[Open: It's a dirty job]

[fingersloophole]

Who: Zack Fair (i_love_squats), Tseng (fingersloophole) and anyone else
When: After this
Where: The Foxhole
Format: Paragraph
What: Zack and Tseng try to settle philosophical differences with booze and heart to hearts.
Warnings: Drunkenness and man talk!

Comments

[i_love_squats]

Yeaaaah, Zack couldn't say the same about the drunk thing, the random voicemails he left on half of Anatole a remaining subject of soreness for him. And, then, one couldn't forget the times he went out with Heine, or Jason, or-- Well, the list was a bit long. Lack of wars, lack of missions, they had left him far more time to socialize than to work, and it was a dangerous combination. Idles hands are the Devil's playthings and all that.

He really needed something to fight.

But, today's "fight" would have to consist of arguing with Tseng, an exchange of beliefs, and that was probably one of the hardest battles he had ever faced. The man was stubborn. Stubbornly stubborn, and he had a feeling that a topic like this was going to take more than a few well-placed heartfelt notions spattered in here and there.

Zack raised up his glass, snickered, then drank. "You know that sounds like a cheap pick up line, right?" Setting the glass back down, his shoulders shrugged. "Yeah. Enough. I kinda try to get out everywhere a bit, but any place that's Scorched run gets my first vote any day. Where do you hang out?"

Not that he really thinks Tseng "hangs out" much anywhere, but he was curious if there was an answer other than nowhere.

[fingersloophole]

Tseng mentally rolled his eyes. He did a lot of that. Less than he would dealing with Reno on a several times a day basis, but still too much. It was a stress relief. When he was rolling his eyes in his mind, he was transported somewhere nice and sane and quiet. Even if outwardly his expression remained the same.

"The pick up line of preference it 'I'm a Turk; want to see my gun?'," Tseng informed Zack dryly, a little amused that he'd ever actually joke that way. Maybe it was the liquor. Just in case he took another shot and ordered something a little less potent.

At Zack's question, he tilted his head a bit and considered. "Here or...?" It wasn't as though there were lengthy explanations. "Here I've become more fond of quiet and not...hanging out anywhere. At home when I wasn't on duty or at my apartments there was a bar under the plate I liked to frequent."

He accepted his new drink and smirked, almost smiled, into it. "A former Turk owns it. I liked to take off my suit and spend as much time as I could there. It reminded me that we're all not damned to die pointlessly. Only some of us."

[i_love_squats]

Zack was none the wiser. Tseng had a poker face most could only aspire and pray to possess.

"I've got a feeling that a line like that is going to get you slapped." You know, because a gun can mean a -- Okay, shake off that line of thought. Creepy. "You need to get something a little more universal. Tell a girl she's pretty, you know? A guy he's hot, if you like that sorta thing. Something complimentary. Guns and girls only work when it's a Turk you're talking to." Although, he thought Tseng and Elena would make a cute couple. Huh, funny thought that one is.

Quiet? Not hanging out? Why would anyone do something like that when there's all these amazing and fun people here to pass the time with? "Well, that's your first problem! You need to get out there and live a little. Have some fun! Make some friends, and don't gimme that crap about Turks don't need friends, 'cause we're friends, right? Blows a hole in your whole plan right there!"

Taking another drink (and damn near purring as it rolled its way down his throat), he set it down and looked back at Tseng. "Everyone's allowed to have time, during and after their careers. You're going to live a long time, Tseng. So's Elena. You guys are smart, crafty. I don't think there's any danger out there that you can't handle."

[fingersloophole]

Tseng looked amused. "I've never been slapped before. Not when trying to pick up company." There had been a few incidences in his career. Usually trying to control an emotional female, though men had done so as well. Or when he actually pretended to have relationships and ended them bluntly.

"You're pretty and I'm slightly inebriated," He mimicked Zack, not quite mustering enthusiasm into his tone. "Would you like to have an illicit sexual affair in the back alley behind this establishment?" He took another drink, dark eyes meeting blue challengingly. Tseng was not going to be easy to convince to woo anyone.

"I do have social graces, Zack. I choose not to date, consciously." Though that sounded a little sad and a little conceited. Maybe his work had eaten enough of his life that he didn't consider life outside it. "I am making connections as well, slowly. Now that my headaches have subsided. You do not have to worry that I will hover over your bed desperate for human companionship."

He was holding his glass as though it was tea, frowning and relaxing his grip, making it more casual. "I doubt I'll live long enough to retire because I'll keep working until I am physically unable. When what you're protecting is that much younger than you, you have to be prepared for it."

Taking another sip, he glanced at him. He couldn't ask Zack his plans for the future. "You seem to make friends and be happy wherever you go. You don't miss anyone?" He looked casually over to the door, lips curving. "I don't believe I've seen any flower sellers here."

[i_love_squats]

Now it was Zack’s turn to roll his eyes, only he wasn’t doing it mentally and there was nothing subtle about it. See, Tseng? No poker face. But then, he never was anything other than himself around you, which on could take as a good sign.

“First off, I don’t sound like that. Second, a back alley? A person at least deserves a hotel room if you’re going that route. Shows you care. Or have money. Both maybe.” The glass pointed towards Tseng for a second before he set it back down and leaned back in his seat. “You know, all my advice can help you. I mean, Shinra couldn’t have taken the urges outta you along with your smile, could they’ve?” Well, Hojo probably coul-Stop that train of those right there; it scared Zack. A lot.

“Yeah, yeah, I know, I get it, you’re a workaholic. Nothing satisfies you like the job. Elena’s got nothing on you.” He sighed, one leg bouncing rhythmically off the rung of the chair he was seated in. “But you’re not home, and work here isn’t the same anymore. Would it hurt to open up a little? Would it hurt to let someone in? The enemies in this city aren’t like the ones back home, and who knows, maybe that’s the reason you were given this second chance. Sometimes, I think it’s why I was.”

Because, that’s all this was for all of them: a second chance. Finishing off his drink, he was about to order another one before the words stopped on his lips. Just had to go there, huh, Tseng? “She was here, once. I was working on some carts.” The glass was set down and pushed away. “I miss her. I miss her a lot. More than… than you can understand. She’s special to me, even now, but I don’t know...” ...If it’s in the same way anymore.

[fingersloophole]

"You have a lot of input on this. Do you pick up people in bars often?" Tseng questioned, one dark eyebrow lifting slightly. He was debating if he needed to be more sober or less. Right now it was quite the toss-up. But the urge was there to get drunk enough he could barely stand, because there would be no Rufus to drag out of a mess before dawn.

He just shook his head, knowing Zack's mind was wandering to probably dark places. "ShinRa takes a lot," He agreed mildly. "But I'm not celibate. I haven't become quite the emotionless pawn the SOLDIERs whisper about." He knew the rumors. He'd probably helped spread some of them. But sometimes, he wondered if it was out of hand. If he couldn't go outside his Turks because no one else could know.

The bar food looked unappetizing. Shit-faced it was then. "I watched her," He replied, knowing he'd been cruel to mention her. Knowing it was worse he didn't know if he cared. "I kept watch over her for years. I took...letters from her. To you." He'd told Zack all of this when he'd first arrived. He'd left letters in a drawer and didn't know if Zack ever got to them.

"Order something else," Tseng suggested. "And I'll make an effort to talk about nothing morbid or saddening." Which was easier said than done, more than likely. "There was a SOLDIER once. Drug smuggling ring. I chose to save his life...and learned that isn't what a Turk does."

He paused, then looked up to meet Zack's eyes again. "It wouldn't kill me to open up any more than it would kill you to sit still." Both entirely possible, but very difficult.

[i_love_squats]

“Bars? Nuh-uh. In churchs and at auctions, yes. Oh, and in the Shinra reception area. And after sparring. And before sparring. And-Uh, you get the point.” Because there was a point buried deep somewhere in there, he just forgot it halfway through. A lot of input. He supposed so, but it was less of actual knowledge and more of following your heart, to coin a cheap and clichéd phrase. And wasn’t he really the master of such a thing? Impulse and instinct, being guided by the heart on his sleeve?

Not celibate? He wondered idly if Tseng was honestly taking a page out of Kunsel’s books and hitting the brothels in Dismas, then. And as soon as the thought came, he shook it away, finding he didn’t want his curiosity sated. “So, then, if you’re not, what kind of guy are you? Driven, ambitious, determined, those are things I know. But what’s the I-Need-A-Date Tseng like?”

The letters. “I know.” Sure, Zack had looked at them, had a lot. Hell, the last time he looked at them had been before his date with Irene, a final message before he moved them out of his drawer and into his closet, easing the door closed on that section of his past. “I’m glad for that. She… she had a lot of good people looking out for her over the years. You, Kunsel, and later on, Cloud. I…couldn’t ask for anything better.” He warmed over the thought, finishing his drink.

Zack waved down the bartender, ordered a beer and some food (greasy and slimy and vaguely gamey, just the way he liked it). “You Turks have a soft spot for us, I know.” He thought of Cissnei, missed her, felt that pang before he smiled. His leg kept bouncing.

“Hey, I am sitting still!” and then his leg stopped, as if he was suddenly aware of it. That lasted all of five minutes. “Opening up is good for your soul.”

[fingersloophole]

"Oh so you pick up people everywhere but bars," Tseng replied as though that made perfect sense. It probably did in Zack's mind. It might in his if it wasn't numbed by the alcohol. And yet he half expected a phone that no longer worked to ring, and to talk to a teenager who was no longer in this world. Or rather, he was no longer in his world.

The idea of an alter ego that needed a date made him chuckle. "Still driven and ambitious and callous," He admitted amusedly. "Not everyone finds that unattractive. But I would look for people with goals similar to mine. No intense relationship, and no potential to advance to settling down or raising a family."

Maybe in years. Several years. A decade. He had too much to get done before he was out of danger and therefore before anyone he chose to care for deeply was out of danger. At least ShinRa had never known about Aerith, for her own reasons and because of Zack.

"It seems hardly fair. I know all about you from reading your files and you've never been able to flip open mine." Mostly because he didn't have a full profile like SOLDIERs. "I was born in Wutai," He offered, though that much was probably obvious. "My father was a Turk." He took a drink and set it back down, but no more information was forthcoming. That was open enough.

There were questions he wanted to ask Zack, but very few were light-hearted. He'd have to save them. "How did you grow up? What was it like?" He knew parental names. Economic status. But not an actual experience. "Gongaga is hardly even a place."

[i_love_squats]

“Well, there’s no challenge picking them up in bars; it’s what folks expect. Heck, I think it’s what they go there for most of the time.” Which, if you asked Zack, he went there strictly for the beer. “If you really wanna get someone worth having, meet them outside of one. You know, with a hobby. Needlepoint or bird watching or whatever you Turks do for fun.” Zack smiled a little, hoping Tseng would listen for once before shooting him down completely. C’mon, his ideas weren’t always bad!

Goals. Similar goals. No settling down, no raising a family. Maybe some would say that this world didn’t need a bunch of mini-Tsengs running around, but Zack thought it did. “But you’re not home, and you don’t know how long you’re going to be here. Maybe this is your one shot to have a family, to settle down, to live…normal. At least for a little while. It’s not so bad, you know. Giving in.” Because, dammit, Zack was starting to fall in love with the whole getting a second chance idea. Who’d have thunk?

Wow. Zack looked on in rapt silence for once; hearing Tseng speak anything of his past was pretty damn impressive on its own merit. “Another Turk? What was he like? Was he like you? What was your mom like? What’d she do? ” And yes, you opened a floodgate of questions; Zack’s blue eyes glittered eagerly with the possibility of answers. His voice softened a little, a small smile on his lips. “I bet they’d be so proud of their son if they could see you now.”

“HEY! Gongaga is a great place!” His leg stopped bouncing again, this time to happily accept some bar food as it was settled down before him. He pushed it towards Tseng in case he felt like nibbling. Hurry, though; Zack was hungry. “Just… small. Tiny. And county. And-okay, it’s lame compared to Midgar, but it’s home, you know? There wasn’t a lot to do, so we made our own fun. Played ‘SOLDIER and Wutai’ -no offense-and built forts and climbed trees and ran around like kids. Drove my mom nuts most of the time.

“It’s a small place, though. Everyone knew everyone and all their business, so when one of us got in trouble, all the other moms knew, too, and warned their kids about playing with us. I, um, was talked about. A lot.”

[fingersloophole]

"You were a bad child," Tseng said with a laugh. "I assume your mother never beat you with her broom for leading other children astray." He was amused at the imagery. Zack didn't seem too upset about being talked about; Tseng assumed it was just a fact of childhood. If you were perfectly behaved or a terror, someone would find fault.

Tseng shrugged a bit. "Maybe I don't want children," He replied. "Maybe I don't want to become so attached in case I remember when I go back." It was a sobering thought, but there was still enough alcohol in his system to keep him relaxed. "Feel free to live it up. You've been here longer and maybe one day I will throw caution to the wind."

The drink was half empty. Not half full. Probably a good thing, as he made it mostly empty. The flood of questions surprised him a bit. "You would make a good Turk just for interrogation," He commented.

"My father was partially Wutainese. My mother was full. They weren't married and she didn't tell him about me until...later. When he was already married." His hands itched and he reached into his jacket, checking reflexively his weapons and ID card. "There were fewer bad feelings than I would have harbored in his place."

The questions felt oddly personal. Describing what his parents were like, rather than just simply that they were. "I lived in Wutai with my mother until she died. Then I lived in Midgar with my father and his wife." It was a task not to date himself, though Zack didn't even have records to look into.

"Did you miss such things in Midgar? Climbing trees and playing games? Or had you outgrown it?"

[i_love_squats]

“I wasn’t bad; I was energized.” Hmph. Big difference. “And noooo, but I was grounded a lot. A lot lot. I only got in real trouble one time, and that’s when I snuck out my window when I was locked up in my room. I, ah, was on the second story, and I got stuck on the roof. Shiva, she was pissed. After that, I learned to get a rope ladder and use that.” His smile was fond, distant. He never really got a chance to say goodbye to her; instead, it was just a letter left behind. He found it was one of his biggest regrets.

Zack understood that thought; he had it himself for a bit. Why become attached when eventually, out of the blue, he’d have to go home? Why learn to love it here when the end is waiting just around the corner? “Yeah, but isn’t it better to have ten minutes of true peace and happiness rather than none of it at all? Wouldn’t you be glad to just have that?” He sighed, picked up his drink, and swirled it. “I mean, you could say that anywhere, you don’t know how much time you have; are you gonna let that stop you doing something you care about? Really?”

Oh, ouch. Zack made a face, scrunching up his nose. “Ha. Ha. Very funny.”

It was fascinating to listen to Tseng recount his history; Zack munched on his food quietly, blinking and nodding. Moving from the two different worlds… what a culture shock! And here he had thought that going from the country to the city was rough. “Do you have any brothers and sisters? Did you resent your dad for not being there?” Because if so? Then he understood Tseng aversion to having kids of his own when he’d just have to leave eventually anyway. Made sense.

“Well, yeah. Not the playing games, but the trees and the grass. The life, you know? I mean, you can have a million people in a city and put it in a concrete mixing bowl with lights and sounds and action, and it still doesn’t even come close to the feeling of real living in a country city with just ten families. If, um, that makes sense.”

[fingersloophole]

"Energized. Mischievous. High-spirited," Tseng agreed absently. "I've used those terms to describe Rufus. What I actually mean by them is half suicidal pain in the ass." Of course he'd never admit that to anyone who would inform the boy of that. He had faith Rufus would grow up well, and he'd matured a lot in the years since Sephiroth had gone insane.

"If you were my child and got stuck on the roof, I would have left you there for a day. I'm surprised you didn't just jump off and pretend you could fly." Maybe Zack would have vibrated in the air from his energy. Or maybe he would have come crashing down and broken a leg.

Apparently vague questions weren't enough. "No siblings, half or otherwise," He replied. He'd been sad a child over that but he was pleased enough with it now. "I don't resent my father. He tried to do right by my mother when he knew about me. Turk life and fatherhood don't mix very well."

He looked to Zack's food. He probably needed some, but later. After he passed out for a while on the man's couch and got up in the morning telling himself he had to find somewhere else to live.

"Maybe you'll find a place to settle down here. Grow some trees to climb. Menace your neighbors. Get stuck on a roof. Lead children astray." He was amused at the idea. "It's getting late, isn't it? When's last call?"