Blogger Wars::II
Contents
- Chapter 8 Freddie’s New Outfit
- Chapter 9 The Show May Begin
- Chapter 10 Modern Economy
- Chapter 11 Bloggerobics
- Chapter 12 Dinner For Two Few
- Chapter 13 Carly Faces Dustin
Chapter 8 Freddie’s New Outfit
Having searched for hours, Carly had been able to find the taylor of Logan Reese.
Her name was Zoey Brooks.
Sam shrugged. “Better than some guy.”
Carly didn’t mind. She gave Fredward the business number of Miss Brooks.
Sam gasped. “Those brainless art bloggers write more about Zoey than about Spencer!”
Carly was flabbergasted. “How may anyone not prefer Spencer’s sculptures over any other form of art?”
Freddie shruugged. “I don’t need a sculpture, I need an outfit of the same league as Logan Reese’s!”
Sam chuckled. “You will look like a stuffed penguin.”
Freddie grunted back into Sam’s direction. “That’s better than your aunt Maggie’s stuffed chest buffers.”
Samantha was now upset. “How do you dare to say something bad about aunt Maggie, the queen of marriage cheaters!”
Freddie scoffed and gnarled at his favourite bickeroing partner.
Spencer sighed. “Freddie needs a suit, not a sculpture. Too bad Socko isn’t here. He could sell unto him a perfectly fitting ...”
Carly shook her head.
Freddie picked his cellular phone and started to dial.
Zoey answered, “Hello, this is Zoey Brooks, fashion paradise ...”
Freddie sighed.“Hello, my name is Fredward Benson. You are making suits for Logan Reese, right?”
Zoey confirmed that.
Freddie grinned. “I need the same thing until tomorrow evening, for the mega event at Palmwood’s.”
Zoey gasped. “Oh my gosh! You’re not exactly early for that ...”
Fredward sighed deeply. “I have to impress some high-society girls. And that’s not possible without appropriate outfit.”
Zoey shrugged. “That’s OK. I can’t promise anything. but I’ll come and see. You are already at Palmwood’s, right?”
Freddie nodded with glee.
Carly opened the door.
Zoey Brooks marched in. “Hi, where do I find a young man named Fredward Benson?”
Sam yelled, “Fredworm! Your taylor is here!”
Freddie stumbled in. “Hi! It’s urgent!”
Zoey explained, “I’ve still got some remainders of Logan’s last outfit. If your size is about the same, there won’t be many problems.”
Samantha chuckled. “Doubt so. Logan is a stud, Fredwarf is a poor excuse of something ‘male’.”
Carly commanded Sam subtly to keep her blasphemous mouth shut.
Zoey started measuring Freddie’s body.
Samantha suggested, “Don’t scrutinise anything below his belt! You’ll die from seeing such a poor excuse of manliness.”
Freddie grunted, “shut up, Puckett!”
Carly needed to grab Sam’s leg in order to prevent her from punching Fredward into the next century.
Zoey smiled. “OK, Fredward’s size compares easily to that of Logan. It will be done by tomorrow noon.”
Carly sighed for extreme relief.
Freddie grinned.
Sam was totally disappointed.
Spencer stumbled in. “Hello! You are?”
Zoey shook hands with Spender. “Zoey Brooks, costume designer.”
Spencer nodded. “Spencer Shay, freelance sculptor. Do you need a mannequin doll for your costumes?”
Zoey smiled. “Sometimes ... but those I’ve got still do their job.” She shrugged. Then she saw Spencer’s socks. “Holy guacamole!”
Spencer gasped. “They are cool, ain’t they? I’ve bought them from my pal socko.”
Zoey stammered. “I’ve designed them, like, three or four years ago. My tech-geek friend Quinn Pensky added the illumination.”
Spencer gasped.“Socko has lied to me!”
Carly explained, “my big brother is really naïve. He believes in everything said by Socko.”
Zoey shrugged. Then she looked at Carly. “You are Carly Shay, moderator of the event, ain’t it so?”
Carly nodded with glee.
Zoey wondered, “have you already got an appropriate outfit? I mean, you are probably always dressed nicely in your web shows ...”
Carly asked, “do you watch us?”
Zoey shook her head. “My baby brother, Dustin, does.”
Carly wondered, “how old is your baby brother?”
Zoey replied, “he’s fifteen. And he always blushes while watching you in his show.”
Carly gasped. “Wow!” She couldn’t remember any boy having ever blushed for her. “Anyways, I’m fine with what I’ve got.”
Zoey nodded solemnly. “OK, I’ve got several customers here aat Palmwood’s, the choice award is such a mega event. Good luck!”
Carly thanked Zoey. “Do you want an autograph for your brother?”
Zoey nodded. “Sure, that would be nice. He’ll probably be in the audience, though.”
Carly sighed. She thought about talking to Dustin in person during the show.
Zoey said good-bye to Carly, Freddie, Sam, and Spencer. She was now off to the next customer.
Spencer’s eyes were bugging out.
Carly wondered, “are you feeling well, Spence?”
Her brother swooned apathetically, stammering repetitively, “Zoey!”
Sam gasped. “Earth to Spencer!”
Carly choked. “I know, she’s nice and pretty, but she’s like ten years younger.”
Spencer did not care about his sister’s objection. “I need plaster flour and coloured resine ... all colours!”
Carly sighed. “You want to make a mannequin doll, anyways?”
Spencer nodded emphatically, “a live-sized mannequin ndoll in the likeness of Zoey Brooks, the greatest sock designer ever.”
Sam and Carly shrugged. They knew about their miserable lack of ability in dissuading Spencer from his project.
At the same time, Mr. Bitters was sleeping at his desk.
Hilton Perez stumbled into the foyer. He woke Bitters up. “Sir! What’s going on here?”
Mr. Bitters sighed upon waking up.
Hilton Perez grunted, “I’m expecting an explanation!”
Bitters gasped, “an explanation for what?”
Hilton boomed, “I was ready for taking a shower, and there was a hobo in my bath!”
Bitters was flabbergasted. “Buddha Bob,” thundered he at the top of his lungs.
The custodian came stumbling along. “boss?”
Bitters told Hilton to wait for a minute. He grabbed the maintenance guy and dragged him into a back office. There he was going to tell him about the mistake.
Buddha Bob had mistakenly paid the wrong guy to disappear from the residential floors of Palmwood’s.
Bitters fired Buddha Bob for his unforgivable mistake.
The custodian was accustomed to this.
His former working place at James K. Polk’s had not been any easier.
Alas, this did not prevent Hilton Perez from leaving the hotel and moving into nearby Chambrolay’s 1.
The influential journalist was now propably going to write the death sentence for Palmwood’s.
Mr. Bitters should have started looking for another job. But he didn’t yet look that far. He was first going to take care of Hollywood the hobo.
Spencer stumbled into the foyer.
Some delivery boy showed up, holding label aloft with an inscription, “Spencer Shay”.
Spencer acknowledged the delivery, paying for the plaster poweder, the resine colours, and a small tip for the boy. Then he crawled into a corner in order to start sculpting the most authentic sculpture in the likeness of Zoey Brooks ever seen.
A polynesian girl with long, dark hair stumbled in. She saw Spencer starting to sculpt something. “Hi, are you an artist?”
Spencer nodded. “Spencer Shay.”
The guest introduced herself, “Louise Johnson, but you may call me Lulu.”
Spencer shrugged. “OK, Lulu, are you living here?”
The asiatic belle shook her head. “I’m residing in nearby Rockwood’s. Some shirtless guy told me to go here and meet some extremely impressive artist. I’m nominated for the art bloggers’ award.”
Spencer smiled. “So, you want to write about my sculpture. Are you also an artist?”
Lulu shook her head. “My best friend True is a fashion designer. Thus I decided to give it a try. I love writing, I like True, so I started writing about True. That got my block started.”
Spencer was going to give some very interesting interview.
Bob Buddha had just been done getting his belongings together. Now he received a phone call. “Oh, Cookie ... is the weasel ...”
Cookie was too excited to let the custodian talk any longer. “the weasel has escaped again! It must still be somewhere in Palmwood’s. And it isn’t well-fed, it is ... pregnant!”
Buddha gasped. “many little weasels in Palmwoods’s? And the rats are still out there? That will be a catastrophe. But that’s so not my problem! I’m already fired. The nightshift will take care of it.”
Cookie shrugged.
Was the event now lost for good?
And what about the future of Palmwood’s?
1 from Drake & Josh : Drake and Josh Go Hollywood
Chapter 9 The Show May Begin
Carly had donned her dress for the presentation of the bloggers’ awards.
But her mask still needed to be done.
She knew the procedure from her short attempt of making iCarly a TV show. 1
But who was going to prepare her mask this time?
A girl in Carly’s age stumbled in.
Carly supposed her to be the mask builder.
The girl introduced herself, “Hi, I’m Caitlyn Valentine. But you may call me Cat, like cats and dogs, you know? You must be Carly.” She talked with a penetrating bimbo voice.
“Yes, I am …” Carly sighed deeply. She feared not being able to bear the voice.
Cat talked incessantly. “You must look cute for the show, This requires a lot of work.”
Carly was little flattered. “Thanks,” she grumbled underneath her breath.
Cat needed a few minutes more. “I’ll just have to make your face sparkle.”
Carly shrugged helplessly.
Was that truly necessary?
Finally, Carly’s mask was done.
Carly did not even dare to look at her mirror image.
Sam stumbled in.
Her hair was all smooth.
Carly gasped. “Where have your curls gone?”
Sam gasped. “My girls?” She looked into the mirror. “Oh no! That bimbo wench of a hair stylist ... Nicole Bristow! I’m going to make you pay for that!”
Nicole had been the hair stylist responsible for Sam.
But all objections were in vain.
The show was to start in a few minutes.
Fredward Benson looked rather stiff in the suit.
Mom would have liked seeing him like this.
But Freddie was of a different opinion.
On the other hand, his impression on Patti Perez and Autumn Williams interested him more than his own comfort.
But the suit was somewhat in need of getting accustomed to.
Even worse, Samantha Puckett was most likely going to ridicule Freddie as a stiff penguin or so.
But there was no time left. He had to get to the cam in just a few minutes.
A girl stumbled in. “Fredward Benson?”
Freddie nodded solemnly.
Quinn smiled. “Hi, I’m Quinn Pensky, inventor of the technology used here. My relative Camille, and aspiring actress, lives here at Palmwood’s.” She was also here in order to cheer for nevel. but she refrained from telling hostile Fredward Benson about that.
Freddie shrugged. “Good for you.”
Quinn was here in order to explain Freddie a few details about the technology. Now she guided him onward to the broadcast central.
Finally, Carly and Sam had entered the stage.
Carly’s eye caught Freddie and his suit.
Carly told Sam.
“Wow, a penguin,” remarked Sam in a sadistical manner.
Freddie grunted back at Sam, “a daffofil!”
Freddie and Sam decided thence to remain silent about each other’s looks.
Freddie announced, “airing in five…four…three…two”
Much applauded Ryan Seacrest was waiting for the one.
But it never came.
Carly explained in a whispering manner, “Freddie never says the one. He’s a bit crazy about it. Don’t tell him, though.”
Seacrest shrugged. “OK. Dear friends, we are proud of presenting you this years’ best bloggers in various categories. But I’m particularly proud of introducing your real host for this show, Miss Carlotta Shay from Seattle, host of famous web show iCarly.”
Some of the viewers applauded.
Carly gasped. “What aboout Sam?”
Samantha Puckett did not care. She stuffed a spicy pork chop dripping for fat vbarbecue sauce down her gullet and swooned for delight.
Carly sighed. “OK, thanks and an applause for Ryan Seacrest. I’m Carly. Some of you already know me. Others don’t. It depends. Or so I guess.” She shrugged.
Many live viewers chuckled.
A shirtless leprechaun flashed across the stage. “Hey! You can’t start without me!”
Carly stopped him. “Gibby! You have to wait until you are called onto the stage! And you will have to wear something appropriate.”
Gibby pouted angrily and trotted off the stage.
Carly gasped. “Sorry for that interruption. Many of you already know our friend Gibby. But today, he has to stay a bit more patience. Not his strength, but we’ll see.” She sweated.
Fortunately, Caitlyn Valentine’s fabrication held.
Carly explained the procedure. “There are several categories of blogs to be awarded. For each category, a committee of experts is going to choose the winner. But for the general category, you, our most valued viewers, will be responsible. Our tech freak Fredward Benson will insert the instruction. You may vote either by SMS or by visiting our web site icarly dot com slash blogger-awards.” She sweated even more. “Your opinion will also decide in whatever category if the corresponding committee can’t make up its mind and leaves you the choice. This will be announced from time to time.” She was almost exhausted.
Freddie shook his head. But he had to do his job.
Carly continued, “unfortunately, this event costs a lot, and we need quite a few breaks for commercials, probably one per category. I hate those breaks when watching TV. But it seems to be a necessary evil. So, it’s time for a first break. We will be back with our first category, blogs about modern business. How appropriate …”
The viewers moaned aloud.
Carly felt in need of a break, too.
A few minutes of this event were more tiring than a whole eposode of iCarly.
Mr. Bitters stood behind the counter in the foyer, his usual spot.
Upon Camille’s request, Quinn Pensky had attached a huge plasma screen, allowing everyone to watch.
Kendall was particulaly excited. “It’s now Katie’s turn.”
Mr. Bitters grunted, “oh no, the cunning little vixen will be seen on TV.”
Kendall nodded proudly, as did his mother.
James Diamond and Logan Mitchell fought already over later science blog.
James was vigorously defending his cousin Shane.
Logan thought himself unbeatable. This he had in common with his jerkish namesake, the rich producer’s son.
Of course, said Logan Reese was also expected to show up.
Logan Mitchell wanted to look as hot as Logan Reese. “He has stolen my name. He will pay for it!”
Carlos remarked, “I’m sorry to be forced to correct you, but Logan Reese is older than you. He can’t have stolen your name.”
Logan Mitchell gasped for embarrassment.
In this moment, Logan Reese stumbled in, looking for ‘his’ Quinn.
Along came Camille.
Too bad, her current outfit made her look a lot like Quinn.
Logan Reese kissed Camille ignorantly.
Logan Mitchell could not watch this.
Fists were flying.
Too bad, Logan Mitchell’s fighting skills could not compete with those of wrestling jock Logan Reese.
Camille decided to walk away with the stronger one of the competing Logans.
Carlos, James, and Kendall gasped.
1 cf. iCarly : iCarly Saves TV
Chapter 10 Modern Economy
The commercial break was over.
Carly greeted the audience back. “OK, I may present you now our first expert, responsible for the business category. Welcome Rosemary Pinchbinder 1, treasurer of New York City!”
Sam booed. She did not like accountants and treasure officers.
Freddie had to patch the applause.
Carly shook hands with Rose. “OK, so, you are sort of an accountant?”
Mrs. Pinchbinder nodded. “I am. And I’ve come across lots of illegitimately acquired fortune. I’ve run through all the blogs suggested for this category. And most of them just promote illegal betrayal and cheating. This is especially the case for the business blog of one ‘Ripoff’ Rodney.”
Sam grinned. “Hi, Rodney!” supposing him from watch.
Carly muttered, “I’m not sure … may they watch us from federal prison, high security department?”
Sam shrugged. “My uncle has been in there thrice, and …”
Carly rushed her interview. “OK, so, who remains after subtracting all those bloggs plainly promoting illegal business practices?”
Mrs. Pinchbinder grunted, “There was only one blog left, belonging to one Kataryna Knight! She reports and uses many loopholes, but she doesn’t promote any illegal practices. Thus there’s no other choice but …”
Sam triggered the applause.
Katie marched in with a self-confident posture. She looked around and smirked all over.
Carly smiled. “So, this is our first winner of the year!”
Katie chuckled.
Rosemary Pinchbinder gave Katie a diploma and an envelope containing some bucks.
Carly remarked, “the awards are fully tax-excempted.”
Mrs. Pinchbinder went pale ad scratched her head. She had to go and watch out for this. She harvested more applause upon leaving the stage than upon entering.
Carly hugged Katie. “You can be very proud of it, at your young age. Are you still in middle school?”
Katie nodded solemnly. “Here at Palmwood’s”
The local public applauded exorbitantly.
Carly wanted Katie to tell about some ofher business secrets.
Katie whispered a few of them into Carly’s ears, making her chuckle.
Carly grinned. “OK, I’m going to try that, once in a time.”
Katie cackled.
Suddenly, shirtless Gibby entered the stage again.
Carly’s face went darker. “Gibby! What are you doing here again?”
Gibby asked. “Haven’t I won something?”
Carly shook her head. “At least not yet. So go back to your cell!”
Katie remarked. “Heyt, you’re realy cute. We;ve already met us in the foyer, right?”
Gibby smiled with glee.
Katie suggested, “let’s go for a smoothie, until they call you into the ring.”
Gibby beamed. “OK!”
Carly bodded solemnly.
Suddenly, a dpuppy darted across the stage.
Carly gasped. “oops!”
Katie explained, “this is Lightening, a really nice doggie.”
Carly smiled for relief. “I love puppies!”
Gibby remarked, “I’ve got a dog, Troubles 2. He’s cuter than Lightening. But I like Lightening, too!”
Katie grinned.
Lightening stormed the table with tyhe snacks, especially Sam’s porkchop plates. He grabbed a few of them with his pointy teeth.
Sam bellowed, “these are my pork chops!” She grabbed omne of Freddie’s microphones, making him gasp.
Carly stopped Sam. “Hey! It’s such a cute puppy!”
Sam panted heavily before giving up.
Lightening disappeared like a freshly greased flash of lightening with several greasy meat chops in his mouth.
Samantha Puckett grabbed the remaining pork chop and started gnawing at it with her strong and sharp teeth. “I love pork chops, almost as much as a I love Fredwarf … er … I love torturing Fredwarf.”
Sam’s excruciatingly embarrassing lapsus linguae went by unnoticed, at least without causing any revolt among the viewers.
Sam flung her gnawed bone into Freddie’s direction, missing him narrowly.
Katie and Gibby had left the stage.
Carly explained, “this was our first award. After a commercial break, we will move onward to the award for the best bloggers of the category sports and fitness.”
Freddie cut the broadcast. “The bones are flying low. That means like bad weather in a few.” He sighed deeply.
Katie and Gibby reached the foyer.
Kendall was still bouncing around and cheering ecstatically.
Katie shook her head. “Take it easy, bro!”
Kendall grabbed his little sister with exorbitant pride and huggled her into oblivion.
Gibby was envious. “And who huggles me?”
Carlos, unable to dispose with his hockey helm, decided to huggle the shirtless leprechaun.
Gibby sighed for relief.
Zoey Brooks walked the corridor of Palmwood’s. Suddenly she stumbled into an adult guy lying flat on the floor, nose down.
His neck was greased all over.
Zoey gasped. “Sir? You need help?”
The guy turned around, reveiling himself as Spencer.
Zoey helped the freelance artist back onto hid feet. She offered him a napkin. “Aw my gosh!”
Spencer sighed. “Tastes like barbecue dip.”
Zoey sniffled. “Sorry, but you’re right!”
Spencer cleaned his face. “I was walking to my dorm, ready to swallow a hotdog and watch Carly’s wonderful moderation of the award presentations. Then I was totally overrun by some little devil, faster than a flash of lightening.”
Zoey shrugged. “Where is your hot dog?”
Spencer shrugged. “Gone with the beast.”
Zoey was worried. “It was probably the house puppy, Lightening. Dustin ia afraid of him. I have to guide him safely to the foyer. He is desperate on watching your sister’s performance. He always blushes to death when thinking about her. And he might meet her today on te stage, depending on the judges’ decisions.”
Spencer gasped. “Most boys have a crush on her, but they tend to be disgusting jerks. At least your Dustin ain’t.”
Zoey nodded.
A few yards down the corridor, they heard voices from a wardrobe, yelling for Zoey.
Zoey wondered, “what’s going on here?”
Spencer shrugged.
The voices belonged to Dustin.
He begged to get out of there. “I’ve been hiding from a ferocious wolf. But now I can’t get out!”
Zoey shook her head. With Spencer’s help, she freed her little brother.
Spencer sighed deeply. “Aw,, Miss Brooks, I’m now done with the mannequin doll in your likeness.” He opened the door to his apartment.
Zoey blushed to death. “Oops! That’s flattering … I’ve read about it in the blog of a nice and smart polynesian girl.”
Spencer nodded. “Lulu has interviewed me about it.”
Zoey shrugged. “Let’s hurry up. The next awards will be dished out any time.”
Spencer and Dustin nodded.
1 from True Jackson VP : Keeping Tabs 2 cameo in iCarly : iMove Out
Chapter 11 Bloggerobics
Carly was ready for continuing. “Sports and fitness … I like jogging in the park and a bit of dancing, especially with interesting boys …” She chuckled noisily. “But some bloggers make a lot of fuss about the whole stuff. In any case, these are our experts: Willie Gault and Van Earl Wright 1, the greatest sport reporters and athletes of the last decades.”
Carly’s voice sounded particularly flattering.
The audience made the hall almost burst for applause.
Van and Will waved around. “Hi fans!”
Van grabbed the microphone. “OK, fans. The have been many interesting sports events during the last years.”
Will nodded. “Soccer world championships, the dramatic NFL playoffs, olympic winter games in Vancouver …”
Van continued, “many bloggers have been busy reporting about all that stuff. But equally many were concerned with not so globally important events, like the regionals of their college team.”
Carly smiled. “it’s not so important about which event you write, it’s about how you do it.”
Van praised Carly for having understood the very spirit.
Willie smirked. “There have been a lot of poor examples. Let’s start with this one:”
Van Earl ordered Freddie to play a DVD.
Freddie grabbed it and projected everything to the green screen.
Van commented, “here you see Jeremiah Trottman talking about one of the most serious accidents in the history of high school cheerleading. It happened during a match between the football teams of Silver Spring High 2 and James K. Polk High. Missy Meany and Candy Manderson 3 have each broken their legs. And everything Jerkemiah Trottman talks about is how to ask those ‘chicks’ for a date.”
Carly gasped for astonishment. “Can’t be true!”
Sam belched. “Chicken legs?”
Carly looked at Sam in a not completely approving manner.
Willie nodded solemnly. “Needless to say, Jeremiah Trottman had to be disqualified early on.”
Carly agreed. “He went the same way as Ripoff Rodney.” She smirked gleefully.
Willie did noty know about the shortchanger. But he pretended to agree wholeheartedly with Carly.
Van continued, “unfortunately, the devastating majorinty of sports bloggers are more interested in the private life of the cheerleaders than in sports, just like Jeremiah Trottman.”
Willie moaned, “needless to say, we had to disqualify them all.”
Carly looked amazed. “Oh no, can’t be. So … who still remains?”
Willie Gault looked sternly at his cheat sheet. “And the winners are … Tancy, Corbin, and Jarvis! 4”
Three teenagers mrached in, deploying a triumphant attitude.
Carly gasped for consternation.
Those three beasts had competed with Carly, Freddie, and Sam for Richard Blanton’s spacecations program.
And due to Carly’s exorbitant misbehaviour, the team of iCarly had been disqualified, leaving the first space trip of a web show to those three teenagers.
The kids shook hands with Willie and Van Earl.
The latter explained, “no one had ever given a more detailed yet fascinatingly entertaining report of his school team’s regionals.”
The audience applauded with extreme enthusiasm.
Freddie and Sam went pale in their face.
Carly congratulated them hypocritically.
Finally, the winners received their diploma and a few bucks.
Carly rushed them to disappear as soon as possible from the stage. She was excruciatingly disappointed about the judges’ decision.
Freddie and Sam were downright upset.
Sam triggered some fake boos.
Carly said good-bye to Willie Gault and Van Earl Wright. “See us again next year …” She hoped for other winners. “Now it’s time again for a commercial break.” She desperately needed an interruption after this brash surprise. “After the commercials, will continue with out next category: Cooking and health. Have fun!”
Freddie cut the scene and took a break too.
Sam announced, “I could still kill those disgusting sports freaks.”
Carly sighed deeply. But she was even more worried by the upcoming decision between Nevel and Shawn. She was glad for not having yet spotted either of them. But with each further category, the final decision concerning the general category was moving inevitably closer.
Much to the dismay of the crew of iCarly, the fitness kids did not disappear completely but incited the viewers into gym exercises.
The latest workout tips were to be found on their web site, complete with instructional 3-d pictures.
Many kids and adults were sitting in the foyers of Palmwood’s.
They had even attached a plasma screen near the pool in front of the hotel.
The suspennse was increasing more and more.
But, likewise, complaintes stacked themselves rapidly.
Most visitors complained about food getting stolen off their hands, most likely by Lightening.
That was unbearable.
Mr. Bitters was already looking forward to the inevitable end of Palmwood’s.
No hotel was able to survive such a massive flood of unhappy customers.
The manager was now planning for his time after Palmwoods. He was hardly able top stay in this branch of business.
The news spread by Mr. Perez were going to be broadcast unto each and every hotel chain in the United States, if not abroad.
It was necessary to look for some place unaware of Perez Hilton.
Bitters thought of the Canadian tundra, the jungle of South America, some lonely islands with just a few canibals, and so on.
Of course, such a trip was wanting of a lot of cash.
Bitters was now trying to count the amount of money in the hotel’s cash depot in order to get away with, as fast as possible. Of course he couldn’t talk about this to anyone.
Dustin and Zoey walked into the foyer.
Dustin whispered, “I don’t like the manager. He’s a mean cheater.”
Zoey sighed. “He’s just a bit stressed. It’s a very scary job to take care of a hotel like this during such an event.”
Dustin shook his head. “He’s really evil!”
Zoey shrugged. “How would you know?”
Dustin sighed. “Just a gut feeling!”
Zoey tockled Dustin’s belly mercilessly, making him laugh all over. “And now let’s wait for your category.”
Dustin nodded solemnly. “The cooking category will make me hungry. I miss Sushi Rox.”
Zoey nodded. “So do I. I could do something very bad to that blogger freak, the one guilty of getting Kazu’s Japanese bar closed down.”
1 various cameos in Ned’s Declassified SSG 2 from Just Jordan 3 from Ned’s Declassified SSG : Spirit Week 4 cameos from iCarly : iSpace Out
Chapter 12 Dinner For Two Few
The upcoming topic, Health and Cooking, had made Samantha Pucket very hungry.
Granted, the blond beast was always hungry.
But this time, she went over the top. She cried for more porkchops into every unwary passerby’s face.
Carly had to announce the judge for this segment. “It’s a pleasure for me to introduce our next star. As you know, we had already had the dubious ‘pleasure’ to work with Richard Flame 1 from Cooking Channel in our web show. Unfortunately, he was such a bad loser.”
The audience agreed noisily.
Carly continued, “but Richard Flame is not the one and only great master of Cooking Channel. An applause for Pierre Le Mange 2!”
Pierre entered the stage.
A torrent of applause made the whole territory of Palmwoods tremble.
Pierre grinned while shaking hands with Carly Shay.
Carly asked, “Pierre, there, there are reports about imposters pretending to be you. They often take bribes as judges for local cooking contests.”
Pierre nodded. “Sad, but true.”
Carly sighed. “So, how do we know you are the genuine Pierre Le Mange?”
The star form cooking channel shrugged.
Carly announced, “well, let’s aked the greatest watcher of Cooking Channel ever. I’m talking about someone with the quality of having studied each and every session of Cooking Channel by heart, er, by stomach. Who could that be? Of course, nobody but the one and only Samantha Pucket!”
Sam was still begging for more pork chops.
Freddie grabbed Sam. “Carly needs you on the stage!”
Sam shoved Freddie out of her way. “You don’t have to tell me, Fredwarf!”
Freddie shrugged.
Carly smiled. “OK, Sam, you have watched Le Mange many hours straight.”
Sam nodded solemnly.
Carly told Sam to check the star of Cooking Channel.
Sam scrutinised Le Mange acribically, poking him every here and there.
Her final judgemant was: “Pierre Le Mange is for real!”
The audience applauded again.
Carly smiled.
Sam asked, “aw Pierre, could you tell us the best recipe for pork chops?”
Pierre nodded. “That’s an interesting question. One of my imposters had been at a barbecue contest at nearby Pacific Coast Academy, just a few years ago. The main competitors were one Logan Reese …”
Carly asked, “the son of Hollywood csar Malcolm Reese?”
Pierre nodded solemnly. “And the other main competitor was one Michael Barret. Logan used some world-renowned spice mix named ‘Reese Rib Rub’. Michael Barret used some of his grandma’s barbecue marinade.”
Sam’s eyes turned watery.
She asked, “So, which is better?”
Le Mange replied, “the winner of this category will tell you.”
Sam moaned.
Patience was hardly her greatest virtue.
Carly nodded. “OK, who is the winner?”
Pierre explained, “only one competitor was rigorous enough to be even considered as an author for the National Restaurant Guide. And there he is, Robert Shapiro!”
The audience applauded.
Robbie entered the stage. He was accompanied by some puppet resting on one of his arms.
The puppet said, “everyone’s applauding for me.”
Robbie boomed, “you wish, Rex!”
Rex slapped Robbie.
Sam giggled. “Robert Shapiro is still playing with dolls?”
Rex objected, “I’m not a doll!”
Robbie replied, “yes, you are!”
Carly urged the bickering couple to calm down.
Pierre Le Mange shook hands with Rex and Robbie. He explained, “Robbie’s cooking blog convinced by its shameless honesty.”
Robbie beamed proudly.
Rex objected, “he’s never honest to me.”
Carly nodded. “Is it true … several restaurants had to close down because of your critics?”
Robbie shook his head.
Rex poked Robbie. “Of course they did!”
Robbie feigned innocence.
Le Mange looked at a cheat sheet. “Hmmm … Sushi Rox had to close down. So did Vaccaro’s 3 and Pete and Sam 4.”
Samantha Puckett sratched her blond strands. “You have destroyed my relationship with Pete?”
Robbie did not understand. But he reacted fast. “Rex did!”
Sam thundered, “bad Rex!” Then she slapped the pupped all over.
Rex moaned and whimpered in agony upon Sam’s unpleasnt treatment.
Carly nodded. “OK, Robbie, what do you think about barbecue spice mixes? ‘Reese Rib Rub’ or Barret’s barbecue marinade?”
Rex answered, “the rib rub, of course!” z Robbie thundered, “shut up, Rex! Michael’s marinade is the best!”
Rex did not believe his master.
Robbie continued, “Reese’s sppice mix contains Peruvian power puff pepper. This spice causes kidney failure and is thence illegal in over thirty states.” 5
Carly gasped. “Over thirty states?”
Robbie nodded.
Freddie gasped. “If mom finds out, she won’t let me eat any spice at all unless carefully controlled by herself.”
Sam giggled. “Bad pepper! All hail Michael’s marinade! Where may I meet that guy?”
Le Mange shrugged. “He must have already graduated from there. But some friends may still be around.”
The kids and alumni of Pacific Coast Academy stood up and waved around.
Carly nodded. “And now we come to the award for Robbie Shapiro.”
Rex corrected, “no, the award is for me!”
Robbie stuffed Rex’ blathering mouth.
Carly explained, “OK, the prize is: A dinner for two, vix. Robert Shapiro and Rex, in a restaurant of their choice that did not yet have to shut down or get upset by your merciless criticism.” She rendered unto Rex a coupon over a dinner.
The audience applauded.
Robbie and Rex left the stage, arguing mischievously.
Sam was disappointed, “so where are my ribs? And where is Michael Barret?”
Dustin Brooks was now in the audience.
His sister Zoey, a good friend of the barbecue freak, knew about Michael Barret’s current residence.
But Dustin had a hard time speaking up. He was paralysed by his feelings for Carly Shay. Thus he just stammered in a less than comprehensible manner.
Carly smiled. “OK, after a commercial break … we will continue with the next category, which is …” She looked at her cheat sheet. “Well, it’s family blogs. See you later!” She waved into the cam.
At the same time, the kids in the foyer of Palmwoods wondered about the absence of Mr. Bitters.
Something appeared to be fishy.
Zoey sighed. She told Gibby, “my little brother is now in the live audience. He had been called in by some Ryan Seecrest or so. Next is ‘family blogs’, whatever that is.”
Gibby grinned. “Yeah! Family blog time … nobody wrote about me and my little brother Guppy 6, or so I hope”
Katie grinned. “The next cateogory isfamily. Too bad I had to concentrate on business stuff. But there are at least two great friends of mine participating in that category.”
Gibby sighed.
Zoey shrugged. “I’m now going to fetch me a smoothie.”
Guppy and Katie smiled. “Smoothies rock!”
They walked away, anticipating the awards for family bloggers.
1 cf. iCarly : iCook 2 mentioned in Zoey 101 : Zoey’s Ribs 3 restaurant shown in zo : Dinner for two many and mentioned en passant earlier. 4 restaurant mentioned casually in Zoey 101 : Chasing Zoey.
Already in an earlier season of Drake & Josh, there had been a movie title Pete and Sam displayed on the menu of Première Theater
The choice of Pete as a name for a onetimer date of Samantha Puckett in iCarly : iMake Sam Girlier may be based on the same running gag. 5 cf. Drake & Josh : Peruvian Puff Pepper 6 various cameos in iCarly since the middle of season three.
Chapter 13 Carly Faces Dustin
The break was over.
Carly welcomed the audience back. “We are now moving on to our award for the best family blog.”
The spectators cheered.
Carly grinned. “Our pundit here is no other than the one and only unforgettable … Oprah Winfrey!”
The audience made Palmwoods tremble once more by means of untamable, wall-breaking applause.
Mrs. Winfrey walked onto the stage.
Carly shook hands with Oprah. “Nice to see you here!”
Oprah smiled and waved around.
Suddenly, a big-headed guy, around twenty years old, stormed the stage. He fell down onto his knees, grovelling at Oprah’s feet. “Marry me, Oprah! Marry me! I can’t live without you!”
Oprah Winfrey, almost sixty years old, glared aghast. “Who’s that spaz?”
Carly went pale. She knew the sucker very well.
He was her step-cousin Joshuah Nichols.
That was too embarrassing.
Carly continued. “Some freak hitherto unbeknownst to me.” She thundered at the top of her lungs. “Security!”
Josh did not stop performing his perverted fetishist rituals.
A security guard named Freight Train 1 marched in. He was a bully african-american, over seven foot and chock full of oozing muscles.
Josh did not get distracted by the horrifying appearance of the security guard.
‘Freight Train’ grabbed Josh ungracefully by the ears.
Josh screamed and twitched like an idiot.
Carly bellowed, “get him out of here, for good!”
Josh protested, “but Carly, you can’t …”
Alas, Carly stayed tough. “Off with his head!”
Josh screamed in agony while dragged outside by ‘Freight Train’.
‘Freight Train’ blew a whistle.
Another security guard walked in. It was no other than Carly’s old friend Shelby Marx 2, female junior light weight world champion in mixed martial arts. Shelby greeted Carly.
Carly smiled. “Take good care of that spaz.”
‘Freight Train’ remarked, “we’ve got to squeeze some background info out of him. He coulkd be a member of the Cu Clux Clan, or of Al Caida, or something like that.”
Shelby Marx nodded. “OK, let’s lock him into some dark and dump closet and torture him appropriately.”
Carly went a bit pale. She knew Josh to be freaky.
But he was by no means a member of a terror gang.
Sam was equally consternated. “Hey, I know a terrorist when seeing one. I grew up in a family of criminals. And this guy certainly is a harmless spaz!”
‘Freight Train’ shrugged. “We’ve got our prescriptions to follow!” He produced a bookled titled Da Rulez 3.
Carly shrugged. She couldn’t help it. But she had to save her own butt by keeping on refusing to know Josh. She panted heavily.
Shelby handcuffed Josh.
Then ‘Freight Train’ locked Josh into some closet off the stage, ready for torture.
Agonal screams were going to be heard from the closet, every other minutes.
Carly sighed, “sorry for that terrible inconvenience, Oprah!”
The great idol wiped sweat off her face. “Phew! Thanks for the great security intervention. Finally, the spaz is gone.”
Carly nodded. “The spaz hitherto unbeknownst to me … our security team is apparently very reliable.” Alas, she hoped Josh not to be treated too harshly. But now she needed to move on with the show. “OK, Oprah, you are our expert for family blogs.”
Oprah Winfrey nodded solemnly. “We’ve got over two hundred nominations in this category. But, in the end, only two of them made it into our final choice.”
Carly smiled. “That’s slightly more than for the previous categories.”
Oprah handed Carly and envelope containing the potential winners. “Those blogs are by little siblings writing about their elder siblings.”
Carly sighed. Maybe I should have participated with a blog about Spencer, too … thought Carly. She sighed. “OK, your choice will be between Dustin Brooks” She thought to herself, “wasn’t that Zoey’s ‘baby’brother?”
Dustin sat in the front row. Now he was supposed to get up and join the stage. He blushed deeply. Then he crawled slowly forward. “Hi Carly!”
Carly smiled. “I won’t bite you!” She thought unto herself, “what a difference to some of those fools appearing here ntil now.”
Dustin nodded solemnly.
Carly continued, “and the other alternative is … Megan Parker … aw my gosh! It’s my cousin! Megan Parker! She is honoured for her wonderful video blog about her brothers’, better known as ‘the boobs’, stupidities.”
Megan grinned. She looked a lot like Carly, but was dressed and styled in a totrally different manner.
Carly pondered fearfully, “her videos will betray Josh as not-so-unfamiliar to both of us. It’s over!” She stammered, “so, this is the first time to ask you, the audience. Whose blog is the best in the category? Freddie will show you a few excerpts.”
Fredward Benson nodded solemnly, and he pushed the buttons.
Fortunately, Megan had retouched the faces of Josh and Drake, making them infinitely much harder to recognise.
Dustin’s blog about Zoey was a trifle more serious.
The blond Mary-Sue was e.g. shown taking care of her sick brother.
Carly sighed with excruciating relief. “Freddie, explain the voting system!”
Freddie nodded. “You may vote by means of the web, an SMS, or, if here in the direct audience, using the buttons ’neath your butt.” He kept on explaining.
Carly interviewd Megan and Dustin.
At the same time, discussions started about the alternative.
It was the first decision left to the audience.
Freddie was carefully supervising the technology.
Sam needed a snack for the break.
Her ragefully roaring maw made the stage hall tremble even more than all the applause for the idols.
A few minutes later, Freddie looked sternly at his dispaly. “The time is over!”
Carly sighed. “OK, it seems we have got a winner.” She walked up to Freddie’s monitoring screen. She panted heavily. “And the winner is … Dustin Brooks.”
Dustin could not believe it.
Megan did not appear disappointed. Quite the contrary, she appeared to whistle innocently.
Carly walked up to Dustin. “Dustin? Hello! Earth to Dustin!”
Dustin was thawing only slowly. “Aw, really?”
Carly smiled.
Many viewers applauded.
Carly panted. “OK, let’s see your award …” She held an envelope in her hand.
Suddenly, Nevel’s voice crossed the stage. “You rue the day, Carly? You rue it?”
Carly gasped and startled, dropping her envelope.
Nevel was not been seen yet, though.
Megan bowed swiftly and picked up the envelope. She rendered it unto Carly. But was it really the same envelope?
Carly thought so. “Thanks! The prize is … a picnic by the beach with Carly Shay.”
The audience applauded again.
Dustin gasped and blushed even more.
Carly moaned, “aw, that that will be fun … you … and I … and aw my gosh.” She stared aloft.
Dustin grinned. “Cool prize!”
Carly sweated. “Yeah, I think so.”
Megan whistled innocently and rushed away.
Dustin walked back to the audience.
Zoey was now also here, ready to hug her victorious little brother.
Carly continued. “OK, there seems to be quite some work in front of me. But before we continue with the category about arts and beauty. Thanks once more, Oprah!”
Oprah Winfrey bowed and walked out.
Carly sweated mightily.
Spencer had still been in the foyer. “What? Carly gets a picnic date? Now way! I can’t let my baby sister go alone on a picnic date.”
But he was now equally excited about the next category.
Finally, at least one of the bloggers had been writing about him and his sculptures.
Spencer had not seen Lulu Johnson ever since. He decided to try to move into the audience hall. He walked past the pool.
Camille and Logan Reese were playing games in the water.
Camille wanted to abuse the playboy in order to get at a new rôle in a new movie by his dad Malcolm.
Quinn stumbled in. She was already preparing for the science bloggers’ section. She had been informed by others about Logan Reese’s adulterous demeanour. Watching Camille and Logan Reese in the pool, she felt tempted to fire at them with little laser beams.
Logan Mitchell, equally ready for the science bloggers’ award, sighed. “They are probably not worthy of a tear.”
Quinn sighed. “I don’t know you. But you might be right.”
Logan Mitchell introduced himself.
Quinn gasped. She imagined, “Logan Mitchell is one of my competitors for the award. I have to get rid of him.” “Aw, sure. Nice, I’m Quinn Pensky. Damn’, I’ve left one of my hand bags in the elevator over there. Would you please fetch it?”
Logan Mitchell nodded. He knew about the necessity of getting rid of Quinn. He opened the elevator’s door. “I can’t see anything! It’s too dark here. Won’t you check?”
Quinn nodded. “OK!” She walked over to the elevator’s entrance, tripping accidentally over Logan Mitchell’s foot.
But the latter tumbled after.
Bang!
The trap built for each other snapped shut.
Both of the science geeks were now stuck in the elevator. And they were the only ones understanding enough about electronics to repair the problem.
But being trapped inside made this hard.
And their segment ws not far to go.
Would they make it?
1 various cameos in Bigtime Rush as Gustavo’s body guard 2 from iCarly : iFight Shelby Marx 3 taken from Cosmo and Wanda series of toons by Scott Fellows, not owned by me either.