i push and i pull and i kick and i scream and....

[scentedsallon]

i have to keep myself busy or else i'm going to drift off into meaninglessness. you know those days where you wake up and you think "oh how great, another inconsequential day.... didn't i wake up like this yesterday?" yes, i am afraid of this. art, art, exercise. exercise, exercise, art. constant movement and no time for stasis because stasis means too much thought and longing and upset and feeling useless. i'm going to make a bunch of signs and post them up publicly throughout queens because people need to know about sexism. jc and i are going to perform a parody of that rape song those boys played at that party at the open mic on friday. i think i'll try to write an a capella punk song with something along the lines of "boy you're so picture perfect punk so dreamy, maybe if i try really really really hard you'll agree to sexually exploit me." something like that. i was thinking maybe we could do some like exaggerated dance-like moves to simulate molestation. and i could be singing "this is what us girls want, this is what us girls want." the boys at gQ are going to love it [sarcasm].
i feel really unsubstantiated and silly in my feelings.
i feel on the verge and stuck. i'm making a brutal mess of the skin around my nails. am sexually repressed. a little angry and irritable. but that's not new. i really really yelled hard at this guy who started talking to me from his car. i looked around for something to throw at him. my mom is worried about my desired violent behavior. i told her about wanting to throw something at that band that sang the rape song and she told me i would get in trouble. me!
other than that, am feeling uncharacteristically flighty lately. errrrrrrrr.