Stream of Consciousness Journaling 24
Tough times struggling to keep my head on straight. There are countless things i've done in my life that I've never questioned...but this isn't one of them. I keep doubting my choice and I dont like that. I'm listening to the same song over and over and it speaks on so many levels...the song is about something I thought I could do years down the line...and I'm only finding that it would have never worked...and that's why I did what I did. I just couldn't give up that passion so soon and I really wish things coulda been different. I wish I didn't have the same old problems over and over coming from my relentless passion. It is what it is...and I guess I just gotta take the good with the bad.
So I never thought i'd be the guy with 2 jobs...the guy that eats grapes and apples for lunch and comes home from one job so that I start the other one the rest of the night. I'm makin some solid cash for now, and I'm looking forward to what may come my way down the line. Everyday I just keep in mind that I have a goal for my life that I will have to struggle for...and I guess this is just part of that struggle. A few people have said words that have really helped me along the way without even realizing the effect it has on my attitude right now. It's times like these when you really see who's there for you and who just isn't interested because they're more concerned with their own life. It's funny, because I've always been the person that picks up the phone at 3 in the morning because something is wrong or that wakes up after 3 hours of sleep to spend the afternoon with someone because they just needed someone to talk to...and I still would do all that...but of the people that asked those things of me...I'm seeing how many of them would do the same...and it surprises me.
I'm gonna go ahead and be bold enough to say it...Josh, Dave, Melody, and Alexis...even though we hardly talk these days because of time conflicts and all...you have all truly and sincerely been there for me and had kind words to help me out. There are others of you that have been there to listen and to give me something to do and talk about other than this rare situation in my life when I have shit hit the fan, and friends like Pickle have been there for me...but I've been surprised that others just haven't...even when I try to call, when I try to be there regardless of my own shit...I don't like being a last resort when I'm one of the few people that have been a true friend to my friends...especially since I've matured over the past 3 years.
Dave and Josh...you guys have always been and will always be like brothers to me. We don't see each other as much as we should...which is funny, because I don't see my ACTUAL brother as much as I should. But man when we're together it's just a damn good time. We have shared a lot of bad experiences *cough* jared *cough* and countless good experiences as well. I just hope that I was there for you guys when you needed me as much as you all have been for me as of late...and if I haven't, I've certainly got a shitload of catching up to do!
Melody...It's just great to have you back in my life again. You're someone I can always count on to laugh at my ridiculous jokes...though they have gotten better over the years...and to call me back or be awake when you say you will. I have a feeling you're always gonna be that piece of Truman memory that nobody else can be. We go way back...and you being my first girlfriend and all have a lot of responsibility since we never even held hands back in the 7th grade...or was it 6th? Who knows hahaha. I appreciate you're "no bullshit" sense and how you know when I'm full of shit and will call me out on it when I need it. Anyway, it's nice to know that though we drifted for awhile...things worked themselves out and you're someone I can count on, and I hope I'm the say for you.
Alexis...there's too much to be said about our relationship over the many years. Its unfortunate that we've undoubtably grown apart over the years, but you're still someone that listens...and just knows what to say. You're a great girl, and hopefully we'll see eachother before the decade ends.
To everyone else I do love you, I will always be here for any of my friends. And whether you're their for me or not right now...you're still a friend. Not all friends have to be each other's rock...but just being there is enough for me. I'm a lucky guy. I certainly am grateful for each and every one of my friends.
Sorry, no rhymes tonight...
-L.A.
So I never thought i'd be the guy with 2 jobs...the guy that eats grapes and apples for lunch and comes home from one job so that I start the other one the rest of the night. I'm makin some solid cash for now, and I'm looking forward to what may come my way down the line. Everyday I just keep in mind that I have a goal for my life that I will have to struggle for...and I guess this is just part of that struggle. A few people have said words that have really helped me along the way without even realizing the effect it has on my attitude right now. It's times like these when you really see who's there for you and who just isn't interested because they're more concerned with their own life. It's funny, because I've always been the person that picks up the phone at 3 in the morning because something is wrong or that wakes up after 3 hours of sleep to spend the afternoon with someone because they just needed someone to talk to...and I still would do all that...but of the people that asked those things of me...I'm seeing how many of them would do the same...and it surprises me.
I'm gonna go ahead and be bold enough to say it...Josh, Dave, Melody, and Alexis...even though we hardly talk these days because of time conflicts and all...you have all truly and sincerely been there for me and had kind words to help me out. There are others of you that have been there to listen and to give me something to do and talk about other than this rare situation in my life when I have shit hit the fan, and friends like Pickle have been there for me...but I've been surprised that others just haven't...even when I try to call, when I try to be there regardless of my own shit...I don't like being a last resort when I'm one of the few people that have been a true friend to my friends...especially since I've matured over the past 3 years.
Dave and Josh...you guys have always been and will always be like brothers to me. We don't see each other as much as we should...which is funny, because I don't see my ACTUAL brother as much as I should. But man when we're together it's just a damn good time. We have shared a lot of bad experiences *cough* jared *cough* and countless good experiences as well. I just hope that I was there for you guys when you needed me as much as you all have been for me as of late...and if I haven't, I've certainly got a shitload of catching up to do!
Melody...It's just great to have you back in my life again. You're someone I can always count on to laugh at my ridiculous jokes...though they have gotten better over the years...and to call me back or be awake when you say you will. I have a feeling you're always gonna be that piece of Truman memory that nobody else can be. We go way back...and you being my first girlfriend and all have a lot of responsibility since we never even held hands back in the 7th grade...or was it 6th? Who knows hahaha. I appreciate you're "no bullshit" sense and how you know when I'm full of shit and will call me out on it when I need it. Anyway, it's nice to know that though we drifted for awhile...things worked themselves out and you're someone I can count on, and I hope I'm the say for you.
Alexis...there's too much to be said about our relationship over the many years. Its unfortunate that we've undoubtably grown apart over the years, but you're still someone that listens...and just knows what to say. You're a great girl, and hopefully we'll see eachother before the decade ends.
To everyone else I do love you, I will always be here for any of my friends. And whether you're their for me or not right now...you're still a friend. Not all friends have to be each other's rock...but just being there is enough for me. I'm a lucky guy. I certainly am grateful for each and every one of my friends.
Sorry, no rhymes tonight...
-L.A.