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[scionofgrace]

Jeff and I had an interesting conversation during the college group meeting last Sunday night.  About arguments.  It was something I'd never really thought through, about my family's tradition of arguing, and what purpose it could possibly serve.  Apparently Jeff's become rather alarmed at the whole idea of theological arguing, and the apparent

Comments

[kalquessa]

It's funny, because I had the same experience you describe of discovering adults arguing passionately (but with reasonable civility) when I joined Mr. Bill's family. They do this, and it blew my mind, because in my family we definitely bicker and snipe and swap barbs, but it's all about fairly surface-level stuff...anything deep and important, we either a) agree on, or b) Don't Talk About. I think the latter is because we are incapable in my family of arguing dispassionately and of separating ourselves from our opinions.

I should never argue to be proved right. I should argue to become right.

If I could get my head into this space, I would engage in arguments much more frequently. Alas, I cannot, at least not yet. Maybe when I'm older. It doesn't help that the few topics on which I feel strongly enough to Really Argue (as opposed to making a few wisecracks and then shrugging if no one agrees with me) are hot buttons for me. If I care enough to argue, it's because I think the issue is hugely serious and important, and I am adamant in my conviction that I am right. So it's impossible for me not to get worked up and upset when I can't convince my interlocutor of my rightness.

So I just don't argue, and my blood-pressure stays at a comfortable level. *grin*

[scionofgrace]

If I care enough to argue, it's because I think the issue is hugely serious and important, and I am adamant in my conviction that I am right. So it's impossible for me not to get worked up and upset when I can't convince my interlocutor of my rightness.

That is the hard part, isn't it? I think most people struggle with that when arguing, being able to tolerate someone who refuses to recognise that they're wrong!

I've got to the point where I need to learn to stay out of arguments, for the reasons I gave in my post.