[video | private]hirac_utzumAugust 29 2011, 02:14:37 UTC
[He is angry. It is the one thought, the one feeling that is clear when his mind is so busily whirling, trying to take in this information, trying to force it into a shape that makes sense, in a way it can't possibly. Oh, little brother, what have you done?
Elfangor is not mad at Aximili. Of course not. It is at those people, those who call themselves their leaders, representatives of their people, supposedly doing what is in the best interests of their people. But it is lies, all lies. They do what they will only so that they can sleep at night, to tell themselves that by giving the people false images of heroes and pointing fingers at inexperienced cadets, they have done what they must, that they have done what is best for their people.
But how can it be for the best, when instead of allowing the truth to come out--when it couldn't even matter to him, some scar of a reputation, when he was dead--they could allow... no, coerce his little brother, his hopeful, proud, too serious and a little goofy and utterly brilliant little brother, to send his career up in flames for something so worthless as the reputation of a dead fool. To do this to Aximili, who truly believed in their people, their leaders, who wanted to serve and protect and be brave and honorable. That they would dare do this to his brother.
He wondered if he could rise from the dead by sheer willpower, if only to haunt those sorry bastards for the rest of their miserable days.]
Aximili.
[His voice is choked, raw from the emotion he is holding back, trying to squelch, but it bleeds through anyway. He was never any good at controlling his emotions, he can't help but think almost hysterically.]
You didn't have to do that. I was already dead, it didn't matter what they knew... what they thought of me anymore. It didn't matter.
[Oh, but it did matter. It mattered immensely, that Aximili would do something like this, so reckless and trusting and precious, for him. For what was left of him by that point, which was nothing but memory and reputation. The latter, it didn't matter at all. But that his brother could think so highly of him, to do this... He was undeserving of such unwavering devotion. Not when his brother hadn't known the truth about him then. It tore at his heart.
He made a pained noise, something between a laugh and a sob.] They're fools, you know. You're so much better than they deserved.
[video | private]moarnomsplzAugust 31 2011, 01:50:59 UTC
[But he did have to; Ax still believes he had to, though the reasons are different now. And he is angry for a moment himself. How could you say that it did not matter, what I did? That I did it for nothing? He hears that his human mouthparts do something to his voice that makes it come out stiff and strained, but he cannot seem to stop that, even though he wishes he could.]
It did matter. It does matter. I do not care what they think of me, ee, either, even if they call me a failure.
[It is true, and has been true, and knowing it is somehow freeing.]
Lirem was wrong to make me say what I said, but there was some rightness, neh-suh, in his reasoning-ing. What our people think of you, that is what mah, mah-ter-zuh. I know more of your story than anyone, probably, lee, and I say that the name our people believe in is more important than that of an aristh unlikely to ever be more.
[video | private]hirac_utzumOctober 9 2011, 00:06:06 UTC
[He disagrees, so very much.
Will you fight? Will you be their hero?
Yes, Captain, I will fight.
He still feels the weight of that acceptance.
But that does not mean he needs to accept this.]
It is not what they think of me--they only know me as a name, not a person. [And now, as only a ghost, some poor excuse of a legend.] The name of a dead man is never more important than the life of a person still living, Aximili. It was wrong for them to use you like that. I do not care if you disagree, it was wrong, and I cannot believe otherwise.
[video | private]moarnomsplzOctober 9 2011, 22:23:06 UTC
Yes, it was wrong, rong-guh of them. But it was not for nothing-ing that I did it.
[He ducks his head, still embarrassed.]
A lot has changed since then. I... have told my human friend-zuh about Seerow. [He is all but certain Elfangor will approve of this, but it is still a moment before Ax looks at the screen of the Forge again.] I decided I could not let them fight a-low, lone, alone.
Elfangor is not mad at Aximili. Of course not. It is at those people, those who call themselves their leaders, representatives of their people, supposedly doing what is in the best interests of their people. But it is lies, all lies. They do what they will only so that they can sleep at night, to tell themselves that by giving the people false images of heroes and pointing fingers at inexperienced cadets, they have done what they must, that they have done what is best for their people.
But how can it be for the best, when instead of allowing the truth to come out--when it couldn't even matter to him, some scar of a reputation, when he was dead--they could allow... no, coerce his little brother, his hopeful, proud, too serious and a little goofy and utterly brilliant little brother, to send his career up in flames for something so worthless as the reputation of a dead fool. To do this to Aximili, who truly believed in their people, their leaders, who wanted to serve and protect and be brave and honorable. That they would dare do this to his brother.
He wondered if he could rise from the dead by sheer willpower, if only to haunt those sorry bastards for the rest of their miserable days.]
Aximili.
[His voice is choked, raw from the emotion he is holding back, trying to squelch, but it bleeds through anyway. He was never any good at controlling his emotions, he can't help but think almost hysterically.]
You didn't have to do that. I was already dead, it didn't matter what they knew... what they thought of me anymore. It didn't matter.
[Oh, but it did matter. It mattered immensely, that Aximili would do something like this, so reckless and trusting and precious, for him. For what was left of him by that point, which was nothing but memory and reputation. The latter, it didn't matter at all. But that his brother could think so highly of him, to do this... He was undeserving of such unwavering devotion. Not when his brother hadn't known the truth about him then. It tore at his heart.
He made a pained noise, something between a laugh and a sob.] They're fools, you know. You're so much better than they deserved.
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It did matter. It does matter. I do not care what they think of me, ee, either, even if they call me a failure.
[It is true, and has been true, and knowing it is somehow freeing.]
Lirem was wrong to make me say what I said, but there was some rightness, neh-suh, in his reasoning-ing. What our people think of you, that is what mah, mah-ter-zuh. I know more of your story than anyone, probably, lee, and I say that the name our people believe in is more important than that of an aristh unlikely to ever be more.
Reply
Will you fight? Will you be their hero?
Yes, Captain, I will fight.
He still feels the weight of that acceptance.
But that does not mean he needs to accept this.]
It is not what they think of me--they only know me as a name, not a person. [And now, as only a ghost, some poor excuse of a legend.] The name of a dead man is never more important than the life of a person still living, Aximili. It was wrong for them to use you like that. I do not care if you disagree, it was wrong, and I cannot believe otherwise.
Reply
[He ducks his head, still embarrassed.]
A lot has changed since then. I... have told my human friend-zuh about Seerow. [He is all but certain Elfangor will approve of this, but it is still a moment before Ax looks at the screen of the Forge again.] I decided I could not let them fight a-low, lone, alone.
Reply
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