It's a doubly funny thing: that my biography on Wikipedia has been nominated for deletion as being on a "non-notable" subject, and that thus far, so many people, only a few of whom I know, have signed in to declare how "notable" I am in defense.
It would be wrong of me to lie: I do have an ego. Seeing myself on Wiki is a nice boost, and - this sounds so wrong to say - I do sometimes do things for the Party wondering how they'll be reported in the papers or on Web sites. It's the same thing that puts me on the stage*; there's a charge you get from the audience, being accepted by them and important to them. Fame isn't something I considered earlier in my life, but having had a very small taste, it's a lovely intoxicant, like a good single-malt.
At the same time, I also worry about my own "notability", and whether it's misplaced. There's a part of me that doesn't want to be "special", in part because I'm trying to change the world here, and if it were something that only "special" people could do, then I'd be wasting my time. I don't want to start something, at least politically, that only I can finish. Then I won't have done anything, nor changed anyone. (My work in setting up The Exchange is another matter. I would love to leave Kid-1 and Kid-2 a controlling interest in a vibrant and successful corporation when they are older, but up to that point, it'll be me-on-the-hoof, for the most part, finally doing things the way I think they should be done.)
And of course, there are the same doubts about myself that I've always had: that I'm just not good enough. I've taken on a large number of roles and tasks and projects...in one sense I'm proud of that and show it off a bit, but in another, I'm wondering if that's "notable" in the sense of being a notable defect in my personality. It's embarrassing to be 41 years old and not know what the hell you are doing with your life. I've chosen a path - not consciously, I don't think - where "sensible" people fear to tread, and there is only so much justification one can do by citing the mundanity of others. Sometimes they don't do what you do, or don't follow you, either in actions or understanding...because they honestly do know better.
On top of that, what I decide can't be a simple academic musing. I have
efbq and the kids to think about. I'll live on ramen for weeks at a time if that's what it takes to recover from a fool's errand, but I refuse to let that happen to them. They could care less what I'm doing and how notable it is if they don't have enough to eat (which the kids in particular never seem to nowadays; they're both eating like Pac-man).
Not sure if I have a point to make here, other than questioning myself...which I probably need to do more often, without the aid of a delete notice.
In other news, first place again last night, bizatches. W00t w0oT! We were second place all game, then killed in the final round and were way ahead by the final question (only two teams could catch us with a twenty-point wager).
Btw, along those lines: we've been asked to actually reserve seats for the championship on 10 April. Yep, Trivia Night's been geting more popular, and two weeks ago the pub ran out of chairs...so to try and avoid that, they've asked us to give them an idea how many seats we'll need. There's also a rule that says you can't play in the championship unless you've played before - that would mean myself, the Mutie,
ratravarman,
muzikmaker21, and
cnvarbiter. (I think
efbq was there for three questions or so once; not sure if that counts, but I don't think she's planning on attending.) So if you are interested in being there for the drinking championship, let me know, and make plans to show up on 27 March or 3 April. If not, you can always join us on the 17th or whenever.
Btw again, Rick, the guy what does the trivia, also does a trivia night at the Greene Turtle on McGaw Rd. on Wednesday nights. It's apparently not as "lively" as the Frisco crowd, Rick says, but it is Rick running it, and he's cool, so if you happen to be in the area, look 'im up.
* And also wishing that I could be on IMDb as well!