not my favorite. at all.
Man. There is so much I want to say right now. but. I can't write any of it here. it is too mean and too up front and blah. Oh well. restraint is a good thing. lets just put it this way: the basic tenets and laws of biodiversity can be effectively applied to social situations, the moral of tonight? well the moral of many nights but which has so clearly dawned upon as of late, MONOCULUTRES DONT FUCKING WORK! Highly efficient? sure. But only for a while. rather quickly they depelete the soil and then where are u? u are in fucked ville, that's where. they are also unstable in that because so much is centered upon one crop the entire harvest can be ruined if a parsite or disease strikes - it's just-not-healthy. plus its hella boring. oh well. writing this has done nothing but remind me that i need to study esci. the class is ridiculous but the implications it and its grade has for the rest of my life = important.
on the topic of "the rest of my life": yeah. I'm really looking forward to that. and. well. it isnt senior year but. pretty much I just feel very disconnected to the people at lakeside and I don't think I am going to miss anyone. I'm at ease with just about...no one. ie i stil get nervous when i go hang out with ppl. gotta prove somthing. i still go home feeling like a social fool and just generally disconent. yeah. cry me a river i know. whatever. saying goodbye will just be easy - and that is not necessarily bad because this year is living testement to the fact that i fuckign CANT say goodbye to people i honestly care about. shit. what a weird year. last night i could have sworn i loved you, that was probably the orange vodka talking. i don't. im excited to go to college or just somwhere, maine this summer for example, and find people who i can fully live love and laugh with. now that i know what that feels like im probably doomed to be forever slightly discontent with my social surroundings, oh well, Janie says somthing like: if you have seen the suns light at sunrise, you dont mind dieing at dusk....and that is an overly dramatic way of me saying, im really glad for all my experiences. no regrets NEVER! its good to knwo that...that much goodness is out there.
if u were here ud be makin fun of me for bumbling and you would be right. so. enough! goodnight. i will probably deltete this entry in the morning. because. being alone is way way WAY worse than being unhappy or "disconent". i am a whiny bitch. who the fuck cares anyway? psh. i should be on my knees it gratitude. but im not. ugh.
on the topic of "the rest of my life": yeah. I'm really looking forward to that. and. well. it isnt senior year but. pretty much I just feel very disconnected to the people at lakeside and I don't think I am going to miss anyone. I'm at ease with just about...no one. ie i stil get nervous when i go hang out with ppl. gotta prove somthing. i still go home feeling like a social fool and just generally disconent. yeah. cry me a river i know. whatever. saying goodbye will just be easy - and that is not necessarily bad because this year is living testement to the fact that i fuckign CANT say goodbye to people i honestly care about. shit. what a weird year. last night i could have sworn i loved you, that was probably the orange vodka talking. i don't. im excited to go to college or just somwhere, maine this summer for example, and find people who i can fully live love and laugh with. now that i know what that feels like im probably doomed to be forever slightly discontent with my social surroundings, oh well, Janie says somthing like: if you have seen the suns light at sunrise, you dont mind dieing at dusk....and that is an overly dramatic way of me saying, im really glad for all my experiences. no regrets NEVER! its good to knwo that...that much goodness is out there.
if u were here ud be makin fun of me for bumbling and you would be right. so. enough! goodnight. i will probably deltete this entry in the morning. because. being alone is way way WAY worse than being unhappy or "disconent". i am a whiny bitch. who the fuck cares anyway? psh. i should be on my knees it gratitude. but im not. ugh.