Come fill my senses up with you...
I haven't felt too good lately. It's a number of things that are stressing me out, one or two of which are too personal to mention here. Since I'm too lazy to explain, here's an AIM convo between me and Melissa. I haven't had a real convo with her in a while. It was good for me to get my feelings out of my head for once.
Hauntedteardrop: I had a breakdown last night at work.
formAndfuncti0n: what happened?
Hauntedteardrop: Im just under alot of stress lately
formAndfuncti0n: me too...
Hauntedteardrop: and it started yesterday. during lunch I was having alot of chest pains
Hauntedteardrop: and I felt really dizzy and so iw ent back to work.
Hauntedteardrop: I thought a few times I was gonna pass out.
Hauntedteardrop: I was waiting on a customer and I started to cry and I just broke down right there
Hauntedteardrop: I felt so stupid
Hauntedteardrop: My mom knew something was wrong.
formAndfuncti0n: I'm sorry
Hauntedteardrop: I looked really white in the face, and I forgot where i was.
formAndfuncti0n: are you feeling better now?
Hauntedteardrop: a lil i guess.
formAndfuncti0n: it sounds like you really need a break from it all
Hauntedteardrop: Its just with. The bills, and Preasure and how I feel as if I'm already dead. and tired of b eing treated like I'm nothing.
Hauntedteardrop: brb
formAndfuncti0n: k
Hauntedteardrop: ok
formAndfuncti0n: wb
formAndfuncti0n: was wondering where you went
Hauntedteardrop: I went to pray
formAndfuncti0n: Melissa....I'm worried about you
formAndfuncti0n: :-\
formAndfuncti0n: what do you think would be the best thing to do right now?
Hauntedteardrop: why?
Hauntedteardrop: I wish I knew daniel.
formAndfuncti0n: It's just that I hear about these things happening with you, and I wish I knew what would be the best thing to get you out of this mess
formAndfuncti0n: Argh...I can't fucking think
formAndfuncti0n: my brother's blasting a CD in the stereo behind me
Hauntedteardrop: i'm making youor frustraded
formAndfuncti0n: I hate the feeling that there's nothing I can do....it just sounds like right now you're so tied down you can't do anything you want
Hauntedteardrop: you already are doing something.
Hauntedteardrop: you just don't know it.
formAndfuncti0n: ........
Hauntedteardrop: talking to me.
Hauntedteardrop: it does ease my pain some.
formAndfuncti0n: what's stressing you out the most right now?
Hauntedteardrop: work
formAndfuncti0n: I can tell you what's been getting to me lately
formAndfuncti0n: you've been working too many hours
Hauntedteardrop: tell me
Hauntedteardrop: why is that getting to you?
formAndfuncti0n: lately....I've had so much schoolwork biting me in the ass, and work.....right now I've been wondering whether or not I have the dedication or talent I need to go through an art college
Hauntedteardrop: you have the talent dan
formAndfuncti0n: It's like, I want to get better, but I don't know where to start
Hauntedteardrop: you are already there, and you just don't know it.
formAndfuncti0n: no....there's so much I need to know and study
Hauntedteardrop: when you first told me about the art college wanting you, it made me so happy for you.
formAndfuncti0n: it's unbelievable
Hauntedteardrop: is this what you want to do?
formAndfuncti0n: I'm just so scared of failure
formAndfuncti0n: yes, as far as I can tell
Hauntedteardrop: Dan
formAndfuncti0n: I'm just so uncomfortable
formAndfuncti0n: I look at what's expected of me, and I make unrealistic expectations for myself
Hauntedteardrop: you won't ever fail.
formAndfuncti0n: *sigh*
formAndfuncti0n: well....I know one thing
formAndfuncti0n: I need to get off my ass and practice more
formAndfuncti0n: I'm sick of my goddamn job
formAndfuncti0n: not just the workplace, but also work getting in the way of things
Hauntedteardrop: can you take a leave from your job, until everything is going on the right path?
formAndfuncti0n: like I found out yesterday that I'm scheduled to work on the day I'm supposed to go up to Atlanta, so now I have to see about getting someone to work for me that day
formAndfuncti0n: I just don't know
formAndfuncti0n: maybe
formAndfuncti0n: my mom tells me that if I quit then I'd better get another job right away, but I think I'd rather have a break from work period
formAndfuncti0n: not just the job I'm in right now
Hauntedteardrop: oh
formAndfuncti0n: do you want to take a break from work?
Hauntedteardrop: i would love too.
formAndfuncti0n: what's holding you back?
Hauntedteardrop: but there is no way in hell I can.
Hauntedteardrop: Bills.
formAndfuncti0n: you
formAndfuncti0n: re making more money now, right?
Hauntedteardrop: If it wasn't for me Dan.... My mom wouldn't be able to pay the bills
Hauntedteardrop: yeah but I need the money.
formAndfuncti0n: was she able to pay them before you got the Wal Mart job?
Hauntedteardrop: No.
Hauntedteardrop: I want to help my mom out
formAndfuncti0n: oh
formAndfuncti0n: that's understandable
Hauntedteardrop: its so nice to get that 500 every two weeks.
formAndfuncti0n: I hear ya
formAndfuncti0n: maybe you could just cut back on hours
Hauntedteardrop: I guess what really got to me was
Hauntedteardrop: a few nights ago ryan called
Hauntedteardrop: I just don't understand how someone can tell me that they have feelings for me.
Hauntedteardrop: but never met me.
Hauntedteardrop: I see these guys and they're with these girls that look and seem so perfect.
Hauntedteardrop: I'm for from that.
Hauntedteardrop: fa
Hauntedteardrop: r
Hauntedteardrop: i know if I met him right now, he'd think "What the hell was i thinking"
Hauntedteardrop: and I know it for a fact.
formAndfuncti0n: well....I've never been in a relationship, but I know just from looking at other people that finding a person with both good looks and a good personality is really rare
Hauntedteardrop: It bothers me when you see these guys and they go right for these Britney spear type girls, and they just walk all over me to get to them and that hurts so much
Hauntedteardrop: that it fucks with my mind
formAndfuncti0n: you know that the majority of people who get married when they're young end up getting a divorce?
Hauntedteardrop: For once in my life, I wanna meet a guy that Thinks I'm beautiful cuz I'm Me.
formAndfuncti0n: I'm sorry that there aren't any non-asshole guys where you live
formAndfuncti0n: but you know....guys like them are gonna go nowhere
formAndfuncti0n: just look at the pricks up the street from me
Hauntedteardrop: I know but...it hurts.
formAndfuncti0n: they call me a nerd because I'm not like them....but 10 years from now they'll be locked up or something worse
formAndfuncti0n: I know it does
formAndfuncti0n: I haven't been feeling good lately
formAndfuncti0n: I've been thinking what I need is a break from most of society
formAndfuncti0n: I sound like a fuckin hermit
formAndfuncti0n: heh
Hauntedteardrop: no you d on't.
formAndfuncti0n: by nature, I'm just not a social person unless I get to know someone well enough....and I'm forced into these social situations at school and work, and to be honest, it takes a toll on me
formAndfuncti0n: and at the same time, I feel like a loser when I don't want to be around anyone
formAndfuncti0n: like a loner
Hauntedteardrop: don't feel that way.
formAndfuncti0n: I know
formAndfuncti0n: I try to tell myself that....but it just doesn't get through
formAndfuncti0n: I'm so thankful that I don't have work or school until Monday
formAndfuncti0n: maybe if I can get off my ass, I can get some actual artwork done
Hauntedteardrop: don't over work yourself though
Hauntedteardrop: beb
Hauntedteardrop: brb
formAndfuncti0n: k
Hauntedteardrop: k
formAndfuncti0n: wb
Hauntedteardrop: ty
Hauntedteardrop: i'm so tired i'm seeing double
formAndfuncti0n: lol
formAndfuncti0n: are you going to be online tomorrow?
Hauntedteardrop: before and after work
Hauntedteardrop: not in the morning tho
formAndfuncti0n: okay
Hauntedteardrop: cuz i'm sleeping in, and then I'm gonna watch the macy's parade. and then put up christmas lights outside
formAndfuncti0n: well, I doubt I'll be online in the morning
formAndfuncti0n: lol
Hauntedteardrop: gonna pretend i'm chevy chase for the moment.
Hauntedteardrop: Well I really hate to do this
Hauntedteardrop: but i'm gonna get to bed
formAndfuncti0n: lol
formAndfuncti0n: I better get to bed too
formAndfuncti0n: I dunno how early I'm getting up for Thanksgiving lunch
Hauntedteardrop: me neither.
Hauntedteardrop: Happy Thanksgiving btw.
formAndfuncti0n: you too
formAndfuncti0n: hehe
Hauntedteardrop: Sweetest dreams to you.
formAndfuncti0n: you too
formAndfuncti0n: It was good talking to you
formAndfuncti0n: seeya later
Hauntedteardrop: Same here.
Hauntedteardrop: See ya..
Hauntedteardrop signed off at 5:57:13 PM">
A website I found tonight with some artwork that's AMAZING----> http://www.goodbrush.com People like this guy make me want to give up all my hopes and dreams of getting a good artistic career. =/
Hauntedteardrop: I had a breakdown last night at work.
formAndfuncti0n: what happened?
Hauntedteardrop: Im just under alot of stress lately
formAndfuncti0n: me too...
Hauntedteardrop: and it started yesterday. during lunch I was having alot of chest pains
Hauntedteardrop: and I felt really dizzy and so iw ent back to work.
Hauntedteardrop: I thought a few times I was gonna pass out.
Hauntedteardrop: I was waiting on a customer and I started to cry and I just broke down right there
Hauntedteardrop: I felt so stupid
Hauntedteardrop: My mom knew something was wrong.
formAndfuncti0n: I'm sorry
Hauntedteardrop: I looked really white in the face, and I forgot where i was.
formAndfuncti0n: are you feeling better now?
Hauntedteardrop: a lil i guess.
formAndfuncti0n: it sounds like you really need a break from it all
Hauntedteardrop: Its just with. The bills, and Preasure and how I feel as if I'm already dead. and tired of b eing treated like I'm nothing.
Hauntedteardrop: brb
formAndfuncti0n: k
Hauntedteardrop: ok
formAndfuncti0n: wb
formAndfuncti0n: was wondering where you went
Hauntedteardrop: I went to pray
formAndfuncti0n: Melissa....I'm worried about you
formAndfuncti0n: :-\
formAndfuncti0n: what do you think would be the best thing to do right now?
Hauntedteardrop: why?
Hauntedteardrop: I wish I knew daniel.
formAndfuncti0n: It's just that I hear about these things happening with you, and I wish I knew what would be the best thing to get you out of this mess
formAndfuncti0n: Argh...I can't fucking think
formAndfuncti0n: my brother's blasting a CD in the stereo behind me
Hauntedteardrop: i'm making youor frustraded
formAndfuncti0n: I hate the feeling that there's nothing I can do....it just sounds like right now you're so tied down you can't do anything you want
Hauntedteardrop: you already are doing something.
Hauntedteardrop: you just don't know it.
formAndfuncti0n: ........
Hauntedteardrop: talking to me.
Hauntedteardrop: it does ease my pain some.
formAndfuncti0n: what's stressing you out the most right now?
Hauntedteardrop: work
formAndfuncti0n: I can tell you what's been getting to me lately
formAndfuncti0n: you've been working too many hours
Hauntedteardrop: tell me
Hauntedteardrop: why is that getting to you?
formAndfuncti0n: lately....I've had so much schoolwork biting me in the ass, and work.....right now I've been wondering whether or not I have the dedication or talent I need to go through an art college
Hauntedteardrop: you have the talent dan
formAndfuncti0n: It's like, I want to get better, but I don't know where to start
Hauntedteardrop: you are already there, and you just don't know it.
formAndfuncti0n: no....there's so much I need to know and study
Hauntedteardrop: when you first told me about the art college wanting you, it made me so happy for you.
formAndfuncti0n: it's unbelievable
Hauntedteardrop: is this what you want to do?
formAndfuncti0n: I'm just so scared of failure
formAndfuncti0n: yes, as far as I can tell
Hauntedteardrop: Dan
formAndfuncti0n: I'm just so uncomfortable
formAndfuncti0n: I look at what's expected of me, and I make unrealistic expectations for myself
Hauntedteardrop: you won't ever fail.
formAndfuncti0n: *sigh*
formAndfuncti0n: well....I know one thing
formAndfuncti0n: I need to get off my ass and practice more
formAndfuncti0n: I'm sick of my goddamn job
formAndfuncti0n: not just the workplace, but also work getting in the way of things
Hauntedteardrop: can you take a leave from your job, until everything is going on the right path?
formAndfuncti0n: like I found out yesterday that I'm scheduled to work on the day I'm supposed to go up to Atlanta, so now I have to see about getting someone to work for me that day
formAndfuncti0n: I just don't know
formAndfuncti0n: maybe
formAndfuncti0n: my mom tells me that if I quit then I'd better get another job right away, but I think I'd rather have a break from work period
formAndfuncti0n: not just the job I'm in right now
Hauntedteardrop: oh
formAndfuncti0n: do you want to take a break from work?
Hauntedteardrop: i would love too.
formAndfuncti0n: what's holding you back?
Hauntedteardrop: but there is no way in hell I can.
Hauntedteardrop: Bills.
formAndfuncti0n: you
formAndfuncti0n: re making more money now, right?
Hauntedteardrop: If it wasn't for me Dan.... My mom wouldn't be able to pay the bills
Hauntedteardrop: yeah but I need the money.
formAndfuncti0n: was she able to pay them before you got the Wal Mart job?
Hauntedteardrop: No.
Hauntedteardrop: I want to help my mom out
formAndfuncti0n: oh
formAndfuncti0n: that's understandable
Hauntedteardrop: its so nice to get that 500 every two weeks.
formAndfuncti0n: I hear ya
formAndfuncti0n: maybe you could just cut back on hours
Hauntedteardrop: I guess what really got to me was
Hauntedteardrop: a few nights ago ryan called
Hauntedteardrop: I just don't understand how someone can tell me that they have feelings for me.
Hauntedteardrop: but never met me.
Hauntedteardrop: I see these guys and they're with these girls that look and seem so perfect.
Hauntedteardrop: I'm for from that.
Hauntedteardrop: fa
Hauntedteardrop: r
Hauntedteardrop: i know if I met him right now, he'd think "What the hell was i thinking"
Hauntedteardrop: and I know it for a fact.
formAndfuncti0n: well....I've never been in a relationship, but I know just from looking at other people that finding a person with both good looks and a good personality is really rare
Hauntedteardrop: It bothers me when you see these guys and they go right for these Britney spear type girls, and they just walk all over me to get to them and that hurts so much
Hauntedteardrop: that it fucks with my mind
formAndfuncti0n: you know that the majority of people who get married when they're young end up getting a divorce?
Hauntedteardrop: For once in my life, I wanna meet a guy that Thinks I'm beautiful cuz I'm Me.
formAndfuncti0n: I'm sorry that there aren't any non-asshole guys where you live
formAndfuncti0n: but you know....guys like them are gonna go nowhere
formAndfuncti0n: just look at the pricks up the street from me
Hauntedteardrop: I know but...it hurts.
formAndfuncti0n: they call me a nerd because I'm not like them....but 10 years from now they'll be locked up or something worse
formAndfuncti0n: I know it does
formAndfuncti0n: I haven't been feeling good lately
formAndfuncti0n: I've been thinking what I need is a break from most of society
formAndfuncti0n: I sound like a fuckin hermit
formAndfuncti0n: heh
Hauntedteardrop: no you d on't.
formAndfuncti0n: by nature, I'm just not a social person unless I get to know someone well enough....and I'm forced into these social situations at school and work, and to be honest, it takes a toll on me
formAndfuncti0n: and at the same time, I feel like a loser when I don't want to be around anyone
formAndfuncti0n: like a loner
Hauntedteardrop: don't feel that way.
formAndfuncti0n: I know
formAndfuncti0n: I try to tell myself that....but it just doesn't get through
formAndfuncti0n: I'm so thankful that I don't have work or school until Monday
formAndfuncti0n: maybe if I can get off my ass, I can get some actual artwork done
Hauntedteardrop: don't over work yourself though
Hauntedteardrop: beb
Hauntedteardrop: brb
formAndfuncti0n: k
Hauntedteardrop: k
formAndfuncti0n: wb
Hauntedteardrop: ty
Hauntedteardrop: i'm so tired i'm seeing double
formAndfuncti0n: lol
formAndfuncti0n: are you going to be online tomorrow?
Hauntedteardrop: before and after work
Hauntedteardrop: not in the morning tho
formAndfuncti0n: okay
Hauntedteardrop: cuz i'm sleeping in, and then I'm gonna watch the macy's parade. and then put up christmas lights outside
formAndfuncti0n: well, I doubt I'll be online in the morning
formAndfuncti0n: lol
Hauntedteardrop: gonna pretend i'm chevy chase for the moment.
Hauntedteardrop: Well I really hate to do this
Hauntedteardrop: but i'm gonna get to bed
formAndfuncti0n: lol
formAndfuncti0n: I better get to bed too
formAndfuncti0n: I dunno how early I'm getting up for Thanksgiving lunch
Hauntedteardrop: me neither.
Hauntedteardrop: Happy Thanksgiving btw.
formAndfuncti0n: you too
formAndfuncti0n: hehe
Hauntedteardrop: Sweetest dreams to you.
formAndfuncti0n: you too
formAndfuncti0n: It was good talking to you
formAndfuncti0n: seeya later
Hauntedteardrop: Same here.
Hauntedteardrop: See ya..
Hauntedteardrop signed off at 5:57:13 PM">
A website I found tonight with some artwork that's AMAZING----> http://www.goodbrush.com People like this guy make me want to give up all my hopes and dreams of getting a good artistic career. =/