Bear and grin it when you're in it
I'd relayed the story before to my therapist, but apparently not all of it. That came out last Thursday and I've tail spun since. Being sick just fueled the desperation. I'm coming around. Realizing that I'd intentionally chosen to feel oppressed kind of threw me. I felt it was my only option at the time. And as with parents, I can't fault myself back then, as I did the best I could with what I had to work with. I survived, which was my only conscious purpose. At this point, I'm looking for other responses. Noting that the bills or the crap on my dresser that won't clear itself off aren't out to get me. And the thank you notes that should be sent to the nice people who have granted me interviews aren't trying to accost me.
I fear I have trouble distinguishing crazy in the real world. Growing up, I took on a clear bias. I knew my nemesis. I was right. Turns out, that has served me badly. Without a clear opposition, I second guess my responses, and secretly hedge against everything. (are you the bad guy?) Because the real point (still) isn't the other, but me. And that never was my focus. So, if the focus can turn to me, and just me, then the bills, the dresser top, and the thank you notes may follow without contempt or anxiety.
That's part of the idea anyway.
A blast back to childhood cartoons:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_cMaGt52QE&feature=related
I fear I have trouble distinguishing crazy in the real world. Growing up, I took on a clear bias. I knew my nemesis. I was right. Turns out, that has served me badly. Without a clear opposition, I second guess my responses, and secretly hedge against everything. (are you the bad guy?) Because the real point (still) isn't the other, but me. And that never was my focus. So, if the focus can turn to me, and just me, then the bills, the dresser top, and the thank you notes may follow without contempt or anxiety.
That's part of the idea anyway.
A blast back to childhood cartoons:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_cMaGt52QE&feature=related