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iGamble::1-6

Aug 05, 2011 12:31



Table of Contents


Chapter 1. Chris comes to PCA

Table of Contents


1.1. Jealous of your mother

Christina Saunders used to be a Frisco girl loving to hang out in arcades with other kids and challenging them in various video games.

Her mad skills provided her finally with the nick “Prodigy”.

This way she had come to know an adult action video gambling geek named Quincy Shay.

For simpleminded persons, Quincy would have been deemed to old for Christina.

But this did not prevent her from having feelings for her example to live up to.

Alas, Christina had to deny them.

This was especially true upon the announce of the impending wedding of Quincy and the mom of Christina.

Quincy, formerly an old batchelor nerd living at mom's house and addict to the dice, would thus have found a respectable place in society.

“The Prodigy” had been able to hide her feelings for the hypocritical ex-{}gambler.

But this folly would not have gone well for too long.

Christina was totally close to excruciating despair.

She had not been able to live any longer in a home with the ultimate object of her desires and the evil woman standing audaciously between them.

Fortunately, there seemed to be a temporary solution to at least the latter problem.

Christina's cousin Melanie[ melanie puckett] studdied at a very renowned boarding school named Pacific Coast Academy, not far from the gates of Los Angeles.

A boarding school would certainly have provided for the necessary distance between the Christina and her misguided mother.

And Mrs. Saunders agreed on the deal.

This way, she was going to be less disturbed during her honeymoon phase. At the same time, she hoped to get her daughter away from the arcade scene.

The “Pacific Coast Academy” was known for highest standards and discipline.

The Puckett clan, viz. Melanie's family, had always been a leading force in the organised criminal scene of Seattle.

For this avail, the state of Washingten had chosen Melanie for a program for protecting kids from bad influence of their relatives.

Melanie's mother had been more often in prison than elsewhere.

Melanie euphemistically called the prison “hospital”.

Unlike Melanie, her sister Samantha[ trisha kirby] had been staying in Seattle with mom. More precisely, she had been expelled upon the request of one blond Mary-Sue named Zoey Brooks from the “Pacific Coast Academy” after only four weeks because of having shamelessly seduced Zoey's little brother Dustin. Now she was a grumpy and enervating tomboy with one foot in youth prison.

This underlined the great correctional influence of the “Pacific Coast Academy” on Melanie.

Mrs. Saunders had always suspected her daughter to become like her cousin Samantha rather than Melanie. Hence sending Christina to “Pacific Coast Academy” was the uttermost logical decision.

And there was another analogy:

Samantha's problems at home had started with her mother's remarriage and turned worse with the passage of time.

Melanie had never been eposed to her step-fathers. And now she was the captain of the cheerio squad of “Pacific Coast Academy” and the class president of her grade. She was going to graduate next spring and thence go to a renowned college in California.

There was no decision easier to make than that one.

But was Christina now really removed from the gambling scene?

1.2. Online gambling

1.2.1. Quinn and Cal

Quinn Pensky was one of the smartest girls of the western coast. She had been programming computers and robots, side by side with gazillions of other inventions, within the last dozen of years. Now she was going to be a sophomore at Californian Institute For Technology in Pasadena, not far from Los Angeles, either. She was an alumna of aforementioned “Pacific Coast Academy”.

Cal was almost ten yeears older than Quinn. But he had recently turned into her boyfriend, anyways.

“Cal” was not really a name.

He had been nicked like this because of being a graduate of Caltech. He was also a genius.

Cal's speciality was nuclear technology. Over the course of many years, he had provided Quinn Pensky with necessary materials for her experiments, especially pulverised Uranium.

Quinn had been fearlessly operating with uranium since the age of eleven. She had also performed complicated surgeries such as eye lasering.

But these were by far not the ultimate challenges for Quinn.

1.2.2. Artificial intelligence

Quinn's research also roamed in the domain of artificial intelligence.

She had invented an operating system named Quinndoze QP[ quinndoze qp]

This system became the base of Quinn's and, later on, also Cal's, new development in the area of machine learning.

They were particularly hell-bent on creating better gambling engines.

Most of them worked with dumb and easy to crack pseudo random number generators or with horribly slow “true” random number generators.

Quinn Pensky was not content with either of them. She was looking for something harder to crack. Thus she had started he research on artificially intelligent online gambling engines.

With Cal's help, Quinn was able to accelerate her research.

After a few months only, the new system was able to get put online for testing purposes.

How was the new online arcade system going to be accepted by the scene? Was it really going to interact with the gamblers like a living opponent, with stengths and weaknesses of a living being?

1.3. First day at PCA

1.3.1. The arrival

Sun came up from the southern Californian hill braes, breakinmg the high ground.

The campus of “Pacific Coast Academy” was dipped into its illuminating rays.

Many pupils returned to the campus for the new academic year.

But there were also many new kids.

One of them was aforementioned Christiana Saunders.

Her mother had dropped her quickly. She needed to make it back to Frisco as fast as possible.

Christina was now left alone on the campus square. She took a look at her sheet.

Melanie was now supposed to help her.

Alas, there was the solution of the riddle:

Christina's cousin had been kept up by her boyfriend James Garrett[ james garrett].

The “Prodigy” panted.

But finally, Melanie Puckett showed up. She hugged her cousin. “It's cool to have you here. It will be a lot of fun for both of us.”

Christina hoped so.

The girls followed the instructions on Christina's sheet.

The princess of the arcade was going to be accomodated in 101 Brenner Hall.

1.3.2. Like a spa

Christina's first impression of the campus had been like that of a spa.

This impression was confirmed by the dorm.

The walls were painted in bright pink.

Chris had to choose between two bunk beds and a single one. She panted. Then she decided in favour of the top bunk.

Melanie had not got enough time left to help Chris. She waved and walked out.

Chris sighed and started doing her luggage. She stumbled over an empty can of ravioli, entoured by curious bugs. She shook her head and flang the icky object into the trash bucket.

There were three beds in the dormitory room.

Thus two girls were still missing.

Melanie wondered about them.

And the first room mate showed up. She scrutinised Chris with a dark face, almost scaring her.

Christina introduced herself.

The other girl replied, “I'm Melissa Robinson[ melissa robinson]. My dad is an airforce commander at Seal Beach. But now he moves out on a submarine.”

Chris shrugged.

Missy was really out for getting back at aforementioned Samantha Puckett.

Sam had perverted and corrupted Missy's former best friend, Carlotta Shay.

But Chris did not know anything about these “coincidences”.

Last but not least, the room was completed by one Malika Winters.

Malika looked as scary as a witch.

Chris was not pleased by the presence of that girl. But she could not tell anyone why.

[ melanie puckett] Melanie Puckett only appears in iCarly : iTwins

[ trisha kirby] Samantha Puckett gets identified in this story with ill-mannered Trisha Kirby from Zoey 101 : Bad Girl.

[ quinndoze qp] mentioned in Zoey 101 : Favor Chain

[ james garrett] This character from season four of Zoey 101 is identified with same character's cameo as “Denifer”in Zoey 101 : Quarantine, with his character Jake Krendle from iCarly : iLike Jake, with his repeated cameo in Ned's Declassified SSG, and with his anonymous, silent cameo in Drake & Josh : The Demonator.

[ melissa robinson] Missy Robinson appears in iCarly : iReunite With Missy

Chapter 2. Lucky Shirt

Table of Contents


2.1. Canasta

Jared Drake Parker, rock idol and cousin of Carly Shay, sat in the living room, side by side with his step-brother Joshuah Nichols.

They were a bit out of money, but wanted to buy a new car.

Drake read the web pages. “Hey! There's a new virtual casino. What sort of game is this ‘virtual’?”

Josh explained, “it ain't anywhere. Virtual means it's not real. It's an online sit allowing you to bet and gamble.”

Drake moaned. “They also offer card games like canasta.”

Josh beamed. He had learnt the art of this Latin American card game from his grandma. Being familiar with the basics of statistical analysis, geeky Joshuah was able to work on a strategy improving his chances.

Drake suggested, “you may win a certain Jack Pot. Who is Jack Pot? And why would you you want to win such a guy? I'm more into girls.”

Josh moaned, “It's a jackpot. It's not the name of a guy. You win the lost stakes of all those gambling before you. With some luck, a nice sum may accumulate.”

Drake boomed, “that's it! You will wuin the jackpot with your skills in canasta!”

Josh shook his head and twitched. “No! I've sworn not to gamble anymore!”

Drake sighed. “Come on! You're the best card player hundreds of miles around. And we need a nice suum for a new car.”

Josh twitched again. “I know. But in the long run, the players always lose.”

Drake did not give up. “Megan may bewitch the virtual cards for you.”

Josh sighed deeply. “Megan may bewitch humans, but not machines.”

Megan Parker was Drake's little sister, and Josh's step sister. She was usually very critical towards the boys. Helping them would have come with a high price, anyways.

And the “boobs”, as Drake and Josh were called by Megan, knew that very well.

Drake nodded sadly. “Too bad we don't have our lucky shirt[ lucky shirt]”

Josh moaned, “yeah, Megan had to give it to some hobos.”

Drake and Josh boomed with disgust, “aw Megan!” They wondered, “where has the shirt gone to?”

2.2. Gibby Is Awesome

2.2.1. The Contest

The students of Ridgeway, a high school in the district of Seattle's western downtown, flocked to their locker halls.

Carly Shay, Samantha Puckett, and their friend Fredward Benson were among them. They ran a succesful web show named iCarly. Now they talked about the palns for the upcoming session.

“Gibby” Charles Cornelius Gibson, a fellow student, walked past them. He was topless, just as usual.

Sam was disgusted by this. “Here, Gibby, wear this shirt, or eat your own dirt!”

Gibby grunted, but he feared violent Sam too much to contradict her.

Freddie grinned. “Wow!”

Carly smiled and asked, “You give Gibby a shirt?”

Sam nodded.

Freddie wondered, “where is it from?”

Sam explaineded, “you remember our trip to downtown Los Angeles, like, two years ago?[ trip to la]”

Carly and Freddie nodded.

Sam admitted, “I ripped it off Hollywood the Hobo.”

Carly gasped. “Wow! Who would have thought that?”

Freddie smiled. “It must be full of lice and fleas.”

Sam smiled. “Bingo!”

Principal Franklin showed up and held aloft his megaphone. “Attention, kids of Ridgeway!”

The students looked up.

Franklin explained, “Down to our gracious donator T-Bo, one of you students will be lucky to win a year';s supply of desserts in our cafeteria.”

Permanently hungry Sam wondered, “my definition of a year's supply or T-Bo's?”

Dean Franklin gnored the question. “All you need to do is estimate the number of bagels in this cylindrical container. The closest estimate wins.”

Sam beamed. She had once won a similar contest[ sam wins] at the school. “Sam Puckett will win! Mom knows her bagels. Take that, Fred!”

The students started submitting their guesses.

Gibby had been the first to register his estimate. Last time, he had submitted the worst guess. He saw a cheerio walking by. “Hey, sugar babe, do you want to come with me to Groovy Smoothie after classes?”

The cheerio smiled. “Sure!”

Gibby boasted, “I'm awesome!”

Freddie, Carly, and Sam looked aghast.

Usually, Gibby was always turned down.

Sam guessed, “the cheerio must just have escaped from cuckoo's hut.”

Suddenly, the other cheerio girls chimed in and begged Gibby for a date as well.

Sam was even more consternated. “Are you all gaga?” roared she across the locker hall.

2.2.2. The Winner

The next day, Mr. Franklin announced the outcomes. “There had been a few good results. But there has been one exactly right guess.”

The suspense grew among the kids.

Drum roll!

Mr. Franklin panted, “our winner is … Charles Cornelius Gibson, alias ‘Gibby’!”

The freak roared, “oh yeah, I'm awesome!”

Sam did not want to believe it. “Sir? You must have confused the submissions. How may the nub make a good guess? Last time, he sucked living ass balls.”Ted Frankling shrugged. “I don't know. But I have checked it thrice.”

Carly concluded, “yesterday, Gibby started wearing this shirt. Then he was accepted by several cheerio girls, and now he won the bet …”

Freddie asked, “Carly? What is this supposed to mean?”

Carly concluded, “Gibby's shirt must be it!”

Sam choked. “What?” She threw up.

Freddie objected, “Carly! You know … there are no such things as curses, luck charms, …”

Carly boomed at her friend, “Freddie, this can't be an accident.”

Freddie started calculating, “the chances for Gibby to not get down by a single cheerio and get the number right are …”

Sam told Freddie to shut up. “The chances for my fist to leave a teeth in your mouth in one piece are …”

Carly had to stop Freddie and Sam.

Gibby beamed, “you mean … this tattered shirt means good luck? Yeah! Now I'm going to participate in online poker!”

Sam sighed deeply. She hoped Gibby to lose out badly and get thusly cured from his mental disease. But now she wanted him just to shut up.

Alas, Gibby refused to stop cheering.

Sam grunted, “you had it coming!” She swang her fist at Gibby's face.

But the freak saw a buck on the ground and started picking it up.

Sam's fist missed Gibby's face for that reason and struck that of Mr. Howard, the most unfriendly teacher of all.

The mean vice principal growled, “Miss Puckett, three months of detention!”

Carly gasped. “No good!”

2.3. Wall Street

Louise “Lulu” Johnson, a high school girl from New York City, had once upon a time tried to make it into “Wall Street”. But she was bored even by winning.

Now her friend Ryan Laserbeam told her about the online casino.

“Lulu” beamed. “Hey! That's almost like stock market, just more fun. I like to bet on the red kings. They are incredibly hot.”

True Jackson, the best common friend of both of them, sighed. “Our parents won't like that.”

“I sure won't tell them,” announced Ryan.

“Lulu” beamed. “You know, gambling is just applied probability theory, which belongs to mathematics. And I'm good at that stuff.”

True sighed. “Do what you want. But don't start whining at me in case of …”

Louise Johnson promised to whine at her boyfriend, Mikey Jay, instead.

True shrugged. She walked on, minding her own business.

2.4. Queen Of Knights

Katie Knight was a middle school kid studying at Palmwood's, a hotel and school for kids working part-time in the Hollywood business. Really, she had just slipped into that school because of her brother kendall, a super-gifted pop star.

Katie's hobbies included not only sacking the stock market and other dubious businesses.

She was also a great online poker player. At least she was on and off fairly successful.

Quinn's virtual casino had opened some week ago.

Katie had bet quite a few bucks. But, for the first time, she had failed.

Granted, there were still many dollars left on Katie'saccount.

But mom Knight wanted to save them for Katie's education.

Colleges had become incredibly expensive, as of recent.

Noticing “a few” missing bucks, Mrs. Knight was unlikely to be exactly pleased.

Now Katie was forced to win her stakes back, and to do so as fast as possible.

Under no circumstances was tyrannic Mrs. Knight allowed to find out.

In order to improve her betting strategy, Katie needed someone to teach her about advanced probability theory. She might have asked Logan Mitchell, a close friend of Kendall's and a mathematical genius.

But Kendall and his best friends were prone to stupidity and to betraying inadvertently everything unto Mrs. Knight.

Thus Katie needed to find another expert to teach her. She had already sent an anonymous request to some social networking site. Now she studied athe replies.

Dustin Brooks, a sophomore studying at “Pacific Coast Academy”, appeared to be the most trustworthy among the interested.

Katie decided to arrange an anonymous meeting with him.

Custodian “Buddha Bob”[ buddha bob] was going to accompany the tween beauty.

Where was that going to?

[ lucky shirt] an artifact from Drake & Josh : Evil Teacher anymore.

[ trip to la] This trip occurs in iCarly : iTake On Dingo
.

[ sam wins] cf. iCarly : iMust Have Locker 239.

[ buddha bob] Buddha Bob is here identified with Custodian Gordy from Ned's Declassified SSG.

Chapter 3. King of Black Jack

Table of Contents


3.1. Aruthro versus Aspartamay

Spencer Shay, a starving artist, was very happy. Recently, he had won a stume fest featuring the greatest heroes of his favourite massive multiplayer online rôle-playing game, World Of Warlords[ world of warlords]. He had appeared portraying Aruthro, the master of the “Huebscher Fort”. He was totally happy particularly due to having defeated his archenemy Aspartamay of the “Pernicious Berm”.

His sister Carly wanted him to calm down. “Your victory over ‘Aspartamay’ won't buy you food or clothes. Nor will your addiction to Solitaire Poker[ solitaire poker]. Now get your ass off your seat and continue making the sculptures of a human skeleton for the waiting room of Dr. Trestin[ trestin]. You haven't even started. And it's due in two weeks.” She sighed desperately. “I hate being the sister of ‘the king of procrastinators’.” She shuddered with exorbitant disgust.

This would have been a really boring task.

Spencer shuffled the cards over and over again. “I know, it's totally addictive.” He sighed deeply.

Carly remembered Spencer's last experiences with that card game for losers.

Spencer had been looking over and over for a “Black Jack” to be placed on top of a “Red Queen”.

Suddenly, the door bell rang.

Spencer commanded, “go and open the door!”

Carly moaned, “why me?”

Spencer grubted, “because I'm the big brother, and you're the little sister. Now be a brave little girl and do so!”

Carly sighed. Then she walked to the door and looked through the peep hole.

Recently, Spencer had added a periscope to the door, making this activity a bit more fun.

Colonel Shay, the father of Carly and Spencer, was a commander of a military submarine travelling beneath the seven seas and seeing his childen but once in a blue moon.

This fact had inspired Spencer a lot.

The sculptor had also crafted a few miniature models of sea crafts for Carly's water-filled table in her new room.[ new table]

Carly was shocked. “It's ‘Aspartamay’.”

Spencer gasped. “‘Aspartamay’ is dead, killed by forever mighty Aruthro! Or has Freddie revived him? I will kill the toad of a traitor for doing so! My long staff!!”

Carly choked. “Spencer!” She opened the door.

“Aspartamay” walked in, grinning mischievously. He wore normal clothes, and not the costume of the heo of aforementioned game.

Carly wondered, “‘Aspartamay’! What are you doing here? You've been killed!”

“Aspartamay” laughed tauntingly. “‘Aspartamay’ is dead. Now I'm ‘the king of Black Jack’.”

Spencer growled. “I can't find the ‘Black Jack’.”

“Aspatrtamay” laughed like a monster. “‘You cant' win your stupid game barring against yourself!’”

Spencer coughed. “Hey! I've been the best of all card players at Seal Beach!”

“Aspartamay” snickered. “Aw you naïve fool! Noone beats me, the ‘King of Black Jack’, in a real toournament of card games.”

Spencer sghed. “I can't afford a trip to Nevada. Otherwise I would sqquish you like a nasty little bug!”

A little insect came flying in.

Spencer was trying swatting it with a book titled How to date girls. But he failed miserably.

Carly shook her head. “Where's that book from?”

Spencer replied, “from Socko, of course!”

Carly shook her head. “Yeah, keep on listening to ‘Socko’! Verily, I tell you, no girl will ever date you!”

Spencerprotested, “want to bet?”

Carly roared, “hell no!”

“Aspartamay” interrupted the bickering siblings. “You don't have tro go to Nevada.”

Spencer looked aghast. “Massive gambling is illegal in almost each and every state except Nevada! I know it. I've been at law school … for three whole days!”

“Aspartamay” laughed his butt off. “Have you ever heard of online gambling?”

Carly went pale. She feared Spencer to succumb completely to that crap.

Spencer should have heard about it. But he gasped anyways.

“Aspartamay” explained, “well, there's a new online gambling site, recently established by some Quinn Pensky and a certain ‘Cal’.”

Carly screamed in agony.

Once upon a time, “Cal” had helped Carly with a school project.

First, it seemed to earn Carly a top mark.

But “Cal” had used illegal materials.

Carly's project had thus failed miserably, and she was sent to a cvamp for loseres in the forrests near Seattle.

This had been Carly's worst experience ever. She had to live in a small tent with freaky Mr. Henning and with a bunch of other losers.

It had been raining for three days straight.

Fredward Benson had permanently hit on her.

And Gibby's shirtless chest had been worse of an optic pollution of the environment than all the industrial trash of Seattle.

Spencer appeared interested, “sounds nice!”

Carly glared aghast at her elder brother. “Nice?”

“Aspartamay” giggled. “We may make it more interesting.” He whistled briefly.

A hot lady in her late twenties, viz. Sasha Striker[ sasha striker], walked in.

Carly looked puzzled.

Spencer's eyes bugged out.

He had once upon a time been addicted to Pac Rats, an old arcade game. He had been challenged by formerly uncontested chmpion, i.e. Sasha Striker. He wanted to date her after having mastered the challenge. But then he had forgotten to get her number in order to be able to call her back.

“Socko” had not yet taught him that.

Sasha greeted, “hi Spencer!” She smiled like a domina. “OK, the first of the two of you winning something at ‘Cal’'s online gambling store will also win a date with me. And who knows what follows!” She wiggled seductively. “I've already won a few hundred bucks in a video cart race, but I lost thrice as much a few minutes later. So better prepare!” She cackled manically.

Carly sighed, “Spencer! Don't do it!”

Alas, Spencer did not want to listen. “OK, that's a deal!”

“Aspartamay” grinned. “Sasha is already mine, for all odds. You couldn't even win against a blind hobo.”

Spencer growled, “hey!”

Carly walked away, She was so disgusted by the situation. But she could not do anything about it.

“Aspartamay” left the loft again.

And so did Sasha Striker.

Spencer swore, “I will crush ‘Aspartamay’! Sasha will be mine. Aspartamay will be squished like that Mosquito.” He took “Socko”'s book and flang it at the insect, missing it again.

The stupid book, on the other hand, hit some sculpture.

This was the prototype of his work for Dr. Trestin.

The monument burst into smithereens.

Spencer sighed. “Who cares. I just need to win the jackpot. Then I will buy my own museum of arts, and I won't ever need to work for some scrooge, anyways.”

3.2. Up Periscope

Freddie and Sam were visiting Carly once more.

It was almost time for preparing the next session of iCarly.

Freddie sat down at Carly's water-filled table in order to play with the little submarine. He started the remote control.

Carly told Sam about Spencer's new plans.

Sam sighed. “An uncle of mine got recently arrested for running an illegal gambling hall. He always cheated on the customers with fake magnets under the roulette tables.”

Freddie nodded. “In the end, you will never win. Even at a legal roulette table, the ‘Zero’ and the ‘Double Zero’ reduce the probability of winning to …”

Sam grunted, “shut up, dork!” She pulled at Fredward's collar, making him squeal in agony.

Carly stopped Sam. “It's terrible. No sane womman would offer herself as a stake in a bet. But Sasha makes me throw up. No way I want him to date her. But if Spencer loses, he will probably try again and again, losing his car, his clothes, and my savings for college.”

Sam growled, “who needs college, anyways?”

Freddie explained, “gambling is a matter of probability and statistics. And the statistics are clearly against Spencer.”

Carly wondered, “maybe he could save himself from ruin using Gibby's shirt? Of course only after having lost Sasha to ‘Aspartamay’?”

Sam and Freddie looked at Carly. They still believed stubbornly to believe in omens, good-luck charms, blessings, and curses.

Freddie shook his head. “He will never win. That's statistically impossible!”

Samantha's cellular phone rang.

She picked it up. “Sam Puckett, the queen of winners … aw, hi Chris!” She remarked to her friends, “my alike-looking cousin Chris, from California!”

Freddie gasped. “Sam, there;s no Melanie, and there's no Chris, either. The probability for two cousins to look alike is one over …”

Carly screamed, “shut up, dorkward!” She was disgusted for having talked like Sam.

But it appeared necessary in that moment.

Sam and Christina kept on talking.

Sam concluded, “and you've really won fifty bucks during the last hours? Wow! Congrats!”

Carly wondered, “how has your cousin won?”

Sam shrugged. “Chris just rocks. She's also called ‘Prodigy’ for that reason.”

Freddie sighed. “OK, maybe the odds aren't that bad.” He started singing Up Periscope[ up periscope], a very perverted and dirty song by rock idol and girl eater Drake Parker.

The latter was Carly's cousin.

But she had never told her friends about that relationship. In any case, she was disgusted by that song, and even more by the fact of Freddie singing it to her in such an abominably seductive manner. She grabbed Freddie's head and dunked it into the water. “Down pericscope!”

Freddie squealed like an idiot.

[ world of warlords] cf. iCarly : iStart A Fanwar

It's a spoof off Warld of Warcraft, a third-party owned fantasy strategy game.

[ solitaire poker] Spencer was addicted to this in iCarly : iGo Nuclear

[ trestin] from iCarly : iFight Shelby Marx

[ new table] seen occasionally in season 4

[ sasha striker] from iCarly : iStage An Intervention

[ up periscope] third-party owned song by Drake Bell

Chapter 4. Against all odds

Table of Contents


4.1. Doobious Theorems

Tip

Understanding Dustin's nerdy talk is not necessary for understanding the rest of the story as such. J.L. Doob and his theorem, however, is for real. The gist is Katie's conclusion.

Dustin talked about some geeky chapter from the theory of probabilities, known as “Doob's concergence theorems for martingales”.

Katie Knight studied hard under the guidance of Dustin Brooks. “I don't understand that. Coin flipping … I bet on heads or tails. The chances are fifty-fift each time. Either I win my stakes, or I lose them. If I win, I stop playing. If I lose, I double the stakes and try again. Now it says something like … the stake-doubling strategy leads in an infinitely long run almost surely to winning the initial stake.”

Dustin nodded. “We've calculated this.”

Katie sighed. “But it also says that the expectation value of the game is zero, regardless of the duration. Isn't that a contradiction? ”

Dustin shook his head. “It isn't. Technically, almost sure convergence and convergence in expectation agree only in the case of uniform integrability.”

Katie looked puzzled.

Dustin showed Katie some excruciatingly complicated mathematical formulae.

Katie nodded solemnly. “No risk, no fun.”

Dustin shrugged. “Mind you, this is all valid for fair games. The problem is - you can't play forever. Sooner or later, your resources are used up, or the bank closes, or there are thos naughty limits. So the good prospects of the strategy of doubling stakes are all void. And real casinos don't even offer fair games, hurting you even worse.”

Katie sighed deeply.

The mathematics of gambling, even for “fair” games, was much more tricky than just calculating the number of favourable outcomes and the number of possible outcomes.

But she was going to study a lot harder.

There had to be a way of beating Quinn's and Cal's bandit.

4.2. Really lucky?

Carly was back in her attic.

Freddie urged her to watch at his laptop.

Carly sighed deeply. “What do you want? And where is Sam?”

Freddie grinned. “As I will show you, Gibby's shirtt is not really lucky.”

Sam appeared on the screen. “Hi Carly! I've put a bucket - filled with cat vomit and bugs - into Gibby's locker. Look what happens when …”

Carly felt bad. “Cat vomit? Bugs?”

Freddie grinned. “hey! You need to watch Gibby!”

Disgusted Carly sighed deeply.

Charles Cornelius Gibson wore his “lucky shirt”. He grinned when opening his locker. There he found a bucket standing on the top of a variety of his belongings.

Freddie grinned. “Gibby will spill the contents!”

Carly would have pitied the usually shirtless gnome in such a case.

Gibby's clumsiness caused a little quake in his locker.

The bucket tilted.

Sam grinned. “Take that, Gibby!”

Freddie smiled in anticipation.

Something dropped onto Gibby's head, and thereupon in landed in his hands. But what was it?

Gibby squealed, “oh yeah! My favourite sandwiches!”

Carly chuckled. “Gibby's favourite sandwiches?”

Freddie gasped, “his favourite sandwiches? Hey, where are my road meals for tomorrow?”

Sam was equally consternated. “Fredward? What can did you take?”

Freddie grabbed his lunch box from his backpack. He opened it.

His nose was hit by an incredible stench.

Freddie passed out.

His box contained cat puke and some insects.

Carly was now even more disgusted. She yelled for Spencer and ordered him to clean up.

Sam yelled across the microphone, “Fredward Benson, where are you? Hello? You've messed it up again. You gave me the wrong box.”

Carly started laughing. “Have a nice dinner, Freddie! Honestly, Freddie and Sam deserved that humiliation for their disbelief in lucky charms.”

But were Fredward and Samantha ready to give up?

Would Freddie even recover from his collapse?

Would Sam kill him for his unlucky mistake?

Carly was more and more convinced of the necessity of purchasing the shirt from Gibby. But whow was she supposed to do this?

4.3. Fairy Godparents

Joshuah Nichols was totally consternated. “This computer opponent is really hard. I'm going to lose all my savings for the next tear of college.”

Drake moaned, “told you. No shirt, no luck.”

Megan grinned. “Oh, I know where the shirt is.”

Drake and Josh glared at Megan.

Megan explained, “last year, I heard the creepy freaks talking in ‘Première Theater’. They watch Carly's show all the time.”

Josh asked, “Craig and Eric?”

Megan nodded. “Gavin wasa with them, too.”[ craig eric gavin]

Drake shrugged. “Which sane guys of twenty years watch that baby show?”

Megan nodded. “Weird!”

Josh grunted, “which sane guy of twenty-three years still goes to elementary school and refuses to grow up?” He was talking about Drake's and Megan's childish cousin Timothy Turner[ timothy turner].

Drake and Megan sighed deeply.

Timmy embarrassed them to the death. He looked almost like Drake, making it even worse.

Megan grinned. “Some guys believe in Timmy still having his ‘godparent fairies’.”

Josh gasped. “Godparent fairies! Another way to get good luck and win the jackpot for canasta!”

Drake and Megan gasped. “Josh? Are you crazy?”

But he was unstoppable. He had to beg Drake's infantile cousin for help. He walked away.

Drake and Megan were left alone.

Drake wondered, “so, where is the shirt?”

Megan explained, “one of Carly's class pals has got it. Carly's best friend, Samantha. ripped it off a hobo and gave it away.”

Drake gasped. “Is she insane? Why would anyone give away a lucky shirt?”

Megan guessed, “Samantha probably refuses to believe in luck charms.”

Drake sighed. “Pretty dumb of her!”

Megan nodded solemnly.

Suddenly, Megan's cellular phone rang.

Megan picked it up. “Megan Parker, hello …”

“Hi Megan!” A girl panted noisily on the other end of the line. “It's me, Addie.”

Addie Singer[ addie singer] was a former friend of Megan Parker. But she lived across the continent somwhere in Connecticut.

Megan gasped. “Addie? You don't sound pleased.”

Addie sighed bitterly. “My mom became addicted to gambling, again. Years ago, she lost a lot on the fair grounds, tossing coins into a small pot.[ addies moms addiction] Now she tried online pinball, at the new online gambling portal.”

Megan gasped. “She lost?”

Addie replied sadly, “she lost our house.”

Megan looked consternated.

The online gambling bot had gone too far.

Megan decided, “the sucker is so going to rue it!”

Drake sighed deeply. “Addie was one of your nicer friends. Sghe doesn't deserve that.”

Megan nodded sadly. “We have to crack the portal, no matter what!”

Drake hi-fived with his little sister.

But they did not want to try their luck with Timmy's “fairies”.

Drake moaned, “may we trick the virtual bandit into believing into a lack of our skills? He will be uncautious, and then … just as I did when betting on Josh's skills in pool matches.[ pool bets]”

Megan sighed. “The virtual online gambling system is a machine. It doesn't have human weaknesses, such as boobish feelings.”

Drake sighed.

Megan scratched her head. “Or maybe it does?”

Drake wondered, “what do you want to say?”

Megan shrugged. “Wishful thinking … but maybe there's a way to find out?”

Would Drake and Megan be on the right way?

And who could find and use those weaknesses faster than Quinn and Cal, and faster than any competitor?

[ craig eric gavin] Drake & Josh's recurring characters Craig Ramirez, Eric Blonowitz, and Gavin Mitchell are identified with the respective actors; cameos in iCarly : iStart A Fanwar

[ timothy turner] from Fairly Odd Movie

[ addie singer] identifies the star frim Unfabulous with same actress's cameo in Drake & Josh : Honor Council

[ addies moms addiction] cf. Unfabulous : The L-Bomb

[ pool bets] cf. Drake & Josh : Pool Sharks

Chapter 5. Looking For The Weakness

Table of Contents


5.1. Megan's Source

Megan and Drake wanted Josh to figure about a trick to beat thge random mechanism of Quinn's and Cal's invincible gambling machine.

But Josh was stubborn. “No way! What did I tell tou about cheating? It is not fair!”

Drake and Megan sighed deeply.

Josh went back to his laptop and registered for the next online Gin tournament. “It's my lucky day!”

But Megan did not give up. “My upstream source is a cyborg. Maybe he is more suioted getting at the secret of the online bandit.”

Drake wondered, “an upstream source? Is that something you may drink from? How does it taste? Ginger ale or root beer?”

Megan glared aghast at Drake. “What? You boob!” She sighed deeply. “OK, My upstream source is where I get all those widgets from used in order to torture you and Josh.”

Drake twitched.

Megan shook her head. “Twitching is Josh's task!”

Drake looked puzzled. “Come on!”

Megan took her laptop and started typing things, like a video chat request.

Drake watched carefully.

An afro-american cyborg like guy appeared on the screen. “Cookie's devices … aw Megan!”

Drake grunted, “Oh, that's the guy building all those things for you. such as the butt roaster[ butt roaster], the mini paintball cannon[ paintball cannon], …” He mentioned quyite a long list of torture instruments formerly deployed by his mischievous little sister.

Megan had to correct him. “Some of them are from other sources.”

Cookie would have loved to boast with all of them, though. “Cookie's devices, fast, cheapm, and reliable, what do you need?”

Drake grunted, “a new little sister?”

Megan poked Drake in some sensitive spot.

Drake whimpered for a penetrant yet short-lived pain.

Megan explained the situation.

Cookie, alias Simon Nelson Cooke, sighed deeply. “That sounds really bad. I've heard about that online gambling centre by that Quinn Pensky. Many of my friends and former friends have turned addicted to it.”

Megan requested, “we need a way to find the weaknesses of the gambling monster and crack it before more friends go bancrupt.”

Drake nodded vigorously.

Cookie sighed. “The system is very well secured.”

Megan insisteed, “there needs to be a way to get the cyber monster reveil its stats.”

Cookie sighed deeply. “Hey! A cousin of my former best friend has always been able to use the meanest tricks in order to make rascals reveil their secrets.”

Drake and >Megan looked apparently quite interested. “How did he do that?”

Cookie sighed. “I don't know.”

5.2. The Shredderman Can

The next morning, Megan Parker received a reply from Simon Nelson Cooke, coupled with a video chat request.

Megan informed Drake.

The rock idol slouched in. He had been spent all night practising a new song for a new concert at “Carneghie Hall” with his new female lead voice, Tamara Dyson[ tamara dyson].

Megan wondered, “what else have Tammi and Drake done all night long?” But she refrained from asking explicitly. Maybe she should have used hidden cams in order to find out?

But those had been probably totally disgusting things.

Thus Megan was better off not knowing about any details.

Simon Nelson Cooke introduced his former best friend. “This is Edmond Bigby.”

“Ned” alias Edmond Bigby grinned into the video cam.

Megan introduced herself and added, “this is my booby brother Drake.”

Edmond Bigby gasped, “Drake Paker?”

Drake nodded.

Ned boomed, “the famous rock idol?”

Drake declared proudly, “no other!”

Edmond screamed like an idiot. “Oh yeah baby! Rock on!”

Drake glared like a hero.

Megan sighed deeply. “This ain't going anywhere.”

Simon Nelson Cooke admonioshed Edmond Bigby to stick to the topic. “So, your cousin Nolan, alias ‘Shreedderman’, has uncovered an environmental scandal, just three years ago. ”

Edmond was now upset. “Cookie! You are not supposed to reveil the identity of ‘Shredderman’!”

Simon boomed, “but we need his support in order to reveil the weaknesses of Quinn's system.”

Edmond and Simon started wrestling.

Megan cheered for Simon.

Drake cheered for Edmond.

Finally, both of them were exhausted from fighting.

Edmond Bigby promised to inform his cousin Nolan Byrd.

But Megan and Drake had to keep that a secret.

Josh came back from his room. “I've lost 500 bucks in a row. Damnit!” But was he now ready to forget about his stubborn principles and to join Drake's and Megan's bandwagon?

5.3. Sikowitz

The online gambling fever had now also reached “Hollywood School for the professional Performance Arts”, a private school preparing the most gifted future Hollywood stars.

This time, one of the teachers had fallen victim to the gambling disease. It was one Mr. Sikowitz, teacher for acting.

One of his pupils was Robert Shapiro. He was more interested in his online school journal, “The Slap”, than in acting and stuff. He used to talk with his doll without moving his lips.

Rex, Robbie's doll, had its own character and was hard to control by its owner.

In any case, Robbie was now hell bent on covering Sikowitz' new-found addiction to gambling in The Slap. But for that avail, he needed the support of his fellow pupils.

Unfortunately, not all of them were convinced of Mr. Sikowitz' addiction to gambling.

Jade West, a death metal goth girl, gruted, “Robbie is hallucinating.”

“My words!” admitted Rex.

Caitlyn Valentine, a recklessly annoying bimbo wench, smiled. “my brother is also addicted to online gambling. Mom doesn't give him money for that, though. I wonder where he has got it from.” She shrugged.

Victoria Vega, aniother student and cousin of aforementioned Tamara Dyson, suggested to gather some proof for the addiction of Sikowitz. “Rumours are too dangerous. Principal Eichman would expel Sikowitz. And then we would get a crappy teacher. But we have to talk to Sikowitz before putting it onluine!”

Some of other students agreed.

Sikowitz may have been crazy.

But there were worse choices for a teacher.

Rex suggested to spy on Sikowitz. “I will do that! But keep Robbie away from the action. He would mess it up. He always does.”

“I don't,” objected Robert Shapiro.

The kids disputed wildly.

Jade West was obsessed with scissors. She was hell bent on cutting something or someone into pieces in the case of a failure of their mission.

Caitlyn wanted to fix a cup of blix, a softdrink popular in Los Angeles. She picked her wallet. “Damn, where's my pre-paid credit card?”

Tori Vega concluded, “that's where your brother gets his money for gambling from.”

Cat wiondered, “what's that supposed to mean?”

5.4. Nevel Papperman

Nevel Papperman, a guy in Dustin's age, was sitting at his laptop. He was known as the archenemy of Carly Shay and her “friends” Fredward Benson and Samantha Puckett. Nevel ran a web site named Nevelocity. He had thusly stumbled upon the giant online gambling machine.

Nevelocity was well-visited.

Many visitors had reported their experiences with the gambling monster.

Nevel concluded, “this is very interesting. Spencer Shay is addicted to that gambling thing. And Carly is too weak to stop him.” He grinned mischievously. “Finally, Carly Shay will rue the day, until dystopia will she rue it. iCarly is now virtually canceled.” He clenched his fists. “It's just a matter of time. But what is time?” He scratched his head. He went once more through the reports made by his viewers. Suddenly, he sensed a pattern in tye activities of Quinn's machine. But Nevel was not yet able to formulate it.

But it was only a matter of time.

Nevel would find out.

And this was tantamount to dystopia, wasn't it?

Carly Shay better went to fetch a shovel and dig her own tomb.

[ butt roaster] from Drake & Josh Mean Teacher

[ paintball cannon] from Drake & Josh : Sheep Thrill

[ tamara dyson] from Spectacular!

Chapter 6. Finale

Table of Contents


6.1. Shredderman fails

Megan Parker was desperate. She had entrusted unbeknownst “Shredderman” with the important task of figuring Quinn's and “Cal”'s secret.

But everything went wrong.

Quinn and her consort were just way too careful for Megan's henchmen.

Shredderman could not inspect the necessary data.

Josh started preaching her lessons. But he was even worse off. He had already lost everything to the gambling system, including his grandma's heritage.

Megan accidentally stumbled upon Nevelocity. She knew about Nevel's identity as her ciusin Carly's archenemy. But she also knoew him as the perfect backup pianist for her oboe solo. Thus she did not refuse to contact him.

6.2. Papperman rules

Nevel Papperman was more lucky. He had gathered the data from the users of Nevelocity. Hwe published them neatly on his blog.

Magic Malika and Missy Robinson were two regular users and the greatest fans of Nevelocity, besides Megan, of course.

They could not really evaluate the data.

But Malika's magical intuition told her about Lulu.

Fortunately, Malika's witchcraft mistress, a certain Kreuftlva[ kreuftlva] knew Lulu very well.

The latter was a customer of her services.

6.3. The solution

Lulu finally took a closer look at the data.

It took her a few months in order to make sense of them.

But then eeverything made sense.

Lulu announced proudly into the face of Melissa Robinson and Magic Malika: “The randomm thing is weakest each day between nine and eleven anter meridiem!”

Listening Ryan Laserbeam believed in “Ante Meridiam” being a girl's name, and he wanted her number.

True Jackson poked him rudely in his guts.

Lulu could, of course, have used her gained knowledge in order to win the jackpot.

Ryan urged her down on his knees to do so.

But Lulu went another way. “Mikey Jay has talked me into using this information in order to talk to Quinn and gget her to cancel the whole crapand pay back all the bancrupt gamblers.”

Ryan was consternated and bitterly disappointed. He had already made plans for using his gambling wins. Thus he was now forced to apply for clown school instead of crossing the seven seas on his own yacht..

6.4. Consequences

Missy and Megan forced Quinn and “Cal” with some tricks to give up on the gambling system and pay back all the disappointed and bankupted customers, such as Mrs. Singer, Spencer Shay, and so on.

Quinn and her fiancé left the building and migrated to Venzuela.

Katie Knight decided to give up on speculative business and dedicated herself to the studies of the deeper laws of mathematics and econometry, guide by her beloved Dustin Brooks.

Josh would only play canasta and gin with his friends Craig and Eric.

Nevel and Missy talked Gibby into giving up on his lucky shirt.

In turn, the shirtless dweeb was awarded with his own web show, iGibby.

Missy donated the shirt to her roomie Christina Saunders, telling her to elope with her beloved Quincy.

Spencer was disappointed. He had lost Sasha Striker to Aspartamay.

That part of his deal with Aspartamay had not been revised by Missy's rigorous intervention.

Spencer concentrated again on his works of art. Thus he came to know about Stacey Dillsen[ stacey dillsen], the famous cotton swab sculptor.

Alas, Carly was disappointed. She hated Stacey even more than she had hated Sasha. Thus she punished Spencer for good by moving in with Gibby.

But Spencer - forever happy with Stacey - did not even notice Carly movinge away.

This way, Carly rued the day until dystopia, i.e. a life as Gibby's wife.

Freddie and Sam were totally consternated by Carly's choice. They migrated together to Canada because of Canadian bacon, properly a sort of ham..

6.5. Eloped

Encouraged by Melissa Robinson, Chris Saunders got her belongings together, leaving nothing behind. At the time of Chris turning eighteen, she grabbed her beloved Quincy and eloped with him to Las Vegas.

Quincy had never loved his evil wife and only married her with deep inner disgust in order to appear closer to Christina. Upon a message by means of his cellular phone, he left his annoying wife over night and followed his beloved Christina without a trace of a remorse.

They had not won anything in Quinn's gambling hell. But down to Gibby's shirt, they were now lucky enough to strike a fortune in real Vegas and make the bucks necessary for Quincy's divorce and their remarriage.

Old Mrs. Saunders was deservedly consternated. She paid for her foul and vile attempt of destroying her “daughter”'s life and her “husband”'s career as an arcade freak with irreversible dismay and despair. She would recede from her rotting limbs not patiently and in peace, but in pain and consternation. For years had she rejoiced in her raging folly and madness.

The truly bitter poison of social acceptance had appeared to her like sweet fragrance.

Quincy and Christina, on the other hand, migrated to some kingdom ruled by Fredward's alike-looking cousin Gabriel[ king gabriel] and would be happy ever after over there. If they haven't died yet, they are still spending all night and all day in their favourite arcades, breaking the high scores here and there.

The End

[ kreuftlva] from True Jackson VP : True Parade

[ stacey dillsen] identified with same actress's cameo in iCarly : iHire An Idiot.

[ king gabriel] Prince Gabriel from True Jackson VP : True Royalty

story: igamble

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