Merry Christmas all!
Heyllo everybody!
First off, MERRY CHRISTMAS to all!!
Hope everyone has had a nice day and that everything has gone smoothly, no exploding turkeys or spontaneous combustion of Christmas crackers or anything.
My day? Well really it hadn't felt like Christmas at all to me, I know I know, I'm getting older and I've already understood that over the last few years, but this year just felt totally wrong. I'd been feeling totally depressed and I really didn't want to be here, or anywhere else for that matter. I've been trying me best to get into the spirit by watching as much Christmas tv as I can stand (I really don't watch tv that much unless its something that I really REALLY like.. or a film), which had worked to some extent. To be honest, films and computer games are a total blessing for me in a way; they're a life line for me. I really don't like life most of the time, I don't like what it brings such as all its stupid complexities and hideousness, I can't see a point in it and I haven't been able to in a very long time; say over 4 years now. So why are films and games so fun to me? Well its obvious, they're a form of total escapism for me, as I like nothing more than shutting out this bloody crappy world to escape to another where I don't have to have life changing effects involved with them. Anyway, where was I?
Ah yes, Christmas. Got home from Uni last Thursday. Did I mention Uni? Terribly lonely place when no one is around like on my last few days before Christmas, yet when people are around I struggle to interact with them or just want to be left alone; I'm sick of the place really, sick off all the bullshit academia, just can't see it how others can, seems to be all just pompous bollocks that’s spouted to sound clever and important... then again I still can't stand to be at home, always too much fighting, so I'm back to where I started before aiming for uni, in that brief moment of total hopelessness, nowhere I really no where I want to be. Still I trudge on, not sure why, but I do. There has to be a silver lining somewhere, although I fear mine has been painted black and been hidden in a mass of black gooey barbed wire filled black yarn mess... pessimistic for you?
I've gone off on one again haven't I?
Right, Christmas! I got back and haven't done much but play Battlefield 2 and Battlefield 2: Special Forces a hell of a lot. I think I'm doing fairly well on it, I've been promoted to the rank of Gunnery Sergeant (These are US Marine Corps ranks mind you, I'm aiming to reach the rank of Sergeant Major, which is two more ranks up, which was the rank my dear departed Granddad reached before he left the army sometime after WW2; they offered him an officers rank and commission but he refused to become an extremely well known manager of a butchers in town, so there you go). Where was I again, ah yeah, BF2. So I've reached that rank and gained at least all my basic badges anyone who's interested in BF2 and is curious about my stats can find them here: http://bf2s.com/player/Scioptic/
So I've played that a lot and not a lot else really, just slept a lot or potted around the house. So Christmas Eve hit and I was determined to be Christmassy, didn't happen, the only slight feeling of Christmas I got was after watching the Patrick Stuart version of A Christmas Carol (with absolutely terrible ghosts by the way :P), but that was it. I awoke this morning as if it were just a normal Sunday. I handed out my presents to my family and received mine. I was given books by all of them, mum even said later "Oh Andrew got you books as well, I didn't realise." Now I'm not being ungrateful or anything, they're nice books and all, but after studying English Lit now for over 2 years at degree level (and before that a hell of a lot), you know what? I'm sick of books! They're lovely and all, great presents, but I have no idea when I'm going to be able to read them, perhaps when I'm past middle age. I'm a slow reader (not good for a Lit student who has to read a book per module (6 in total) a week sometimes), and at the mo I have enough Literature to last me the rest of my natural born life!.... I say natural, as unless some sentient being extends my life force then I'll never get through them all.. in fact there’s a hell of a lot I don't even like but I've had to get for courses and only read part of them. So Christmas dinner arrived, and we all sat down and began to tuck into the feast. Only a few of us again this year, my mum, dad, brother, our dog Holly and myself; this I kinda like, it's quiet, but I'd prefer it to aunties and uncles.. who am I kidding my dad's family never come round, so my Auntie on my mum's side then, it's much better than her being a pain in the arse and me not liking her for not helping my mum. I know I know, if she's in ours then she's our guest and she shouldn't life a finger, but if we were in hers then mum would be up helping to cook and clean up after whether she liked it or not, I just wished she'd repay the favour sometime. Besides that she never invited us this year and turned down our offer, so stuff her. I couldn't finish my Christmas dinner! This is the first time in my life baring illness that I've not been able to finish a Christmas dinner, maybe it's because of the size of the portions I've been having at uni compared to mum's giant ones. I helped mum clean away and wash up and we were all sorted and having a rest by half four. The amount of Christmas chocolates in this bloody house and I've only eaten one because I'm so full. Ok so I can't eat as much as I used to be able to... if only my bloody stomach would smegging flatten to match. My brother Andrew on the other hand, has crash dieted on the other hand, well apparently he's been eating but I've not been here, but when I've hugged him I can feel his rib cage and mum has said his stomach goes right in. He looks perfectly fine to me, like nowhere near stupidly skinny, but to me he just looks thinner. That’s never fine with mum and dad though. He's now TOO thin as he's startin to have trouble fitting into his clothes, whereas I on the other hand, I'm TOO fat, which is how they saw Andrew before this, they now think the opposite, they're never happy no matter what we do.
So now I'm here in front of my computer just after watching the Doctor Who Christmas Special, and typing a stupidly long LJ entry. I was going to talk about the Doctor Who episode but I think I'll put that into the next entry above :P
First off, MERRY CHRISTMAS to all!!
Hope everyone has had a nice day and that everything has gone smoothly, no exploding turkeys or spontaneous combustion of Christmas crackers or anything.
My day? Well really it hadn't felt like Christmas at all to me, I know I know, I'm getting older and I've already understood that over the last few years, but this year just felt totally wrong. I'd been feeling totally depressed and I really didn't want to be here, or anywhere else for that matter. I've been trying me best to get into the spirit by watching as much Christmas tv as I can stand (I really don't watch tv that much unless its something that I really REALLY like.. or a film), which had worked to some extent. To be honest, films and computer games are a total blessing for me in a way; they're a life line for me. I really don't like life most of the time, I don't like what it brings such as all its stupid complexities and hideousness, I can't see a point in it and I haven't been able to in a very long time; say over 4 years now. So why are films and games so fun to me? Well its obvious, they're a form of total escapism for me, as I like nothing more than shutting out this bloody crappy world to escape to another where I don't have to have life changing effects involved with them. Anyway, where was I?
Ah yes, Christmas. Got home from Uni last Thursday. Did I mention Uni? Terribly lonely place when no one is around like on my last few days before Christmas, yet when people are around I struggle to interact with them or just want to be left alone; I'm sick of the place really, sick off all the bullshit academia, just can't see it how others can, seems to be all just pompous bollocks that’s spouted to sound clever and important... then again I still can't stand to be at home, always too much fighting, so I'm back to where I started before aiming for uni, in that brief moment of total hopelessness, nowhere I really no where I want to be. Still I trudge on, not sure why, but I do. There has to be a silver lining somewhere, although I fear mine has been painted black and been hidden in a mass of black gooey barbed wire filled black yarn mess... pessimistic for you?
I've gone off on one again haven't I?
Right, Christmas! I got back and haven't done much but play Battlefield 2 and Battlefield 2: Special Forces a hell of a lot. I think I'm doing fairly well on it, I've been promoted to the rank of Gunnery Sergeant (These are US Marine Corps ranks mind you, I'm aiming to reach the rank of Sergeant Major, which is two more ranks up, which was the rank my dear departed Granddad reached before he left the army sometime after WW2; they offered him an officers rank and commission but he refused to become an extremely well known manager of a butchers in town, so there you go). Where was I again, ah yeah, BF2. So I've reached that rank and gained at least all my basic badges anyone who's interested in BF2 and is curious about my stats can find them here: http://bf2s.com/player/Scioptic/
So I've played that a lot and not a lot else really, just slept a lot or potted around the house. So Christmas Eve hit and I was determined to be Christmassy, didn't happen, the only slight feeling of Christmas I got was after watching the Patrick Stuart version of A Christmas Carol (with absolutely terrible ghosts by the way :P), but that was it. I awoke this morning as if it were just a normal Sunday. I handed out my presents to my family and received mine. I was given books by all of them, mum even said later "Oh Andrew got you books as well, I didn't realise." Now I'm not being ungrateful or anything, they're nice books and all, but after studying English Lit now for over 2 years at degree level (and before that a hell of a lot), you know what? I'm sick of books! They're lovely and all, great presents, but I have no idea when I'm going to be able to read them, perhaps when I'm past middle age. I'm a slow reader (not good for a Lit student who has to read a book per module (6 in total) a week sometimes), and at the mo I have enough Literature to last me the rest of my natural born life!.... I say natural, as unless some sentient being extends my life force then I'll never get through them all.. in fact there’s a hell of a lot I don't even like but I've had to get for courses and only read part of them. So Christmas dinner arrived, and we all sat down and began to tuck into the feast. Only a few of us again this year, my mum, dad, brother, our dog Holly and myself; this I kinda like, it's quiet, but I'd prefer it to aunties and uncles.. who am I kidding my dad's family never come round, so my Auntie on my mum's side then, it's much better than her being a pain in the arse and me not liking her for not helping my mum. I know I know, if she's in ours then she's our guest and she shouldn't life a finger, but if we were in hers then mum would be up helping to cook and clean up after whether she liked it or not, I just wished she'd repay the favour sometime. Besides that she never invited us this year and turned down our offer, so stuff her. I couldn't finish my Christmas dinner! This is the first time in my life baring illness that I've not been able to finish a Christmas dinner, maybe it's because of the size of the portions I've been having at uni compared to mum's giant ones. I helped mum clean away and wash up and we were all sorted and having a rest by half four. The amount of Christmas chocolates in this bloody house and I've only eaten one because I'm so full. Ok so I can't eat as much as I used to be able to... if only my bloody stomach would smegging flatten to match. My brother Andrew on the other hand, has crash dieted on the other hand, well apparently he's been eating but I've not been here, but when I've hugged him I can feel his rib cage and mum has said his stomach goes right in. He looks perfectly fine to me, like nowhere near stupidly skinny, but to me he just looks thinner. That’s never fine with mum and dad though. He's now TOO thin as he's startin to have trouble fitting into his clothes, whereas I on the other hand, I'm TOO fat, which is how they saw Andrew before this, they now think the opposite, they're never happy no matter what we do.
So now I'm here in front of my computer just after watching the Doctor Who Christmas Special, and typing a stupidly long LJ entry. I was going to talk about the Doctor Who episode but I think I'll put that into the next entry above :P