[Closed] May 6th, Night
Who: Utena Tenjo princely_calyx and Riza Hawkeye firebornfidelis
When: Late night, Thursday. Aftermath of this.
Where: Pathway to the ruins from outlander apartments, ruins
Format: Paragraph, past-tense
What: Utena runs to Riza's aid after a disturbing network post. She gets more than she bargained for in the ruins.
Warnings: Possible language and violence, mist effects abound
( Beating like a hammer... )
When: Late night, Thursday. Aftermath of this.
Where: Pathway to the ruins from outlander apartments, ruins
Format: Paragraph, past-tense
What: Utena runs to Riza's aid after a disturbing network post. She gets more than she bargained for in the ruins.
Warnings: Possible language and violence, mist effects abound
( Beating like a hammer... )
The muscles of her jaw tensed. Maybe this punishment was appropriate, but she wasn't ready to bow to it. She wasn't ready to give up yet. While she and the Colonel were both still alive, she would never give up on finishing what they had started.
"Perhaps I don't. But I'm not going to surrender yet. If I can continue to believe that it is possible to go back and see the revolution to the end, then I can keep on living with my purpose in mind. I want to try to pay back some small amount of what I have taken before its all over."
Whether it was the ending of the revolution or her own life that she was referring to, she did not specify.
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"Well, then. Good to know you aren't completely swallowed by the Rose Bride role."
She turned away, focused on getting a drink again. Even if it was poisoned, it hurt less than looking at Riza right now. And she felt so dry at the moment. She sat down at the table, realizing just how tired she was. She sat straight though, she wouldn't allow any hunching to clue Riza in on her fatigue.
She still had a long fight to go. It was time she accepted that she wasn't going to win it tonight. She would just have t keep telling Riza that she did deserve things, keep arguing until one of them broke. And it wasn't going to be her.
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Without speaking, she stood and moved toward the desk. She removed the clip from her hair and brushed it out, little tangles of dirt and leaves getting caught in the bristles. She could have used a shower, but her back still stung too much to be subjected to hot water. She would have to hope that the pain was gone by morning. It had only been the mist, right? Since she hadn't been marked again by real needles, the pain should pass away.
She moved toward the bathroom again, taking another glass from the table as she passed. Leaving the door open, she filled the glass and stood by the sink as she drank it.
"You must be tired," she said, just loud enough for Utena to hear from the other room. "We should probably be getting to bed." She smoothed her hair back out of her face, her hawk's wing bangs falling back over the left side of her face as soon as her palm had passed over them.
As casually as her tired legs would allow, Riza walked back out to the main room and stood by the table facing the girl, crossing her arms loosely over her chest. She could acknowledge the fact that their relationship was tenuous at the moment, but there was something else that had to be said before this confrontation was over. But her stance was non-threatening and her voice was soft when she spoke, merely questioning. She didn't want to start another fight so soon after the last one (which, in all honesty, Riza was not sure had really ended) though she would go there if she had to. But for the moment, she was calm.
"Before we go to sleep, I want to ask you something. Why, when I told you that I was uninjured, did you disregard my warnings and endanger yourself to come into the mist after me?"
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"Mm," She agreed, giving her hair a quick finger comb to get the worst knots out. Bed was sounding like a very good idea. Utena looked up as she heard Riza's footsteps come towards her and stop. For some reason Riza wasn't heading to bed. She was looking at Utena.
At Riza's question, though it seemed to be a honest question, Utena felt the slightest twitch in her eyebrow. They really needed to go through this right now? After everything was said and done, this is what she chose to bring up? Utena blew some air through her bangs.
"I thought you were stuck in the mist. And I thought you needed help." Simple, plain, even toned. Hopefully they could hash this out quickly and get to bed.
She doubted it though.
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She eased herself into the chair across from Utena. The hard chair was a better choice than the bed. She might have been tempted to let this go if she sad down on the bed.
"I don't like the idea of you risking your own safety for me. Especially under those circumstances. If you were already out in it, that would have been a different story. But you were safe, and you left that behind." She took a deep breath. She knew Utena was not going to be pleased with what she was saying, but it had to be said. "I know you only wanted to help me, and I appreciate the sentiment. But it was reckless."
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She watched impassively as Riza sat down. She didn't want to fight any more. But that wasn't an option. She was a prince. A prince never stopped fighting. She wondered vaguely if this was how Dios had felt before Anthy had sealed him away.
She listened, blank-faced, as Riza talked. She didn't listen too hard, it was the same thing they'd just argued about. Don't, blah, blah, risk, blah, yourself for me blah. She resisted the urge to openly mock what Riza was saying. The way Riza was sitting and trying to "reach her", Utena was reminded of the guidance counselor who disliked Utena's lifestyle and took every opportunity to try to change her for "the better".
But Riza wasn't that counselor and perhaps what she said was valid. What she had done could be categorized as reckless. She knew it was reckless, of course it was reckless. That was how she lived. It had been reckless to meet Saionji in the woods to duel. But she had done it for Wakaba. It had been reckless to duel him again. But she had done that for Himemiya and Chu-chu. She was reckless when it came to her friends - the answer she had already given, And she wasn't going to change that. Ever.
She shook her head and smiled.
"No, it wouldn't have been different if I'd already been out there. We'd still be saying the same things to each other. You think you don't deserve help," She leaned on the deserve part, "And I won't change. I will charge out into the battle, no matter what."
She shrugged her shoulders and sat back. True, not the kindest answer nor the most tactful. But it was honest. Thinking about, it would have probably been what she would have said to that counselor.
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"Do you know how foolish you sound?" she snapped. So much for keeping anger out of her voice. "Not thinking before running into battle is a good way to get yourself and your friends killed. I'm sure you think its very noble to go charging off to rescue a friend, but you have to consider the situation first! You didn't even try to find out where I was in the ruins. You didn't know how deep or how far you would have to go to find me, or even where you should exit the city to reach me the fastest. You ran out blind, without knowing the geography or the situation or the creature population and with nothing to go on except that I was out there somewhere. You could have wandered that place for hours without finding me. We're lucky things turned out as well as they did and only one of us took an injury. You aren't likely to be so lucky every time you do that." She kept her gaze level, denying the urge to press the heel of her hand to her forehead or rub her temples to ease the throbbing of her head. She sighed.
"I'm not saying this to try to be cruel," she said, voice dropping back into kinder, softer registers. "And I don't really expect you to make wholesale changes to the way you act. But I just want you to think. I'm worried what will happen to you if you don't."
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"Fine! Next time I'll write a two page report of things I should do and plan out exactly what route to take before I leave! Meanwhile whoever needed help would be gone! You can't always think things through all the way. Maybe that worked for you in your war but not where I'm from!"
She stood suddenly, almost knocking over the chair in her violence.
"What do you want from me?! I saw someone in trouble and I went out to help! That's all! I can't be the thinker, the planner - that's not me! Argh - and you want to yell at me about this now?! Does 'thank you' not exist in your world?!"
She was just so tired. How much more did she have to endure until she could sleep? She should have just left it at that but she just had to pick a little more.
"Is that all you do, is worry? Is that what you deserve, is to worry?"
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"Don't be ridiculous," she said, crossing her arms and meeting Utena's gaze with her own eyes calm but serious. "I'm not asking you to draw a map or submit a report. I just want you to consider the situation before you go barreling into it. And in this particular situation, there was no attacker, no enemy. You could have taken your time and been sensible and careful."
Her eyes narrowed as Utena continued to yell. "'Thank you' exists. And I do appreciate that you care enough to want to help me at the expense of your own safety. But I wonder if 'no, thank you' exists on your world."
She sighed. She did not want to go back to their previous conversation. "It's not all I do, but there are some people who like to make it seem that way. Do you think it's wrong of me to worry about you? That would be a little hypocritical of you, don't you think?"
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"What do you want me to thank you for, yelling at me?"
She glanced at the bed over Riza's shoulder. It looked so inviting. And warm.
"I never said it was wrong to worry but it seems to be all you do!"
Utena ran her hands through her hair out of frustration and anger. She wanted to keep fight so badly but she was losing steam fast. What annoyed her the most was that Riza was partially right. She had barreled into the mist without thought or care. Still, it's what she did. And she would bet good money that the next time something like that happened, she do the same thing.
"Can we do this tomorrow? I just need to sleep." She rubbed her eye for effect.
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"How can I not worry?" she said, very softly. "On top of everything else, you came out tonight because of me. If you had been hurt, it would have been at least partially my fault. Besides, I have to worry about reckless people, because I know they won't worry about themselves." If there was a smile at that, it was more the ghost of one, almost imperceptible. Utena did remind her of the Colonel sometimes. This nonsense tonight was something he would have done, and she was more than glad he seemed to have slept through it somehow. She really didn't need two of them to worry about at once. She could only hope now that no one mentioned it to him and he didn't look back over the network and see her transmission. She didn't know how much it might upset him, but she did know the look he would have in his eyes the next time he saw her, and that was something she did not want to see.
"All right." She had said pretty much all she wanted to say, anyway. She knew it wouldn't all get into Utena's head - Riza did know her type fairly well - but she had said it, and that was all she could do for now. "I know you're tired. I'm tired too."
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She could bring it up. She could start the whole thing over again, the yelling and the denial. What would that accomplish? It was like what Riza just did now, trying to correct Utena's recklessness. And Utena knew how well that worked.
She surpressed a sigh and let her left hand fiddle with her ring. Though her eyes never left Riza, she could see the Rose Crest all the same. The Rose Crest, the emblem of how she had lived her life and the symbol of what she fought against. This world was so different from hers. The duels that the Rose Crest brought were always so organized and honorable. There were no beasts to wildly lash out - unless you were Nanami - no strange mist to play havoc with your emotions and thoughts. And no adults.
Perhaps this is where the impasse came from - age and experience. Riza was clearly older than her and had fought in a war. What had Utena done? Played prince and fought a few pretty boys and tough girls. All in one on one battles. For the first time it really hit her how young she was.
No. If she could be a prince if she was girl, then she could be a prince even though she was young. She stopped playing with the ring. Self doubt seemed to come with the mist, it just crept in and surrounded you until it was almost too late. She wasn't going to listen to what all those others said.
"Thank you." It was all she could say to respond at the "I'm tired too" remark. It seemed her feint had worked. Best to just accept this small gift and recharge for whatever may come in the morning. She slid out of the chair and headed for the bed. She pulled back the covers and stopped. For a moment, all she could do was look at it. She had to say something. Riza, despite all her flaws and whatever role she played, was first and foremost her friend.
"Riza...I'm sorry. I know that I can be...reckless at times. And I'll try to be better about it. I can't really make any promises though. I don't make promises I can't keep. It's just, when I see someone in trouble, I can't just stand still and watch them stay in trouble. When I saw you out there..."
Though her tone was quiet and low, she was certain Riza heard every word. She didn't need to turn around to feel Riza's eyes on her. She slipped into bed and hoped that they had come to some conclusion.
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"I couldn't really ask for more than that," she said, her naturally quiet voice tired but warmed with affection.
She flicked the light off and moved easily through the darkened room, following the memorized image in her head rather than feeling around for landmarks. She knew where everything was despite the dark. Her eyes were still adjusting when she finally sat down on the bed and breathed out. She really was worn out and, despite everything that had happened, she thought she might finally sleep through a night. It would be the first time this week. Hopefully she was too exhausted for nightmares. The last thing she needed was to wake Utena up in the middle of the night gasping in horror or crying aloud. Or maybe, just because Utena was there, she wouldn't dream at all.
She settled herself down on her side, careful not to lean at all on the skin of her back which still protested loudly against the movements of the muscles beneath. She felt like she was melting into the bed and she could feel sleep already creeping into her eyelids.
"Thank you, Utena," she murmured, facing the usually unoccupied bed. Whether she was thanking the girl for staying over, for coming after her, for trying to be less reckless, or even just for caring enough to yell at her for hours, even Riza didn't really know. But she smiled, only a little sadly, as she settled down into the pillow.
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