I can't get far enough
from them.
You try to comfort me
so i isolate myself.
"Are you okay?"
"no."
Knowing you mean well.
hoping you mean well.
wishing i meant well.
Time lapse
i wake up and two
years are
gone.
The sidewalk cracks and throws me
to walk along the tightrope.
the concrete jutting in all directions.
pulling me into madness.
pushing me to the edge.
the edge of insanity, morality, truth, fear,
pain, myself, and tears.
Just stick the needle
in my vein.
cut my line.
pass that bowl.
one more bump.
grab my beer.
wreck my soul.
ruin my dreams.
abused and violated.
kill myself
every night.
Some day it's
got to
work.
-by me.
so there you go. it's not the best i've ever done. it's not even close. it's a little off on a couple things. but over all. i just wish i could disappear into the past and fall over the edge of the world into nothingness.
so much for happy endings.
-a.