Haunted School - 4
The Barbecue Feast
Logan Reese strolled the campus. He had been so upset by his roomie Michael Barret, they could not stay in the same team. The dispute was about Logan's rib rub versus Michael's barbecue sauce. Hence he had forced Chase Matthews to build a team with him, leaving Michael in a team with Zoey.
"Hi Logan!" Patti Perez, Maris Bingham, and Cranberry boomed unison when the spoilt brat crossed their way..
Logan beamed. "Hi girls!" He sighed. "Too bad that I';ve already been forced into a team with loser Chase Matthews. I hate that, but it has been decided this way. And I need him to do the dirt work for me. I'd rather be in your team!"
"Oh, we don't think that standing at the grill is good for our beauty ..." Maris remarked. "Cooking is something for proletarian women."
"Such as Addie and Geena!" Patti added. She saw how her enemies got their barbecue set rigged and ready.
"We have just come in order to see Addie and Geena lose!" Cranberry concluded.
The three girls looked at each other, beaming and highfiving. "Burn!"
Logan smiled. "Lose they will!" He nodded. "Granted, Dork Matthews is in my team, but that's not relevant. He's not doing anything. I have to do the whole work!" Logan grinned.
The three snob girls wished Logan good luck.
Logan waved and smiled. He walked past Missy Meany's grill. He was astonished. "You looke like a fine lady. Why are you going to work at the grill?"
Missy's eyes bugged out. "Logan? The one and only son of Malcolm Reese?"
Logan nodded solemnly. "That's true!"
"Missy Meany!" Missy shook his hand. "The daughter of the owner of Meany Unlimited." She smiled. "Well, I'm not doing the actual dirty work. My whipped slaves will do that." She looked around and yelled. "Coconut Head! Qwerly! Hurry up!" Missy smiled sweetly at Logan. "Slaves are no longer what they have been in the good old times ..."
Logan nodded solemnly. "Too true ..."
Nevel and Megan walked down the campus aisle.
"The stench of pork ..." Nevel turned his nose away. "Yuck!"
"OK, what dip are we going to make? I have once won a salsa contest ..." Megan smiled.
Nevel beamed. "Well, I have that recipe from my mom whose grandmother had migrated from Southern France like seventy years ago, fleeing from the Nazi scums ... it's called tapenade: garlic, capers, and olives ..."
Megan smiled. That sounded yummy.
"Dustin is fetching the ingredients. But maybe if we combine it with your recipe?" Nevel beamed. "That will be some hell of a salsa!"
Nevel and Megan highfived.
Dustin had seen them, and now he walked up to them. "Hi! Let's make the salsa somewhere else, this place stinks too much for Nevel!"
Megan agreed wholeheartedly.
"The burnt offering of a pig still stinks to heaven!" Nevel remarked. "It has bestowed a curse upon Zion!"
"The curse upon Zion?" Dustin wondered.
Nevel nodded." Yeah, the swine sacrifice committed by Titus, as predicted in the Book of Daniel, in the tradition of Antiochos Epiphanes."
Dustin didn't quite make sense of Antiochos Epiphanes.
Nevel explained: "That's a king of the Hellenic-Syriac dynasty of the Seleucides. He had tried to dishonorify the temple of Zion, but he was stopped by the rising of the Maccabees. [ 31] "
Megan gasped. "Could there be a connection to the curse that rests on this school?"
Dustin trembled. He had suspected this, too. "You've told us that cursed sites may be contagious."
Nevel nodded. "That would be a powerful curse, indeed. And my inner senses tell me that it is so ..."
Megan gasped. "Will the barbecue festival aggravate the curse?"
Nevel shrugged. "That's not unlikely. Yet nothing can be said unless we have understood how the curse made it from the Temple to the PCA ..."
Nevel, Dustin, and Megan knew that there was still a long way to go.
Most of the pupils didn't care in whatever way about any potential curse, and what their party had to do with it. They just had fun.
Alas, Freddie and Sam could not stay in the same team. Hence Carly had to split them. Spencer and Freddie formed a team, and so did Carly and Sam.
"I like this sauce!" Sam explained. She took some of the barbecue dip that she had found on the table of Michael and Zoey. Then she smeared it right into Freddie's face. "Looks cool!"
Freddie was upset and threatened to tilt Sam's barbecue set.
"Forget about that!" Spencer beguiled Freddie. "They stand no chance, because I am the barbecue king!" He swang his meat flipper. Besides the ribs, Spencer had bought quite a few goodies for the barbecue.
Freddie smiled. "Go, Spencer!"
Drake and Josh arrived right in the last moment for getting started.
Walter who was Josh 's father had come with them. He saw Coco Wexler, dorm adviser and assistant juror of this contest. "Ma'm, you've got something in your face!" he remarked. Then he stuck a finger into Coco's face and licked it clean. "Yummy!"
Coco smiled. "That's my sauce!"
Drake and Josh found their girls Lola and Quinn, respectively.
Lola hopped right into Drake's arms, ready for a smoochie.
Quinn was ecited. "My liquid candle! I hope that it burns!"
Cookie arrived with Quinn's candle, a glass container filled with some sort of oil. "The key is the slow, creeping combustion."
Quinn nodded and explained the formula for the candle unto Josh.
"You're a genius!" Josh told Quinn. "I can't wait for your next invention ..."
"No problem!" Quinn announced. "I've also invented a spray that makes your hair grow faster than usual."
"Cool!" Josh beamed. "How does it work?"
Quinn explained the formula readily.
Josh jumped up and down. "I want to grow a moustache! [ 32] Now!"
"OK, my snuggleloaf!" Quinn smiled sweetly at Josh. She applied her spray to a spot right above Josh's upper lip. "That will fix it!"
Josh smiled.
Immediately, a few hairs began to sprout.
Lola and Drake had to laugh because the moustache was growing really fast.
Quinn noticed what was going on. After a few minutes, the new hairs almost covered Josh's mouth and nose holes entirely. She shrieked.
Lola also screamed hysterically.
Nobody had watched the grill as everybody was staring at Josh's upper lip.
In addition, they had totally neglected Quinn's liquid candle. The vibrations caused by Lola's voice made the glass walls of the liquid candle burst slightly. A few drops of candle oil escaped through the microscopic ruptures, eventually dripping right into the glowing charcoal. In no time, a giant flame shot forth from Josh's and Drake's grill, searing Drake, Josh, Cookie, Quinn, and Lola.
Spencer took the fire extinguisher. Freddie's mom had fortunately only allowed Freddie to participate under the condition that Spencer had always been keeping a fire rigged and ready. And now he understood why she had insisted in that. He aimed the tube at the burning barbecue set. A cloud of smoke billowed forth from the charcoal.
In no time, Drake, Josh, Lola, Cookie, and Quinn were covered all over with soot and ashes. They coughed and choked like nobody's business.
Dean Rivers stepped up to the team of Drake and Josh. "You're disqualified!"
Drake and Josh peered at each other with dismay while Lola and Quinn tried to wipe the soot from their faces, after having fanned the ashes of them, as far as only possible. They started weeping. Not even Megan's pranks could be so cruel.
Megan had overseen the scene from across the campus. "Boobs ... I shouldn't waste any more time pranking them. They have learnt enough to bust themselves." She grinned mischievously.
Nevel highfived Megan. "They are so going to rue the day!"
Pierre Le Mange had just discovered a cotton swab stick in the sauce that came with Stacey Dillsen's ribs. "Disqualified!" He decided.
Stacey screamed and started weeping like some thousand sirenes.
"Stacey!" Moze huggled her. "That's going to have consequences! My friend Claire Sawyer, a future lawyer, has looked it all up. It's illegal to discriminate pupils because of their lisp. I usually don't follow Claire's well-meant suggestions, but this time it is plain necessary. We're so going to sue Pierre Le Mange and Coco Wexler!" Moze clenched her fists.
Stacey smiled sweetly and kissed Moze lightly.
Pierre Le Mange swooned when he tasted Logan's ribs. "Yum!"
"That is down to the world famous rib rub of the Reese family!" Logan boasted. "Here it is!" He showed the spice mix unto Pierre Le Mange.
Nevel just dared to cross the place, the bestialic stench of roasted pork notwithstanding. He was looking for Dean Rivers. "Sir!"
Dean Rivers turned around. "Mr. Papperman?"
"There's something wrong with the spice mix used as rib rub by Logan Reese."
"Really?" He scratched his head.
Nevel nodded. "I have got a certified absolute sense of smelling[ 33] " He boomed. "And my nose tells me : The world-famous rib rub of the Reese family contains Peruvian puff pepper!"
Dean Rivers shrugged with ignorance.
"It's a spice found in Southern and Central America." He grinned. "It leads to kidney failure!"
Dean Rivers choked and coughed. "If things are as you say ... Logan Reese is going to have to be disqualified."
Nevel nodded solemnly.
He coughed. "I need to get everything counterchecked by the UCLA central medic labs ..." Dean Rivers told Nevel. "But I can't risk that this desastrous spice endangers the health of my pupils. The good renown of the school would be ruined once and for good." He grabbed his megaphone. "Attention! ... Attention!" He sighed. "This is an important announce. Canditates Logan Reese and Chase Matthews are urgently suspected to have used a spice that is excessively dangerous to your health. It's the so-called Peruvian puff pepper. It causes kidney failure. Therefore, I have to disqualify team reese and Matthews! All those who have eaten from their ribs are urgently requested to check with the campus medic, Dr. Glazer."
Pierre Le Mange choked and vomited on site.
Chase Matthews grabbed Logan's shirt. "What? Say that this isn't true!"
"Cool down, pal!" Logan ordered Chase. "Peruvian puff pepper is an expensive spice that has been cultivated by the slaves of the Reese family all over Southern and Central America for several generations. It's very delicious, and we can't convince a cook of six stars like Pierre Le Mange with cheap spices!"
Chase felt the vomit billowing upwards from his stomach. He floundered and coughed, hardly able to stay on his feet.
Drake and Josh were happy that they were not the only victims of a disqualification due to Peruvian puff pepper.
Zoey threw her arms around Chase in a desperate attempt to comfort him.
Michael grinned triumphantly. "I've so seen that coming! You are a mean cheater!" He thundered into Logan's direction.
Logan was consternated. "But it's famous all around the world!" He glared at Pierre Le Mange. "Sir! I've paid you 300 bucks for letting me win. Give me my money back!" He commanded rudely.
"Security!" Dean Rivers yelled. "And I'm going to talk with Mr. Malcolm Reese about it. There will be consequences!"
"Do you rue the day, Logan?" Nevel grinned. "You rue it!"
Sam Pucket didn't care in any way about Peruvian puff pepper. She shoved rib after rib down her jaw, burping with comfy. This annoyed Freddie, as usual. But something about Pierre Le Mange bothered her. "Carly?"
"What's up, Sam?" Carly wondered.
"This is not Pierre Le Mange!" Sam stated.
Carly shrugged. "He isn't?"
Sam nodded vigorously. "I've been watching his cooking show night after night, for over five years now. And I may tell you ..."
Carly sighed. She better believed Sam.
"You damned Charlatan!" Sam cried into Pierre Le Mange's direction.
"Ma'm?" Le Mange turned around and feigned innocence. "I don't know what you are talking about."
Sam took a leap and grabbed Pierre Le Mange's nose with her greasy fingers. This attempt failed, but she retried again after having licked her finger tips, Le Mange still being consternated. She tore a mask off Pierre's face, revealing that he had been a fraudulent pretender and deceiver. Then she slapped him thrice across the face, leaving greasy marks all over.
The audience gasped.
Dean Rivers was most dismayed. "Security!"
Michael sighed deeply. No Pierre Le Mange meant nobody to award him for the best pork chops, prepared with his grandmother's traditional marinade. "Sir!" He yelled after Le Mange. "I've wasted a massage on you! I want it back!"
Dean Rivers had just recovered from having heard about Le Mange being a fraud, and now he had heard Michael Barret admitting his attempted bribery. "This will have consequences, Barret!"
Zoey Brooks was upset and her mood was increasingly stinky. She went to Chase. "That sucks! Let's go to Geena and Addie and join their team!"
Chase nodded solemnly. "And they are more fun than Michael and Logan."
Addie and Geena smiled.
"OK, the meat is almost done." Addie explained. "And now I'm going to prepare the sliced vegetables for Zach."
Geena grinned. "He insists in non-violent food."
Suddenly, Officer Carl [ 34] showed up with a bunch of policemen. "OK, you seem to have been faster!" he told the security team. "We've come to arrest this guy. He has already cheated on many occasions, pretending to be Le Mange."
The security guard rendered the fake Le Mange unto the policemen.
Coco was even more disappointed. She had been a fan of Le Mange.
Walter noticed that Coco's face was full of marinade and barbecue dips. He didn't hesitate licking it clean.
"Thanks, Sir!" Coco grabbed Walter and pulled him closer for a passionate kiss.
Dean Rivers addressed Sam. "M'lady! What's your name?"
"Samantha Pucket!" Sam said. "But you may call me Sam! I'm from Seattle." She grinned with pride.
"OK, Sam!" Dean Rivers smiled. "So you're not yet a student at this school?" He sighed. "You should definitely enroll here! We need pupils with your integrity and your attention for details!"
Sam jumped up and down, and she bounced around.
Freddie went pale. "Sam gets a reward? That's so not fair!"
Carly was happy for her friend. "Freddie! We just have to ask Spencer and your mom, maybe we will make it to this school together!"
Freddie beamed brightly. "Together ... alone .. the two of us ... no Spencer and no mom to stop us ..." He had got such an insane crush on Carly. He played with his lips, waiting for a kiss.
Carrly shook her head. "Please! Don't start this again! We've already stretched it out." She sighed. "We can't be more than friends, and you need to accept that."
Freddie sighed bitterly. "One day, I will be your second husband. And nobody will be able to prove what has happend unto your first hubby ..."
Spencer heard that. "The ghost will have eaten him?" He laughed, along with Carly.
Freddie pouted. "Arghhh! You're going to see!"
Nevel met Megan and Dustin at the other end of the campus.
Megan remarked: "Have you seen the girl that looked similar to me? That's my cousin Carly from Seattle ... I'm pretty sure!"
Nevel was astonished. "The world is so small!"
Dustin gasped. "That other girl with wavy blond hair .. she looks so much like my disgusting ex-girlfriend Trisha Kirby, a bitch who is so going to rue the day! Trisha's still at this school."
Nevel nodded. "She's going to rue it!" He sighed. "In addition, I sense from that blonde's aura that she's going to bring a lot of bad luck to the school. Her aura gives me the creeps! Totally!"
"Could she be a demon?" Dustin asked.
Nevel shrugged. "We will have to investigate."
Zachariah Carter Schwartz had snuck over to them. "Hey pals!" He smiled. "Your non-violent dip ..." He started swooning. "The best dip ever!" He shoved some roasted slices of eggplants, dipped into tapenade-jalapeno salsa, into his mouth, purring contently.
"Oh, thanks!" Megan smiled. "The perfect combination of tapenade and red salsa!"
Nevel and Megan highfived.
Now Zoey came along. "Dustin, do you want some leftover pork chops?"
Dustin shook his head. "I've decided to stop eating pork!"
"So have I!" Megan chimed in.
Zoey shrugged. "OK, whatever ... I guess I'll give the remains to that new blonde, Samantha, she's insatiable, or so I think. She reminds me a lot of Trisha, though. They look alike, and Trisha had very bad habits, until she started calling herself Melanie Puckett, whereupon she has started acting a lot nicer."
"Puckett!" Nevel boomed. "A traditional family name from Seattle ..."
"You mean ... Sam and Trisha aka Melanie are related, indeed?" Zoey scratched her chin.
Nevel nodded.
After The Festival
Logan met Missy and kissed her soundly on the cheeks. "Sorry for not having talked to you earlier! I had to appear in the Dean's office. 5 detentions per week, for four weeks staright." He sighed.
"Not a problem ... be proud of it!" Missy stammered. "I've found a few more friends ..." She pointed at Maris Bingham, Cranberry, and Patti Perez.
"Hi Logan!" Patti smiled. "You've done the right thing. What do we have money for if we can't use it to bribe people?"
Missy nodded solemnly.
Logan agreed. "At least we're not losers like Chase Matthews or Addie Singer ..."
"I don't know who Chase and Addie are ..." Missy Meany added. "but your judgement will be right."
Maris, Patti, and Carnberry took Logan and Missy straight into their middle. "Burn!" They smiled sweetly while highfiving.
It was the last weekend before the Spring break, and after Easter, new pupils were going to be enrolled at the PCA: Megan was going to be among them.
Drake hugged Megan. "For me and Josh, it's a bit late for a switch. But you're better off here with your new friends and all those clubs and electives."
"We're going to visit you frequently!" Josh promised.
Megan nodded. "I know why you're going to visit very often ..." She grinned. Of course she knew that Lola and Quinn were the real reasons.
Drake's eyelids had been charred badly when their barbecue set was blown up.
"Don't worry!" Josh twitched. "I've helped Quinn inventing an apparatus for laser eye surgery. I'll take care of your wounds." Josh twitched again. "All I need is a calm hand!"
"Then there's no reason to worry, boobs!" Megan grinned. She knew that she was going to miss them terribly, and she did not plan any more pranks on them. She knew that her creativity was going to be needed for totally different projects ...
Zoey hugged Geena, while Chase huggled Addie when they said goodbye for the time being. They knew that they were going to see them again , as they had been given the permit to join the PCA for the upcoming spring term.
"I so hope to make it to the fashion fair in Milan!" Zoey sighed.
"So do I!" Geena admitted shamelessly. "I've heard the Blix van is on tour again. Maybe we can win a helicopter trip to Milan!"
Zoey smield. "That would be perfect!"
Chase and Addie tried to sing a duet that they were about studying. They were going to have a lot of time left for doing so after the break.
Zach urged his friends to jump into the cab they had ordered. "See you!"
Chase and Zoey waved. They had gone through a lot over the last year, the ghost of Charles Galloway having been the summit. Fortunately, Galloway was history by now. Was he really?
Nevel read unto Dustin from an old book. [ 35] "OK, this explains how King Solomon achieving control over the demons, forcing them to help him build the temple of Zion. Alas, upon the destruction of the temple, the demons were released, and they are now haunting the world relentlessly."
Dustin was astounded. "So,basically, if we can't find the demons and trap them again, as did King Solomon, the PCA is doomed for good?"
Nevel nodded solemnly. "You're smart, Dustin!"
Dustin beamed. "But how will we do that? We don't have the seal of Solomon"
Nevel shrugged. "We have to do a lot more research. But I feel that Megan's oboe is the key. Let's stay tuned! This barbecue festival has been a great burden for the fate of the PCA, it will not make our task any easier. The school has already been, and is going to be more and more of a hunting ground for many demons."
Dustin nodded solemnly.
Nevel sat down by the piano, and he performed the Slaves' Choir from Giuseppe Verdi's opera Nabucco, letting Dustin sing along.
Del Giordano le rive saluta,
di Sionne le torri atterrate.
[ 36]
Nevel shrugged. "How long are they still going to sleep, not recognising what is in front of their eyes? But verily, I tell you, they are going to rue the day if they don't wake up in time, until dystopia will they rue it!"
Dustin nodded solemnly.
[ 30] Drake & Josh : Peruvian Puff Pepper
[ 31] Book of Maccabees
[ 32] Drake & Josh : Playing The Field
[ 33] suggested by iCarly : iNevel
[ 34] iCarly : iWant More Viewers
[ 35] The real base for this is the Testament Of Solomon. It's not part of the Old or New Testament, nor acknowledged by the Talmud. Using it, Nevel outs himself as a minim, a throroughly unorthdox Jew.
[ 36] Greet the banks of the Jordan and the erased towers of Zion